The Depression Thread #2

[Loveitme]

i didnt even realise this thread existed...ive found my people Ive been taking 100mg of sertraline since april 2021 and it took away my suicidal thoughts.I actually think it prob saved my life .Now im finally evening out on the depression side but im struggling massively with anxiety and stress.Prior to being on sertraline i was on fluoxetine for a while which seemed to work but i got taken off it because i was pregnant .Anyway ,i was just wondering if anyone has found that taking fluoxetine helped with their depression and anxiety and stress.Its the stress thats killing me atm,ive now got physical symptoms that the dr has put down to stress but not offered me anything .I ended up in A&E the other night as my gp was concerned about my symptoms but my xray and bloods were all clear which is great obv but im still in pain

 

[Carapop]

Part of why I came off lexapro (an SSRI) was that numbing. It killed all the joy from life along with dampening the despair. I still felt utterly lost and deeply sad but just didn’t cry anymore. I’ve never been through child birth so I can’t ever understand that, but I did have a rather traumatic medical experience a few years ago resulting in emergency life saving surgery (after days of my basically dying and wracked in pain as doctors kept sending me with prescriptions…). It’s not something I talk about with any real emotion. It feels like it all happened to someone else.

During the week, I went to an acupuncturist for the first time ever. We had a chat and I basically told her my life story, she stuck in the needles and left me along for twenty mins. There, out of nowhere, I just starting sobbing in a way I haven’t since I lost my grandmother a decade ago. Big world ending sobs and flooded with tears. And I was very emotional for the rest of the day. A book made me cry that evening and that’s not happened for a very long time.

i think a part of me was frightened that if I started crying I’d never stop, but I’ve been ok again since - I feel this is important to tell you! You don’t have to fear connecting with the emotion. It won’t end you. You’ve endured much worse. The emotion will never ever be as painful as the trauma itself. You got through the trauma, you’ll get through the feelings.

now, I don’t know if it was because I told my little story to someone who treated it with such intense kindness and compassion, or if there is actually something to the eastern practice of acupuncture, but it’s not very expensive and it’s entirely free of risk, so might be worth a try?

 

[justheretoread99]

I’m on it and have been for a while (no idea how long, lost all sense of time! But over a year)

I have gained weight but I honestly can’t tell you whether it’s the mirtazapine or just because of my disordered eating. It did make me more hungry, so I tried to make sure I had sensible snacks ready so I didn’t eat (even more) crap.

I find I fall asleep about an hour to an hour and a half after taking it. It’s gentle wave of sleep, which was much needed.
Before, I just wouldn’t sleep, I’d sit up until the early hours feeling more and more awake so it was added to help me sleep.

I have nightmares regularly due to PTSD anyway and the mirt definitely didn’t make them any worse.

I haven’t had an increase in suicidal thoughts if anything sleeping more eased that side of things a little.

I’m in the process of weaning off at the moment because my psych wants me to swap my meds (I’m on 3 different ones and he wants to rein that in a bit!) and what worries me most is will I be able to fall asleep without mirtazapine.


Sorry that’s so long.
Give it 2-3 weeks for side effects to settle, but I didn’t find them too bad.
Obviously it’s different for everyone, but truly it helped me. Good luck

Thank you so much for your reply, it’s really reassuring to read.

I’m a big snacker, so worried about an increased appetite but willing to give this a go at a chance of a normal sleeping pattern and routine. Glad it eased sleep for you.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’ve been having a hard time lately, with depression, without reason. I haven’t felt like that in years. Then my mom passed away suddenly yesterday... I am a total mess. I feel numb and anything is setting me off. It's so hard. I didn't know it would be this hard. Especially when it shouldn't have happened.

I’m so sorry for you loss

 

[Agent Cooper]

feeling absolutley terrible atm.Ive been on anti d's about two years but suffered with poor MH since childhood.I feel so depressed at the moment.Going to try and get around to making a drs appointment to try fluoxetine instead of sertraline and see if it helps .Sertraline seems to be doing naff all atm.

I’m sorry you are feeling this way, it’s so tiring and difficult. I was on fluoxetine (Prozac) for some time and it did help me quite a bit. I was much more emotionally stable and worried less. I hope it works for you!

 

[Slaybutter]

I have tried counselling and it did nothing, it made me feel worse if anything. I have tried CBT as well, nothing again. I kept doing my homework, all of these exercises, but they just did not help, the very moment I stopped doing them I would go back to my old patterns. The only thing that helped me was Prozac — I wasn’t happy, I was numb and it was good enough. I just can’t decide whether I want to get through the side effects to achieve this kind of numbness again. I still find it hard to believe that I will never be my old self again no matter what I do.

Any words of advice for me?

Think of it as regular exercise — once you stop working out you lose your gains. I don’t think therapy “fixes” anyone for good. It gives you shiny new tools for handling life.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Anyone bought flowers yet?

