The Depression Thread #2

[BettyCrockerr]

Just need a rant sorry
I’m feel so low, I hate my job and the type of work I do, I find it so stressful and I dread every day.
My problem is I’m on my own with a mortgage so I can’t afford to leave and get any job, I’d need at least the salary I’m already on.
I feel so stuck. If it wasn’t for my cats I don’t think I’d be here. I don’t see any way out. I feel so lost.
Thanks for listening xx

Could you put your place up for sale, get out of the mortgage, use the money to take a break from work and rethink what you want to do next??

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Yes she’s a springer. She’s a real beauty, and the most wonderful temperament. She came into my life at the perfect time and I will be forever thankful for her.

That made me laugh! Dog forever here now, no man again

Awwww, your doggy is gorgeous

 

[newaccount2022]

I wanted to share this somewhere and this thread feels like the place.

The last 7 weeks I have fallen into a deep depression. This happens at points in my life, and I’m terrible at reaching out to anyone, so I haven’t. I have had people notice I’m not okay and I’ve cried at work which was embarrassing but still didn’t open up. Anyways, because I’ve been feeling so awful I haven’t been taking care of myself. I’ve been living off coffee and junk food - lost almost a stone in weight as I’m eating like a sausage roll a day. But! Tonight I cooked myself a proper dinner. I really didn’t want to, even as I was cooking it I felt sick, but I did it, I ate it, and I’m so happy knowing I have veg and fish in my stomach. A tiny step in the right direction. Maybe tomorrow I’ll call the drs about meds…

Amazing!!! You’ve inspired me as I am terrible for doing this too. Coke Zero and hot deli addiction!! I always try remind myself how good I feel when I cook and eat a proper dinner. I am going to make a big spag Bol this week

 

[Pollyanna263]

Thank you lovely, am still awake, I'd give anything for a good nights sleep

Have you tried any meds to help with sleep? I’ve just started some which are supposed to ease the nightmares x

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I can’t comprehend that anyone could care about me or that it would make a difference to anyone if I wasn’t here. It’s not that I think people would be better off without me, I just feel like it wouldn’t make a difference. I don’t make a positive impact on anyone nor a negative one. I think even my husband and 3 year old would forget about me in a few days.

I hear you, I have similar thoughts as well. And I know that me saying “of course they would” won’t help/will minimise how you feel.

I don’t think I’ve come across you on Tattle before but if you contribute to threads regularly, I bet the other posters would miss you. And by posting on here, you’re helping others - we all need someone to bring us out our own heads from time to time.

If your husband tells you he cares about you, can you accept he wouldn’t just say that? Sometimes we have to accept that our own judgement might be skewed?

 

[candyland_]

No, I had a consultant debrief but actually it wasn’t a debrief…. Long story as it was midwife-error which caused it.
I’m having long-term therapy and we’re addressing it there. It just feels so bloody horrible to be completely empty of all emotion.

I guess I shouldn’t have said ‘what’s wrong with me’ because I know the answer is trauma!

I had birth trauma due to a midwife error too. Here if you need to talk.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you lovely, am still awake, I'd give anything for a good nights sleep

I feel you, I had a really bad spell of insomnia for months and months a while ago. The only thing that helped in the end was Tesco’s own version of Nytol. It was horrible until then though, it affects so much of your life x

 

[Maid22]

@LennyBriscoe sending you and hugs xx

 

[LaBlonde]

If you had bed bugs you would also have the bites. Which are itchy and red . I understand there’s no arguing with an ocd brain.

Is there anyone you can go to for extra support?

thankfully there is (i’m very blessed in that regard i guess, my family and friends are always there to talk) but it sounds so silly and ridiculous that i’m almost embarrassed to talk about it.

i haven’t been to a doctor/therapy for my ocd for a while and i’m not currently on medication, but i think it’s probably time for me to take a step with regards to that.

 

[blueblue]

Hi everyone.
Depression has utterly kicked my arse for years now and today is the final kick in the teeth.

