What about your partner and your son? Are they not consistent, solid people in your life?So I'm more of a lurker on tl but I'm in a rut atm!
I suffer with bpd, I've been okay for a couple of years, I have therapy & was happily working thru my issues.
Until a couple of weeks ago when my horse needed the vet as he's getting on & isn't as comfortable as he was. The vet said in no uncertain term that this will more than 80% be his last summer. I'm more than aware that he's older but the thought of this being our last summer has killed me. It's triggered a huge downward fall in my mood & tbh I just don't want to this anymore. I know this seems petty & I should feel privileged to have shared the past 3 years with him. But this horse has saved my life more than a few. He's the keeper of all my secrets, he's my escape from reality on a daily basis. No matter how tit my day, I know when I arrive at the farm he will be there shouting me & happy to see me. I don't remember life before him.
He's the one solid consistent in my life, he's never left me or let me down. I have no family of my own, I have a partner & my son but that's where my family ends. My mother is an alcoholic, father ducked out when I was 3.
I've lived thru alot of trauma in my 30 years of life. I just don't know if this ticking time bomb of loosing my best friend is the cherry on the cake.
3 times last week I found myself a crying mess, crisis team never answered as was busy & so was the text line for samaritans.
I just don't want to anymore
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What about your partner and your son? Are they not consistent, solid people in your life?
The fact that you’re aware of how you feel, and you’re worried about it, is a good thing. It shows that you have self-awareness, and the presence of mind to ask for help.
If you have access to the crisis team, do you also have a named MH nurse or a Psychiatrist overseeing your care? (sorry I don’t know how the crisis team works)
If you do, it’s time to tell them how you feel.
If you don’t, you need to either call the crisis team again tomorrow morning, or you need to call your GP surgery as soon as they open and say you need to see the duty team for urgent MH support.
You can do this x
Maytree | We’re open to suicidal feelings
There's also this website. They were wonderful when I called them last year.
There's also this website. They were wonderful when I called them last year.
I’m weaning my meds ready to swap to different ones. Psychiatrist has overruled GP and insisted I go waaaaaay slower than GP said to.
I’m almost off mirtazapine, that’s been easy as I take it at night, but venlafaxine he wants me to drop by 37.5mg and then maintain that for a month, before doing the same again.
It’s going to take 4 1/2 months to get to 75mg which is when he’s comfortable to introduce Amitriptyline - what I’m swapping to.
I’m only 12 days in to my first ven drop and I feel like tit. Constant headaches, spend the day falling asleep at the drop of a hat, more headaches, shivery and hot, irrational rage.
Oh and did I mention the headaches?
I know why I’m doing this. I know I need to do it. I know it’ll be worth it in the end. But wow, I do not know if I can take this much longer.
I’m almost off mirtazapine, that’s been easy as I take it at night, but venlafaxine he wants me to drop by 37.5mg and then maintain that for a month, before doing the same again.
It’s going to take 4 1/2 months to get to 75mg which is when he’s comfortable to introduce Amitriptyline - what I’m swapping to.
I’m only 12 days in to my first ven drop and I feel like tit. Constant headaches, spend the day falling asleep at the drop of a hat, more headaches, shivery and hot, irrational rage.
Oh and did I mention the headaches?
I know why I’m doing this. I know I need to do it. I know it’ll be worth it in the end. But wow, I do not know if I can take this much longer.
Sometimes that's not enough, when you're in a dark hole, you really don't give a duck about anyone or anything
This.
And, sometimes they feel like too much to cope with and you convince yourself they’d be better off without you (which is never true)
I hate some flippant answers on here sometimes, unless you've been there, don't judge.
@ Fillyfox sorry what you're going through, hope you're ok x
I hope everyone on here has had a peaceful weekend 🤍 I have a question to you all: does anyone else get totally overwhelmed when going out? I went out with my best friends yesterday and didn’t enjoy myself much as I was too emotional. Technically, we had a lovely time, but by the end of the day the only thing I wanted was get home, crawl into my bed and cry. I love my friends to pieces and I used to love going out too, but these days even the smallest things can trigger me big time.
Have you tried emailing the Samaritans? I’ve never tried their text line but I’ve emailed and they would always reply within 2-3 days. Sometimes just putting your thoughts down can help you clear your head and gain back control over your emotions.
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling! The idea of losing a loved one is always so stressful and terrifying no matter if it’s a person or an animal. Your feelings are 100% valid so please don’t add to the existing stress by calling them ‘petty’.
Have you tried emailing the Samaritans? I’ve never tried their text line but I’ve emailed and they would always reply within 2-3 days. Sometimes just putting your thoughts down can help you clear your head and gain back control over your emotions.
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Wow guys thank you so much for all your helpful comments.
Unfortunately my partner isn't a consistent in my life as he works away all week so it's just me & my 3 year old son who I really struggle with if I'm honest.
When he was born I had post partum depression & psychosis. But that's a totally different chapter in my life.
Just right now I'm not in a good place mentally & needed to wrote my feelings down.
I hate that my son & partner aren't enough sometimes but I guess that's just how my brain works....
No disrespect at all! I love my partner & son very much but its a very different type of love.
Thank you everyone x
I recently went to a funeral of an old work friend. After the ceremony we went to the local pub for a couple of drinks. There was 10+ people there all of which I knew but it took me a good day to recover!
