The Depression Thread #2

[Begborrowsteal]

Please take care of yourself.

You sound very self-aware regarding this so I am probably speaking to the converted, but when it hits it is hard to see things rationally.

I am not saying what I should… sorry. Will come back and be more eloquent

No, don't apologise! It's good to just put it out there somewhere. Too often I keep things in my head, on autopilot, and only realise it's bad when I crash!

 

[JCMSadie]

Is it normal to need space from people you love when you’re having a tough time?

I think so. I tend to hibernate from everyone...though sometimes I do it for too long and it actually makes me worse.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

It’s like I’m freefalling and I’ve lost all control?

Those are the exact words you need to use.

I know it feels terrifying, but I promise they will have heard it - and more - before.

Grief is a monster on its own, without any other mental health challenges lurking.

You deserve support xxx

 

[Slaybutter]

Has anyone heard of Zyban/Wellbutrin (bupropion)? It’s got rave reviews and I’m really keen to try it especially as I have an addictive personality and quit smoking not long ago, which it’s supposed to be good for (nicotine addiction has translated to vaping which I also want to quit). It’s prescribed off label for depression here but primarily is issued as a smoking cessation aid so I’m thinking to try to get it

re sertraline

I’ve started taking sertraline again, starting at 50mg - it hasn’t made me have an anxiety attack but I have felt more anxious I guess. That usually lasts about a week. It makes me feel physically tense and I grind my teeth on it for as long as I am on it, to the point my teeth have chipped a bit. I get bad bruising on it (apparently uncommon) after about a month so I only take it for about that amount of time. It has been really helpful in the past but now it’s only kind of helpful

I had a poke around and found other people complaining about having panic attacks which I know are different but it’s a similar anxiety response i guess https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondtheb...oloft_and_increased_anxiety_anyone_on_zoloft/

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

It’s really commonly prescribed so hopefully someone can share some more personal exps with you.

If it doesn’t settle, maybe (with agreement from your gp) you can lower your dose or try a different med? Sorry you’re going through this at Christmas

Thank you so so much for doing that research, it’s so sweet of you 🥹 It’s strange how sertraline works. I’m going to see if I can lower it. I almost didn’t post because it’s Christmas Eve and I don’t want anyone worried about me.
Thanks again Merry Christmas

 

[Some People!]

I am having a really hard time at work just now (NHS) forgot 2 things this week (not major or life threatening) and I feel absoloutely suicidal about it. I was pulled up about it infront of the new start which is just so embarrassing and demoralising. I already feel badly enough about it.

Well that was terribly unprofessional of your manger (or whoever), what poor practice. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I also just can't seem to cope well with any negativity at all. I could do my job right 99x and the one time I don't I will beat myself up so much, recluse into myself, worry I will loose my job, over think what loosing my job would mean in terms of paying bills.

I relate to this so much. I go right off the deep end with any type of negative feedback or even some kinds neutral feedback, depending on the context. It just instantly devastates me and I start catastrophising. I have a constant terror of losing my job/ being made redundant, and it's a horrible way to live.

 

[heron]

Major catch up from me this morning, I just didn’t have the capacity over the weekend.


@justheretoread99 how’s the mirtazapine going?

@ilovepizza21 you’ve got so much to cope with, you’re doing amazingly (even if it doesn’t feel like it) Your ex doesn’t help the situation with either child, does he Hope the meeting today goes as well as possible.
Don’t be afraid to be honest with school. They are duty bound to help you. What’s happening is not your fault and please remember that you (and the kids) are worthy of help

@minty901 I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low. It sounds like you feel trapped in your marriage and unsupported by those around you. Is there a trusted person you could confide in? Even your GP? There are ways to help you start to see the light through this darkness. Don’t face it alone xx

@heron it seems like your boyfriend is feeling overwhelmed and lost. No one can be sure what he’s thinking, and he possibly doesn’t even know himself, but it could be that he only has the energy and capacity to get himself through the day. It’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it yourself, but depression really can take so much of ‘you’ away and just leaves you as a shell, with the ability to cope with the very basics. If he’s always busy at work that’s likey avoidance of his feelings, combined with fear of not being good enough.

