The Depression Thread #2

[Into_the_tunnel]

So an update to my previous post - my father in law now claims that he never told us he didn't want us to go on holiday, he said 'it's not my place to tell you whether or not to go away'. So is this gaslightling? He doesn't have memory issues or dementia or anything like that, so it's not like he has 'forgotten' that he told my husband he didn't want us to go away.

Regardless, my husband still doesn't want to leave him, so we're still not going.

My husband suggested that I take my best friend away to London for the weekend later in the year instead - so I asked my BFF and she was super exited, as was I. And then last night he got into a fight with me because I 'get to go to London' while he 'never gets anywhere'. I said to him that it was HIS idea, and that I was only going along with what he said, and he shot back at me 'You should have said no'. So now I'm totally confused. I'm the bad guy for agreeing to his suggestion, because apparently I should have declined and sat at home with him. It was his decision to cancel our trips.

Been suffering from migraines and have been comfort eating.

I can totally understand you feeling confused. Both from what your FIL and husband have said.

Added to this you have migraines (which just exacerbate everything) and you are left feeling this way.

Families are never straightforward. We have to negotiate around their feelings and behaviours alongside our own, and we may not always understand why they behave in a certain way. With others in our life, it is so much easier to say “we don’t have responsibility for their feelings” but in the case of family, where proximity is such an issue, it is harder to do this.

I have no real advice, other than take care of yourself. Can you talk to your husband about how confused you feel about London? Is there anything you can do to relieve or try to reduce the frequency of the migraines? Can you get yourself some yummy food for breakfasts and lunch so at least you feel that there are some times you are looking after yourself for some of the day (this never stopped me later in the day, but it meant the whole day wasn’t filled with giant chocolate buttons, which at times it was)?

Hope you feel more positive today and the counselling comes through soon .

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I'm actually in the middle of keeping a headache diary for my neurologist - if he thinks I'm getting too many headaches in a month he may give me botox treatment.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I'm actually in the middle of keeping a headache diary for my neurologist - if he thinks I'm getting too many headaches in a month he may give me botox treatment.

That’s a really good idea. It helped me get the help I needed. I don’t get Botox (it doesn’t help with the type I get ) but it has transformed the life of someone I used to work with. There is a migraine thread. We discussed all the medication there. There is an app called migraine buddy if that makes it easier for you?

Spoiler: Migraine medication

I was given amitriptyline and verapamil in the past but am on topiramate and oxygen at the moment. It can be a long road and these hidden conditions are hard to live with but when you get some relief it is like a weight has been lifted.

 

[newaccount2022]

Anyone else go through such low periods that they just think nothing is worth it/they won’t carry on much longer so you start spending loads of money.. I’ve taken thousands out of my savings since February, it’s the worst I’ve ever been. Then you’re left with so little it reinforces your belief that you shouldn’t go on… ugh I always ignore it during the week but then when I’m alone all weekend with nothing else to do/think about it hits me what I’ve done…

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

View attachment 1247905

This is exactly it. Thank you for sharing. I find it impossible most of the time but I know I need to keep trying because constantly resisting it in my head is causing me so much pain. I think it’s going to be a lifelong attempt. I like how the message is also about agency and changing what you can in yourself!

Spoiler: I love being able to do spoilers - me-rail

I will say that my medication has recently started (I think) to help a bit with the constant noise in my head about how lonely I am and how it’s not fair (which I know is very childish) and how I’ve failed at life because I don’t have my own family (not saying that’s what I’d think of anyone else - I reserve all my judgement and ire just for myself, naturally!).

However, early this morning I was walking to get a coffee and happened to come up on a man being dropped off by a taxi obviously off a long flight. He wheeled his case to his front door and it opened and a little boy excitedly yelled “Dad!!!” And I looked in for a split second and saw the boy and his beaming mum, and everyone looked so happy, and I saw a glimpse of what looked like a beautiful home and family.

And I cried! Like a total weirdo. It was such a lovely moment to witness. But at the same time I just felt so utterly bereft and achingly lonely. I was walking alone. I woke up alone and I’ll go to bed alone. It’s so painful.

Anyway - all that to say, thank god for anti depressants, for this thread, and for all of you. Being an adult is hard. I have job interview prep to do today so that will give me something to focus on.

Anyone else go through such low periods that they just think nothing is worth it/they won’t carry on much longer so you start spending loads of money…

This really resonated. I have realised recently how much I “comfort spend”. I’m not even working at the moment so I really shouldn’t be. I always think that new clothes will solve everything but then I feel bad and panic that I’m spending too much.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I'm trying to get an appointment with my gp in regards to finding out of there's currently any funding for counselling.

I'm trying to find joy in the little things, like my favourite TV show, or a sunny day, but it's getting harder.

I have a chronic illness and disability that causes me a great deal of pain and fatigue. Plus there's a lot of stuff going on that is just draining me. I actually pretty much had a breakdown last year but I managed to claw myself back with the help of new antidepressants. There were a lot of reasons for it, including covid meaning a cancelled 20th anniversary trip to LA, my beloved dog of 17 years passing away (and again because of covid I couldn't be at the vet when he passed, only my husband, which I can't forgive myself for) etc. So this year my husband booked for us to go to NYC for our anniversary (and due to my health it takes a lot of planning) but now his dad, who lives with us, is in the hospital with an infection and has told my husband he doesn't want us to go and leave him home alone, in case he gets sick while we're away. He literally said "you've got lots of time to travel when I'm gone". Except I don't know if I do because of my illness and disability, I don't know how my body will hold up and if I'll physically be able to travel. But I'm being made to feel selfish for being upset that the trip has been cancelled and we're never going to go anywhere else for who knows how long.

