The Depression Thread #3

[mochibean]

I've been quiet recently because I've had a small crisis recently. I knew things were getting worse and I was struggling to get through Christmas but I thought that with the right mental exercises I could get better.
I was hearing voices, like people calling my name from behind me but when you turn around there's no-one there. I saw movement in the corner of my eye but no-one was in the room. I started to get visions of my parents telling me to go and join them.
I got to the end of February and then made an attempt.

Spoiler: Trigger warning

Ran my arm under hot water to raise a vein and then tried to open it from elbow to wrist. Luckily the tip of the vegetable knife was blunt so it didn't puncture the skin and the pain of the pressure snapped me out of the moment.

I spoke to my doctor and they've changed my medication from Sertraline to Mirtazapine. I've also been referred to my local authority mental health authorities.

So there you are. Under all the tit jokes and the bullshit stories, there's just me at the end. I don't know what's going to happen. My plans don't extend much more than getting to the end of the week. I'm hoping that things will get better but I'm not optimistic to be honest.

Sending you so much love right now<3

That's all so hard to deal with, hopefully the mirtazapine will be more helpful for you and being referred to your cmht is a step in the right direction. Just focus on getting through each day, you don't need to plan ahead right now you just need to focus on your recovery - whatever that may look like.

I'm still dealing with awful depression and attempted in February as well. You're not alone in struggling, and you've made the right steps in seeing your doctor. Keep in touch with them as regularly as you can, try helplines if you need to talk things through with someone and just remember this darkness won't last forever. I really hope you'll be okay.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I've been quiet recently because I've had a small crisis recently. I knew things were getting worse and I was struggling to get through Christmas but I thought that with the right mental exercises I could get better.
I was hearing voices, like people calling my name from behind me but when you turn around there's no-one there. I saw movement in the corner of my eye but no-one was in the room. I started to get visions of my parents telling me to go and join them.
I got to the end of February and then made an attempt.

Spoiler: Trigger warning

Ran my arm under hot water to raise a vein and then tried to open it from elbow to wrist. Luckily the tip of the vegetable knife was blunt so it didn't puncture the skin and the pain of the pressure snapped me out of the moment.

I spoke to my doctor and they've changed my medication from Sertraline to Mirtazapine. I've also been referred to my local authority mental health authorities.

So there you are. Under all the tit jokes and the bullshit stories, there's just me at the end. I don't know what's going to happen. My plans don't extend much more than getting to the end of the week. I'm hoping that things will get better but I'm not optimistic to be honest.

Good to hear from you Dog. I’m so sorry things have been so tough. I got a huge amount of identification with you saying about the jokes etc, it’s like a wall isn’t it.

If the end of the week seems to much then you can break it down to the end of the day or the next hour or the next 15 minutes - whatever it takes.

And even though you’re not feeling optimistic, it sounds like you’re willing to give it a go.

Sending lots of love and strength

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Dogtanian I'm really sorry to hear you're suffering so much right now. I have a friend who's doing very well on Mirtazipine so I hope it's the same for you. I only took it once and slept for 24 hours! Depression is such a horrible thing. Try not to put any pressure on yourself. These grey rainy days make everything worse too. Take care.

 

[Scottishfalpal1]

Does anyone take sertraline and have problems sleeping?

 

[Dogtanian]

Does anyone take sertraline and have problems sleeping?

Yes, I was getting 3-4 hours per night on the Sertraline. It was one of the reasons why I swapped medication.

Thanks for the wishes everyone. I'll get through this I'm sure, it'll just take time.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Hi everyone,
Depression and anxiety are kicking my arse at the moment. Had it for a few years now but never felt this low. Tried antidepressants (sertraline) and they didn’t work even though we kept upping the dosage. I noticed no change apart from just being numb to everything which I hated. Came off them.

Tried CBT, didn’t find that useful as basically felt incredibly patronised and infantilised. The only thing that did stick with me was “would someone who cares about you say what you think about yourself to you?” I recently had an argument with my mum and basically everything negative that I think about myself, she said directly to my face and even told me she pretends to like me so that’s just demolished any bit of self esteem I had left. She was the one person I thought I could trust and now I just feel sick that she thinks so little of me.