I think (and I could be wrong!) that the best thing you can do right now is let him know you are there to support him, but don’t push him or you risk pushing him away. Respect his decision that he needs space - it will have taken a lot for him to do that. Just gently remind him that you love him, and you’re right there for him if he needs you.



Yes! Like floating above it, know you feel it but actually feel numb

@StillLucilleBluth you aren’t an idiot. Not at all. You gave love to someone who then hurt you. That’s not on you - but it is so, so hard.
How long have you been separated?

@Jadejones9596 hope you’re feeling better today. Instagram is terrible for only showing what people want to show. It is not real x

@pusheencat00 Venlafaxine made me feel detached. I’m currently weaning down to switch.
A difficult living situation makes things harder Hope you’re able to access support to plan for the future.

I just wanted to thank everyone for making this a safe and comfortable place and I'm learning a lot from ye x

I've told my (former) boyfriend that I'm here to support him and I'm still his best friend. He's very up and down though when I mention therapy and/or a doctor. Sometimes he's more open to it and recognises he needs it and within hours he can shut down the idea and explains that it won't help him as he's tried it for years. I try to encourage it but also don't want to overstep...it's a very difficult line to see. I informed our supervisor that he was struggling so that hopefully from a work perspective it might ease. I told my boyfriend of this after a few days and he was appreciative, fortunately, as I thought he could be annoyed.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I’m definitely in the ‘sod the bank holidays’ camp! I’ve had a few but instead of making me feel merry, alcohol made me so much more miserable. Being myself, I am just wallowing in this misery and purposefully making myself feel worse. I really wish I had someone who would tell me to stop.

Hey @Agent Cooper

Stop wallowing

Get a glass of cold water, step outside in the dark and just take a moment to just breathe.

Or, take that glass of water up to bed, but some quiet music on, wash your face, brush your teeth, and get cosy xxx

 

[shadowcat5]

Massive well done for booking the appointment. That’s a huge step.

If you find it easier to write it down, you could do that and ask them to read it?

What would you want them to know when you walk back out of the appointment at the end? x

oh that's a good idea! Or at least I can get my head straight .

I think I just want some help. I'm sick of just nothing being enjoyable and having no appetite. I want to be able to actually like things again. Medication freaks me out a bit but I don't know what else to do. I already having talking therapy and it does work but I think I just need a little bit of help in the short term. Does that make sense?

 

[Agent Cooper]

Been for the dog’s post-op check. Vet has had the lab results - no tumour!!

Such a relief.

So happy to hear that! Your dog is gorgeous

Just need a rant sorry
I’m feel so low, I hate my job and the type of work I do, I find it so stressful and I dread every day.
My problem is I’m on my own with a mortgage so I can’t afford to leave and get any job, I’d need at least the salary I’m already on.
I feel so stuck. If it wasn’t for my cats I don’t think I’d be here. I don’t see any way out. I feel so lost.
Thanks for listening xx

I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling low and stuck Is your job a desk one? Could you possibly work from home to reduce the stress levels?

 

[Jaybtee]

That’s good! Well done

I’ve been encouraged to apply because of PTSD and depression (been signed off work 2 1/2 years so far ) but I can’t do it for some reason.

Please apply. I put it off for many years and my support worker finally pushed me to take the jump and apply. The form is annoying and the telephone assessment was jarring (not sure how I would have done if it was a face to face assessment.) Definitely worth a try!

 

[Agent Cooper]

Ive been advised by professionals to see a psychologist. My MH has been declining for years now with reasons unknown.
Im really want to know what I can expect when I go. Will they just talk to me about how I feel, will they try to find a cause? Just want to know what will happen..

Hi there! It’s really difficult to answer this question with little background info. Appointments vary from therapist to therapist, it really depends on the issue and the techniques used. Either way, try not too worry too much, most psychologists I’ve seen were quite friendly and willing to help. It might be useful to put your issues, problems and questions down on a piece of paper so you don’t get lost and can remember everything when they ask you. Best of luck!