We never had the chance to travel when we first got married either as my husband was a full time carer for his late mum who had MND. So we didn't even get a honeymoon. Or a wedding, actually, as my husband didn't think it was fair to have a big day that his mum and dad couldn't attend. So we went to the registrary office and came straight home again, no reception or anything.

I love my husband but I just feel like I'm always missing out on things.

I’ve just read your post just now and I hope the last couple of days have been better for you.

I think how you feel is totally understandable. Your FIL has put your husband in a very difficult position. It’s not for me to criticise but it sounds like your husband has done a lot of caring in his life and you both need and deserve a break.

It’s easy for me to say but please be kind yourself about your dog. You were his mum, his pal, his world for 17 wonderful years and that doesn’t change because you weren’t able to be there at the end. You would have if you could and it was completely out of your control. Sending you love

One thing I’ve noticed about here is we are all so incredibly hard on ourselves. It’s always easier to spot these things in others and I get defensive of other people - like @StillLucilleBluth in that short paragraph you’ve described yourself as childish and a weirdo and I straight away think “you’re neither of those things!”…but when it comes to me, that’s totally different! And I’m thinking that’s quite common here.

@Pollyanna263 I’m going to try that - replacing me in the scenario with a friend and treating myself as I would others.

@Into_the_tunnel I think you always say the right thing
@xoxoxo13 how are you feeling now? It may not feel like it but mid-20s is still really young. When I was mid-20s I had my job and depression but the other stuff didn’t come until later. The job market seems to be incredibly difficult at the moment. Would volunteering somewhere be an option? These things look great on a CV and in competency-based applications. My job is often my lifeline because it keeps my mind busy and even though I think I’m not that great, my boss thinks my work is good and I believe he wouldn’t lie to me.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Just saw this on insta, and it made me laugh so much (as I’m sitting here looking at things I can’t afford and don’t need)

Hope it brings a bit of laughter to some of you. My sharing is absolutely not intended in any other way.

The caption below it might be helpful

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Just saw this on insta, and it made me laugh so much (as I’m sitting here looking at things I can’t afford and don’t need)

Hope it brings a big of laughter to some of you. My sharing is absolutely not intended in any other way.

The caption below it might be helpful

Literally just I unwrapped some new (non-white cowboy) boots so this is on point in my defence, they were from eBay at least!

 

[newaccount2022]

Literally just I unwrapped some new (non-white cowboy) boots so this is on point in my defence, they were from eBay at least!

And I’m here gazing at my new Kate Somerville and Gisou stuff Maison Margiela perfume scheduled for pick up during the week and planning on ordering a takeaway tonight even though I’ve food in the press… what are we like

 

[Pollyanna263]

And I’m here gazing at my new Kate Somerville and Gisou stuff Maison Margiela perfume scheduled for pick up during the week and planning on ordering a takeaway tonight even though I’ve food in the press… what are we like

I’m looking at trampolines for my children…. Crazy money but because it’s for them I’ll justify it.

But then I’ll no doubt ‘need’ a treat for myself to get that instant gratification….

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Sending a big hug to those who might need it this evening.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Sending a big hug to those who might need it this evening.

And back to you

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I went to sound healing today and it was SO wonderful. Really helped me.

Big hugs to everyone in this thread

 

[Good Egg]

Trying to hold it all together today at work. Not long got in. Had a long shower- a cry.

The anxiety has been bad this weekend. I don’t know why or how. Always there, like an inner voice that won’t leave me alone.

I’ve been working on eating better but then I overeat. Been trying to drink more water.

Tomorrow is a new day

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Love to everyone. It’s lovely to know we’re all here rooting for each other.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Sending a big hug to those who might need it this evening.

Huge hug back to you

Trying to hold it all together today at work. Not long got in. Had a long shower- a cry.

The anxiety has been bad this weekend. I don’t know why or how. Always there, like an inner voice that won’t leave me alone.

I’ve been working on eating better but then I overeat. Been trying to drink more water.

Tomorrow is a new day

Aww work can be hard! Sending you my very best wishes, I hope tomorrow is better for you

Love to everyone. It’s lovely to know we’re all here rooting for each other.

We’ve got some amazing people here!

 

[Maid22]

I'm having a real stressfull time at the moment, which I know will end up with me being bad, I don't know what to do about it, it's so frustrating, I'm still in bed, my head is mashed. Hoping to speak to someone later to get their take on the situation, but at this moment I just want to crawl away and hide.
Hugs to you all on here x

 

[Pollyanna263]

Hope everyone is managing to stay afloat


I have therapy soon. Managed to email her yesterday and tell her I’m really not okay…
So am really anxious about this morning.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Best of luck with therapy xx

My husband is taking his dad BACK to the hospital again as he's not happy with him - this is the 3rd time in a month

 

[Pollyanna263]

My favourite form of self-care