The Depression Thread #2

[Eeyore147]

I’m a spender too. I’m deep in it at the moment

It’s so hard isn’t it. I try to keep ontop of things - especially in the current climate, but once I’m lost in my own thoughts it’s a case of F it, I don’t care, it’s never stuff for me either! Always on others.

 

[Pollyanna263]

Omg, she's gorgeous, is she a spaniel? I had to really look cos she looks like a collie with her colouring , fingers and toes crossed her results will come back clear x I'm in bed with my handsome boy next to me, that's my dog not my oh

Yes she’s a springer. She’s a real beauty, and the most wonderful temperament. She came into my life at the perfect time and I will be forever thankful for her.

That made me laugh! Dog forever here now, no man again

 

[parrot456]

Sending everyone love and hugs. Hold On Pain Ends

 

[Agent Cooper]

Sorry to be like this, but I’m really struggling today. Would appreciate some good thoughts my way x

 

[nimblefimble]

Managed to get an emergency gp appointment today and been told to stop taking the Sertraline immediately as it seems I’ve had a bit of an adverse reaction to itgot another appointment next week to discuss other treatment options. Not ideal but what can you do

 

[Fillyfox]

@Fillyfox please don't be put off with what happened last time, how are you?

Hi, I'm okay, I think? I don't really know if I'm honest. The adult mental health have assigned me a new cpn & my psychologist has put working thru my past trauma on hold.

So I guess it's just a case of taking each day as it comes and seeing how things go.

How are you?

 

[Maid22]

It’s was hardly judging. It was a genuine question. The poster said the horse was the only constant thing in her life so I was querying what she meant and why the partner and child weren’t considered in the same.

wind your neck in and stop looking for things to be offended by.

Wow really? This is a safe thread, why are you here?? I wasn't offended, I was trying to help, go back to your words of wisdom in other threads, Ive always found you very abrupt, and sometimes I've agreed with you, but tonight, I don't get why you've targeted me, on a depression thread

 

[flutternutter]

Do you think theres ever hope of overcoming depression? Ive been miserable since I was a kid. Each trauma I've had knocks me further down the hill. I try to work through it, im on my 5th counsellor now! Ive done cbt, im on sertraline. It feels like im in a video game or something where each battle knocks me down 10 health points and im only ever able to recover 8.

This latest episode isnt even worth being depressed about. I can logically see its a nonsense to feel this bad about, but as i was already at the bottom of the hill because of the LAST trauma, slowly crawling up. It feels like this has merely blown me back down and ive fallen.

I swing from being miserable about the issue to miserable about the fact im miserable. Its so disappointing when you fight it and it still takes over

 

[Maid22]

No need for anyone to reply, or even to read.
I just need a brain dump in the hope it helps, if that’s okay. I really feel that this is a safe space to do so.


I’ve reached my limit of overwhelm today.
There’s just so many things - some small and some big - all keep happing one after the other and feel like my head is going to burst with the pressure.

In between all the things, I have to keep going well enough to solo parent my two children (3 and 14) and my (crazy, annoying, but amazing) dog.

They are the reason I keep going.
But right now I honestly feel like I could just walk out the front door and not look back.
I won’t. I know I won’t. But the thoughts of walking out are still there and they make keeping going harder.

I hate that feeling it's so full of dread and you really can't see a way out, I could easily disappear to, ( I lost someone close to me through suicide and it has fucked my life up) so I couldn't do it to my oh, but when you're in that dark place,you really aren't thinking of others. We're all here for each other on here, this is the only place where I can share my thoughts. I've started to get really bad pressure headaches, where I feel like my head is going to explode, my release is to scream as loud as I can!! It really helps, lucky I don't have near neighbours!

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Not sure where to post this as I’m not depressed but suffer really badly with anxiety. I am my own worst enemy and go 100mph to the worst thought in my head.

I question everything. “Can I afford this” “do I really need to eat this”. I didn’t receive a response from someone close to me for over 12hours txt message and I worried sometbing bad had happened to them. I think this is the point I know I have a problem. Not sure what the point of this is but just needed to get it out.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Hope everyone is coping, sending out love and hugs

My therapist did EMDR with me for my body dysmorphia and I think it has helped. Obviously I'm not magical cured, I don't suddenly think I'm beautiful or anything but... I'm starting to accept that I may be... OK.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I hope it is ok to post here. You said it was open to all with MH issues.

I did suffer with depression after a really awful bout of cluster headaches which together caused me to leave work permanently and isolate myself from everything.

However, my LT issues surround eating and excessive exercise but the ED thread is really triggering and makes me want to restrict. I just want to echo those of you who say that we don’t feel worth the money to heal. We were going to spend it, but then the energy crisis hit and we can’t. I am in an endless loop of shame. I know the only way to mend is through therapy. I cannot do this alone. Is the rest of life going to be filled with constant internal arguments?

Sorry for a slight derail. Please let me know if you want me to hightail it to another thread.

ITT, I obviously can’t speak for everyone but I have no objection to your post being here. I think it should be a safe space for as many as possible, and mental health is such a complex thing that means different things to everyone.

I totally identify with the money side of things. I feel annoyed that there’s no talk therapy available - even if I got six sessions, I know it would help.