I've just had my medication, citalopram, increased to 40mg and I'm really struggling with the side effects. Constantly dehydrated and I just can't sleep. This is stressing me out so now I have a lovely tension headache as well to boot. I take it everyday around the same time, 7am.

I know it's short term issues for a longer term gain but I'm doubting if it's worth the lack of sleep and this bastard headache. I'm also getting married in 6 weeks which is adding to the stress. Plus I now also have some lovely dark circles.

Has anyone else has this? Hiw long did it take for you to start sleeping again?

Thank you x

I’ve never taken citalopram but I had similar issues when on fluoxetine. It took me about 1,5–2 months to start sleeping properly. It’s definitely longer term gain as you’ve said. However, if the symptoms bother you that much, you might want to see your doctor to adjust the dose and/or the time you take your meds. Good luck!

 

[Crazy87]

I hope you don’t mind me joining this thread. A brief outline on me I have agoraphobia, Borderline personality disorder and depression.

I had to do a depression review online survey today for my gp and I scored 24/27 my depression has been really bad since lockdown and I knew it was bad but kind of seems worse seeing it in writing. I’m expecting the gp wanting to see me now but I am a bit resistant because I don’t want to go back to the mental health team I had cbt before and nothing seems to work on me. I take my medication everyday I don’t think it works and I have told doctors this for years and no one listens to me. Here to help anyone I can also.
---

I've had a break up, a failed fertility procedure, poor health and multiple long term conditions.... I was doing ok until I wasn't anymore. Now I don't really want to be alive anymore.

Doing everything right in terms of getting support etc, but life feels so relentless right now.

I hope you are ok and I’m here if you need to talk to someone

 

[FlipFlop0706]

@FlipFlop0706 I have no idea about dissertation except I once typed one out. I just wanted to say that you may feel a failure but how can you be when you've got this far battling depression and producing what you have? Am I a failure because I never went to University? Please don't be so hard on yourself. You do what you can. I honestly think you're incredible and I expect it's your all over perfectionism that's causing you such pain. Give your mind a break, do what you can, hand it in, shrug your shoulders and say phew. I'm assuming you're being treated for your depression.

Thank you for your kind words. As for treatment, it’s been a bit of a nightmare. Tried anti depressants, just made me sleep all the time and feel numb to everything. Doc adjusted the dose and still wasn’t affective. So came off them. Then tried CBT which was an utter disaster and if anything just made everything worse. Basically therapist told me I was “silly” and “immature” for thinking the way I do.

So I stopped going after that and since then I’ve just been floating along trying to manage it myself. Sone days better than others. I’ve been considering going back to the gp as I’ve got to do something but I’m a bit scared to considering nothing worked for me before.

to all of you for your support, I feel better having put it into words. I’m going to see what I can manage over the weekend and then reassess on Monday evening if I am going to upload it or not.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I'm not sure how to quote a post in the last thread and will inevitably bungle it, so I won't try - but @Sideboard Bob I kept wanting to reply properly to your last post there, and I hoped it might be interesting for others too. I read your post (and please tell me if I'm overstepping / getting it wrong) as being at least partly about intrusive thoughts. With that in mind, I wondered if you had read about Internal Family Systems therapy? It was founded by Dr Richard Schwartz and builds on the idea that we all have all these 'parts' - critical parts, angry parts, sad parts, distracting parts etc. - that exist for good reason but sometimes get kind of distorted and scream for attention. So rather than thinking of the mind / ourselves as one thing, thinking of ourselves as a huge family of parts. It's a bit like inner child work, but more flexible. And the reason I thought it might be of interest is because he talks a lot about how (and why) these parts act out, telling us terrible things, scaring us, punishing ourselves etc. They're all doing it to try to protect us (in a misguided way sometimes) and just want a bit of attention. Once we give them attention, they can relax. That's my amateur summary, but I hope it helps. I find it is working quite well for me at the moment (but as a disclaimer, I am a big advocate of talk therapy etc. at the best of times, and I know it's not for everyone and is no replacement for medication, which I do also take).

