The Chateau Diaries #96 The Oxymoron and the Ass

[Lady of the Lake]

Just reflecting back upon when I first discovered CD and how lovely it was to watch, and how over a period of a few months watched every single one while in strict lockdown. It was truly, wonderful escapism and gave me a happy glow to watch. My reality for most of last year and half of this year was intermittent but lengthy lockdowns, barely allowed to do anything, couldn't even see my family, struggling with mental health as I was worried sick after covid caused my business (self-employed) to drop to almost nothing. Honestly, I was so grateful for the CD amongst other escapist things, and I would have given anything to jump at the chance to visit Lalande, especially at a festive time like Easter and especially especially at Christmas!!

Fast forward to now. Er.... I could think of few things worse than having to spend Christmas at Lalande! All the forced 'fun' such as everyone standing around awkwardly on the 'walk', trailing behind Little Red Riding Hood picking mistletoe from the fallen tree (a few hundred feet from the front door, wow what an exciting walk!) They all looked like hostages, not people full of happy Christmas cheer! Having a camera in their face all the time. Having to observe Phillip lording it over the chateau like prince consort and snorting all the time. Being freezing from dawn to dusk. SJ spending most of the time in her room rather than spend time with the others unless it's filming for content. The late, late meals. The constant focus on 'editing' to the point where they stay up until 5am to 'work'. (Why? that's just ridiculous.) SJ's manic laughter and out-of-proportion fake enthusiasm for literally everything. Gosh I could go on and on. But if you'd told me a few months ago that one day I'd feel very very differently about CD, I wouldn't have, couldn't have believed you. How times have changed.

 

[Jeeves]

31 -40. Please read before voting.

The vote for Threads 31 -40 is in one post this evening as we have 3 threads missing. Vote using the usual emojis usignthe section button (It’s easier to see the results instead of trying to search the thread for your votes. Only votes placed in these posts will be counted.
It also means we don’t use up the thread with individual votes.
(Don’t “Like” the posts either, unless you’re placing your vote!) Wait for both posts to be up before making your vote.


31. International Lalande - why should cheese wine and handworkers be French? - Hemerocalis.

32. YT subscribers are Stephanie’s rides on her little pony. -Linus.

33. Le summum de la vulgarité ( paramount of vulgarity) - Arthur.

34. “Crap de la Crap at the Château de la Tat” - The Tax Inspector

35. Dilettante's Inferno, the 10th Circle of Hell - unadulterated stupidity - Not a Chatalaine.

36 Not submitted

37. Not submitted

38. Not submitted

39. Honey for Pomerol - Purejuice.

40. She could do a bare-all expose , “The Fur Coat and No Knickers Years.” - Gibson

 

[Marty McFly 9]

Taking my coffee break at work ... so took a peek ... and this probably won't be up long ....

Julia Gaspard
3 minutes ago
You really need to employ a media manager ... and they need to be a native English speaker and able to be calm and not so rude as your mother was today. Sheesh. Some expresses concern about a global issue and they get bashed by "darling mummy". Have you and your whole family and all those that come and go at La Lande not known anyone personally who has died from COVID or been really ill from it? Seems like everyone else I know has been closely effected. How does your Mother know that Nicole isn't concerned because she's lost someone? You need someone with a whole lot more sensitivity in your chat, and a whole lot more maturity than your mother or Philip. And please not Percy, he's spreading ignorance in his comments. You will likely come a delete this comment, because that's what you do with the ones you don't like ... zero authenticity allowed. Even those of us who are vaccinated can get it and can spread it ... please stop behaving so ignorantly, the whole lot of you.
Show less

 

[OG GCHQ My G]

Here's Billy

The Army deserter who Escaped to the Chateau

Billy Petherick, 33, went absent without leave in 2009, starting a new life in France, marrying a local woman and buying and restoring the 40-room 18th century mansion in Pays de la Loire.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[LaFrancaise123]

STOP THE PRESS
France has just announced that from Saturday it will not allow non resident UK citizens into the country

But the French government added that there will be one exception like for the previous lockdowns : Lalanders and their relatives

 

[KiKiGee]

The funniest part of the vlog was at 12:29; SJ says, Tatyana and Steven will be arriving for the cheese party. I guess she forgot Sara's name.
From the CD's day 17 live chat...
SJ hands off the problem to BJJ. He doesn't know how any of this works???
I find this, to be a convenient distraction.

Michael Bergantino@The Chateau Diaries I know how busy you all are! I posted the comment regarding my surgery in the comments that Nati said was OK.

The Chateau Diaries @Michael Bergantino How are you feeling, Michael? We're all thinking of you. When did you post the link? I'll have to approve it as links are automatically blocked on my channel

Michael Bergantino @the Chateau Diaries I wish I could say I was well but I have very little energy. My open heart surgery is 18 January now. I posted the comment just before the video premiered.

The Chateau Diaries @Michael Bergantino Ok, I'll check for your comment now


Philip Janssen @Michael Bergantino We’re looking, but can’t find your comment!
Michael Bergantino @Philip Janssen I just posted again then
Sonja Fröjdendal @the chateau diaries the comment might be in the community post.

