The Depression Thread #2

[Pollyanna263]

Hi all, hope everyone’s well.

Just been prescribed Mirtazapine to help me sleep. GP explained it’s an antidepressant which can help sleep due to anxieties & insomnia.

Has anyone taken this before? Worried about the side affects, as some can be suicidal thoughts & weight gain. Which are the ones I’m most worried about. I know all medication is trial and error, and I’ve been on a few, but just extra apprehensive about this one.

I’m on it and have been for a while (no idea how long, lost all sense of time! But over a year)

I have gained weight but I honestly can’t tell you whether it’s the mirtazapine or just because of my disordered eating. It did make me more hungry, so I tried to make sure I had sensible snacks ready so I didn’t eat (even more) crap.

I find I fall asleep about an hour to an hour and a half after taking it. It’s gentle wave of sleep, which was much needed.
Before, I just wouldn’t sleep, I’d sit up until the early hours feeling more and more awake so it was added to help me sleep.

I have nightmares regularly due to PTSD anyway and the mirt definitely didn’t make them any worse.

I haven’t had an increase in suicidal thoughts if anything sleeping more eased that side of things a little.

I’m in the process of weaning off at the moment because my psych wants me to swap my meds (I’m on 3 different ones and he wants to rein that in a bit!) and what worries me most is will I be able to fall asleep without mirtazapine.


Sorry that’s so long.
Give it 2-3 weeks for side effects to settle, but I didn’t find them too bad.
Obviously it’s different for everyone, but truly it helped me. Good luck

 

[Sheabutter]

@justheretoread99 Thank you. I’m doing much better right now *knock on wood*. That is a horrible dream I’d be upset too. Take your time to calm down, you’ll get there

Am praying for your mums recovery too

 

[Slaybutter]

I've had a break up, a failed fertility procedure, poor health and multiple long term conditions.... I was doing ok until I wasn't anymore. Now I don't really want to be alive anymore.

Doing everything right in terms of getting support etc, but life feels so relentless right now.

Keep pushing through, better times are ahead

I cut back on my anxiety medication because my digestion was really messed up. I threw the kitchen sink at the problem actually. Now I’m not sure what helped. I know I’m really irritable on a lower dose. I have a little work ahead of me to figure out what caused my digestive issue - diet or medication? I just want to be back on it already and stop feeling low key mad all day. I also noticed my migraines around my period have gotten progressively worse since I began taking a supplement, around a year ago, that’s supposed to help PMS symptoms. The migraines now last a full week. Migraines aside it has been very helpful in terms of keeping my mood level throughout the month. I’m trying to see if coming off the supplement the week of my period will help. It feels like I’m trying too much at once and it would be better to do things in a controlled way, but I can’t deal with both my head and stomach bothering me at the same time.

ETA: sorry, I lump my anxiety with depression because it’s still mental health related & greatly impacts my life. they’re cousins or sisters, right?

 

[Maid22]

It’s so so hard not being able to sleep, I really feel for you.

Thank you lovely, am still awake, I'd give anything for a good nights sleep

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Major catch up from me this morning, I just didn’t have the capacity over the weekend.


@justheretoread99 how’s the mirtazapine going?

@ilovepizza21 you’ve got so much to cope with, you’re doing amazingly (even if it doesn’t feel like it) Your ex doesn’t help the situation with either child, does he Hope the meeting today goes as well as possible.
Don’t be afraid to be honest with school. They are duty bound to help you. What’s happening is not your fault and please remember that you (and the kids) are worthy of help

@minty901 I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low. It sounds like you feel trapped in your marriage and unsupported by those around you. Is there a trusted person you could confide in? Even your GP? There are ways to help you start to see the light through this darkness. Don’t face it alone xx

@heron it seems like your boyfriend is feeling overwhelmed and lost. No one can be sure what he’s thinking, and he possibly doesn’t even know himself, but it could be that he only has the energy and capacity to get himself through the day. It’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it yourself, but depression really can take so much of ‘you’ away and just leaves you as a shell, with the ability to cope with the very basics. If he’s always busy at work that’s likey avoidance of his feelings, combined with fear of not being good enough.

