The Depression Thread #2

[Eeyore147]

Anyone have experience with Duloxetine? I don’t think it’s suiting me at all. I was originally on Prozac but after a bereavement, covid, hard time at work etc. It wasn’t doing anything for me and had to change.

I’m only young but I have struggled with my mental health for years and I know it’s something that I will have to maintain for the rest of my life.
I just wonder sometimes why some people struggle with MH and others don’t ya know…

Hiya, yes I’m on Duloxatine. Take 120mg a day. It was working well for quite a while but not for the past 4-5 months. I have a psychiatrist review soon and going to ask if I can switch back to Venlafaxine. That suited me but I was taken off it for ‘safety’ reasons urgently.
My MH issues started at 16 and I’m now early 40’s. The last 10-12 years have been far the worst. I have EUPD alongside MDD and Anxiety.
I honestly knew why it affects some people and not others.
sending you much love and support. It can take a while to find the right medication and doses

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Thank you .

I think I saw her referenced by someone else I follow as that name vaguely rings a bell. It will be really useful to have your opinions-I would take anything at this point to try and make a difference.

Will that internal dialogue ever end though? I know therapy helps. I have seen it. But in the worst moments, I just cannot see my brain ever playing ball.

In my experience, there have been long periods without an internal dialogue. Mine manifests in self-loathing and it never completely goes but it’s not prominent all the time. It is just now. I feel overwhelmed at the moment, with everything. But this too shall pass, I believe that.

You know I’m a big advocate of the 12-Steps, have you had a look into them? I genuinely believe that you don’t have to have any sort of addiction to benefit from them as it gives you a new way of thinking about the past and also encourages you to do what you can to live in the day

Hello lovelies.
I’m really sorry, I haven’t read back on other posts but I hope everyone is managing as well as possible


Has anyone taken Amitriptyline? Could you give me an honest review?

I have diagnoses of PTSD and depression.
I’ve had an appointment with a new psychiatrist for a second opinion (as original psych was awful) and he’s recommended changing my current meds.

At the moment I take Venlafaxine, Mirtazapine and Quetiapine. He wants me to wean off of Mirtazapine, and swap from Venlafaxine to Amitriptyline.

I’m hesitant because I don’t want anything which is too sedating overnight, as I’m alone with my children. (It’s rare they wake but I won’t risk not hearing them.)

Hello! I currently take Amitriptylene and despite what’s happening just now, I would say it’s been so far so good for me.

I take 25mg in the morning and as of today I’m 75mg at night. I’ll come back to you about whether I notice a deeper sleep but on 50mg at night, I would still hear my son getting up.

The worst side effect I’ve had is struggling to have a wee at night. It’s no bother during the day and I drink a lot of water but my last wee of the night takes a while to happen.

I had a phone consultation with the Psychiatrist today and after I explained how I was feeling, he suggested upping the night time dose, just to see how it goes.

I couldn’t tell you the amount of different anti-depressants I’ve had. I had been taking Lithium before this - I felt awful and gained loads of weight but I’ve felt more stable on Amitriptylene. Hope it works well for you

 

[rainbowlemon]

I don’t know how to write this the only way I can do it is going to sound I’m just wanting attention honestly I’m not this is why I decided to post on a place no one will know me. I am at the end of my tether with life my wonderful husband died 18 mths ago I still cry when I’m alone because I miss him more than I can explai, I keep myself upbeat when I’m with my oBly child ( 27) because I don’t want to upset him, I don’t show my elderly parent I’m aching for my husband due to him being elderly and I don’t want to worry him I have a very good friend who I have fell apart once in front of her but she changed the subject to how her job was making her unhappy and she knew how I was feeling because she felt the same. Every friend I’ve got I am the go to friend to off load their worry’s and honestly I don’t mind..but sometimes I feel I’d love to have a good cry with them but I can’t and now I’m going to sound dramatic but I am now lying in bed worried about the Ukraine / Russia conflict and if a nuclear bomb is going to destroy us all. I know I’m rambling and I’m sorry but yesterday I had a row with my kid and he was nasty with the things he said over something so stupid but I honestly feel is this my life now ? No husband, no one I can off load too, my wonderful elderly dad who relies heavily on me, I have a sister who does nothing for him, and I don’t mind at all helping him but I just feel I’m literally on this earth to help, listen and take on everyone’s problems and no one ever ask how I am. I know it’s my own fault because I have always been an upbeat person but sadly that died when my love died. I just needed to write this down and honestly I am sorry I have but I just needed to because to me it looks like I’m off loading even though we don’t know each other for once hopefully some one might know how I feel and have some advice for what to do x

You don’t have to apologize for posting and it’s okay to want and need some attention when we’re hurting. You’re not being dramatic either! I’m sorry none of your friends can support you right now . Off the top of my head I would suggest a grief group or individual therapy.