These are on day 8!

 

[candyland_]

Yes! Absolutely!

I love not being conscious and the break from my own brain that affords.

If I could afford it, I'd definitely have a huge drug problem - I don't trust myself around any opiods/ benzos/ sedatives/ whatever, because I'll just gobble em up to avoid.... Myself.

@candyland_ - I too 'hide' in the bath and then scuttle off to bed early whenever possible. My partner hates it, but I'd be shit company if I hung about anyway, so might as well be catatonic in a nice scaldy bath

As soon as it gets to half 7 I escape for an hours soak.

 

[Maid22]

Hi guys I’m sorry for posting on here you seem to all know each other and I’m sorry if you would prefer me to post elsewhere. I know I am going to end things soon and I feel like I am too scared to jump or OD incase I wake up. The other alternative: I’m not sure how to do it. I am worried I will do it wrong. Anyway I’m not sure why I’m writing this but i can’t find anything online for tips on how to be successful. Xx

Please stay and post here, we only know each through sharing our thoughts and feelings on this thread, and the advice from others have helped me soo much.
@Pollyanna263 has given out some great links, but there's always someone around in this thread to chat to.
Please take care

 

[Maid22]

Thanks @Maid22 - my best friend feels like the only one I can trust, but the rest of the people in my supposed 'friend group' have shown their true colours.

I don't speak to any of my family either, they are narcissistic and toxic, been over 10 years now, best decision I've ever made, a distant relative will text me when there's a death!! But in reality, I've only my oh, and if anything happened to him, I'm on my own, I'll probably end up dying in my home and no one would know for weeks.

 

[Slaybutter]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you saying that I’ve missed the lovely community we have on this thread too, everyone is so supportive!

You are so spot on about my environment — I live in a big polluted city with lots of people and little sunshine, it’s not the nicest place to be but I’m pretty much stuck here until I find a remote job. My family/close friends circle is not perfect but mostly okay, I guess. I’m in the process of letting some (toxic) people go, it takes time and courage but I know it’s for the best.

I haven’t actually tried meditating before but it sounds great, reminds me of the Jesus prayer. I have tried it just now on my commute, it’s surprisingly calming.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice Slaybutter

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! I have indeed tried journaling but I haven’t found it that helpful as I can’t help but cringe at what I’ve written…Self-acceptance is something I struggle with the most. I’m quite lost right now as I’ve worked so hard to get where I am but the way things unfold doesn’t quite live up to my expectations. I think what I actually need is accepting that I can’t control everything and settling for less. I know I am really hard on myself most of the time.

Sorry for this ‘woe is me’ post everyone! I hope everyone on this thread is doing okay today

I’m so glad it helps! just keep trying new things. you could also see if your health provider can refer you to something other than CBT

 

[Pollyanna263]

Thank you. Ditto to you too.

Spoiler: TW: birth trauma

mine stems back to complications during birth. My LO wasn’t breathing, through no fault of my own, so no sooner was she out she was taken away. My irrational thoughts started pretty much straight away. It’s all in my head I can’t quantify any of my thoughts with fact but they are all consuming. I hate being like this. It’s not me. I wasn’t like this before. I didn’t realise it was possible to feel so whole (becoming a mum) and so broken at the same time. Sorry for rambling.

sending so much To everyone.

That must have been terrifying. Despite the fact she’s fine now, you can’t just forget how frightened you were for her.

Have you been able to access therapy? EMDR might help, but maybe with talking therapy to begin with?

Spoiler: Birth Trauma / Therapy

I’ve struggled with EMDR because I’ve never been able to actually say out loud what happened during my birth. It was a very rare complication, likely caused by human error (or by a serious mistake…) and I was very nearly not okay (can’t even say that bit properly).

That’s caused me a massive block on trying to process it - because I don’t think I’ve ever accepted for myself what happened. Or what almost happened.

Who knew that the best day of your life could also be your worst

 

[comment on life]

I’m under the care of the Community Mental Health Recovery Service (CMHRS) at the moment and thought I was only going in yesterday for a review of my meds (I almost didn’t bother going!) but then ended up seeing the Psychiatrist who just happened to be free as I was in with another doctor. She brought him into the room I feel quite bewildered if I’m honest. I knew there was more to it and I was misdiagnosed perhaps but now suddenly I have a diagnosis and am starting yet more medication. I’m feeling scared.
[/QUOTE]

This all sounds very rushed... Especially if you have never met this psychiatrist before. To diagnose you with something on the basis of one meeting ....... Mental health conditions are complicated as we all know. If you have been dealing with a therapist on an ongoing basis it would be a good idea to discuss and get a second opinion I think.
---

I’ve just been diagnosed with type 2 bipolar I didn’t even know this is a thing! Does anyone else have this?

