The Depression Thread #2

[Into_the_tunnel]

So an update to my previous post - my father in law now claims that he never told us he didn't want us to go on holiday, he said 'it's not my place to tell you whether or not to go away'. So is this gaslightling? He doesn't have memory issues or dementia or anything like that, so it's not like he has 'forgotten' that he told my husband he didn't want us to go away.

Regardless, my husband still doesn't want to leave him, so we're still not going.

My husband suggested that I take my best friend away to London for the weekend later in the year instead - so I asked my BFF and she was super exited, as was I. And then last night he got into a fight with me because I 'get to go to London' while he 'never gets anywhere'. I said to him that it was HIS idea, and that I was only going along with what he said, and he shot back at me 'You should have said no'. So now I'm totally confused. I'm the bad guy for agreeing to his suggestion, because apparently I should have declined and sat at home with him. It was his decision to cancel our trips.

Been suffering from migraines and have been comfort eating.

I can totally understand you feeling confused. Both from what your FIL and husband have said.

Added to this you have migraines (which just exacerbate everything) and you are left feeling this way.

Families are never straightforward. We have to negotiate around their feelings and behaviours alongside our own, and we may not always understand why they behave in a certain way. With others in our life, it is so much easier to say “we don’t have responsibility for their feelings” but in the case of family, where proximity is such an issue, it is harder to do this.

I have no real advice, other than take care of yourself. Can you talk to your husband about how confused you feel about London? Is there anything you can do to relieve or try to reduce the frequency of the migraines? Can you get yourself some yummy food for breakfasts and lunch so at least you feel that there are some times you are looking after yourself for some of the day (this never stopped me later in the day, but it meant the whole day wasn’t filled with giant chocolate buttons, which at times it was)?

Hope you feel more positive today and the counselling comes through soon .

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Can I ask, how do I post a vid from you tube into that thread?

Yes, let’s try it now! (If you want)
Do you know how to copy and paste? Also it depends on if you’re using a computer or tablet or phone, but its do-able either way.

 

[loveulongtime0]

The words that jumped out at me in your post were “I know it’s me, everything is my fault.”

It is not you.

I know you can’t believe that (I really do understand, because I have been in that place many, many times) but I promise you that it is not you.


Do you have day-to-day support at home from a partner?
Parenting is hard, even without mental illness. It’s relentless and it’s challenging. It’s okay to admit that Feeling those feelings doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Have you spoken to anyone about how you’re feeling? xx

Oh 100%, I’m finding it harder now little one has entered toddlerhood. I punish myself more because I don’t feel like I do enough with him, I never have the motivation, or I just dread taking him out as it can be so difficult.

I have my partner who is good as gold, but I do think it’s hard for him to deal with my low moods. I haven’t spoken to any professionals recently. I did have counselling last year but I’ve slipped into old habits again. I know I need to see a gp if I want to get better but I feel like a lost cause at this point. I don’t think I deserve happiness

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Thank you for this. Not had help. It has taken me a while to admit my problem and being in Psychology I thought I could deal with it myself.

The days are getting better. The problem is, having worked with students who were really at the knife edge, I don’t want to take resources away when I feel that if I work hard enough on my own I can get through it.

Thanks for your thoughts though- having OCD must be so hard, with everyone and their wife latching onto the term .

@LennyBriscoe hope you are ok. Mrs T surprised me with the Dr Julie book. Am starting it at the weekend. How are you getting on?

Good luck with everyone starting something new.

Aw that’s fantastic!! I really hope it helps I haven’t read any more . I do spend a fair bit of time on Tattle but that’s easier to skim read when my son is going from room to room! I’m hoping to have some time to myself on Saturday so I’m going to read some more when I can get properly into it.

I’ve been feeling a bit better this week, feeling less despairing than I was so that could be the increase in tablets. I’m still a bit frightened how close I am to feeling like it’s a nightmare all the time, if that makes sense. Work was a bit overwhelming yesterday and within about 3 minutes of logging on, I was about to phone the Doctor to be signed off - a real feeling of “I can’t do this”.

