The Depression Thread #2

[Fanny Muchmore]

Hope everyone is coping, sending out love and hugs

My therapist did EMDR with me for my body dysmorphia and I think it has helped. Obviously I'm not magical cured, I don't suddenly think I'm beautiful or anything but... I'm starting to accept that I may be... OK.

 

[Good Egg]

I don’t want to put a downer on this thread but I’m struggling so much. I want to sleep for eternity and wake up in a new life. I’ve always had anxiety since a small child and periods of good times and extremely low and scary times. I have OCD and GAD.

Since lockdown I haven’t seen a single person socially.

I find it too exhausting. I do work so I do get out of the house.

I just struggle each day. I wake up, And wish I could go straight back to bed. Sometimes I do go back to sleep during the day. Nothing fills me with joy anymore, nothing seems worthwhile.

I had a bereavement five years ago that devestated me. Our family wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral due to toxic family members. I feel I haven’t been able to grieve. I do not know where the final resting place is.

I moved several times and miss my old place dearly. I moved too soon not thinking clearly due to loss. I’m not happy where I am but cannot move again out of fear of making the wrong move.

Life just doesn’t feel worthwhile. I sit here now and think if I wasn’t here nobody would care or notice. My own family members are toxic and I have zero support. Nobody really understands it?

 

[Maid22]

I don’t want to put a downer on this thread but I’m struggling so much. I want to sleep for eternity and wake up in a new life. I’ve always had anxiety since a small child and periods of good times and extremely low and scary times. I have OCD and GAD.

Since lockdown I haven’t seen a single person socially.

I find it too exhausting. I do work so I do get out of the house.

I just struggle each day. I wake up, And wish I could go straight back to bed. Sometimes I do go back to sleep during the day. Nothing fills me with joy anymore, nothing seems worthwhile.

I had a bereavement five years ago that devestated me. Our family wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral due to toxic family members. I feel I haven’t been able to grieve. I do not know where the final resting place is.

I moved several times and miss my old place dearly. I moved too soon not thinking clearly due to loss. I’m not happy where I am but cannot move again out of fear of making the wrong move.

Life just doesn’t feel worthwhile. I sit here now and think if I wasn’t here nobody would care or notice. My own family members are toxic and I have zero support. Nobody really understands it?

I can relate soo much to you, my family are toxic, haven't spoken to them for 11 years they've never really given a tit about me.
I can go week's without leaving my house or seeing anyone apart from my oh, if he wasn't here, I'd have literally no one, I could die tomorrow and no one would notice for ages. So you're not alone, there are folks like you out there, it's bleddy tough sometimes, and having anxiety and depression doesn't help at all, sending you hugs x

 

[Good Egg]

I can relate soo much to you, my family are toxic, haven't spoken to them for 11 years they've never really given a tit about me.
I can go week's without leaving my house or seeing anyone apart from my oh, if he wasn't here, I'd have literally no one, I could die tomorrow and no one would notice for ages. So you're not alone, there are folks like you out there, it's bleddy tough sometimes, and having anxiety and depression doesn't help at all, sending you hugs x

Thank you for your kind words- sorry you’ve experienced similar. I just need to find the joy in life again.

 

[candyland_]

I don’t want to put a downer on this thread but I’m struggling so much. I want to sleep for eternity and wake up in a new life. I’ve always had anxiety since a small child and periods of good times and extremely low and scary times. I have OCD and GAD.

Since lockdown I haven’t seen a single person socially.

I find it too exhausting. I do work so I do get out of the house.

I just struggle each day. I wake up, And wish I could go straight back to bed. Sometimes I do go back to sleep during the day. Nothing fills me with joy anymore, nothing seems worthwhile.

I had a bereavement five years ago that devestated me. Our family wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral due to toxic family members. I feel I haven’t been able to grieve. I do not know where the final resting place is.

I moved several times and miss my old place dearly. I moved too soon not thinking clearly due to loss. I’m not happy where I am but cannot move again out of fear of making the wrong move.

Life just doesn’t feel worthwhile. I sit here now and think if I wasn’t here nobody would care or notice. My own family members are toxic and I have zero support. Nobody really understands it?

Do you have anyone to make plans with? It really does make a huge difference to do something out of the mundane daily slog.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sometimes I think the pain of loneliness will kill me. Most days I can barely breathe.

