The Depression Thread #2

[Maid22]

Awww thank you @Maid22 you are so sweet, and I miss that too. I‘m glad you’re over the awkward feeling.

I’m ok really, just struggling a bit. I’ve not posted here much because I don’t even know what to say. How are you lovely?

I've had a few bad weeks tbh, I've found the only way to deal with it is to shut down, like pretend to its nots happening, does that make any sense?
But I know when I'm well enough, I have to deal it with it, and I'm trying to do that now, really struggling with sleeps at the mo too xx

 

[Carapop]

Im really sorry for posting for on here cause my problem is so pathetic but I’m really miserable at the moment. I feel like I’ve hit breaking point. All I’ve done for 2 days is cry. I haven’t been in work for 2 days cause I’ve ill but a bit of me is berating myself cause I wonder if I do actually feel ill or am I just sad and needed a break. I feel guilty for missing work cause I only starts a few week ago but I honestly couldn’t face it. I’ve posted about my struggles with the office on another thread but I’m really starting to hate the office environment. It just overwhelming. I keep telling myself that I’m lucky and I am grateful but i just can’t cope anymore

Pain doesn’t have perspective. First you need to forgive yourself for feeling like this! You already feel shit, you don’t have to bully yourself for it.

It’s so difficult to be compassionate to ourselves, but if your closest friend told you she was feeling low, would you tell her that she’s lucky and snap out of it?

You’ve taken this time to recover and recuperate. The distinction that society imposes between mental and physical health is a fallacy. It’s all just health. Our mind influences our body and our body influences our mind.

Please try and treat yourself kindly and gently. Your struggle is real! Use this time to rest and do things that help you relax or cheer you up, whatever that might be. Build yourself back up, build an armour around you, and you’ll feel better able to face the office again next week.

 

[ilovepizza21]

One of the worst things about me is that I love misery, in a way. I don’t want to feel this way yet I thrive off sadness or something. Don’t know how to explain it. I love torturing myself and overthinking.

I get what your saying here and feel exactly the same 🫂

Just to say I’m trying to read everyone’s posts, but I’m not having any luck replying beyond the really superficial.

My brain is just exhausted.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I will catch up properly soon

Sending you hugs Polly you are always so warm and give amazing advice it really doesn't go unnoticed 1🫂

I'm so depressed right now. Infertility, grief and trauma are kicking my arse. Sorry to post out of the blue

This is why this thread was made never ever be sorry

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I'm like you, I like my own company. There's a few people I feel comfortable with outside of family, other than that I'm happy just to be by myself. I could see myself becoming a hermit VERY easily.

 

[Some People!]

Does anyone else just wish they could sleep all the time. I hate being awake it’s too painful. Wish I could just sleep all day but I struggle with staying asleep. I only get really bad broken sleep with a few hours here and there

Yes! Absolutely!

I love not being conscious and the break from my own brain that affords.

If I could afford it, I'd definitely have a huge drug problem - I don't trust myself around any opiods/ benzos/ sedatives/ whatever, because I'll just gobble em up to avoid.... Myself.

@candyland_ - I too 'hide' in the bath and then scuttle off to bed early whenever possible. My partner hates it, but I'd be shit company if I hung about anyway, so might as well be catatonic in a nice scaldy bath

 

[barmcake]

Sorry to hear lovely you're going through a bad time, insomnia is a bitch, it's hard enough to function when you're in a dark head space, made even worse without sleep. I really hope you get the help you need soon x

So true what you say about insomnia. People have been driven mad by lack of sleep and it makes everything difficult to cope with. A very under-estimated condition and medication is not the answer in the long run. My heart goes out to anyone who is tortured by exhaustion.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Thank you. It was someone else. It is fine I think, looking back on it, after 4 or 5 days of not leaving the house/bed/sofa each time I needed to be clean. I never felt better though. Ever. Why would I care about something being clean when I didn’t care about that thing in the first place? Which, if you haven’t been there, can’t be understood.
Xxx

Yes, it’s so hard to explain to someone. I would never have understood it, before I was in it xx

 

[candyland_]

Iv suffered depression for a long time I have 2 children who aren’t far of been teenager and I’m pregnant with number 3 but I’m also single, I find myself having frequent breakdowns questions if I’m a bad person, would this baby be better of with a different parent and do my children hate me because I yell all the time for them to clean their rooms which then leads to them calling my mum and making out I’m a big monster I feel awful I just feel like my mental health and my personality is ruining my children’s lives and they’ll grow to hate me

Your kids love you and they always will. They will grow up and see what an amazing mum they have doing it on your own.

Has anyone ever been out in a pub and a man introduces himself or makes eye contact and hellos with every girl at the table except you.