I’m in a really bad place with my mood at the moment. I was doing ok after about February and then June was just a bad month. Started picking up towards the end of last week and then bam woke up Sunday in a dreadful mood again. Ruined my birthday yesterday as I didn’t want to do anything or see anyone so now I’ve upset my mum and dad and subsequently my sister. Kids missed out I just feel like I want to die but I’m also used to it as I’ve felt like this many, many times. I’ve made attempts a few times before but I don’t plan to right now as I write this so that’s a positive.

I’ve suffered with my mental health for years and years and years and got pushed into being diagnosed with post natal depression in 2010 by my then health visitor. It’s then kind of just rolled on and I’ve tried every medication going over the years it’s been a long and hard road and I feel exhausted. I’m currently on 45mg Mirtazapine but am going to be starting Lamotrigine (?) too. I’ll collect the prescription tomorrow. Anyone have any experience with that? Again I’ve never heard of it.

I’m under the care of the Community Mental Health Recovery Service (CMHRS) at the moment and thought I was only going in yesterday for a review of my meds (I almost didn’t bother going!) but then ended up seeing the Psychiatrist who just happened to be free as I was in with another doctor. She brought him into the room I feel quite bewildered if I’m honest. I knew there was more to it and I was misdiagnosed perhaps but now suddenly I have a diagnosis and am starting yet more medication. I’m feeling scared.

Sorry - I was replying to this with my earlier message

 

[Pollyanna263]

Hi
I was put on aripiprazole to help with my depression I’m also on five other meds for it but I had to stop taking this as I was getting tardive dyskinesia and couldn’t sleep the issue I have is that was the first med to really help me! I have a review on Friday I just wondered if anyone else was on mood stabilisers/anti psychotics that work and don’t have that side effect so I can ask to trial it. I really haven’t felt so well in a long time that when I was on it… so frustrating

I take Quetiapine alongside 2 antidepressants and the Quet has helped the most since it was added. It’s an antipsychotic which can be added to help with mood.
I haven’t had issues with side effects - whereas with mirtazapine I gained loads of weight, and with venlafaxine I became totally detached.

It might help you to have a full review with someone totally different, if it’s possible? My GP asked for me to see a different psychiatrist, and he has been amazing. Totally reviewed my meds and we’re switching them all (apart from quetiapine!) mostly to ease side effect burden.

Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes helps.
Good luck x

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

I’ve called my doctor and they’ve prescribed me Mirtazapine today. I don’t even know how I’m going to have the energy to collect it. I can’t function in the slightest.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@AL10 My son was over the moon that his new gf (now wife) had a gap in her teeth. Me, I long for my long lost thigh gap.

 

[Carapop]

Hello all,

Not really looking for advice, just needed to let some feelings out, I hope that is ok


Feeling a tad wobbly tonight

I have tonsillitis which has spread and I now have an infection in my tooth, I’m still working full time and I’m tired.

Feeling so much pressure to always be busy and have social plans too and it’s exhausting.

I’d love a big cuddle from a nice man but I’m still single! I feel like if I had a nice man too I wouldn’t have to worry about always having social plans.

I’m just tired!

I hear you 100%. I never feel more single than when I’m unwell and just want a little looking after. Sending health and good wishes your way x

 

[flutternutter]

Has anyone found that their depression has been called everything but what it actually is?!
Unless you explicitly tell someone "I think I'm depressed" they really don't get it, I've found.
I know it's because it's all in your head and mostly you seem fine to the outside world.
Last year, in August, I was told by a friend that my depression was "just the heat".
I'd been feeling terrible since the November. Yeah it was definitely the heat in December, wasn't it?!

People have been shocked when I've said I'm diagnosed depressed. As if they couldnt tell by the completely obvious symptoms...
I'm going through a bad time at the minute, off work sick and when i told my mother how I was feeling she was shocked that I was actually off sick with my depression because i WAS depressed...

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Finally bucked up to go to therapy and was due to start this morning at 9am. Main issue I wanted to deal with is not feeling important or special to anyone, like I’m invisible and nobody would notice if I just dropped off the earth.

Therapist texts at 8.55 she forgot to set an alarm and won’t make it. Innocent mistake I know and I’m not annoyed with her. Just feel like it’s a typical thing that would happen to me and it reinforces my feeling that I don’t matter. Crying in the middle of town now lol

I’m sorry that happened. I think I’d feel the same way. Plus I’d be annoyed

You’ve done the hard bit though - organising it and getting up and going. Well done for that and I hope the session goes well whenever it’s rescheduled for.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’d have nowhere to go and couldn’t afford to rent where I live I’m just totally stuck. I wish I could afford to just get a job in boots, or on a reception etc where there would be much less stress and I didn’t have to think about how much work I’ve got to do day and night x

Move somewhere new, somewhere cheaper to live so you can take a pay cut and give yourself a breather? The property market is insane for those selling at the moment - you’ll probably make a good bit of money on your place. You definitely have options here