I felt physically exhausted from being around people for that time.
I'm also on venlafaxine & dread the day I may need to come off it.
Hope you're holding up okay xx
Unfortunately my partner isn't a consistent in my life as he works away all week so it's just me & my 3 year old son who I really struggle with if I'm honest.
When he was born I had post partum depression & psychosis. But that's a totally different chapter in my life.
Just right now I'm not in a good place mentally & needed to wrote my feelings down.
I hate that my son & partner aren't enough sometimes but I guess that's just how my brain works....
No disrespect at all! I love my partner & son very much but its a very different type of love.
Thank you everyone x
Can totally relate to this!
I recently went to a funeral of an old work friend. After the ceremony we went to the local pub for a couple of drinks. There was 10+ people there all of which I knew but it took me a good day to recover!
I felt physically exhausted from being around people for that time.
There are alot of venlafaxine support groups both on fb & reddit if you need abit of a pick me up.I’m weaning my meds ready to swap to different ones. Psychiatrist has overruled GP and insisted I go waaaaaay slower than GP said to.
I’m almost off mirtazapine, that’s been easy as I take it at night, but venlafaxine he wants me to drop by 37.5mg and then maintain that for a month, before doing the same again.
It’s going to take 4 1/2 months to get to 75mg which is when he’s comfortable to introduce Amitriptyline - what I’m swapping to.
I’m only 12 days in to my first ven drop and I feel like tit. Constant headaches, spend the day falling asleep at the drop of a hat, more headaches, shivery and hot, irrational rage.
Oh and did I mention the headaches?
I know why I’m doing this. I know I need to do it. I know it’ll be worth it in the end. But wow, I do not know if I can take this much longer.
I'm also on venlafaxine & dread the day I may need to come off it.
Hope you're holding up okay xx
Wow really? This is a safe thread, why are you here?? I wasn't offended, I was trying to help, go back to your words of wisdom in other threads, Ive always found you very abrupt, and sometimes I've agreed with you, but tonight, I don't get why you've targeted me, on a depression thread
Sorry if I've caused problemsWow really? This is a safe thread, why are you here?? I wasn't offended, I was trying to help, go back to your words of wisdom in other threads, Ive always found you very abrupt, and sometimes I've agreed with you, but tonight, I don't get why you've targeted me, on a depression thread
Oh my goodness yes! It’s like sensory overload, plus exhaustion from being mentally on top form while there, plus the drive / journey, plus the worries about what might (won’t ever!) go wrong.
Well done for going
You have no need to apologise xSorry if I've caused problems
You haven't caused any problems, that poster always thinks they're right, don't know why they had a go at me tonight, just wanted to see if you're ok xSorry if I've caused problems
@Fillyfox I am ready sorry to hear you are feeling like this… I totally understand where you are coming from though. I am sorry to hear about your beautiful horse… animals bring us so much comfort, love us unconditionally and see the absolute worst and best of us and hold no judgment. Spend loads of time with her/him and treasure those moments… I feel the same way with my little doggie, sometimes I wonder how I will cope when she passes. I know for my mental well-being animals always help… so I know for sure I will get another pet, however this does not mean I will be replacing her or forgetting her. I feel like I’m rambling now, but I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling…. Reach out to your GP/Psychiatrist/etc. tell them it’s urgent. I am changing over meds and starting new counselling at the moment … one step at a time xxxx
Sensory overload! That’s exactly what it is, thanks for pointing it outOh my goodness yes! It’s like sensory overload, plus exhaustion from being mentally on top form while there, plus the drive / journey, plus the worries about what might (won’t ever!) go wrong.
Well done for going
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child so it makes perfect sense. Glad to know I’m not alone in this. I think I will continue to drag myself out as I need to make a good habit of going out instead of working/studying all the time. No need to apologise, you did nothing wrong!Sorry if I've caused problems
I hope everyone is doing as ok as can be?
I’m really struggling at the moment, have been crying for a lot of the day and finding everyday things really hard.
I hate having to wait to get help, I still don’t know when it will be. I don’t need any advice or anything, I just need to get it off my chest.
I‘m so done with feeling this way, I’m a naturally happy person, but I just can’t get myself back to being that way without some real help.
I’m really struggling at the moment, have been crying for a lot of the day and finding everyday things really hard.
I hate having to wait to get help, I still don’t know when it will be. I don’t need any advice or anything, I just need to get it off my chest.
I‘m so done with feeling this way, I’m a naturally happy person, but I just can’t get myself back to being that way without some real help.
Thank you, I really appreciate it xSending you love
Keep talking to us x
Sending you lots of love
Lots of love and hugs, Sideboard Bob. We're here if you need us.
Had a bit of a fight with my O/H today about how far I've let some things slide, but he doesn't seem to understand that when you have depression you just don't care anymore. He said to me "I know you're *R word* but I'm starting to think you're REALLY *R word*" (I suspect I may be on the Autism spectrum but doubt there's much point getting tested at my age).
He knows I'm waiting for therapy as well.
Had a bit of a fight with my O/H today about how far I've let some things slide, but he doesn't seem to understand that when you have depression you just don't care anymore. He said to me "I know you're *R word* but I'm starting to think you're REALLY *R word*" (I suspect I may be on the Autism spectrum but doubt there's much point getting tested at my age).
He knows I'm waiting for therapy as well.
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