The Depression Thread #2

[Sideboard Bob]

I've had a few bad weeks tbh, I've found the only way to deal with it is to shut down, like pretend to its nots happening, does that make any sense?
But I know when I'm well enough, I have to deal it with it, and I'm trying to do that now, really struggling with sleeps at the mo too xx

I’m so sorry to hear that. It definitely makes sense though, I do that a lot more than I should.

Are you sure you’re well enough to deal with it? If you feel you are, then it’s great, and it’s worth trying. But you really have to be careful with yourself. Having a few bad weeks can really take it out of you xx

 

[Hattieliz]

Oh my lovely, you are struggling.
There is no but.
You are just as deserving of help as anyone else. Please don’t ever doubt that.

Sending love and a gentle hug x

I really appreciate your response, the whole thing. I’m the kind of person who just pushes everything to the back of my mind and then a switch goes off in my head one day and it all comes tumbling out. It’s such an exhausting feeling. I’m trying to change a few things in my life which will hopefully help but I’m going to have a chat with the doctors next time I’m in and just get some advice.

Thank you for being kind.

 

[Lara98]

New to this thread, wasn't sure what to do it where to go but feel like it may be okay here. I've been struggling since Feb March time, currently on sick leave from work due to anxiety, stress and depression. I've lost complete motivation and effort to look after myself. I know this seems small but I used to love doing my makeup, fake tan every week so I felt good, do my hair etc. Now I'm lucky if I can be bothered to dry it!! I just don't know how to get out the swing of it, I want to feel good about myself again, I want to show some pride but I don't know how to get out of this hole. I've always excuse myself with "no point doing my makeup to not go to work" or "no point saying my hair when ill wash it in 3 days" like I just need to pull myself out and I feel like I can't. Sorry if this isn't the right place but I just feel so down and shitty about myself and can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have more going on which has caused this but I want to focus on making me feel good first.

If anyone can advise or give me a push with words, that would be really helpful as I can't seem to do it alone

 

[Carapop]

Just a brief note re anti depressants and weight gain. Some people actually lose weight because of them. If you use food as a source of comfort when you’re sad, then taking a medication that makes you less sad will make you less reliant on the comforting calories.

there are many different medications used to treat depression and anxiety and they all have their own different side effects and even those can hugely differ between different people. It may be a lot of trial and error initially to find what works for you but that’s ok. As long as you’re prepared for that and don’t get disillusioned if the first one isn’t the best one for you. Look at it like dating, you might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince/princess

also, depression can come in many guises, I’m sorry you’re struggling but it’s amazing that you have someone who knows what to look for and is offering such support and advice

 

[Slaybutter]

If anyone reading here has a very loud inner critic, as sometimes goes hand in hand with depression, I hope this article brings you some peace and/or a little laughter:

The Voice in My Head Doesn’t Want Me to Get Sober

So I learned to shut him — of course it’s a him — up.

www.thecut.com

 

[Carapop]

I'm trying to make a decision about antidepressants. I'd been taking Citalopram for a couple of years, but stopped a month ago. Since then, I've had awful panic attacks and very low mood. I spoke to the nurse and she said to restart them, but I have concerns about this.

• What if the depression and anxiety isn't a result of stopping the antidepressants? Maybe it's just coincidence. I have PMS, the weather has become dark and cold, and my mood does have natural ups and downs, so what if I'm just in a temporary down?
• If the Citalopram doesn't make a difference I'll only have to come off it and go through withdrawals all over again.
• I'm worried about side effects of taking medication long-term (i.e. over many years) because I'd been having stomach issues that seem to have disappeared since I stopped Citalopram. The leaflet said something about bleeding in stomach/intestine which terrified me even though it's apparently very rare. Also, I think my sleep's improved a bit and don't know if that's related to being off medication.
• My mood's not as bad as it was the first 3 weeks after I stopped taking it, so maybe it'll continue to even out?

So basically I'm hesitating. The list of 'pros' is shorter than the cons but still significant. Restarting antidepressants might stop the panic attacks and the terrible anxiety. Anything that has the potential to stop depression is worth considering. I was doing so well, and now I'm an upset irritable mess.