Long story but Ive been studying via distance learning for a masters degree. Initially, the thought process for doing a masters would be that it would be good for me. I was hoping that I could basically push myself and achieve something in the hope it would raise my self esteem and show that I’m not stupid. Largely to start with, it was a good idea. I got out of my own head and had something to focus on and whilst not exactly excelling, I was passing the assignments.

So now, I’ve managed to get to the end and now just need to submit a dissertation to claim my masters but within the last year my mh has just completely plummeted again. As a result, I’ve had to take loads of leaves of absences as my mh has just been so low that I haven’t been able to sleep let alone concentrate. A few months ago, Uni got back in touch saying my leave of absence is now up and my deadline is on Tuesday to submit my dissertation.

So I’ve been working on it as best I can but today with the deadline looming I’ve just had a complete breakdown and just come to the end point where I have to accept that I can’t finish my masters. I just can’t do it with my mental health as it is. Everything I’ve written so far is just a complete mess and makes no sense. It won’t pass. I can’t ask for another leave of absence. So basically I’m at the pivotal end point and having to give up which just feels like another thing I’ve failed at. I’ve put everything i have left in to this and then failed at the most important part. I’ve wasted all those years as well as well as got myself into more student finance debt in the process which is so stupid.

Not sure why I’m putting this all here but I just needed to put it somewhere. I need to tell my tutor that I’m giving up but just the thought of doing that really hurts. I don’t want to deal with any of it. All I want to do is just hide away in bed. I’m just sick of trying so bloody hard all the time and then failing at the last hurdle.
I feel like I’ve set myself up for all this as well. I didn’t have to do this. All it’s done is prove how useless I am and how stupid I was to even think I could do this.

Can you ask for academic suspension and return when you're up to it? I think you'd have a strong case with documented absences x

 

[candyland_]

I absolutely hate new years, I’m always filled with dread for the year ahead but this year more so as I have so much going on. I just don’t want to be here. I’m constantly dragging people down as I’m struggling to hide how miserable I actually am. It feels like there’s a permanent dark cloud over my head.

You can never drag down the people that love you. They want to be there to help and support you.

 

[Eeyore147]

I hope everyone is doing as ok as can be?

I’m really struggling at the moment, have been crying for a lot of the day and finding everyday things really hard.

I hate having to wait to get help, I still don’t know when it will be. I don’t need any advice or anything, I just need to get it off my chest.

I‘m so done with feeling this way, I’m a naturally happy person, but I just can’t get myself back to being that way without some real help.

Sending you lots of love

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I'm sorry if my last post was like look at me, I'm in a long term relationship, it's been hard for both of us, I could write a book about my life, has been a struggle and everyday is hard for me x

I got what you meant

 

[Maid22]

I’ve found writing poems helps me to get the noise out of my head. Never ever done anything like that before and no idea what made me start now! But somehow putting the words out there, actually acknowledging how I feel, seems to release a bit of pressure.

That's good! I'm really crap at trying to write stuff down, I know what I want to say, but it never comes out right, that's why sometimes on this thread, I just posts, but can relate but can't find the words, if that makes sense.

 

[no-no]

Hope everyone is okay and having a relaxing Sunday 🤍

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with anhedonia? I’m more or less okay at work, but when I am off work/school, I just don’t know what to do with my free time because nothing brings me joy anymore. I try to make myself do stuff I used to enjoy but it’s quite pointless.

I had to Google that but I’m the same. My only hobby is the gym. I just can’t concentrate on stuff I want to do (art, learning languages etc). Being active gets the good chemicals going and is better than nothing. Do you enjoy any kind of physical activity?

 

[Pollyanna263]

What to do for burnout from work?

Is work the only factor, or are there other things adding to it?

Are you able to take some time off?

I reached a point where I was (finally) signed off, long after my GP first wanted to. I kept refusing, saying I was okay and work was what was keeping me going… Actually it was masking how badly I was coping overall.