I think (and I could be wrong!) that the best thing you can do right now is let him know you are there to support him, but don’t push him or you risk pushing him away. Respect his decision that he needs space - it will have taken a lot for him to do that. Just gently remind him that you love him, and you’re right there for him if he needs you.



Yes! Like floating above it, know you feel it but actually feel numb

@StillLucilleBluth you aren’t an idiot. Not at all. You gave love to someone who then hurt you. That’s not on you - but it is so, so hard.
How long have you been separated?

@Jadejones9596 hope you’re feeling better today. Instagram is terrible for only showing what people want to show. It is not real x

@pusheencat00 Venlafaxine made me feel detached. I’m currently weaning down to switch.
A difficult living situation makes things harder Hope you’re able to access support to plan for the future.

This is such a lovely, thoughtful post.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I know being in the middle of a BH weekend is really tough, but is there anyone (even 111, the Samaritans) you can call if you are feeling this low? Talking through the things you feel you have on your shoulders may help somewhat in the immediate term and get you through until Tuesday when you could arrange to see the doctor?

We are all geographically separated on here and all have very different battles to face, but you are not alone. You have people here that can listen, maybe not be of direct practical help but can be here if it feels too much.

I won't bother with the GP, I ran myself into the ground recently and was signed off. I'm back to work now, I think it's likely a case of burnout. I've been on ADs for years and am well versed in my MH - it's scary though when you think you're out of the worst of it, because you have this false sense of security. But shit mental health, you never truely escape it.

Fortunately, I'm not alone - I have my partner who is supportive and my kids. I just need to really grit my teeth and get through this

 

[HeyBabes]

Does anyone else have the fear that their loved ones will up and leave them because they’re so difficult to be around? I’m in constant fear that my partner will have enough of me one day because I’m such hard work, one of my friends has already told me I’m not fun anymore, which has made me feel 100x worse than what I already do

 

[Maid22]

@Maid22, I'm okay. I'm glad my musings are entertaining.

As it pertains to the topic of this thread, I'm in the ditch again. I'm in overwhelmed mode. I had problems getting my thyroid meds renewed back in August and it was just one of life's little hurdles that I could usually clear, but was stymied by this time round. To put the cherry on the shit sundae, I get attitude from my GP's receptionist like it is all my fault. Five days without the meds and it is my doing apparently. I had 2 days last week where I didn't want to get out of bed, which was scary. I absolutely HATE it when I retreat. I have my therapist suggesting Wellbutrin as a adjunct and well did that, not doing it again. Depression/anxiety + family + financial issues + usual crap =. Depression is such a time thief.

Am so sorry to hear this, that's so bad you had no medication, don't get me started on gp receptionists, they really think they're something else!
That saying, depression is such a time thief, you're so right, I've lost months of my life where I can't physically get out of bed, but most folks don't understand, that's why I'm glad of this thread. Hope you feel better soon

 

[Eeyore147]

My oh has come back, I totally understand where he's coming from, but am struggling with dealing with situations, all I want is s to sleep.

Do you have medication to help you sleep? Or do you have a CPN that can help? I hope you get some rest soon xxx

 

[Agent Cooper]

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling yourself
Therapy doesn’t seem to work for me either, and CBT I thought was an absolute waste of time BUT I have heard many people say they love it.
I think my problem was that CBT and therapy made me think too much, I didn’t actually want to deep delve into things.
Have you tried a different medication? Not sure if you’re in the UK or not- but I know a few people on citalopram (think it’s celexa) Doesn’t numb as much but imo let’s you not ruminate on things, and pushes bad thoughts out your mind.
As much as I’d love exercise, healthy eating and therapy to work, sometimes I think brains just need a little tweek with some medicine.
I do also sometimes think you just need to find the right therapist?
Sending you love xx