I understand about not wanting to take away resources from other people. But what about you? You may feel like you’re not at the same place as them but that shouldn’t mean that you have to put up with how things are for you. It’s a caring and empathetic position but putting everything on your shoulders in terms of feeling better might lead to feelings of failure. And that would be a real shame. You deserve happiness and you deserve whatever help you need to get there

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I find the only thing that truly can divorce me from my incessant thoughts is being creative, having to be present and concentrating on something hands on. During the nightmare of lockdown I finally conquered my fear of the dreaded sewing machine. I learned to, mostly badly, alter some clothes & make some of the easier things, sewing in a straight line etc. Listening to music, reading, radio etc triggers off think, think, think but focussing on making something really helps me anyway. I definitely recommend it.

 

[Maid22]

I originally came to tattle to chat on the Jack Monroe threads, which inspired my user name. She pretends to be poor but is notorious for spending a lot on Cotswald sideboards, and sometimes posing on them! That, combined with Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons!

How about you, is there a story behind your user name?


And to keep it on topic, Monroe will often claim she’s depressed, but it’s usually a shield against criticism. I guess it’s a problem with social media and influencers in general, the way the some of them talk about mental health makes it harder for those of us who really do struggle to be taken seriously.

I had no idea who jack Monroe was!! Nadia sawalah brought me to tattle, dreadful woman!! My name maid is a Cornish endearment xx

 

[Pollyanna263]

Hi guys I’m sorry for posting on here you seem to all know each other and I’m sorry if you would prefer me to post elsewhere. I know I am going to end things soon and I feel like I am too scared to jump or OD incase I wake up. The other alternative: I’m not sure how to do it. I am worried I will do it wrong. Anyway I’m not sure why I’m writing this but i can’t find anything online for tips on how to be successful. Xx

We only know each other from here, so you are more than welcome

I know when it feels like there is no way to keep going, someone saying please don’t do it doesn’t help, but I’m going to say it anyway.
Obviously I don’t know your situation or what’s led you to this point, and I’m not going to say ‘things will get better’ or ‘tomorrow might feel different’ as I know that, right now, you can’t feel that.

What I am going to say is, I believe that by posting here you want a connection with someone.
You’ve got that. I’m here.

xx

Popping these links here for anyone who may need them. (These are the ones given in emails from my psychiatrist’s office)

Tagging @Phil McCrackin particularly, also @ilovepizza21 x

- You can always access emergency support via GP, 111 or A&E
- Call the Samaritans on 116123
- Text "SHOUT" to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line
- Use the Staying Safe Website https://stayingsafe.net
- Call SANEline on 0300 304 7000
- Papyrus HOPELINEUK. If you're under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call Papyrus HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (weekdays 10am-10pm, weekends 2pm-10pm and bank holidays 2pm-10pm), email [email protected] or text 07786 209 697

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Starting a new job next Thursday and I’m in such a low rut... Really hoping it breaks a bit before then.

I’m trying to keep a sleep routine and sit outside in the sun as much as possible but I just feel like I’m sinking constantly.

does anyone else just dream of winning the lotto and living a simple life forever

Exactly the same I'm starting new job on Monday and dreading how I'll feel. Good luck for Thursday

 

[Maid22]

I feel you, I had a really bad spell of insomnia for months and months a while ago. The only thing that helped in the end was Tesco’s own version of Nytol. It was horrible until then though, it affects so much of your life x

I've tried all sorts tbh, insomnia is awful, I get so frustrated as all I want is to sleep!

 

[Queenbee22]

Hello all,

Not really looking for advice, just needed to let some feelings out, I hope that is ok


Feeling a tad wobbly tonight

I have tonsillitis which has spread and I now have an infection in my tooth, I’m still working full time and I’m tired.

Feeling so much pressure to always be busy and have social plans too and it’s exhausting.

I’d love a big cuddle from a nice man but I’m still single! I feel like if I had a nice man too I wouldn’t have to worry about always having social plans.

I’m just tired!

 

[bitterntwisted]

I am having a really hard time at work just now (NHS) forgot 2 things this week (not major or life threatening) and I feel absoloutely suicidal about it. I was pulled up about it infront of the new start which is just so embarrassing and demoralising. I already feel badly enough about it.

That was really shitty what happened to you. It is employment 101 that you don't reprimand someone in front of others. That was an asshole move. I wish people were taught more about humilation and how damaging it is to people. I don't care how lousy of a day someone is having, that is uncalled for. Virtual hug to you .