A lot of therapists also offer sliding scales. My sister receives a £10 off every session compared to the full price. If you also search “low cost psychotherapy + your area ” you will get a list too.

https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/

 

[LennyBriscoe]

@Into_the_tunnel I had some unexpected free time today so I decided to start reading ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before’ by Dr Julie Smith. My preference was to scroll through Tattle - something I identified in what I read as something that numbs how I feel and gives me a short-term change of mood but I went for the book instead.

It’s really easy to read and I read the first section and made some notes etc within about an hour and a half. It reminded me of things I’d learned from my AA sponsor (we’re not responsible for our thoughts but we are responsible for how we deal with them) and gratitude lists but it also gives quite easy to read scenarios. There’s a good chapter about getting the basics right and she uses the analogy of a football team not playing any defenders and how susceptible they’d be to teams who would never have a hope of beating them - if we aren’t sleeping, eating well, looking after ourselves then we’ve not got our basics covered.

I have the book (£7.99 from Amazon) and my husband has the audio book, which he prefers.

@Pollyanna263 I’ve had three nights of 75mg of Amitriptylene and I feel like I’ve had good sleeps. It’s coincided with my son sleeping through the night though so I don’t know if it would have any impact on whether I could hear him.

Love to everyone

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I was taken off Prozac after my breakdown last year and put on Duloxetine. It definitely helped but right now I'm not sure if I just need therapy or if I need my dosage adjusted.

Thank you for the suggestions Pollyanna263. I'll try to find a way to pay my respects in my own way

 

[ilovepizza21]

Ugh, people who say “there’s always a positive!” can get in the bin! Maybe there is for them but just because things work for me, I wouldn’t foist my views on them!

I’m sorry you’ve had such a rubbish time. You’ve been through so much. I don’t have any advice really but there are a few of us who have said the same thing about Tattle - considering we’re all meant to be nasty, I find this a safe, honest space. You don’t know what’s round the corner but I totally understand that feeling that it’s not going to be any better. It might be worth speaking to someone and taking time to work on you - I’m wondering if you feel responsible for things that others have done to you in some way and carry other people’s shame around with you (apologies if I’ve got that wrong).

People who can manipulate people with ease are normally quite good at sussing when someone is vulnerable - that’s not your fault.

You haven’t said how old your kids are but it sounds far enough away that if you take one day at a time, things will look different to you by then

I've tried meds they made me worse, counselling was the same and I tried a couple.

Gym does help me and that's the only thing I find that does but it does take me a lot to get thier somedays. I do blame myself for everything I've been though 100% my ex is a narcissist and unfortunately I still have to deal with him due to having kids with him but it's very limited.

Thankyou for your kind words

 

[nimblefimble]

Hi everyone.
live almost been taking my Sentra line for a week and want to know if this is normal. I’ve had some crazy side effects. I haven’t slept at all in 4 days, I can’t keep food down, I feel insane Like I have so much energy buzzing around me. My jaw is shaking all the time and I can’t stop it. I can’t sit still but I feel so odd. I know pushing through side effects should wear off but just wondered if anyone else had experienced this?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Thank you both so so much I really appreciate your encouragement and support (and checking in on me @Into_the_tunnel 🫂). I am just so lost at the moment, it’s my favourite time of the year and I’m supposed to be happy but I’m not. As someone brilliant has mentioned already, pressuring yourself to feel a certain way is the worst. I’m currently under a bit of stress with exams, job interviews and my ED playing up….I am also waiting for my therapy appointment and really worried about it. What if makes me feel worse? I’m known for always making up dramatic scenarios that never come to life though, I should remember that and just try to take things slow. Thanks again, sending you both a big virtual hug!

