The Depression Thread #2

[Princess of Scots]

I think my GP is looking at diagnosing me as being treatment resistant.

I've tried 3 antidepressants, none of which have worked. The GPS just up and up the dose until it turns me into a zombie and then when that doesn't work. I start another and the cycle repeats

I was also referred for CBT, which the therapist cut my sessions early because she felt I wasn't suitable for it.

I've now had no follow up after this. General response now is 'fuck knows, we don't know'.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you lovely, I have ventured into that music that music thread, there's a couple of posters on there I really like, but I've no idea how to post a vid, yep I'm a dinosaur!

Totally understand

 

[bozlem3080]

I’m so tired of my life, I’m being made homeless in 2 days, got no family or friends to help me, I’ve got 15p last me till Wednesday, no food in so on cup a soups, nobody to ask to borrow money, I’m absolutely petrified of being made homeless, I don’t want to be on the streets, I’ve got no job, see my job coach tomorrow to be told to find work, I’ve tried & tried, but with no home what address do I put down? I can go for days even weeks without seeing anyone, my friends haven’t bothered with me at all, not popped in to see me, helped me pack, or just asked in general how I’m coping! Least I know where I stand with people now, I just want to disappear & never be found again cos no fucker will care anyway! Sorry for the rant

 

[ReginaPhalange9292]

Hello all I hope you're all okay
I would wanted to come on here because I feel like I need to voice some things that are weighing heavy on my mind and hopefully feel better for doing so.
I am currently 6 months pregnant and I am finding it very hard these last few weeks, I am signed off work due to very painful pelvic girdle pain and awaiting a review from the doctors to see what/if they can do or if I am ok to go back to work with changed duties.
I feel very sad a lot of the time at the moment and I couldn't explain why. On paper I have no reason to be sad I have a lovely house, good job, loving fiancé and crackpot animals that make me laugh, but I just feel so overwhelmed with life and the pregnancy it's becoming hard for me to process.
Everyone expects you to be a glowing bundle of joy when pregnant (I'm not!! I'm still spotty tired and the odd sickness!) And everyone keeps asking me if I'm crying with happiness over my growing bump (I'm not, I'm finding it very hard to adjust to a changing body I have no control of and I HATE it when people keep telling me how big I am, it isn't a compliment)
Maybe I am just having a bad few weeks but the only way I can describe how I feel is the feeling of being overwhelmed and everyone tells me how I SHOULD feel and how I shouldn't be sad because I'm carrying a blessing.
Sorry for the rant I just needed to air my thoughts x

 

[barmcake]

Does anyone else feel content alone?

I'm exactly the same as you. I find social interaction tiring and quite fake in a lot of ways. People just can't accept loners for some reason and always assume there's something weird going on - it's all why why why. Be proud of being independent and picky about who you talk to. Feels good to know other people feel the same way. People always try to 'fix things' but some things are just not fixable. My wanting and needing isolation is the only way I can cope with life and for the most part I like it.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I'm actually in the middle of keeping a headache diary for my neurologist - if he thinks I'm getting too many headaches in a month he may give me botox treatment.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Oh love, it’s so important for it to all come out. I really, really don’t mean this in a patronising way, but there’s no way I could do what you do. It’s great that the therapy is helping, you know that’s down to you. It can’t be easy.

Omg withdrawal symptoms are hell, I really hope it passes soon. No-one prepares you for how crap it makes you feel, and the weird things like brain zaps.

Go get that Hinch! I do the same with Jack Monroe!

Thank you

I haven’t had brain zaps! I feel like I’m missing out

 

[candyland_]

Does anyone else just wish they could sleep all the time. I hate being awake it’s too painful. Wish I could just sleep all day but I struggle with staying asleep. I only get really bad broken sleep with a few hours here and there

I don’t wish I could sleep all day but I countdown until I can hide in the bath and go to bed early when I’m having a bad day.

 

[itsnotmereally]

I'm meant to be travelling 4 hours for a long weekend with one friend to see another and I don't think I can face it. I'm mentally exhausted and I feel like I'm barely dragging myself through the days. But then there's a voice in my head saying this is why I'm miserable and can't maintain connections with people because I'm not right and I can't just suck it up and go and have a nice time on a trip. I wish I was a normal person.