I know healthcare workers are under an incredible amount of stress at the best of times, but the pandemic has made things worse. It also doesn't help when gov't does back you up with a decent contract/wages, etc. You have to evaluate what you want for your life. Have you considered taking your nursing knowledge and move to a non-clinical setting? (That is if you aren't already in one). Just do some exploration into it and see if that helps. Write a list of what you like about your job now and what you hate. You don't even have to complete it one go, just add to it during the week and see how it goes. You won't be the first or last person to quit nursing due to burnout.

As far as coping with negativity, there seems to be an awful lot of it around that it's worse than COVID itself. I'm someone who absorbs atmosphere and other people's moods if I'm not careful. This might sound silly, but some days I just imagine a force field around me protecting me from the little things and ask my guardian angels for strength. I ask them to help protect me from the idiots that surround us. Gratitude as well. Consistently reminding yourself of the good things in your life can give you a boost.

@instasham13 look after yourself. Take some time for yourself to figure out who you are and what you want. If you can't get out of this funk and it is not just situational, please seek help and thread is here. Good luck to you!

 

[candyland_]

Need some advice here. My partner has struggled with depression for a while but recently it's been a downwards spiral, he cannot workout as he's broken a bone. Has stopped eating properly (worrying as he had an ED previously) isn't on top of his meds etc, very snappy and just is not himself. Anyway on Sunday he went out drinking, kissed another girl, ran off and then wandered the streets wanting to just go away. I had a call Monday and he had a breakdown, I went and picked him up, he told me straight away what happened and just had a full on mental breakdown in my car.

Took him home, sorted him out, and he couldn't stop crying. Broke my heart seeing him like this and what he's done too, he knows he's fucked up. I'm not defending him but for him to have done that is not him. Friends and family around are saying it and it's just not like him, he's completely lost and unwell and needs help.

Thing is he then said he is unsure if he still has the same feelings for me. He said he can't tell and is confused, he loves me and wants me in his life yet is scared. He knows he needs help and I think he's going to get some this week, he has just lost himself completely and is not the same person when we met. He has lost love for all hobbies, friends and family he used to have, everything that made him happy he has lost. He has low self esteem and is so negative atm, used to be positive but I've seen it change the last few months.

I just don't know what to do, it's so hard. I wanted to ask has anyone else lost feelings of love towards their partner with depression but then things picked up again when you got help? Or is it unlikely to return. I've said I'm going to be there but going to step back for a few weeks, let him sort himself out and then we'll talk again when he's I a clearer mindset and not beating himself up. There's this thing called Anhedonia and I'm convinced he's maybe got that idk.

Pls help xx

I have been with someone with depression. They can push you into oblivion and then come back strong as though it’s the honeymoon phase again. For my relationship it was a constant cycle of this as he struggled every few months or so. I was always there for him but at the expense of myself and in the end it broke me and then broke us.
Pease take care of yourself too.

 

[ElChanguito]

I wish I could erase myself from this planet.

 

[Laughingforlife]

People have been shocked when I've said I'm diagnosed depressed. As if they couldnt tell by the completely obvious symptoms...
I'm going through a bad time at the minute, off work sick and when i told my mother how I was feeling she was shocked that I was actually off sick with my depression because i WAS depressed...

Yes! People are always shocked. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.
What's more, people think you're ungrateful. If you're depressed on holiday, the price around you say "you're in a beautiful place with good food. What more can we do for you?!"
Depression doesn't care where you are...

 

[Agent Cooper]

I’m in two minds regarding therapy. I finally had an online session with an assigned therapist and I did not like her at all. I felt like she was blaming me for getting depression and not doing enough to get better. What she failed to understand is that I cannot avoid dealing with people and situations that trigger me, nor do I want to use my friends and family as free therapists. The only thing I wanted was her helping me find some coping strategies, and she did not have time for that. I don’t want to see her again, but then I also feel like I have a privilege of being able to get therapy and it would be silly to refuse it. But I’ve found self-help books to be more useful TBH.

I hope everyone is doing as ok as can be?

I’m really struggling at the moment, have been crying for a lot of the day and finding everyday things really hard.

I hate having to wait to get help, I still don’t know when it will be. I don’t need any advice or anything, I just need to get it off my chest.

I‘m so done with feeling this way, I’m a naturally happy person, but I just can’t get myself back to being that way without some real help.