I can relate to that. I was talking to another depression sufferer not long ago and they gave me this little piece of advice that has stuck with me: try to hang onto people who love and appreciate you. Being around them might be unbearable at the moment but don’t push them away. Set your boundaries, have a day off from socialising, leave that party early, but don’t let your completely depression isolate you. You are so much stronger when you know that you are not alone and are needed.

I know there is no one-size-fits-all solution so take what you want from what I’ve written. Good luck with your job interview, I’m sure you will smash it!

Glad you touched base. I find that when the weather is nice but my mood is not, it just makes the whole thing so much worse, it is though we are expected to be happy now (everyone hates the rainy winter ) so when we don’t it hurts that much harder.

You obviously have a lot on and the obvious things will rear their head. You sound like you know what to do about taking things slow and thinking rationally. One by one, each of those things will go (exam stress never lasts forever- that is what I told my students. It feels like the world is closing in at the time, but take it day by day. Can you do a nice thing after each one?) and you will be able to go to your therapy and what you are terrified of won’t happen. It might not be perfect, nothing ever is, and if you feel worse then you can stop, reassess.

Sorry for long post. Things are up and down too. Trying to distract from own thoughts.

Still here, still sending .

 

[Sideboard Bob]

@Sideboard Bob I really have to ask, your user name on here, where did that come from?

I originally came to tattle to chat on the Jack Monroe threads, which inspired my user name. She pretends to be poor but is notorious for spending a lot on Cotswald sideboards, and sometimes posing on them! That, combined with Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons!

How about you, is there a story behind your user name?


And to keep it on topic, Monroe will often claim she’s depressed, but it’s usually a shield against criticism. I guess it’s a problem with social media and influencers in general, the way the some of them talk about mental health makes it harder for those of us who really do struggle to be taken seriously.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I had no idea who jack Monroe was!! Nadia sawalah brought me to tattle, dreadful woman!! My name maid is a Cornish endearment xx

Cornwall is my happy place, the only place my heart feels calm

 

[justheretoread99]

Experiencing anxiety attack at the moment. I’ve been diagnosed with general anxiety but this is something different. My stomach is tied in with my anxiety so I sleep to avoid discomfort. I’m fine when I wake up but the second I go to pick up my phone my anxiety kicks in. I’m getting to feel down over the state of my health. I was a ball of worry for a good hour when I decided to take down my acupuncture mat and lay on it. The acupuncture slippers too which left my feet so bruised last time that I couldn’t walk for two days also helped me calm down enough to write this out. I’m listening to Sarah Wilson “First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A Journey Through Anxiety.” I’ve tried lighter books but I end up falling asleep. It’s all very weird. I want things to calm down. I also caved and took a klonopin. Sorry if this is too off subject I just didn’t see an anxiety thread and depression and anxiety seem to be close mates. Best wishes to everyone in here you all are beautiful people.

Me too (re: anxiety attack) right now. Sending love.
I wish I had some advice, but I don’t. I am so sorry

————
I woke up after a horrendous dream that my entire family were about to be murdered. Something I think about a lot. Not sure if it’s OCD. and been in tears ever since I woke up. Heart racing. The most awful chest pains. I’ve took some propranolol but it hasn’t made it ease


I still live at home and when I told my mum about it she just half laughed and sighed and said “you just need to calm down”. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful at all but being told to calm down just makes me feel worse. It upset me so much I’ve brought my dinner to my room and just trying to eat alone whilst stopping myself crying.

My mum currently has cancer, so I do understand how much she’s got on her plate but I feel like a burden. I worry about her a lot and get paranoid that she’s going to become gravely ill. I know I annoy her by asking her all the time but I cant help it.

I’m sorry for posting such a depressing post but I just needed to let it out.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

It is so reassuring to have someone, or people , even though they are online that understand that things can be tough even though externally it seems that everything should be great (lovely wife, dog that has got me through, house, volunteering job that makes me smile).

My mother told me the other day to pull myself together and not spout “psychology s***” at her when I was trying to explain how I felt.

Thank you so much Lenny. I will spend some time looking into this. I hope things improve for you too xxx

I’m so sorry your mum said that to you ITT, that couldn’t be less helpful. I reckon you’ll always find someone here who can sympathise or empathise because as much as we’re all nasty Tattle Trolls () I’ve never met such a kind bunch of strangers, with a wealth of knowledge and understanding - one of which is you ITT.