Sending love to all.

ETA a link for further reading just in case: https://ifs-institute.com/about-us/richard-c-schwartz-phd and https://ifs-institute.com/store/419 . Not the most modern website but a decent starting point. And Dick Schwartz has been on lots of podcasts recently too.

I can’t thank you enough for this @StillLucilleBluth I don’t have the words just now, but I just need to let you know this is so helpful, and I appreciate it so much. You are so kind to take the time x

 

[Agent Cooper]

I had always taken branded and then a new pharmacist gave me generics and I had no issues and half the price. See how you fare. Some may have fillers that cause (minor) side effects so you may prefer the branded. I know I was getting headaches with previous generic

Thank you so much for your comment, it really put my mind at ease as I was so worried

Anyway, I’m on my fifth day of fluoxetine and already feeling better. I know it’s mostly placebo effect but I’m still glad. Onwards and upwards from here, I hope

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I hate August, this is the absolute worse month for me where so much bad shit has happened (over the years)
I'm trying really hard to not dwell on stuff, trying to be 'normal', but inside, I'm really struggling, there's a real bad anniversary coming up, I won't say cos I don't know how to do a spoiler, let's just say the word s and my only sibling who I thought the world of

Oh Maid, I’m so so sorry


Edited to add. I totally understand the pain of “anniversaries“, I’m sure quite a few of us do. Please know we’re here, and we understand x

 

[Slothgang]

Once again I’m going through a bad patch and I’ve even told myself if things don’t improve and start looking up for me in a year, then im done. I don’t like to think like that but I just feel the depression taking over more and more.

I’m just about to have a weeks leave from work but I’m dreading it as I have nothing planned and no one to spend time with. The person I’d normally reach out to hasn't spoke in almost 3 weeks, in fact he didn’t reply to my last message. Any suggestions of what I can do to stop myself from sinking deeper? I was hoping to go on a boat trip but I can no longer afford it.

I find that distracting myself with comforting audiobooks helps. Really recommend Harry Potter ones if you like him. Very soothing to have on as background noise. A free day out is obviously going for a walk but I know how hard it is to drag yourself out. I usually have more motivation in the evenings/nights so maybe you could go for one in the evening when there isn't as many people about? Just around your block x

 

[Agent Cooper]

This thread hasn’t been active for a while, hopefully this means everyone on here is doing better than before

I’m back on fluoxetine. Never thought I’d be happy about it but I am, the last time I used it it sorted me out like nothing else. Really not looking forward to side effects though…Any words of wisdom for me? I have been off meds for 2 years so I must have forgotten a lot. I got two packs, one is Prozac and the other is just called Fluoxetine, I think, I was told it’s essentially the same thing (a generic)? Is it okay to start taking brand-name medication and then switch to generics, or will there be a difference?

I really need to seek help but doing the usual male stuff and ignoring it! Im really worried that if i get diagnosed with depression it can affect things further down the line ie maybe insurance’s, any fun things when signing disclaimer’s like have you been diagnosed with any of the following etc

I’ve only just seen it but please absolutely go and get help. It’s not as scary as it sounds and can really change your life for the better I haven’t had any issues with insurances or any other documents since being diagnosed.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Move somewhere new, somewhere cheaper to live so you can take a pay cut and give yourself a breather? The property market is insane for those selling at the moment - you’ll probably make a good bit of money on your place. You definitely have options here

That’s true. Just scary isn’t it. I was married and I find having to do everything on my own a lot to deal with amongst other things. Think it’s an overwhelming fear of the unknown xx

So happy to hear that! Your dog is gorgeous

I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling low and stuck Is your job a desk one? Could you possibly work from home to reduce the stress levels?

Hi yes it is and I do at the moment, but work want me to go back in a few days per week. Currently waiting on an OH assessment as I recently got diagnosed with a disability too which isn’t helping matters xx

 

[Maid22]

@Pollyanna263 how are you today, so proud of you for yesterday, I think most of us on here struggle with going out, I'm at that stage where I really can't plan anything, the feeling of dread is so overwhelming.