It’s so so hard isn’t it. We don’t talk enough about how emotional pain can affect you so much physically, it’s exhausting. I have no advice, I want to say that others feel like you do. Which sucks.

Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way x

 

[Gl1tt3rUn1c0rn]

I’m struggling so much right now. I’ve got a child with Autism. my life has been so much revolving around them for so long I don’t even know who I am or what I like anymore. I’ve lost friends because I’m forever cancelling plans at the last minute because I’ve not been able to leave my son when he’s having meltdowns etc.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Does anyone start to go into a really deep black hole of depression at this time of year? I don’t know what it is, I prefer autumn and winter to summer, love Christmas, but no matter what, every year I get like this and it lasts months.
I don’t want to talk to anyone, or go out, spend most of my time in bed. Delete social media, withdraw from friends. Wish I could stop this cycle. I do have a fair bit to be depressed about, but I do all year, so why now? Xx

 

[minceheed]

I can relate soo much to you, my family are toxic, haven't spoken to them for 11 years they've never really given a tit about me.
I can go week's without leaving my house or seeing anyone apart from my oh, if he wasn't here, I'd have literally no one, I could die tomorrow and no one would notice for ages. So you're not alone, there are folks like you out there, it's bleddy tough sometimes, and having anxiety and depression doesn't help at all, sending you hugs x

I can so relate to you & @Good Egg with the toxic family, who will still insist the toxic one is me. I even moved myself away and cut most contact & they still look for things to blame me for or bring me down and critise me like they've always done.
I found Shadow work to be really useful for working through past issues and really focused in on self care and built myself back up still have a lot of work to do & recovery can be a lonely place but I don't think we realise so many people have been through similar

Does anyone start to go into a really deep black hole of depression at this time of year? I don’t know what it is, I prefer autumn and winter to summer, love Christmas, but no matter what, every year I get like this and it lasts months.
I don’t want to talk to anyone, or go out, spend most of my time in bed. Delete social media, withdraw from friends. Wish I could stop this cycle. I do have a fair bit to be depressed about, but I do all year, so why now? Xx

I think its something to do with the change in season & how dull it is impacts the amount of serotonin produced! Its called Seasonal Affective Disorder. You can buy SAD lamps to try & help with this

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

I can so relate to you & @Good Egg with the toxic family, who will still insist the toxic one is me. I even moved myself away and cut most contact & they still look for things to blame me for or bring me down and critise me like they've always done.
I found Shadow work to be really useful for working through past issues and really focused in on self care and built myself back up still have a lot of work to do & recovery can be a lonely place but I don't think we realise so many people have been through similar


I think its something to do with the change in season & how dull it is impacts the amount of serotonin produced! Its called Seasonal Affective Disorder. You can buy SAD lamps to try & help with this

Thanks lovely, I will have a look xx

 

[ATV2021]

I don't know if its anxiety or depression, or a bit of both now but today got bad enough I've had to take a diazepam. I've been feeling over anxious for a few weeks and I don't know why but when I do my grief comes back up along with the panic that goes with it (I.e I'm gonna lose my job, thus my house and ill be homeless because I've got no family left to fall back on). I decided to go out last night with a friend, get out the house etc as anxiety keeps me hiding away and was talking to a friends ex (and literally talking about her to him as wasn't a bad breakup and I knew nobody else there so if thats a come on...then im baffled) but anyway I got started on for it by some other man there, saying I had to leave him alone/shut my legs etc and I'm not nor have ever been that kinda girl....and someone else joined in and I was literally like....wtf have I done, why did I come out so today I'm an absolute wreck (was bullied for years so it's triggered that - hence the diazepam). I know I need to speak to my GP tomorrow, I already had a call booked with a local wellbeing service but I'm worried its getting so bad and I have nobody I can talk to. Do I give out "low confidence" vibes that make me a target all the time? I'm not a horrible person. I'm not a "slut"....like I've literally not been with anyone for over 12 months nor attempted to. I just don't get why it's me and I feel so low (lower than I already was). I should probably get signed off work but I'm at a stage where I want to sell my house and move far away but that's running away from something I've not done. I just feel so low. So alone. So down and anxious, a bit "whats the point".