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Medication has its downsides, but I’m generally up to anything that will help me fight my bad thoughts…I would gladly fight them myself if I could, but more often than not, I just can’t. I do agree about therapy making us think too much, I don’t think it’s that helpful if you are already prone to overthinking (I know I am ). I haven’t tried citalopram, I will look into it — sounds promising!
Thank you so much for your advice and good wishes, I really appreciate it

Think of it as regular exercise — once you stop working out you lose your gains. I don’t think therapy “fixes” anyone for good. It gives you shiny new tools for handling life.

Thank you! I know this is true, and as much I’m willing to accept this and keep on working, sometimes I just don’t see any point in handling life at all IYKWIM, let alone doing exercises. I wonder whether that is something that can be fixed.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

My father in law has been admitted again - his potassium levels are dangerously high and his GFR (kidney function) is very low. When he was discharged last Thursday it was 36, today it was down to 13.

He did have kidney failure several years ago and had to go on dialysis in the ICU, and thankfully that gave his kidneys a chance to heal. Hopefully it won't come to needing that this time, but we will wait and see.

Feel like I'm on my last nerve and it's shredded to hell.

So my father in law was discharged from hospital, they think it was a mix of him still being poorly from the last time, and the new medication the hospital had put him on. It stopped his kidneys from working, but slowly they have started to improve. We also found out that the last time he was in the hospital he had sepsis and e.Coli!!

So as we were celebrating the good news of him getting discharged, I got a phonecall from my husband's aunt to say that his uncle had passed away He'd been poorly for a long time but it was still a shock.

It was his funeral on Monday but I was unable to go as my husband went and I had to stay home to look after my father in law. Wish I could have gone to pay my respects.

It just feels like we're being constantly battered without any rest at all. Feel mentally and physically exhausted.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Sorry you've been through that x
Am ok, just struggling to have some sleeps.

It’s so so hard not being able to sleep, I really feel for you.

 

[MillionDollarBaby]

I totally understand the fear of children being removed. Even though I have no reason to think they would be - no matter how I feel, they are always, without question, cared for.

It holds me back even now, I don’t ever admit to how bad I’m really feeling, or how close to the edge I am, because my children are my world and I’m terrified of losing them.

But that’s part of the illness, isn’t it? Our brain chemistry is so broken, we hear the hard parts whether they’re true or not

I have no doubt that you are an *amazing* mum

Thank you. Ditto to you too.

Spoiler: TW: birth trauma

mine stems back to complications during birth. My LO wasn’t breathing, through no fault of my own, so no sooner was she out she was taken away. My irrational thoughts started pretty much straight away. It’s all in my head I can’t quantify any of my thoughts with fact but they are all consuming. I hate being like this. It’s not me. I wasn’t like this before. I didn’t realise it was possible to feel so whole (becoming a mum) and so broken at the same time. Sorry for rambling.

sending so much To everyone.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

You are so lovely @LennyBriscoe I hope you’re doing as ok as can be? And you’re so right! People don‘t understand that just getting through everyday things can be so hard with depression, it takes a lot of strength, but we forget we have that.

Aww, I’m genuinely flattered to make someone with such a good sense of humour laugh!

I know exactly what you mean about the threads

Bob, you always make me laugh! We have very similar humour. I often overthink my posts to the nth degree or I’ll spam with loads of posts (Jack Monroe gives us lots to work with, let’s be honest)

I’m doing ok thanks. I’ve had a pretty good weekend. I had some time to myself on Saturday but had a cat nap rather than reading my book. It wasn’t a total waste of time but something else to beat myself up about

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hi all I haven’t posted for a bit, but I hope everyone is as okay as can be and has a calm, relaxing weekend!

Hi, I don't know about gummies, but it is possible to get some meds as liquids if you ask your GP.