I’m just existing and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t really want to try any antidepressants again. Everything I have read says exercise is good for depression, has anyone noticed any improvements getting out and about and exercising if they have depression? The thought of it is exhausting but I just need to feel like I’m doing something to lift this cloud.

 

[Carapop]

Hi everyone,
Depression and anxiety are kicking my arse at the moment. Had it for a few years now but never felt this low. Tried antidepressants (sertraline) and they didn’t work even though we kept upping the dosage. I noticed no change apart from just being numb to everything which I hated. Came off them.

Tried CBT, didn’t find that useful as basically felt incredibly patronised and infantilised. The only thing that did stick with me was “would someone who cares about you say what you think about yourself to you?” I recently had an argument with my mum and basically everything negative that I think about myself, she said directly to my face and even told me she pretends to like me so that’s just demolished any bit of self esteem I had left. She was the one person I thought I could trust and now I just feel sick that she thinks so little of me.

I’m just existing and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t really want to try any antidepressants again. Everything I have read says exercise is good for depression, has anyone noticed any improvements getting out and about and exercising if they have depression? The thought of it is exhausting but I just need to feel like I’m doing something to lift this cloud.

You poor darling. I would say, don’t give up on meds, just because one didn’t help does not mean that none will. There are so many different types. It’s worth persevering and trying a few. And remember it can take 12 weeks to feel any effect at all. It does take time. But the time will pass anyway, may as well experiment during it!

“exercise helps with depression” is such difficult and honestly patronising advice for those who struggle to get out of bed in the morning. It can help alleviate mild depressive symptoms or burn off some anxious energy, but don’t let it become a stick to beat yourself with either - it can easily become another thing you should too and so you hate yourself when you can’t. I think a lot of the effect is just knowing that you are actively engaging in something positive. It’s that sense of achievement that comes with taking action. Maybe try and go for a 30minute walk everyday as first step (no pun intended). Fresh air and getting out of house are both helpful if nothing else.

my greatest advice is to take it one day at a time, sometimes just existing is enough, it’s far better than the alternative. and try and treat yourself with some compassion. Celebrate the wins, wherever you can find them. And your mum sounds like a witch

 

[FlipFlop0706]

You poor darling. I would say, don’t give up on meds, just because one didn’t help does not mean that none will. There are so many different types. It’s worth persevering and trying a few. And remember it can take 12 weeks to feel any effect at all. It does take time. But the time will pass anyway, may as well experiment during it!

“exercise helps with depression” is such difficult and honestly patronising advice for those who struggle to get out of bed in the morning. It can help alleviate mild depressive symptoms or burn off some anxious energy, but don’t let it become a stick to beat yourself with either - it can easily become another thing you should too and so you hate yourself when you can’t. I think a lot of the effect is just knowing that you are actively engaging in something positive. It’s that sense of achievement that comes with taking action. Maybe try and go for a 30minute walk everyday as first step (no pun intended). Fresh air and getting out of house are both helpful if nothing else.

my greatest advice is to take it one day at a time, sometimes just existing is enough, it’s far better than the alternative. and try and treat yourself with some compassion. Celebrate the wins, wherever you can find them. And your mum sounds like a witch

Thank you for replying and for your kindness. I think I’m a bit wary of trying them again as last time I just felt like a zombie on them. I didn’t feel anything which I found worse than being off them.

Ah good point with the exercise being something you have to do then feeling bad when you don’t feel up to it. I’ll try just going for the odd walk when I feel up to it and see how I go. I just need to get out of the house i think and do something productive to get out of my own head. At home, I’m just ruminating on everything or just sleeping my way through the day which isn’t helping. I feel ashamed and embarrassed of myself and wish I could just pull my socks up and snap out of it but I just can’t.

Thank you again for replying, it’s nice to know that people care x

 

[Carapop]

Thank you for replying and for your kindness. I think I’m a bit wary of trying them again as last time I just felt like a zombie on them. I didn’t feel anything which I found worse than being off them.

Ah good point with the exercise being something you have to do then feeling bad when you don’t feel up to it. I’ll try just going for the odd walk when I feel up to it and see how I go. I just need to get out of the house i think and do something productive to get out of my own head. At home, I’m just ruminating on everything or just sleeping my way through the day which isn’t helping. I feel ashamed and embarrassed of myself and wish I could just pull my socks up and snap out of it but I just can’t.