It’s so hard pushing yourself into something and I do find sometimes when I manage to get myself out it’s better than I expected, it’s just hard to get there.
Be kind to yourself, can you speak to your friend who you’re travelling with about how you feel?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

@Into_the_tunnel I just want to echo what Lenny said, you really do deserve to get help and support. Those resources are for YOU as well. I hope deep down you know that

Thank you . This means a lot. Today has been a big milestone as I am on my own for over 12 hours on Tuesdays with no shop and this usually results in regrettable behaviours. Today has been the first Tuesday in however long where that hasn’t happened. Tunnel dog and I were busy with cleaning, walking, cooking her wellness meals etc. No corner has been turned but slow steps.

@LennyBriscoe - I got all panicked the other day that everyone had me ignored because I said I couldn’t stay for the calorie chat. Well panic was an understatement. Honestly, the things our minds do. I see you and others elsewhere and I don’t want to do random likes but it gives me a familiar warm feeling. I didn’t read my book. I need to go and sit somewhere quiet. Will update when I get past page 2 .

Sending

 

[instasham13]

That was really shitty what happened to you. It is employment 101 that you don't reprimand someone in front of others. That was an asshole move. I wish people were taught more about humilation and how damaging it is to people. I don't care how lousy of a day someone is having, that is uncalled for. Virtual hug to you .

I know healthcare workers are under an incredible amount of stress at the best of times, but the pandemic has made things worse. It also doesn't help when gov't does back you up with a decent contract/wages, etc. You have to evaluate what you want for your life. Have you considered taking your nursing knowledge and move to a non-clinical setting? (That is if you aren't already in one). Just do some exploration into it and see if that helps. Write a list of what you like about your job now and what you hate. You don't even have to complete it one go, just add to it during the week and see how it goes. You won't be the first or last person to quit nursing due to burnout.

As far as coping with negativity, there seems to be an awful lot of it around that it's worse than COVID itself. I'm someone who absorbs atmosphere and other people's moods if I'm not careful. This might sound silly, but some days I just imagine a force field around me protecting me from the little things and ask my guardian angels for strength. I ask them to help protect me from the idiots that surround us. Gratitude as well. Consistently reminding yourself of the good things in your life can give you a boost.

@instasham13 look after yourself. Take some time for yourself to figure out who you are and what you want. If you can't get out of this funk and it is not just situational, please seek help and thread is here. Good luck to you!

Thanks so much for such a long and detailed reply. Really appreciate it.

The mistakes i made are nothing major but we have a whole new system and I'm not getting on too well with it. It involves lots of staff doing different aspects of the workload which sounds like that would make things easier but I find it easier to just start something and finish something myself.

I'm just so down and disillusioned with nursing..I used to be so proud and think I had a good salary but I now realise the salary is not worth it for the level of responsibility at all.

 

[Agent Cooper]

one of the things I have to do is find a goal I would like to work on in life but I have no idea.

since Ive learned I have this I think about it a lot..

I would start by brainstorming small things that make you smile or make your day better. Or maybe there is something you always wanted to do that got cast aside for one reason or another?

I am not doing well tbh. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about when I say how depression really messes up your life?

The way my mind is at the moment, I don’t really care about anything. The “real me” still does though. But I just let everything get screwed over. It’s like a form of self-sabotage or ”mild” self-harm.

There‘s part of me that wants to pull though (thankfully), but the other part doesn’t care. I’ve stopped taking my antidepressants because I’m so done with them not working and just making me tired.

In the past I would look for an antidepressant with different side effects, and speak to my psychiatrist, and try that. But now I’ve just given up.

It’s so shit because I’ve started to have dreams and ambitions, but what’s the point, when I can’t even deal with adult responsibilities just now, and I don’t even know where to start, because I’ve just let so many things go wrong.