Taking time off felt alien to me, but it was necessary.

If you feel able to, you need to do it xx

 

[whatsever you]

Hi everyone! I haven’t posted here for a long time, but I hope everyone is as okay as can be

I have a simple question to you all: is there anyone else here who just doesn’t react to therapy? I have tried counselling and it did nothing, it made me feel worse if anything. I have tried CBT as well, nothing again. I kept doing my homework, all of these exercises, but they just did not help, the very moment I stopped doing them I would go back to my old patterns. The only thing that helped me was Prozac — I wasn’t happy, I was numb and it was good enough. I just can’t decide whether I want to get through the side effects to achieve this kind of numbness again. I still find it hard to believe that I will never be my old self again no matter what I do.

Any words of advice for me?

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling yourself
Therapy doesn’t seem to work for me either, and CBT I thought was an absolute waste of time BUT I have heard many people say they love it.
I think my problem was that CBT and therapy made me think too much, I didn’t actually want to deep delve into things.
Have you tried a different medication? Not sure if you’re in the UK or not- but I know a few people on citalopram (think it’s celexa) Doesn’t numb as much but imo let’s you not ruminate on things, and pushes bad thoughts out your mind.
As much as I’d love exercise, healthy eating and therapy to work, sometimes I think brains just need a little tweek with some medicine.
I do also sometimes think you just need to find the right therapist?
Sending you love xx

 

[StatusWoe]

Well done for making the best decision for your well-being
I really hope it helps quickly xx

Thanks for your kind comment. x

I said I'd give it 6 weeks and I have. Nothing's improving at all, so I don't think there's much point in struggling through this for another month or more.

 

[StatusWoe]

I was thinking of just doing without an antidepressant for a while because I think I've been on them all now, but I can feel the darkness creeping back in. Just the lack of motivation and the complete despondency and ennui.

Completely relate to that feeling. It's never a good sign. Whatever you decide, I hope you begin to feel much better soon.

I was listening to a podcast with a psychiatrist during the week, she specialises in anxiety. She said that the withdrawal symptoms of coming off SSRIs etc MIRROR the conditions they’re prescribed to treat. It stuck in my brain because I’d been on Lexapro for over a decade and went cold turkey in June this year. I feel I am losing my mind. It was hugely reassuring to hear this about the withdrawal side effects. And the longer you have been taking the meds, the longer the side effects endure. But it is not forever. There will be an end point. I am all about that light at the end of the tunnel! And then we just gotta find all the things we can to ride it out.

and it is very difficult to find any joy in life at the moment, for anyone! We have the energy crisis and climate crisis and inflation and I know the Uk government is in bits and the weather has suddenly turned shit! Anyone would be impacted. Some of us are just a bit more vulnerable and sensitive to it.

I’ve upped my Vit D and gotten a light box to try and counteract the SAD. And started taking natural supplements - ashwagandha and saffron have both been proven via clinical trials to be effective in treating anxiety and depression

Thanks for replying. I can't imagine being on a med for 10 years and then going cold turkey! That sounds rough. Are you still feeling the withdrawal symptoms then? Have you noticed any improvement? I went from feeling good to feeling as though I was being swallowed into a black pit (depression cliche, but an accurate one). I'm still debating whether to go back to the antidepressant or stay off it for a few more weeks.

You're definitely right about the UK being a mess right now. I've stopped watching the news because politics, war and environmental crises are stressing me out so much. I know everyone must be feeling it to some extent.

Vitamin D is a good idea too. The nurse actually gave me a prescription for some Vitamin D. Sometimes iron helps too if you're feeling especially tired.

 

[newaccount2022]

Thanks so much

I've had a night of panic attacks and no sleep so now have to do my first day absolutely shattered.

thinking of you this morning!! if you’re nervous just remember you’re not alone, we’re all in this together and you have this thread to come home too! Time marches on no matter what so the day will end and it’ll be 5pm before you know it