Thank you again for replying, it’s nice to know that people care x

Ah I just understand. I’ve been there. Psychiatric hospital been there. So this isn’t just random advice from a well wisher. This is from someone who lives in survival mode!

i tried with sertraline and quickly abandoned it. Have been on Lexapro on and off for years with greater success. The first month is when side effects will be strongest, it’s not indicative of how you’ll feel long term. I couldn’t survive without meds. They’re not for everyone but don’t write them all off because of one bad experience. xxx

 

[mochibean]

I feel like offing myself again, it's sunny and nice and I'm sitting inside depressed and anxious. I know it's my period coming but these few days each month are horrendous. It's incredibly hard to get through them.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I feel like offing myself again, it's sunny and nice and I'm sitting inside depressed and anxious. I know it's my period coming but these few days each month are horrendous. It's incredibly hard to get through them.

Have you looked into PMDD?

What is PMDD?

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a very severe form of PMS. Find out about the symptoms and causes of PMDD.

www.mind.org.uk

 

[FloggingMolly]

Hey , can I ask has anyone experience of upping a dosage of antidepressant and feeling worse? I upped my dose of Seroxat from 10mg to 20mg about 10 weeks ago and iv had an extremely low 4weeks , literally broke down this morning couldn't go to work. I can't remember feeling like this on the 10mg. All advice welcome

 

[mochibean]

Have you looked into PMDD?

What is PMDD?

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a very severe form of PMS. Find out about the symptoms and causes of PMDD.

www.mind.org.uk

Yes, my doctor diagnosed me with it recently. I'm already struggling with depression due to my bipolar, but this is another level of hell.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Hey , can I ask has anyone experience of upping a dosage of antidepressant and feeling worse? I upped my dose of Seroxat from 10mg to 20mg about 10 weeks ago and iv had an extremely low 4weeks , literally broke down this morning couldn't go to work. I can't remember feeling like this on the 10mg. All advice welcome

I think it’s quite common- when I upped my dosage of sertraline I felt worse for like a month until I got used to them

 

[Dogtanian]

I'm feeling better I think. I feel like I'm feeling better anyway. I don't seem to dwell on the downsides, second guess myself or dwell on what could have been if I'd made different decisions. I think the weather changing has also helped and maybe the early wet spring will make way for warmer and drier weather.
Unfortunately I've put on a crap load of weight with the Mirtazipine but such is life. I'm trying to control my appetite and get some weight lost now.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I'm feeling better I think. I feel like I'm feeling better anyway. I don't seem to dwell on the downsides, second guess myself or dwell on what could have been if I'd made different decisions. I think the weather changing has also helped and maybe the early wet spring will make way for warmer and drier weather.
Unfortunately I've put on a crap load of weight with the Mirtazipine but such is life. I'm trying to control my appetite and get some weight lost now.

Weather makes a difference doesn’t it? Glad you are feeling better

 

[Limoncello]

I hope this is okay to post here - my partner suffers with depression and I would really know what I can do to help. I think his depression is mild compared to some, day-to-day it’s manageable but he’ll go through periods of being really low and he’ll just get into the bed in our spare room and stare at the wall in silence for days on end. During this time he won’t say a single word to me.
I understand that I can’t ’cheer him up’ but I’ll try to do things that bring him some comfort, cook his favourite dinners, sit in the room and talk to him etc but I really just feel like a spare part rattling around a silent house.
Is there anything you would recommend that would help? Anything someone has done for you or that you wish they’d do? I guess what I’m really asking is how can I support him? Thanks

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Limoncello Have you suggested he gets himself to the doctors? It sounds like you're making a lot of efforts so what is he doing to help himself? I don't think you can do anymore than you are. Conversely try leaving him to it & he may realise he needs to get help. It's a tough one.

 

[RosePetals]

I feel like offing myself again, it's sunny and nice and I'm sitting inside depressed and anxious. I know it's my period coming but these few days each month are horrendous. It's incredibly hard to get through them.

I feel the same, I'm generally quite depressed but once it comes close to my period I'm an inconsolable wreck and can't see a way past it. I'm like that now and just want my period to come so the thoughts will go away.