The Depression Thread #2

[MillionDollarBaby]

Hi everyone. I’ve been reading for a few pages and you all seem lovely. I don’t know if we can talk about diagnosis or if that is triggering but I did want to ask about medication if that’s ok?
I’ve been on sertraline for around 9 months now, at first after the initial couple of weeks of nausea and dizziness etc make a difference and I was starting to feel more and more like the old me. I still had bad days but I was definitely more in this world.
However, lately, my lack of interest in things has returned. I can sit and watch episode after episode of tv show and not really be watching them but time just disappears. I have little to no interest in household tasks and the disassociation with the world is real.
I have a nearly 3yo and the days that I have her and she’s not at nursery I literally feel like I’m just going through the motions and that is not the mum I wanted to be.
I guess what I’m asking is, will upping my dose of sertraline help me (after speaking to my gp of course), has anyone ever regressed whilst on sertraline or is it worth me discussing other meds?
Sorry for the long post.

 

[Pollyanna263]

And I’m here gazing at my new Kate Somerville and Gisou stuff Maison Margiela perfume scheduled for pick up during the week and planning on ordering a takeaway tonight even though I’ve food in the press… what are we like

I’m looking at trampolines for my children…. Crazy money but because it’s for them I’ll justify it.

But then I’ll no doubt ‘need’ a treat for myself to get that instant gratification….

 

[StatusWoe]

I'm not up to date with the comments so apologies if I'm ignoring anyone. I had another awful panic attack this morning. It lasted an hour. Now I'm having another one. I've decided to take medication again, starting tonight. This is totally unbearable. I just want to go to bed and sleep.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sorry for just jumping in out of nowhere. I usually like to offer some support or empathy for others, or even a

I really hope everyone is doing as ok as can be.

@Maid22 has reminded me how helpful this thread can be.

Earlier this year I was really struggling, and was told I’d have to wait months for an appointment. I finally got my appointment recently, and have started a new antidepressant. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but it’s worth a try.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Oh Lenny. You’re such a considerate and thoughtful person, I wish you could be like that towards yourself. It’s easier said than done though, and this stupid illness makes it so hard.
I know I don’t really “know” you, but I know you well enough to know that I really like you. I’m so glad you’re here. Please keep talking to us if it helps, you’re not on your own, we’ve got your back x

Bob, I don’t know what to say, thank you. You’re a truly lovely person, someone who doesn’t feel great themselves thinking of others is awesome but then I know how ace you are anyway. The feeling is mutual Sidey B, I always hoot when I see your posts and I get where you’re coming from in a lot of different ways. I’m sorry to see you’re having a tough time and if there’s anything I can do, tag me and I will offer you a wide variety of memes, puns and gifs or someone to read and remind you how fab you are x

I always feel conflicted about celebrities who talk about depression because I get so jealous of them. Ruby Wax, Aaron Gillies, Frankie Bridge etc. I read their descriptions of how they felt and it resonates and then there’s an instant voice saying ‘Well, it’s alright for them’. If I had money or a life I could step out of and get actual help i would. So much of my life being shit is because it will never get any better so I don’t seek any help anymore. I may as well be miserable as life is pointless blah blah blah.

I am literally one half an hour at a time-ing it at the minute. Sorry for just dropping in and being grumpy. Love to all.

I can really identify with that. I’ve convinced myself that private therapy at 2 sessions a week would ‘cure’…if only I could afford it. And I sometimes think that it’s because I can’t afford it I feel that way - that somehow I don’t deserve it.

I’m quite open about my depression and it’s stood me in good stead so far. I think it’s good when famous people speak up as it might help break the stigma. But if I’m honest, even though I know how it works I can still think “what have THEY got to be depressed about?”

It’s just shit all round really, I wish it wasn’t a thing - or at least we could all get the help we need. Sending you love, the best receipt catcher in the world x

 

[ilovepizza21]

What a shitty weekend started on a high and ending on why do I fucking Bother I actually give up I just don't want to be here anymore.... Im just sick of feeling shat on and alone

 

[Pollyanna263]

I love this account. She always gets it so right.