I know exactly what it feels like Sideboard Bob! I’m so sorry. From my own experience, I can say that I usually go through periods of feeling like this (lows) and feeling better (highs). Please know you are not alone and you will get better. I hope you get the help you need ASAP; meanwhile, try to pay attention to little things that can make you smile: sunshine, birds singing, a good book, a nice cup of tea or coffee, a call or text from someone you are close to, etc etc. I’ve found this strategy makes everyday life more bearable. Sending you a big hug! 🫂

Lots of love and hugs, Sideboard Bob. We're here if you need us.

Had a bit of a fight with my O/H today about how far I've let some things slide, but he doesn't seem to understand that when you have depression you just don't care anymore. He said to me "I know you're *R word* but I'm starting to think you're REALLY *R word*" (I suspect I may be on the Autism spectrum but doubt there's much point getting tested at my age).

He knows I'm waiting for therapy as well.

That was so cruel of him! Please don’t take it to heart, as you’ve said, people who have never experienced depression just don’t understand what it feels like. I hope your feel better soon

 

[ilovepizza21]

Anyone bought flowers yet?

These are on day 8!

View attachment 1276073

No I need to do this after last few days I've had xx

So I'm more of a lurker on tl but I'm in a rut atm!
I suffer with bpd, I've been okay for a couple of years, I have therapy & was happily working thru my issues.

Until a couple of weeks ago when my horse needed the vet as he's getting on & isn't as comfortable as he was. The vet said in no uncertain term that this will more than 80% be his last summer. I'm more than aware that he's older but the thought of this being our last summer has killed me. It's triggered a huge downward fall in my mood & tbh I just don't want to this anymore. I know this seems petty & I should feel privileged to have shared the past 3 years with him. But this horse has saved my life more than a few. He's the keeper of all my secrets, he's my escape from reality on a daily basis. No matter how shit my day, I know when I arrive at the farm he will be there shouting me & happy to see me. I don't remember life before him.

He's the one solid consistent in my life, he's never left me or let me down. I have no family of my own, I have a partner & my son but that's where my family ends. My mother is an alcoholic, father ducked out when I was 3.

I've lived thru alot of trauma in my 30 years of life. I just don't know if this ticking time bomb of loosing my best friend is the cherry on the cake.
3 times last week I found myself a crying mess, crisis team never answered as was busy & so was the text line for samaritans.
I just don't want to anymore

You may not feel it now but trust me you can do it you may not feel it right now. Take it from someone who knows in the last 2 years I've tried suicide 4x I know its not the right move. But I felt just like you did but each time it's failed and I'm still here fighting just like you are. Remember it's okay not to be okay but always be proud how far you've come (easier said then done I know)

Picture I've attached is for anyone who needs to see it

Struggling here. Too many things going on and I can’t cope with anything else.

I cried at the vet yesterday. Not my finest moment. My beautiful dog has to have further surgery on Tuesday and I’m so scared This is after the emergency one 3 weeks ago.

Feel like I’m shouting at my kids constantly and wish they would just bloody listen. I have no patience and am struggling with rage.

Polly sending you massive hugs remember your kids probably realise your struggling and won't take it to heart. They understand more then you realise. I'm sure your beautiful dog will be fine but it doesn't stop you from worrying I get that hope all goes well tomorrow. Remember your made of strong stuff even if you don't feel like that. Hope you managed to enjoy yourself the other night too x

 

[Maid22]

Eventually left home, got kids and dog dropped off and got to hotel - that all took 4 hours. Just got ready, and now going to friend’s house to get her into her wedding dress.

I feel awful. Physically shaking, I was suddenly sick out of no where while I was getting ready which never ever happens to me, and I’m having a major hot flush.

I’m glad I’m not drinking and I’m driving so able to leave whenever I need to. Or even retreat to the safety of my car for a few minutes.

I need to do this for her, she is like the sister I never I had, I want to be there. But fuck it’s hard.

Aww bless you, you're doing so well, I really hope it goes ok for you x

 

[Slaybutter]

and I feel restless and full of energy but unable to actually DO anything, such as housework.

I just feel like things are so hard just now and I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of wanting to talk to someone but being terrified I’m over reacting/boring people/pushing them away.

Today is really hard.

When I feel this way I get my book of word search puzzles out. It burns off buzzy mental energy and gets my mind to focus on something low stakes as opposed to worries. You could also try out breathing exercises.

Spoiler: 3 different techniques

I hope you feel better soon

 

[Maid22]

@Pollyanna263 let us all know how it went x

 

[Pollyanna263]