The Depression Thread #2

[watermelon sugar]

Does anyone ever feel really, really low after a good day? I’ve had a nice day, seen my Mum & sister and I hardly ever see them. I’ve laughed a lot they’ve really made me forget things for a while. But now their gone I feel really empty and low. Probably more so than I felt before they visited

 

[Maid22]

So sorry it’s rough isnt it. Funny thing with me is I can’t listen to music anymore. Music holds too many memories for me. It’s such a shame as I used to be a big music fan. I tend to put on a silly film like Harry Potter or something I don’t need to concentrate on.

I get that with music bringing back memories, tbh it hasn't helped me tonight, I normally leave the TV on when I go to bed. Hope you're ok x

 

[Maid22]

Just picked my dog up!

She’s seriously woozy, and definitely not talking to me. She has a massive open wound that I have to keep clean (and keep teenager and 3yo away from) and she may need another surgery.

But she’s home

Aww so happy for you all and glad it's not a tumour, it's awful when they have to go to the vets.
I did chuckle that she's not talking to you, mines the same!! I'm sure she's going to be well and truly spilt!

 

[mochibean]

In a horrible place mentally at the moment. I thought after a few months the depression would lift but it's still hanging over me like a big black cloud.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Struggling here.

On a very gradual venlafaxine withdrawal, dropping by 37.5mg every 4 weeks. Yesterday was the second drop, I was hoping it would be easier than last month but it’s not.

I feel physically awful and I know it’s the withdrawal but I wish I could just fall asleep for a few days and wake up with it out of my system.

Mentally not in a great place either. Nothing in particular, just everything feeling hard, you know? Can’t find the positives in anything.

Littlest child going through a massive separation anxiety phase too which is lovely because it cements our attachment, but it also feels smothering when I’m all he wants.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Hello to all Must admit, this is my first time visiting this thread but I just had a quick question.

I'm no great expert in regards to depression, but I wondered, is it possible for a person to function pretty much as 'normal' on a regular basis but be suffering with a kind of chronic low-grade/mild depression? And this would be very much a situational depression that's gone on for years.

I wondered if this is something that is a thing and if anyone has had any experience or any opinions?

 

[Pariszai]

I read here quite often but need to get my feelings out. I'm finding life difficult and have been for a while. I haven't felt truly happy and can't seem to find happiness anywhere. I feel stressed about the future and generally disatisfied in every aspect of life. Sometimes I'm not sure why I'm bothering, everything feels like a lot of effort and just very overwhelming. Even doing small things feels a lot sometimes and minor inconveniences can cause me to breakdown. At the moment I feel like I'm just surviving and I can't see anything to look forward to. I make plans and think of ways to make time move faster so I can just get through life. Even if I am enjoying something in the moment, I can switch very easily and feel on edge, waiting for something to go wrong. In these moments I get the feeling that enjoying something is pointless anyway because we all die in the end. I'm consumed by my thoughts because I'm alone, with no one to make me feel worthy, cared about or loved.

I was away this weekend with a big group and it should have been great, but I'm back now thinking about all the people who seemed happy, carefree, not constantly worried and those that were coupled up. My self confidence is shot as no one ever has any interest in me so there must be something wrong with me but I'm not mentally prepared to hear what it is.

I have booked my first counseling session this weekend but wish it was sooner. Every day is a struggle and I just don't want to keep having to drag myself though each day. Im a nice person so surely deserve some happiness and not to feel like I'm being beaten into the ground all the time.

 

[minceheed]

I can relate soo much to you, my family are toxic, haven't spoken to them for 11 years they've never really given a shit about me.
I can go week's without leaving my house or seeing anyone apart from my oh, if he wasn't here, I'd have literally no one, I could die tomorrow and no one would notice for ages. So you're not alone, there are folks like you out there, it's bleddy tough sometimes, and having anxiety and depression doesn't help at all, sending you hugs x

I can so relate to you & @Good Egg with the toxic family, who will still insist the toxic one is me. I even moved myself away and cut most contact & they still look for things to blame me for or bring me down and critise me like they've always done.
I found Shadow work to be really useful for working through past issues and really focused in on self care and built myself back up still have a lot of work to do & recovery can be a lonely place but I don't think we realise so many people have been through similar

Does anyone start to go into a really deep black hole of depression at this time of year? I don’t know what it is, I prefer autumn and winter to summer, love Christmas, but no matter what, every year I get like this and it lasts months.
I don’t want to talk to anyone, or go out, spend most of my time in bed. Delete social media, withdraw from friends. Wish I could stop this cycle. I do have a fair bit to be depressed about, but I do all year, so why now? Xx

I think its something to do with the change in season & how dull it is impacts the amount of serotonin produced! Its called Seasonal Affective Disorder. You can buy SAD lamps to try & help with this

 

[Maid22]

Insomnia is kicking my ass big time, I also hurt my foot yesterday, so am feeling meh. Hate feeling like this, feeling guilty cos haven't took dog out, he's still in bed with me, I know I'll be 'right' in a couple of days, but this feeling of dread is fuckin awful.

 

[rainbowlemon]

My heart goes out to those with people in their lives that do the opposite of support *hugs* It's awful when people either don't get it or use it against you.