 

[watermelon sugar]

@Sideboard Bob @Pollyanna263 @Fanny Muchmore @Pineapple glitter

thank you so much for your kind messages. Sorry I’ve took a few days to reply the last few days have been a struggle. I’ve been so tearful literally everyday and I just don’t want to do a thing but I’ve got my 2 year old to think of and he’s been keeping me on my toes. My partner has been great but he works a lot. Once he is gone and my son is asleep/napping I fall apart. I know grief is mainly what I’m going to but I can see myself spiralling into a depression and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel really. Thank you all for your support though

and I’m sorry to hear you’re all going through so much too. You’re all such lovely people none of you deserve to feel the way you do

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hi everyone! I haven’t posted here for a long time, but I hope everyone is as okay as can be

I have a simple question to you all: is there anyone else here who just doesn’t react to therapy? I have tried counselling and it did nothing, it made me feel worse if anything. I have tried CBT as well, nothing again. I kept doing my homework, all of these exercises, but they just did not help, the very moment I stopped doing them I would go back to my old patterns. The only thing that helped me was Prozac — I wasn’t happy, I was numb and it was good enough. I just can’t decide whether I want to get through the side effects to achieve this kind of numbness again. I still find it hard to believe that I will never be my old self again no matter what I do.

Any words of advice for me?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Thanks so much for thinking of me. I made it through! Luckily due to COVID there was only me and the boss in the office and he was very relaxed. I hate meeting and mixing with people and not having alone time and I’m very conscious that this is a bad trait to have when you’re new in a job, they always want you to network and be a team player. But the boss had a business lunch with a client so I had a blissful hour to myself for lunch and just spent the day signing policies and doing some reading and watching videos. I tried to be honest about who I am/how I work without being negative and found the boss quite understanding. So a positive start also got a cute little welcome pack with a free mug and a voucher for the coffee shop downstairs

I’m so sorry, I wished the wrong person good luck this morning . @barmcake i don’t know if you needed any luck today but you got some anyway!

That sounds like a good first day, I’m quite upfront about stuff and it’s stood me in good stead so far. If it’s a Monday to Friday job then a Thursday is a good day to start too.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sorry to post guys but I'm having a really bad day
I had a date yesterday which was disappointing and had to text the guy this morning to say I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it.
Its my mums birthday and with it being the jubilee I've found the pressure to be jolly and happy when I'm having a relapse with my depression so hard.
I feel hopeless and like a total failure for my continued singleness. I feel like the days all stretch out in front of me
I'm not enjoying my job after loving it for thr last 2 years, im just getting no support or lee way considering I had to call the samaritans and breaking down whilst working in February
I miss the guy I was seeing still and I just feel tired and rubbish.
Sorry for all the woe is me talk on what should be a lovely weekend x

Please don’t apologise. I think a lot of us struggle when it’s “meant to be“ a lovely weekend. Like you said, it brings even more pressure to be happy. It sounds like you’ve had so much to deal with. It’s not a reflection of who you are as a person though. The fact that you’re coming here to talk about it with people who understand is a good thing. Please, please try and be kind to yourself, you deserve to x

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

How would you explain to a receptionist at your doctors when they ask what’s the issue etc that you’re concerned about your mental health? I know it sounds really stupid but that’s the one major thing that’s putting me off ringing them because our receptionists aren’t that nice, but I really feel like I’m on the verge of a huge breakdown

TW-

Spoiler: Cancer

Cancer

my dad has recently been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer & we find out the stage of it Monday coming up & last year my mum had a cancer scare, she had a melanoma a few years back, they got rid of it but she took a huge turn for the worst last year I was honestly worried of waking up and her not being here for how unwell she was, we’ve been having problems with one of our neighbours that’s causing stress and fear quite a lot (aggression aggressive behaviour, intimidation & stuff like that) along with this I’ve been having so much pain with my stomach & I know there’s something not right, my entire body aches every day (I’m 20 I don’t think it’s normal) sometimes I fall/legs just give way, my hair is falling out in huge clumps & every day I’m having these horrific head pains / migraines that are so bad I hate being here & having all this weight on me, so it feels like. I’m on fluoxetine 20mg & propranolol for anxiety and them little pink pills have saved me so many times but I’m having to take them way more often due to anxiety and my heart racing off it’s scary, my hands shake so so bad I don’t know why but I think I’ve got a tremor but feel like doctors won’t believe me but when I’ve been in hospitals etc waiting forresults a lot of the professionals picked up on how extreme my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

I’m hardly sleeping well which seems to be a ongoing thing but if I do manage to sleep it’s for a long time & I still wake up feeling ‘worn out’ I’m struggling even taking care of myself I couldn’t tell you the last time I brushed my hair and it’s been about two weeks since I even brushed my teeth which isn’t nice to read but I’m really struggling lately & I don’t know what to do