I was disappointed we couldn’t message anymore and I wasn’t sure whether or not to say this in ‘public’ so I hope it’s ok - when I returned to Monroesville, I noticed a shift in your type of post. You seemed more despondent and really quite down but it didn’t just seem connected to Jack if that makes sense. You’re so funny and quick witted and it was like you couldn’t be bothered making jokes. I really hope I haven’t overstepped the mark in saying that.

My Dr Smith book has arrived but procrastinating is my middle name so I’ll maybe be able to provide a book review in 6-9 months. Good god, am I Jack?!

Lots of love

 

[Agent Cooper]

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial.

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

Hope you are okay too Pollyanna I always enjoy your thoughtful posts on here x

I feel like sleep is my only escape, I never feel well rested or energized but at least when I’m asleep I don’t have to think.

I can relate to that. When I hit my all-time low last autumn, I started sleeping for 11-12 hours straight. I go to bed at 1am and get up a 1pm (I work and study in the evening). When I wake up, I don’t feel refreshed but groggy and miserable. I think it’s something to do with the stages of sleep, it takes me ages to fall asleep and I have very vivid and chaotic dreams so I guess I just wake up during the wrong stage. Are you the same? I’m trying to introduce better sleep hygiene, will report back if it works for me x

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Sorry to be like this, but I’m really struggling today. Would appreciate some good thoughts my way x

Sending them.

is there anything in particular that has made today so tough?

Remember, we experience these things like waves, they come over us and move on. Sometimes these waves are big and seemingly insurmountable and sometimes small. But the waves always move on.

 

[watermelon sugar]

@watermelon sugar am so sorry for your loss, how are you ?

I’m ok thank you, been a rough few days
How are you doing??

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Can someone please reassure me that it’s not just me who has times when you don’t know when you last showered. Washed your hair. Brushed your hair. Washed your face.

Yes, just now I can’t remember when I last washed my hair. Please don’t feel ashamed.

I‘m still waiting for an appointment to change my meds. It’s been too long, and I feel like I’m unable to cope with things and it’s screwing things up, but I just don’t have the energy to deal, I just need help, but just have to keep waiting.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Morning!

I had the most horrible sleep, I could not fall asleep for hours and then I finally did, had very realistic and traumatising nightmares. Woke up feeling very upset, but I hope the good weather makes me feel better as the day goes by.

Hope you all have a lovely Sunday

 

[Penguin86]

How did you come content with it? X

Content is probably the wrong word. I have health issues and then my anxiety took over and now I'm diagnosed Agoraphobic and find it extremely hard to leave the house.

I was ditched by alot of friends when I decided I didn't want to party anymore in my late 20s because I was just wrecking myself.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

I felt the same about OH. That’s why I was hoping to reassure you

I had been signed off by my GP, and had been off for a while. I was (am) medicated and having weekly therapy and also seen a psychiatrist who formally diagnosed PTSD and depression and said under no circumstances could I go back to work without his and GP agreement.

Work were pushing for me to go back, and told me I needed to speak with OH ‘to discuss a phased return’ so I was terrified. I actually ignored the first call. I just couldn’t answer.

What I’d forgotten is that OH don’t work for my employer. They are completely unbiased medical professionals, who know nothing about you or your boss or your job beyond the basics on the referral, and they just take the time to talk to you.

Honestly that call helped me so much. It lvalidated many, many things for me and took away a huge amount of guilt I’d been feeling about being off work.
She wrote in her assessment that I was not to return, unless my GP and Psych were both comfortable, and then and only then should I speak with OH again. She told work that I shouldn’t have been made to do the call in the first place.

So please, try not to worry. I know that’s not easy. Our brains tell us all sorts of things and they’re hard to ignore.

OH are there to help. You will be okay

Thank you this has given me so much reassurance, and so glad that they were helpful to you.
I don’t understand how people in the workplace just don’t care about their staff. I suppose it’s only money they care about at the end of the day, but it really isn’t fair to make people feel bad for being genuinely ill xx

 

[Pollyanna263]

I'm not up to date with the comments so apologies if I'm ignoring anyone. I had another awful panic attack this morning. It lasted an hour. Now I'm having another one. I've decided to take medication again, starting tonight. This is totally unbearable. I just want to go to bed and sleep.

Well done for making the best decision for your well-being
I really hope it helps quickly xx