Do you want to talk about what's going on? Is anyone helping you? It sounds as though you need all the support you can get at the moment. It is possible to overcome this kind of depression - even though it never feels that way when you're in the middle of it. You matter, please take care.

I was listening to a podcast with a psychiatrist during the week, she specialises in anxiety. She said that the withdrawal symptoms of coming off SSRIs etc MIRROR the conditions they’re prescribed to treat. It stuck in my brain because I’d been on Lexapro for over a decade and went cold turkey in June this year. I feel I am losing my mind. It was hugely reassuring to hear this about the withdrawal side effects. And the longer you have been taking the meds, the longer the side effects endure. But it is not forever. There will be an end point. I am all about that light at the end of the tunnel! And then we just gotta find all the things we can to ride it out.

and it is very difficult to find any joy in life at the moment, for anyone! We have the energy crisis and climate crisis and inflation and I know the Uk government is in bits and the weather has suddenly turned shit! Anyone would be impacted. Some of us are just a bit more vulnerable and sensitive to it.

I’ve upped my Vit D and gotten a light box to try and counteract the SAD. And started taking natural supplements - ashwagandha and saffron have both been proven via clinical trials to be effective in treating anxiety and depression

 

[Maid22]

My oh has come back, I totally understand where he's coming from, but am struggling with dealing with situations, all I want is s to sleep.

 

[Penguin86]

We had a Budgie called Max but his full name was Maximus Decimus Meridius after Russell Crowe's character in Gladiator

We had a Budgie called Max but his full name was Maximus Decimus Meridius after Russell Crowe's character in Gladiator

Wrong thread can someone report it haha

 

[bitterntwisted]

Yes, me.

It's a double whammy, because you aren't quite sure if it's the depression or the thyroid. It has been playing havoc with my ability to function. My TSH keeps bouncing every so often lately and I have been taken it correctly. It has been 22 years so I should know by now. I have had hypersomnia for a few days now. I rue the day I ever started taking Effexor. I am convinced that stuff screwed with my thyroid, as no one in my family suffers from hypothyroid and it can be a rare side effect. I am between crying and screaming my head off today I am so frustrated. I know I will manage some how, I always do.

 

[Simplytatti]

I have bdd and since lockdown I practiced self love as much as I could.. ....I was even managing to have make up free days with few obsessive thoughts. But then the past weeks my manager has been making comments about my appearance. This has really put me back to square one and im at the poin.where im doing my makeup over and over until it looks "perfect" I was wondering if I have a cause for a doctor sign off? And if so would that make me pathetic?

 

[lemonlavender]

thank you so much, that’s really reassuring.

I’m weaning off to swap to Amitriptyline which my psychiatrist hopes will stop the totally detached / dissociated state I’m in from the Ven. He wants me to get to 75mg Ven before he’ll start the Amitrip.

Along with the Ven I was taking Quetiapine morning and night which I’m continuing, but that’s doing nothing to help with the side effects of the withdrawal.

Pollyanna , Just reading you're post and I'm currently weaning myself off venlaflaxine too, but by 75mg each week...I\m actually wrecked tired though so have to assume its all of this. 75mg starting today and next week 37.5 and then add in zyban . I wonder is this all too fast

 

[Slaybutter]

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Medication has its downsides, but I’m generally up to anything that will help me fight my bad thoughts…I would gladly fight them myself if I could, but more often than not, I just can’t. I do agree about therapy making us think too much, I don’t think it’s that helpful if you are already prone to overthinking (I know I am ). I haven’t tried citalopram, I will look into it — sounds promising!
Thank you so much for your advice and good wishes, I really appreciate it

Thank you! I know this is true, and as much I’m willing to accept this and keep on working, sometimes I just don’t see any point in handling life at all IYKWIM, let alone doing exercises. I wonder whether that is something that can be fixed.

Are there changes you can make to your environment or lifestyle? I grew up in a family and town that was not conducive to being happy.* When I moved away from each of those things, I felt an immense sense of relief from misery but I did not know how to enjoy myself at all. It took a long time for me to learn to have fun in life. I have a few dumb interests that bring me joy & give me something to be excited about.