ETA. Sorry to be a downer. I hope I've not triggered anyone I just have nowhere else to turn

 

[nimblefimble]

Hi all hope everyone is well. I’m finally settled on some medication and it seems to be starting to make a bit of a difference, like the clouds are starting to lift. But I’m really struggling with some people in my life (some family and friends) being against me taking medicagion , saying stuff like have you tried exercise or your not ill enough to be taking that. It’s making me doubt myself, am I not trying hard enough? Am I not I’ll enough, do I not deserve this medication? Its making me feel a bit crap about myself and I just don’t know what to say back to these people to help them understand, or if I even want to bother

 

[Maid22]

Hi all hope everyone is well. I’m finally settled on some medication and it seems to be starting to make a bit of a difference, like the clouds are starting to lift. But I’m really struggling with some people in my life (some family and friends) being against me taking medicagion , saying stuff like have you tried exercise or your not ill enough to be taking that. It’s making me doubt myself, am I not trying hard enough? Am I not I’ll enough, do I not deserve this medication? Its making me feel a bit crap about myself and I just don’t know what to say back to these people to help them understand, or if I even want to bother

I think most of us really don't want to be on medication, there's no shame in it, if it helps you then you do it, don't worry about what others think, look after yourself x

 

[ATV2021]

I think most of us really don't want to be on medication, there's no shame in it, if it helps you then you do it, don't worry about what others think, look after yourself x

I've been on and off medication and I really don't want to take it but I think I'm at a point where I need it back.

I've had Sertraline/Fluoexetine and didn't like either of those. Escitalopram I think was OK but just wondering what else I could maybe suggest?

 

[Maid22]

I've been on and off medication and I really don't want to take it but I think I'm at a point where I need it back.

I've had Sertraline/Fluoexetine and didn't like either of those. Escitalopram I think was OK but just wondering what else I could maybe suggest?

I really don't know, ads are abit of a minefield, took me ages before I got one which helped me x

 

[newaccount2022]

So done with trying to build relationships at work. I was chatting to a girl last week about treating myself to a certain beauty product and how much I wanted it. It’s expensive. She got me to Google it and show her etc.

Logged into morning meeting today and there’s always chatting for a few mins before we start, someone joked it was ‘Christmas 1st’ and since we got paid today we better treat ourselves, someone said ‘oh XXX like herself’ (the brand name of the product I want) and a few of them laughed including the girl I had spoken to about the product. Then the girl who made the comment obviously realised I was in the meeting and quietly said ‘oh’ before snorting with laughter and changing the subject.

sounds like a stupid thing now that I read back but I felt so small.

 

[candyland_]

So done with trying to build relationships at work. I was chatting to a girl last week about treating myself to a certain beauty product and how much I wanted it. It’s expensive. She got me to Google it and show her etc.

Logged into morning meeting today and there’s always chatting for a few mins before we start, someone joked it was ‘Christmas 1st’ and since we got paid today we better treat ourselves, someone said ‘oh XXX like herself’ (the brand name of the product I want) and a few of them laughed including the girl I had spoken to about the product. Then the girl who made the comment obviously realised I was in the meeting and quietly said ‘oh’ before snorting with laughter and changing the subject.

sounds like a stupid thing now that I read back but I felt so small.

They sound like cunts. It’s primary school behaviour and id be saying something to her if it was me.

 

[bitterntwisted]

I’m really struggling with some people in my life (some family and friends) being against me taking medicagion , saying stuff like have you tried exercise or your not ill enough to be taking that. It’s making me doubt myself, am I not trying hard enough?

Do they have degrees in psychiatric medicine? They can kick rocks. Yes, exercise is important, but if you can't get out of bed that is not happening. Medication isn't a silver bullet, but it is important to give you that boost so you can function. I think you are the best judge on what is good for you.

Hi @Maid22!

 

[Maid22]

@bitterntwisted hi lovely how's you? I still read that thread, I love your posts, you do make me smile x

 

[bitterntwisted]

@Maid22, I'm okay. I'm glad my musings are entertaining.

As it pertains to the topic of this thread, I'm in the ditch again. I'm in overwhelmed mode. I had problems getting my thyroid meds renewed back in August and it was just one of life's little hurdles that I could usually clear, but was stymied by this time round. To put the cherry on the tit sundae, I get attitude from my GP's receptionist like it is all my fault. Five days without the meds and it is my doing apparently. I had 2 days last week where I didn't want to get out of bed, which was scary. I absolutely HATE it when I retreat. I have my therapist suggesting Wellbutrin as a adjunct and well did that, not doing it again. Depression/anxiety + family + financial issues + usual crap =. Depression is such a time thief.