I just feel so disgusting and repulsive. I don’t know what else I can do to make myself more attractive. I know that’s not what life is all about but it fucking hurts.

Fuck him. He is a pig and you are worth 100 of him.

 

[ilovepizza21]

Feeling a bit down in the dumps tonight. It’s been 4 weeks since I had a miscarriage and I think I’m drastically going downhill mood wise my boyfriend goes out every Tuesday night to darts and I used to be able to have a nice night by myself, relax, watch some tv, I’d be ok but when I’m alone now all I can think about is how sad I am. I’ve battled depression on and off all my life but this just feels so much worse. Like something I don’t think I can get out of. My boyfriend also works late nights some nights and I spend most of those nights crying. He really does take my mind off things but even then when he’s there I know deep down I’m not happy. I’ve been umming and ahhing about ringing my GP and telling them i need help but I keep putting it off. I just feel so alone I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. I feel like no one cares about me and it’s shit

Your never alone but I know exactly how you feel hun. Contact you gp and see how you feel after that xx

You are not unloveable. The fact that those exes did not love you the way you deserve does not define you. And you’re right, things will get better. It’s hard to believe that when you’re in the thick of it. Loneliness is hard, it magnifies the hurt and feelings. Keep talking, here and with professionals (as frustrating as getting the right help can be).

No ones ever loved me and tbh I don't care I got head strong & happy to be alone but right now I feel I'm Downing and there is only one way out x

 

[Good Egg]

I can relate soo much to you, my family are toxic, haven't spoken to them for 11 years they've never really given a shit about me.
I can go week's without leaving my house or seeing anyone apart from my oh, if he wasn't here, I'd have literally no one, I could die tomorrow and no one would notice for ages. So you're not alone, there are folks like you out there, it's bleddy tough sometimes, and having anxiety and depression doesn't help at all, sending you hugs x

Thank you for your kind words- sorry you’ve experienced similar. I just need to find the joy in life again.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Hello lovelies.
I’m really sorry, I haven’t read back on other posts but I hope everyone is managing as well as possible


Has anyone taken Amitriptyline? Could you give me an honest review?

I have diagnoses of PTSD and depression.
I’ve had an appointment with a new psychiatrist for a second opinion (as original psych was awful) and he’s recommended changing my current meds.

At the moment I take Venlafaxine, Mirtazapine and Quetiapine. He wants me to wean off of Mirtazapine, and swap from Venlafaxine to Amitriptyline.

I’m hesitant because I don’t want anything which is too sedating overnight, as I’m alone with my children. (It’s rare they wake but I won’t risk not hearing them.)

I was on it for pain relief but even at that dose (it did nothing for my pain) I lasted 2 weeks before I took myself off it. I ended up disaffected and feeling quite out of it.

However, it is a common drug used for people with my condition and many people find that It is ok. My MIL was on it for another reason and is fine. I think with anything, you just have to try for yourself. There are horror stories everywhere. I am on something called topiramate and if you read about that you would think why is it ever given but I am fine.

I hope you get some resolution whatever route you go down.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Oh my goodness yes! It’s like sensory overload, plus exhaustion from being mentally on top form while there, plus the drive / journey, plus the worries about what might (won’t ever!) go wrong.

Well done for going

Sensory overload! That’s exactly what it is, thanks for pointing it out I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child so it makes perfect sense. Glad to know I’m not alone in this. I think I will continue to drag myself out as I need to make a good habit of going out instead of working/studying all the time.

Sorry if I've caused problems

No need to apologise, you did nothing wrong!

 

[ilovepizza21]

Struggling here.

On a very gradual venlafaxine withdrawal, dropping by 37.5mg every 4 weeks. Yesterday was the second drop, I was hoping it would be easier than last month but it’s not.

I feel physically awful and I know it’s the withdrawal but I wish I could just fall asleep for a few days and wake up with it out of my system.

Mentally not in a great place either. Nothing in particular, just everything feeling hard, you know? Can’t find the positives in anything.

Littlest child going through a massive separation anxiety phase too which is lovely because it cements our attachment, but it also feels smothering when I’m all he wants.

