The Depression Thread #2

[Carapop]

If meds help, then they help. It’s very simple. No one would challenge a diabetic taking insulin. I do think it’s a great idea to try without every now and again. If for no other reason than realising that they are impactful and appreciating the comfort that they bring. They may not address 100% of the problem, but sometimes it takes going without them to recognise that they are the difference between difficult and unbearable.

 

[Maid22]

Sorry if I've caused problems

You haven't caused any problems, that poster always thinks they're right, don't know why they had a go at me tonight, just wanted to see if you're ok x

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Can you come and do mine??

Seriously - well done xx

Haha, I forgot to switch the hot water on, and I’ve still not dried it

 

[Pollyanna263]

What a shitty weekend started on a high and ending on why do I fucking Bother I actually give up I just don't want to be here anymore.... Im just sick of feeling shat on and alone

Oh lovely, do you want to talk about it?
Ex or kids?
You have overcome *so* much, I know this sounds patronising and I truly don’t mean it to be, but you really have shown how strong you are to keep going when things have been so so hard.

Look at that gorgeous dog of yours, know how much and how unconditionally she loves you, drag yourself out if you can for a walk and cry it out if it will help (only saying this as a suggestion as I know getting out every day helps you).

Do you feel that you might harm or attempt worse again?
If you’re feeling the urge to, please call the GP, Samaritans or 111.
Promise me you will talk to someone before you give in to the urge? Or even post on here so we can talk to you until it passes, I can be about but maybe not immediately as have littlest at home xx

 

[Pollyanna263]

Definitely not just you (I’m actually trying to answer the when’s in my head ) sending you lots of love

Thank you so so much. I truly mean that.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Good luck for today Rodneytrotter ...... am sure you'll be fine. Take your time to suss out people. Often the instantly friendly are the gossips and the difficult to get to know are the nicest. xx

Thanks so much

I've had a night of panic attacks and no sleep so now have to do my first day absolutely shattered.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Feeling a bit down in the dumps tonight. It’s been 4 weeks since I had a miscarriage and I think I’m drastically going downhill mood wise my boyfriend goes out every Tuesday night to darts and I used to be able to have a nice night by myself, relax, watch some tv, I’d be ok but when I’m alone now all I can think about is how sad I am. I’ve battled depression on and off all my life but this just feels so much worse. Like something I don’t think I can get out of. My boyfriend also works late nights some nights and I spend most of those nights crying. He really does take my mind off things but even then when he’s there I know deep down I’m not happy. I’ve been umming and ahhing about ringing my GP and telling them i need help but I keep putting it off. I just feel so alone I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. I feel like no one cares about me and it’s shit

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Normally I'd be super excited for Christmas, by now I'd have all my cards sent, the majority of my presents bought and wrapped... this year I have almost nothing done. A few bits ordered online and they've arrived and just been chucked in the corner. I have zero excitement, zero energy, no motivation to do any of it. I wish I had a big 'pause' button so I could stop Christmas from coming so quickly, give me more time.

 

[Eeyore147]

@Eeyore147 thank you, you're so kind, my oh has been on about me going to drs, but my dog has issues, so I need to deal with him first x
The last few weeks have been really hard, long story short, we brought a puppy, my other dog would not take to him, every day for 2 months, I hoped it would work, but no, so we made a decision to re-home pup, that broke my heart, and the woman who wanted him has treated us like shit, all I wanted was to see him, I txt her twice, rung her once, then I got threatened with police for harrassing her, I told her to bring it on ( she actually hadn't paid all the money for pup) I was stupid, let my guard down and trusted her, bigger fool me.

I’m so sorry to read about your dog, you poor thing, I can imagine it was a very hard decision. I hope you do manage to work something out and then make sure you work on you too! xx

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I genuinely can't remember the last thing I posted here - but I quit my prozac cold turkey because I gained over 10lbs within 5 days and I was getting super bloated... stomach and face... I literally had to go out and buy new jeans because my old ones wouldn't button up. Plus my insomnia got worse instead of better. (It's still rubbish though - I had finally started to improve it but since being put on the zoloft and then the prozac it's just all gone to hell again ).

I was thinking of just doing without an antidepressant for a while because I think I've been on them all now, but I can feel the darkness creeping back in. Just the lack of motivation and the complete despondency and ennui.

 

[Mums84]

I really need to seek help but doing the usual male stuff and ignoring it! Im really worried that if i get diagnosed with depression it can affect things further down the line ie maybe insurance’s, any fun things when signing disclaimer’s like have you been diagnosed with any of the following etc

I dont think it's ever affected my insurance other than critical illness cover excluding depression related issues.
Don't ignore it, my life has changed due to sertraline. You wouldn't ignore a bone sticking out of your leg so please don't ignore when something isn't right elsewhere.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I'm on it - I did gain a little bit of weight and it made me crave sugar like crazy! But as a chronic insomniac for over 30 years I'll take a few extra pounds and a trip to the sweet shop for the sake of getting some sleep for a change. I don't sleep every night but it's definitely better than it was

 

[Maid22]

Yes! It’s a double edged sword because on one hand it’s good that more people are being open about mental illness and seeking help, but on the other… what you said. I could never do that, I don’t even mean it in a judgemental way, but when I have to explain things to people about something that’s happened because I’m depressed, it just makes me so ashamed you know?
But what you experience, like not being able to get out of bed, on this thread, we do understand, I read it and just think “yep”.