I’m always picking up tools and putting them back down, it’s part of my process. I liked the Sa Ta Na Ma meditation. My mind responds really well to it. Maybe you could try it? You chant “Sa, Ta, Na, Ma” out loud for two minutes, whisper it for two minutes, think it for four minutes, whisper it for two, say it for two. It’s a reflection on creation if you’re wondering what it means.

BTW I’ve missed you in this thread

*I had a period where I was treated for depression but don’t think it was my diagnosis if that makes sense. As best as I can remember, I’mclinically anxious and that’s all. I have done CBT though from my depression episode.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Hi everyone.
Having a pretty low few weeks. Was supposed to submit my dissertation today after having numerous extensions and leave of absence due to my mental health. When I’m low I tend to shut off and don’t check things like emails or pick up texts. I’m socially anxious so I just shut any communication out. Uni messaged me with a short deadline saying they need more up to date proof of my depression and anxiety (because you know depression is just like a temporary thing ) and I missed it so was told my work will now just be capped at a pass.

I accepted that as it’s my own stupid fault for not being on the ball and arranged for a new submission date as all I want now is to just finish it. But I literally cannot do it. I’m not sleeping well at the moment and everything I write is just shit. Nothing makes sense. I took an hour to write a single sentence yesterday.

I lost the plot yesterday with the pressure of it all and just emailed requesting a leave of absence to take some of the pressure off. Now I’m terrified to check my email in case they refuse my leave of absence and I’ve chucked away 4 years of work. I feel frustrated because I should be able to do this. I feel rubbish because I’m so close to the end and I’ve just let myself down. I’m worried about them offering support as from what I’ve seen they put you on a work plan in order to commit to finally handing it in. I can’t commit to a plan of support and know that if it’s offered I will feel pressure to accept it to get them to leave me alone which will make things worse.

I’m annoyed with uni as I don’t think they “get it”. One day I’m living with depression, the next I’m drowning in it. I can’t guarantee which days or weeks are going to be productive for me. Not sure why I’m writing this but it feels better having it written down.

Hoping we all have a good day today x

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I have bdd and since lockdown I practiced self love as much as I could.. ....I was even managing to have make up free days with few obsessive thoughts. But then the past weeks my manager has been making comments about my appearance. This has really put me back to square one and im at the poin.where im doing my makeup over and over until it looks "perfect" I was wondering if I have a cause for a doctor sign off? And if so would that make me pathetic?

I think in the short term it may help but in the long term it’s not a practical solution. Do you think if you were to be signed off you’d be looking at getting back to where you were and would return to work when you felt confident enough to do so? What would happen if someone made a comment on your first day back?

I think what your manager is saying is important too. Are they aware of your BDD? Is it general comments like “you don’t look yourself, are you ok? Or is it something that maybe needs to be taken further?

It’s not a case of being pathetic whatever the situation. It might be worth trying to have a chat with your Doctor (obviously you’d have yo do to get signed off anyway) and seeing if they can suggest anything to help you get to a place where you’re well enough to go to work without the obsessive thoughts and able to deal with comments (unless of course it’s comments you shouldn’t have to deal with!)

@barmcake good luck today!

 

[Agent Cooper]

Anyone else taking fluoxetine (Prozac) or meds, and feel a bit better, but still feel completely empty on the inside. How do you deal with this? Or is it just a matter of counselling and time?

What’s your dosage? The first time I took Prozac I was on 20mg and had all the side effects imaginable, this time around I take 40mg and I’m a completely different person with few to no side effects. In fact, I feel like I’m slowly becoming my pre-depression self, I never thought it would be possible.

Counselling can be very beneficial, but you have to work quite hard to find a therapist you can click with. I’ve found that talking to most of them just makes me feel worse, but I’ve also had a few positive experiences when they pointed out the root causes I wouldn’t have thought of. So unfortunately, you just have to try it and see for yourself.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Oh 100%, I’m finding it harder now little one has entered toddlerhood. I punish myself more because I don’t feel like I do enough with him, I never have the motivation, or I just dread taking him out as it can be so difficult.