Sending you massive Hugs Polly remember your stronger then you think and with the meds decreased it will get worse b4 it gets better and always remember this feeling doesn't last (easier said then done i know). try and do one little thing a day that makes you feel you've achieved something even if that one thing is drinking a hot tea or having a piss in peace. You've got this you beautiful human 🫂

But I get how you feel I'm the same last night I sat there last night with a bottle of vodka and aload of pills I just felt I'm better not here (I know I'm not) I'm not sleeping, I just feel exhausted and so weak I was in a good place then bam I think of something or someone will say something. And I feel I'm back in the gutter. I wish my good days last more then my bad days I feel there is no give up. I did what you said and bought some flowers it didn't help as much as I hoped though. (Sorry for the rant)

Hope all you lovely people are doing okay sending love and hugs too you all 🫂

 

[Maid22]

Cornwall is my happy place, the only place my heart feels calm

Am Cornish and proud to be, but I'd move in a heartbeat, I really fancy Yorkshire!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Yup! I’m on holiday with my lovely hubby and kids, and I’m fucking miserable. Work and preparing to come on holiday had overwhelmed me so much, combined with stopping my sertraline (150mg down to 25 in a year, finally
Stopped but feel crappy) has ruined it for me.

Depression has screwed shit up for you, it’s not your fault x

I‘m so sorry you understand what it’s like. No wonder you feel crap, its a huge adjustment coming off medication x

 

[Unrinsed_Spaghetti_Hoop]

You should have that angry cry. When you get the chance, run yourself a bath and close the door, have that cry. It'll be good for you.

You're right having a cuddle with my boy right now and that is helping

I only really open up a very small amount to my mum and she is supportive but my friends are awful.. I’ll get no empathy at all from them along with ridiculous comments that don’t help. I said I was having a hard time and one said ‘Oh god. I’m the happiest and content I’ve ever been...’ Good for them but they really went on and on about how happy they were. Another rang me when they heard I was upset and said something to kick me while I was down and then flounced out. If felt like they were getting a kick out of it and the support is none existent.
It’s really made me change who I am close to so now I pretty much keep it to myself or post online.

omg... I'm sorry your friends are like that... I had something similar happen to me at the start of the year... Long story short I had a breakdown and was in hospital about 10 years ago and my oldest friend would frequently shame me about it in front of people. I made the painful decision to cut ties because of the emotional fall out every time we spent time together. Relationships can be so complicated. I'm sorry you have had those experiences.

 

[Maid22]

@watermelon sugar am so sorry for your loss, how are you ?

 

[Good Egg]

I hope it is ok to post here. You said it was open to all with MH issues.

I did suffer with depression after a really awful bout of cluster headaches which together caused me to leave work permanently and isolate myself from everything.

However, my LT issues surround eating and excessive exercise but the ED thread is really triggering and makes me want to restrict. I just want to echo those of you who say that we don’t feel worth the money to heal. We were going to spend it, but then the energy crisis hit and we can’t. I am in an endless loop of shame. I know the only way to mend is through therapy. I cannot do this alone. Is the rest of life going to be filled with constant internal arguments?

Sorry for a slight derail. Please let me know if you want me to hightail it to another thread.

Hi I just wanted to say the internal battles and loops that go around in our heads is a constant issue for me. I don’t have a ED but I do have OCD and once my brain latches onto an ‘obsession’ the compulsive side to ruminate goes over and over and over in my mind. My guess is (and I have no experience so please don’t me offended) like with an ED it’s and obsessive compulsive cycle that you are trying to break? Does that sound right?
I know on the NHS you can self refer for therapy now? Would this help you?
Have you had help before? What actions helped you in the past.
There is always hope. There can be good days and bad days but you will and can get through this.
I hope my post makes sense x

 

[chapterthree]

Hi all. Can anyone recommend some anxiety/depression med alternatives? I’ve been on sertraline for the past few years but it makes me feel so nauseous and sick. I want to try something else eventually. I looked on Amazon and saw these “rescue bear” and “ashwagandha” gummies. Has anyone tried those? Any other alternatives welcomed but ideally looking for a gummy format rather than tablet capsules as I find them hard to swallow.

 

[justheretoread99]

@justheretoread99 how’s the mirtazapine going?

Hi lovely, thank you for asking! The first one was crazy. I took it around midnight on Friday settled down to watch Netflix and must have fallen asleep within 45 minutes because I can’t remember finishing the episode I was on. (Havnt fallen asleep that quick since I was a baby)

Woke up at 12pm, felt like a zombie, had some brunch and needed to lie down and fell back to sleep until 5pm. Then around midnight again I took another tablet hoping I’d fall asleep quickly but nothing. Wide awake and did an all nighter.

I stupidly forgot to take one last night. But was still awake at 5am even though I’d been up all night the day before.

They make me feel really groggy and zombiefied, but I’m going to persevere as my GP said the first 2 weeks are the worst.

How are you finding the weaning?

Amazing to hear about the trampoline! We had a massive one in the garden when I was a kid and loved it! Also good luck with your appointment tomorrow. (I promise I’m not nosey but I LOVE to read about people’s days. Even if it’s just a food shop!)