I know you said you don’t want to look for other meds but maybe you could reconsider this decision. I’m speaking from personal experience as I was in a very, very dark place just several days ago before I went on Prozac. I’m surprised (and even in mild disbelief) at how much better I feel. I certainly did not think it was possible anymore, and no amount of exercise or willpower could bring me to where I am now.
The worst thing about depression is how empty and hopeless it makes us feel. You might think that’s what you are like now, but it’s not you, your emotions or your new reality. It’s an illness, and a serious one at that. It’s difficult to treat, but difficult does not mean impossible. Please don’t give up, I know we all have days when we feel like this, but they won’t last forever. I believe in you and a brighter, happier future for you so you can live out your dreams. Sending you a hug

 

[Eeyore147]

That’s good! Well done

I’ve been encouraged to apply because of PTSD and depression (been signed off work 2 1/2 years so far ) but I can’t do it for some reason.

There’s plenty of online resources to help you apply. Or the CAB can help too. There’s no harm in applying, it helps with additional costs. Mine helps with heating etc as my physical health is worse when cold.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hi guys I’m sorry for posting on here you seem to all know each other and I’m sorry if you would prefer me to post elsewhere. I know I am going to end things soon and I feel like I am too scared to jump or OD incase I wake up. The other alternative: I’m not sure how to do it. I am worried I will do it wrong. Anyway I’m not sure why I’m writing this but i can’t find anything online for tips on how to be successful. Xx

Of course you can post here

I totally agree with what everyone else has said. And especially this from @Pollyanna263 -

“I believe that by posting here you want a connection with someone”.

You can just join in and start chatting. No-one here will judge you for how you’re feeling, we all understand one way or another.

 

[Maid22]

@Agent Cooper and @Pollyanna263 thanks for asking, no I didn't get to talk to anyone, they were too busy, I get that alot so am used to it by now.
I've had a real low one today, suffered bad with anxiety last night, first time in months, so no sleep,
I've always felt like I've fallen through the cracks with my GP, he just prescribes my meds and gave me an address for councelling, which had months waiting list, I've been like this for years, so deal with it on my own, sorry I don't mean to come across as a pity party, I've been shit on by so many people over years, I don't trust anyone anymore.

 

[ReginaPhalange9292]

This sounds very much like antenatal depression and it’s a very real thing. Can you have a chat with your midwife or your GP about how you are feeling?

I am happy to be pregnant and some days I am so excited, my partner is such wonderful support, but other days I just feel so sad but no rhyme or reason as to why. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow for my sick note review and I have my midwife appointment in the afternoon tomorrow so I will mention it to them...I just don't want anyone to think I'm just being miserable for no reason

 

[Pollyanna263]

I’ve been there and I feel you! I promise it gets better. When I eventually was fully off it it was like a cloud lifted, I felt more awake and alert. Are you going onto a small dose of anything else? I found a small dose of Prozac helped to keep the Venlafaxine demons at bay.

thank you so much, that’s really reassuring.

I’m weaning off to swap to Amitriptyline which my psychiatrist hopes will stop the totally detached / dissociated state I’m in from the Ven. He wants me to get to 75mg Ven before he’ll start the Amitrip.

Along with the Ven I was taking Quetiapine morning and night which I’m continuing, but that’s doing nothing to help with the side effects of the withdrawal.

 

[Slaybutter]

I tried a SAD lamp earlier and initially it was good but then I turned into an irritable bish

I ordered a mid day pizza and now I’m going back to the light that projects pretty patterns on my ceiling. 🥲

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Lots of love and hugs, Sideboard Bob. We're here if you need us.

Had a bit of a fight with my O/H today about how far I've let some things slide, but he doesn't seem to understand that when you have depression you just don't care anymore. He said to me "I know you're *R word* but I'm starting to think you're REALLY *R word*" (I suspect I may be on the Autism spectrum but doubt there's much point getting tested at my age).

He knows I'm waiting for therapy as well.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Tbh, abit like most of us on here, sometimes you have to muddle through, interesting post on here earlier, how do you function with everyday life, we just do, unless we hit that low where you don't give a fuck anymore, that's why I didn't like that comment on here, that attitude of 'just getting on with it, or pull your socks up (that's such an old saying, but one I've had alot!) All I can I say is come and live in my head for a week, then maybe you'll get it!

That’s a good point. I’m lucky enough to be able to work at the moment, and there’s times when I’m crying, then literally “switch“ and smile.

Ugh I know. I was just talking about this on another thread. People don’t understand. They think that what helps you if you’re feeling a bit down will help with depression. But we try, and it doesn’t.