I have my partner who is good as gold, but I do think it’s hard for him to deal with my low moods. I haven’t spoken to any professionals recently. I did have counselling last year but I’ve slipped into old habits again. I know I need to see a gp if I want to get better but I feel like a lost cause at this point. I don’t think I deserve happiness

I promise I’m not just saying this. I promise it’s true.

You do deserve happiness.
You are not a lost cause.

A good mum isn’t someone who goes out with their toddler 5 times a week or gets the crafts out every day. (If it is, I’m screwed)

A good mum is one who worries about wanting the best for their child. One who worries they aren’t doing enough, even though their child goes to bed at night warm, safe, loved, having laughed and smiled and known joy in that day. Having known that mummy loves them.

I am absolutely certain your boy knows you love him.

It’s clear that you worry about doing the best for him (which you already are, by the way. You’re doing the very best that you can and that is enough).

You deserve to feel happy. I know it feels like you’ll never feel happy again. I know it seems like you can’t remember what happy feels like any more. But it is still there, it just needs a little bit of help to come back to you.

Please call the GP. Please be honest with them.
Show them what you’ve written here, if you can’t find the words to tell them. What you’ve written here says what they need to know to be able to help you.

We are here

 

[Felix08]

I Will start cognitive behavioral therapy in two weeks. Hoping it will better my life

 

[candyland_]

I don’t want to put a downer on this thread but I’m struggling so much. I want to sleep for eternity and wake up in a new life. I’ve always had anxiety since a small child and periods of good times and extremely low and scary times. I have OCD and GAD.

Since lockdown I haven’t seen a single person socially.

I find it too exhausting. I do work so I do get out of the house.

I just struggle each day. I wake up, And wish I could go straight back to bed. Sometimes I do go back to sleep during the day. Nothing fills me with joy anymore, nothing seems worthwhile.

I had a bereavement five years ago that devestated me. Our family wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral due to toxic family members. I feel I haven’t been able to grieve. I do not know where the final resting place is.

I moved several times and miss my old place dearly. I moved too soon not thinking clearly due to loss. I’m not happy where I am but cannot move again out of fear of making the wrong move.

Life just doesn’t feel worthwhile. I sit here now and think if I wasn’t here nobody would care or notice. My own family members are toxic and I have zero support. Nobody really understands it?

Do you have anyone to make plans with? It really does make a huge difference to do something out of the mundane daily slog.

 

[Dianne]

Hi everyone.
live almost been taking my Sentra line for a week and want to know if this is normal. I’ve had some crazy side effects. I haven’t slept at all in 4 days, I can’t keep food down, I feel insane Like I have so much energy buzzing around me. My jaw is shaking all the time and I can’t stop it. I can’t sit still but I feel so odd. I know pushing through side effects should wear off but just wondered if anyone else had experienced this?

Yes. I remember insomnia and feelings of euphoria and sudden bursts of energy. For me, my dr lowered my dose and it calmed down

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hey Polly..... so basically shit hit the fan with my son again with him hitting me was covered in brusies back was just as bad, luckily my tattoos hid alot.... again his dad was no help yet threatened him with driving down to take away his trainers away from him as school called him because he keeps taking them in... yet when he hits me it's fine.... there was other issues too... but for a while now i stopped eating and if I did eat I made myself sick yet was still pushing myself so much at the gym so while I was running I blacked out and feel of the treadmill so they called ambulance and hospital is where i stayed for about a while because I was refusing to eat.... had a infection but wouldn't let them put a iv in for antibiotics I was basically being a pain because I was at that breaking point.... I'm still refusing to take my antidepressants because I hate how they make me feel.

I'm getting better and my bad episode is coming out the other side but for how long I don't know. Thankyou for thinking of me I hope your doing okay & everyone else. Sending all you struggling at the moment hugs 🫂

Your son needs to be reported to the police. This won’t get any better. It will get worse. What’s next - him beating his sister? Abusing a girlfriend?