Does anyone have any panic attack tips? I know this is a depression thread, but I've been having panic attacks nearly every day for months now and it's so hard to calm down. I got a referral for support, but it's not until February. My heart beats so fast I get scared it's a heart attack. I feel like I can't breathe, I get a weird hot/cold flush sensation, start shaking, go lightheaded, get muscle pains from the tensing. It takes nothing to set the adrenaline off and it's not a pleasant adrenaline rush. Usually I listen to music, go online for distraction, or if I'm at home I sometimes lie down in bed with a hot water bottle. Those things can help but not always and I wish it was easier. I get breathing problems a lot with anxiety but I'm no good at breathing exercises.

I used to suffer horribly from panic attacks when I was younger and I eventually started using the counting method.

You can adapt it to your liking, e.g. look for 5 white things or 5 things that start with an A and so on. Deep breathing and a drink of water are a must, going out for a walk if you can manage it also helps (it never worked for me though as I’d usually have my attacks at night). Hope you find this helpful x

 

[newaccount2022]

One of the worst things about me is that I love misery, in a way. I don’t want to feel this way yet I thrive off sadness or something. Don’t know how to explain it. I love torturing myself and overthinking.

 

[Maid22]

Sometimes it feels like it would just be easier to not be here, doesn’t it.

Recently I’ve heard of a handful of people - friends of friends, not people I directly know - and I’ve found myself thinking ‘I understand how they got to that point’ which in itself scared me, because a few years ago I wouldn’t have had that thought or that understanding.

With me, I've always had that feeling, it's taken me years and a very understanding oh to realise it.
I hope you get help, don't let your dr fob you off, and you end up falling through the cracks, that's what has happened to me, but I get my ads, they help, but to have counselling etc, I have to pay!! I can't afford it, and tbh, I have soo much baggage, it would take hours! So I just get on with it, tis hard though.

 

[Good Egg]

@Good Egg I’m sorry for what you are going through. I think most of us on this thread have felt some of what you describe. It’s such a very hard place to be, especially as you look around to what “should” be your natural supports (friends, family) and find it lacking. I think, personally, fear and uncertainty is a big factor in depression. Humans are wired to react to fear and the unknown creates an unsettling feeling. But when it’s long term and unresolved, it wears on us and can create those feelings you describe. Lack of sleep and nightmares and your recent loss adds to it. Would you consider talking to a dr about it? If only for a short term solution to help you get some rest and feel a bit better?

Thank you for replying. I think I do need some extra support but even asking for it seems the most difficult step and terrifiying scary. I did make a GP appointment a few months back. It’s hard to explain how I’m feeling. It’s like I’m freefalling and I’ve lost all control? (I know I haven’t but it’s how I feel)

I need to be at work early tomorrow and I’m so tempted to call in sick. Thank you for replying to me.

 

[Maid22]

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial. W

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

I'm the same, that's why sometimes I don't post, but just leave we all understand xx

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Hi I just wanted to say the internal battles and loops that go around in our heads is a constant issue for me. I don’t have a ED but I do have OCD and once my brain latches onto an ‘obsession’ the compulsive side to ruminate goes over and over and over in my mind. My guess is (and I have no experience so please don’t me offended) like with an ED it’s and obsessive compulsive cycle that you are trying to break? Does that sound right?
I know on the NHS you can self refer for therapy now? Would this help you?
Have you had help before? What actions helped you in the past.
There is always hope. There can be good days and bad days but you will and can get through this.
I hope my post makes sense x

Thank you for this. Not had help. It has taken me a while to admit my problem and being in Psychology I thought I could deal with it myself.

The days are getting better. The problem is, having worked with students who were really at the knife edge, I don’t want to take resources away when I feel that if I work hard enough on my own I can get through it.

Thanks for your thoughts though- having OCD must be so hard, with everyone and their wife latching onto the term .

@LennyBriscoe hope you are ok. Mrs T surprised me with the Dr Julie book. Am starting it at the weekend. How are you getting on?

Good luck with everyone starting something new.