On a totally different note, since you’re a music lover*, (if you’ve not seen it yet) there’s a lovely thread here, Saturday night kitchen disco. You don’t even have to say much, we mainly just post YouTube videos at each other. No worries if it’s not your thing, but it often helps me feel less lonely and there’s some great songs.

* and for anyone else here

Saturday night kitchen disco #2

Keep on dancing here! Thank you to @DCICassieStuart for originally starting one of the best threads on Tattle 💃 Previous thread here - https://tattle.life/threads/saturday-night-kitchen-disco.11450/

tattle.life

Thank you lovely, I have ventured into that music that music thread, there's a couple of posters on there I really like, but I've no idea how to post a vid, yep I'm a dinosaur!

 

[Pollyanna263]

Hi, I hope it’s ok to join in. I’m feeling very sad & low today. I’ve got BPD and always had a little bit of depression & anxiety, always normal for me to go and have my phases where I’m completely down and can’t cope and have a really bad depressive episode. I feel like I’m entering one now. I feel so alone. I had a miscarriage two days ago and I’m still basically in the process and in a lot of pain. Obviously I know the grief comes alongside it and that could be what I’m feeling but I just feel empty and depressed. I just don’t want to move. I just don’t want to think or feel anything. I look out the window and see all these people moving about and talking and I just can’t even imagine just going back to normal. I’m still in my pyjamas and I just don’t want to shower. I don’t want to tidy up. Then I feel anxious cos I’m not tidying up or having a shower. I’ve not brushed my hair. I just feel empty inside and so alone, and I know with my post it probs sounds completely normal for what I’m feeling like to be happening to someone who’s gone through what I have but I genuinely don’t see a way out of this and I just feel depressed

I am rambling a bit now and sorry if my post is upsetting and thanks for reading my ramble if you’ve got this far x

TW talk of pregnancy loss

Oh my love, I’m so so sorry for your loss.

Please remember that on top of grief and depression, your hormones will be all over the place right now and that will take a while to settle.

Give yourself permission to do whatever feels right in any moment. If that’s staying in your pjs under a blanket scrolling on your phone, do it.

Whatever you do, don’t add any guilt on yourself for feeling that you ‘should’ be doing x or y because there is no should in any of this.

If you’re in pain, please consider getting checked over (if you haven’t already, or if you have and it’s not getting better) as the last thing you need is for physical complications if the miscarriage isn’t complete, or if there’s a chance of infection

Sending you a gentle hug xx

 

[Pollyanna263]

Just checking in

 

[Maid22]

I’m glad you can relate and I appreciate introverts will love their own company to recharge, but most still seem to at least be in a relationship/have families. I grew up in a lot of chaos which fed into relationships so now I seek out ‘mundane’ stuff and solo activities. I have zero intention of changing my routine any time soon. The hope is if I get myself more secure in certain areas I’ll open up better avenues when I feel like building relationships instead of doing it now and wasting time on bad eggs. Trying to remind myself that placing value on societal expectations is part of people-pleasing behaviours (something I’m working on).

If anyone looks on my life they'd think I'm a lucky bugger, but I'd have to say, come and live in my head, then tell me I'm lucky! You don't need to people please, I've done that for years, now I'm like, no more.

 

[Maid22]

@Maid22 I missed this somehow and only just saw it. Just wanted to say I wasn’t ignoring you!
I absolutely have those days myself, I haven’t got dressed since Thursday (when I had to)

I wouldn’t ever tell anyone to ‘stop wallowing’ usually, I said it with kindness as AC said I wish I had someone to tell me to stop x

I wasn't having ago at you lovely, I actually haven't got dressed since Thursday either, but I need to get my shit together for tomorrow, am soo angry and upset about something, if you see a mad woman from Cornwall in the news tomorrow, that'll be me!

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Thanks for asking lovely @Pollyanna263 . I haven’t found the right therapist, and maybe it’s not for me, but in the meantime I’ve taken some mindfulness sessions and also just made some appointments to address other physical health issues. I mean, sometimes those things contribute to the load we carry, and it’s self care right? One day, or sometimes one moment, at a time. Big hugs Enjoy those beautiful flowers.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I just wanted to thank everyone for making this a safe and comfortable place and I'm learning a lot from ye x

I've told my (former) boyfriend that I'm here to support him and I'm still his best friend. He's very up and down though when I mention therapy and/or a doctor. Sometimes he's more open to it and recognises he needs it and within hours he can shut down the idea and explains that it won't help him as he's tried it for years. I try to encourage it but also don't want to overstep...it's a very difficult line to see. I informed our supervisor that he was struggling so that hopefully from a work perspective it might ease. I told my boyfriend of this after a few days and he was appreciative, fortunately, as I thought he could be annoyed.

Sounds like you’re doing everything you can and you have his best interests at heart.

He will realise that he’s lucky to have you supporting him. Just please don’t give too much of yourself, make sure you look after you as well

Anyone have experience with Duloxetine? I don’t think it’s suiting me at all. I was originally on Prozac but after a bereavement, covid, hard time at work etc. It wasn’t doing anything for me and had to change.

I’m only young but I have struggled with my mental health for years and I know it’s something that I will have to maintain for the rest of my life.
I just wonder sometimes why some people struggle with MH and others don’t ya know…

I haven’t taken Duloxetine, but I’m on Venlafaxine which is also an SNRI and it really has helped me. I tried a number of SSRI first, including Prozac / Fluoxetine, and they did nothing.

Good luck

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I'm so sorry WS. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you're feeling?