I've just spent the last 4 days filling in the work capability form for UC, as I quit my job. It was brutal... Obviously I know my issues, but having to write about them all together just made me realise what a failure and fuck up I am. I hate that I had to do that, flogging myself for some stranger at DWP to pick apart in the vain hopes that after 20 years of full time work someone *might* think I'm worthy of some crumbs to live on. Horrible system. It's really made me feel even worse about myself and where I've ended up.

The system is in place to help you. It doesn't mean you're a failure or a fuck up.

 

[Good Egg]

I was given citalipram and sertraline I found citalipram better.
When I told NM the doctor put me on anti depressants I had zero support. I was told I was being selfish, making it up for attention, nothing wrong with me, she had a ‘panic’ attack and only she should be taking medication for anxiety . I can drive a car and I work so therefore have no reason to be anxious.
I’ve never had the support but had to listen to her time and time again, even as a young child about things a young child shouldn’t have to hear to be honest but it was all on my shoulders and the weight was heavy.
Since my last post here I’ve made a conscious effort to do just one thing. Today I’m popping to the local shops. I don’t need much. But I’d never normally do this. I’ve made a list and the shop name too (I find I get anxious if I don’t plan The I panic). But just one small thing...
Wish me luck

 

[Agent Cooper]

I’ve reached my limit of overwhelm today.
There’s just so many things - some small and some big - all keep happing one after the other and feel like my head is going to burst with the pressure.

I know this feeling so well. Just makes you feel like hiding under the blanket so nobody can find you, doesn’t it? Don’t be hard on yourself, tomorrow will be a new day with new possibilities and new hopes. Hang in there!

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Remember you don’t need to explain why things are hard if it is too difficult, just know that we are here.

(posting why is hard sometimes- seeing those words written down is too painful).

 

[Maid22]

I'm really struggling, I don't know wether I want to shout my pain out or cry, fuckin hate feeling like this.

 

[Dianne]

Re panic attacks: you have to try and ride them out, not repress them. Tell yourself ‘I’m safe, I accept how I’m feeling’. Try to steady your breathing and breathe from your stomach not your chest. Notice or feel things around you to ground yourself.

Familiarise yourself with what a panic attack is and why people experience them. It derives from the fight, flight and freeze response. Your body thinks you’re in danger, pumps adrenaline around your body, but it has nowhere to go because you’re not actually in danger, so results in a panic attack.

When I had panic disorder I was on Sertraline and propranolol for panic attacks and I would recommend propranolol as it slows your heart rate and makes life a bit calmer. I had 40mg 3 times a day or sometimes I swapped to 80mg slow release.

I read up on the Claire Weekes (Australian Dr) approach to panic disorder and I found that useful.

Hope this helps in some way. x

 

[barmcake]

[ I just want to tell everyone to go away, and then I feel guilty and ungrateful for thinking that, and so on and so forth… ugh.]

If it's not the best thing for your or mental health I would say no. Don't go into long explanations, just be firm. The more you do it, the less guilty and ungrateful you'll feel. If you keep giving, people will keep taking. Change the script and people will actually respect you more. Please put yourself first.

 

[Maid22]

@Sideboard Bob I keep meaning to ask how are you? Has felt abit awkward in here, but am over that, miss our late night chats!!

 

[Jadejones9596]

Just needed to post as I'm feeling quite down today.

I have food poisoning and haven't eaten or slept in 2 days. Constantly sick and feel awful. I've literally just recovered from tonsillitis. I'm also having a hard time with a guy I'm talking with setting a date to meet up.

I see people on Instagram looking gorgeous, on beautiful holidays and looking loved up with their men who love them and it gets me so down. Here I am, ill again, can't even get a first date and I'm pretty sure I have vomit in my hair

Sorry to offload but had to let it out, im really struggling xx

 

[Pollyanna263]

Glad I found this thread. I’m really struggling at the moment. I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was about 14 after my sister had cancer. Ever since then I’ve never been happy for a long period of time. I’ve had multiple different therapies, medications you name it. Nothing has made a difference. I’ve been on a serious decline since having my son in 2020, anxiety and depression is eating me alive. My extended family have been horrendous, they completely ignored me when it was my child’s birthday, not even a text on the day. I know it’s me, everything is my fault. I don’t have any friends. I’m invisible at work, always been too shy/quiet. Ultimately, I wish I was someone else, I wish I was pretty, confident, bubbly. I wish I wasn’t here anymore. The only reason why I’m still here is because of the guilt of leaving my child behind.

The words that jumped out at me in your post were “I know it’s me, everything is my fault.”

It is not you.

I know you can’t believe that (I really do understand, because I have been in that place many, many times) but I promise you that it is not you.


Do you have day-to-day support at home from a partner?
Parenting is hard, even without mental illness. It’s relentless and it’s challenging. It’s okay to admit that Feeling those feelings doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Have you spoken to anyone about how you’re feeling? xx

 

[Eeyore147]

@Pollyanna263 I hope you’re doing ok! Such a brave thing to do.

I actually managed the garden today sat outside for about 10 mins with a drink. Small steps