I’m more bloody scared of ringing my doctor to have to try and explain what the issue is to the receptionist because I get anxious I end up sort of stalling and not making sense at all. I’m randomly crying all the time, I have no idea why. I’m even crying right now. I can just be sat quiet, and the next minute I’m in absolute tears & Idon’t know why. I just feel so lost at the moment & there’s so much pressure in my head (I’ve been having this & pain in my head for 2/3 months, had a brain mri done and everything seemed okay) I feel like my heads going to explode every single day. I’m feeling so nauseas & sometimes even throwing up multiple times a week & have no idea why. I tried speaking to the doctor about it, they gave me some sickness tablets and that was that really.. then they wanted to do a review of why I’m even on them & im so scared of them taking me off them because of how bad the sickness I get is & nausea, they help me so much but I know something isn’t right with me but I don’t know how I push to get help.

I’m really sorry, I haven’t read your whole post, but wanted to answer your first question.

Have you checked if there’s an option for an econsult? Usually it’s on the website, or NHS App if you have that linked to your surgery.
That way you can write in there a brief message (eg concerned about mental health, need support with xyz) and it’ll be allocated directly to a GP and you’ll be booked an appointment - they’ll see the info you’ve given before your appointment.
My surgery book an initial ‘review’ appt for the GP to look at the econsult but often I get a phone call at that time; otherwise I get a text or call with a face to face appointment. xx

 

[Pollyanna263]

Just picked my dog up!

She’s seriously woozy, and definitely not talking to me. She has a massive open wound that I have to keep clean (and keep teenager and 3yo away from) and she may need another surgery.

But she’s home

 

[Pollyanna263]

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial.

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

 

[newaccount2022]

Sunday nights are the worst.. trying to remind myself work is never as bad as the Sunday night nerves are.

 

[Maid22]

Do you have medication to help you sleep? Or do you have a CPN that can help? I hope you get some rest soon xxx

No medication, have had some in the past, have never had a cpn, I'm one who has fallen through the cracks, really don't get any help, unless I pay,,can't afford it, but just sometimes, it would be nice to to chat to someone, but I've learnt over the years, no one cares.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I hope everyone is doing as ok as can be?

I’m really struggling at the moment, have been crying for a lot of the day and finding everyday things really hard.

I hate having to wait to get help, I still don’t know when it will be. I don’t need any advice or anything, I just need to get it off my chest.

I‘m so done with feeling this way, I’m a naturally happy person, but I just can’t get myself back to being that way without some real help.

 

[Keera]

Hi everyone, I hope it’s okay to write here and let out how I feel

I’ve been struggling with what I think is anxiety for almost a year now, since moving to a new city and becoming a bit more isolated socially (although I moved with my partner and we have made a few friends) and have struggled to settle into my job.

Recently things seem to have just progressed rapidly, I’m barely sleeping (and when I do fall asleep I’ll dream about work stress, family being ill, all manner of horrible things), I’m experienced in my career (8 years graduated) but I feel now I’m constantly second guessing myself and having what I think are panic attacks at the smallest most inconsequential error I might make - the type of error I normally would have shrugged off and been able to fix easily “before”. I’m worried about money (as we all are), the impact me being so down/anxious is having in my relationships as I can feel myself withdrawing, and I feel restless and full of energy but unable to actually DO anything, such as housework.

I just feel like things are so hard just now and I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of wanting to talk to someone but being terrified I’m over reacting/boring people/pushing them away.

Today is really hard.

 

[Blue Rose]

What time is it due to start?
Don’t leave yet. You’ve done the hard part by even getting there

I waited about 15 minutes until after it was due to start before I left and didn’t see anyone looking like they were on their way there on my way out. The campus is quite close to a shopping centre so I’ve got myself bubble tea and am going to hang here for a bit so it’s not a completely wasted journey. Plus it meant I could return my library books!
It’s fine, I was just feeling a bit anxious standing there all on my own.

 

[AL10]

I’ve been suffering with depression for quite a long time, during this time I haven’t taken care of myself but recently I want to change my life because I can’t cope with living like this anymore!

I’m trying to improve my diet and have less sugar and drinking more water, I’ve also been brushing my teeth twice a day for the past 6 weeks so as they’ve been getting cleaner I’ve noticed the gap between my front 2 teeth has gotten really big and I just feel soo ugly.

I think because I didn’t care about myself I didn’t care about how I looked but now I want to have a life and for things to get better I’ve finally realised the damage I’ve done to myself.

My self esteem is nonexistent and I feel so ugly, I don’t want to talk or smile it’s horrendous! But I am hoping to go to the dentist as soon as I can and get things sorted even though I’m so scared of the dentist and how much it’s gonna cost!