Someone recommended a book to me and I’m waiting for it to arrive. “Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before” by Dr Julie Smith. My husband is listening to the audiobook and he thinks I’ll get a lot from it. I’ll post a bit more once I get into it.

Sending you lots of love

 

[Elliesmum13]

I think I’m done! I’m exhausted in my head.

 

[loveulongtime0]

I’m being evicted in three months time as our landlord is selling, my mental health was bad before we got told this but now it’s at rock bottom. I’m only here because my 2 year old needs me, or does he? I don’t know how much longer I can stand feeling this way.

 

[Eeyore147]

Why are other people so LOUD!

Noise is a huge trigger for me! So I get where you’re coming from. Hearing people eat or drink just drives me crazy!!!!

 

[Pollyanna263]

Polly this is how exactly how I feel. I'm low very low and some people who I have spoken too will often say stop thinking negative think positive and it's such a gut wrenching feeling. I wish I could be positive more then anything I started to when i feel for a guy after being so hurt by my ex now looking in I realise it was years and years of domestic abuse and not really physical but part of me wishes it was because the emotional and mental abuse is far worse to deal with. But turned out the guy manipulated me just like my ex and was si clever with it and i never saw it and was with his wife pretty much the whole time (of course she has taken him back). From as young as I can remember I've be abused all started at school when I was sexually assulted it. Over this last week I've realised how alone I am and when my kids are grown up it be even worse. All I really want it life is too feel loved & wanted and I truly believe I will never ever get that. Honestly tattle is only the thing keeping me going at the moment

I’m so glad you’ve come over here

I have found - 4 years in to being single, for the first time since I was 18 (I’m now 37) - that I finally feel happy being alone.

I always felt that I needed a partner, needed someone there as I couldn’t be alone. But that was actually my massive insecurities about myself lying to me.

I’m capable of being alone.
I’ve raised my children alone, the eldest since he was 2 1/2 and the youngest since before he was born 3 1/2 years ago.
I don’t need a man to ‘complete’ me or help me or whatever it was that I thought I needed.

From the bits I know of you from the other thread (which keeps me going too, why do you think I don’t mind doing the recaps!) you are so much stronger than you realise.

You are raising your children while being mindful of their individual needs
You are co-parenting with your ex which is hard and you deserve huge credit for
You are getting up and doing each day, even if you don’t feel able

You are a badass x

 

[Pollyanna263]

@Into_the_tunnel i absolutely agree, I find the posts about ‘why don’t you just xyz’ infuriating and I have to ignore them. It’s not as simple as changing jobs when you can’t even manage to get out of bed.

Your comments about washing - I’m not sure whether you had an internal argument with yourself, or if it was someone else… I’m so sorry if it was someone else. I’m sure they thought they were helping, but that’s not the way to support, is it

We’re always here if you need us, even if you’re avoiding SM xx

 

[Agent Cooper]

Hi all! I used to post here a lot before creating a new account (as Raymond), just found this new thread. I was wondering whether anyone on here also has body image issues. I’ve been thinking of creating a support thread for people with such issues but not sure if anyone would participate. I do have depression too but I don’t really want to derail this thread with body image talk.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I’m going out tonight! I can see it far enough for the simple reason that I’ve put on loads of weight and I feel and look awful.

Spoiler: Binge/Comfort Eating

Even though this is an issue for me, I’m not sure of the exact terms so sincere apologies if I offend anyone.

I have been secret eating again, something I haven’t done for a while. It’s buying things to eat at work and not telling my husband or if I’m WFH, ordering stuff from Just Eat and hiding the rubbish in the bins. I have previously had issues with bulimia and while that is not happening, I’m caught in a cycle of a habit that’s very comforting/hatred of myself/feeling low and seeking to change how I feel. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and it all feels insurmountable. Like I can’t take that first step, literally or figuratively.

I’m feeling less anxious about the situation with my friend but it’s left me feeling a bit reluctant to speak up and be honest again. But that’s teeny in the grand scheme of things. I’m going to do more AA meetings and try to come to terms with what’s really going on and to do that I need acceptance:

View attachment 1247905

This is taken from one of the stories in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and when God is referred to in AA, it is a God of your own understanding

You are probably aware that I am not the best person to comment here having actually eaten food from the bins where I put it to prevent myself from eating it.

However, what I can say is that you may feel and think that you look awful but those are your feelings and although they are valid to you (and absolutely need to be addressed), they will not be held by anyone else. They will not or ever will see you in the way you see yourself .

Secondly, you have such a considered attitude towards your journey, can you not apply the same approach to your body? Our bodies allow us to get through the most challenging times in our lives. Maybe your body is telling you that it needs to do this because there are other challenges it is facing? It needs to do this because of other things? Maybe put the things you mention in the post on the backburner. Tackle the other things (if you can) and the eating things may subside. If they don’t, then you can look to seek help.

Maybe I am out of line. I am really sorry if I am. I just know from endless times either sitting surrounded by wrappers, in tears with the guilt or running for hours in agony that it is never, ever about the food.

I hope you have a lovely night .

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Started my new antidepressant today. Am bricking it about them, not going to lie. I know it's going to sound really vain, but I'm worried about weight gain (I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and any extra weight effects my joints) Plus I also have body dysmorphia so it's not going to help that