Philip Janssen @Michael Bergantino Could you let me know if you can see your own comment? We don’t see anything popping up
Michael Bergantino @Philip Janssen When I first post it, it shows. Then it disappears

Philip Janssen @Michael Bergantino Yes, let’s try that!
Michael Bergantino @Philip Janssen I posted in the video comments, not this live chat.


From the comments...
The top comment is about Michael's plea for help but the good news is the return of Bibi Bonbon.
Bibi Bonbon
1 hour ago
@The Chateau Diaries I applaud you for showing your audience the horrible consequences Covid could have on our health and helping this unfortunate man reach out for help. At the same time I think it is just as important to ask you to stop spreading misinformation about the virus. You seem to think being fully vaccinated with even a third booster on top of it will prevent it from spreading around. It does not. It helps you from getting very sick (like Michael Bergantino), but does nothing for your direct environment, as even fully vaccinated people with a booster shot can still spread the virus and infect the unvaccinated. This is why countries go into lock down again and travel restrictions are put in place. Many of your colleague British chateau owners have published their disappointment that their family members can’t join them for Christmas because they understand the urgency of following these restrictions. You seem to just be excited that your family from the UK is coming, no matter the harsh situation. I know a lot of your fans come here as a distraction and escape from reality, but some things in life are unescapable. Wouldn’t you agree a global pandemic is such a thing?

 

[Gibson2]

@Marquis de Potpourri
@gibson2021
@sandro37

I know it’s the holidays - shortly

Just a shout out … to say .. yo !


There is a list of agents MIA
You have not permissions to be MIA
View attachment 927880

My dearest M, I have unfortunately been hacked. Email accounts and passwords went for a Burton. So I now have a third moniker after last night's email also played up.

I did consider calling in the good Father O Malley, to say a few prayers for me. His reply was, sadly he didn't cover electronic devices and I should use my time wisely to contemplate my profligate ways.

I have tried a few times to reenter the VIP lounge, sadly I am no longer there, only in faded spirit. Mrs G has had to converse with me of an evening, which she finds disconcerting.

She does however now agree with me that the advent diaries are truly dire and Flip is not in her words 'worth a sh*g!' She thinks he brings the tone of the place down. I nearly had a fit laughing as it couldn't go any lower.

Winter truly came upon me! If @Jeeves would kindly give thread 90 to someone else that would be much appreciated.

In admiration of Dick and Angel's transformation and works on their Chateau over the summer. Rendering and roof job. Hmm- business plan in action? How amazing that a Chateau owner has one of those.

Amaury doing a good job of organising the work shop- Selmar has been ousted.

Talking of Selmar, what a complete and utter kn*b. He and Tatyana are total grifters, they have a vague business plan promising vague things (other than dressing up and grinding against Selmar...*puke*) reminds me of the other traction couple- whose vlog I haven't yet watched. If I were Stephanie, I would cut them loose off her vlog, her association with them is already lower than her untanked cellars. If anyone is stupid enough to buy tickets for their gif and grind show, I hope they can action the claw back clause in their credit card.



How did the phrase 'Happy Advent' get coined? Dumbest thing I ever heard.


Yours as ever Q.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Not to defend anyone, but I've also been hearing that the Omicron variant is, although more contagious, it is exhibiting milder symptoms , which is usually how it goes. Isn't this what we want ...something eventually like the common cold? I don't understand why there is such commotion over the omicron variant unless something new has developed in the last 24 hrs? The thing is Delta is still running amock and we know how deadly it is, so should not the focus still be there? Omicron seems to be confusing everyone now.
Please inform me if I'm wrong about this. I just trying to understand.

I most definitely agree that travel is not the thing to be doing right now and a bunch of people from different countries coming together, needlessly, at the chateau seems pretty foolish, even if vaccinated, as that isn't a guarantee and most who have gotten the omicron are the vaccinated .

It's really simple. Even if the new variant makes people less sick, it is going to affect many more people than the other variants did because it is so contagious. Even if a smaller percentage get very sick and need to be hospitalized, it's going to be a smaller percentage of a much much larger group, therefor putting a huge strain on healthcare workers, who are already exhausted as is.

 

[Clara Burnett]

I'm surely not, in fact I couldn't be any further. I just like to stick to the facts.

The aunt is a French citizen and no matter where she lives, she can rock in France any time she likes. Show me one single country that denies its citizens and their immediate family entry - covid or not.

It is completely irrelevant if you like it or not, it's perfectly legal for her to trave to France.

It's just beside the point whether it is legal or not, it makes no sense to travel to another country unnecessary during a pandemic, when the strict advise (based on science) is not to do so. I don't have to show you anything in order for this to be true. Actually, if we only did what our governments tell us to do by law, we would still live in a very immoral world. Common sense should be on everybody's to do list, even more so in times of global crises like these. Without common sense, we are surely doomed. By pointing out that something is "perfectly legal" when concerns are being voiced, you give an excuse for the insensible to go on ignoring common sense.

 

[CountessPompidoo]

OK I relented. I watched the Patreon vlog - thanks @MojoDublin and now just finished THE FIRST CHRISTMAS ARRIVALS!!

Obervations :

As the song goes, there are more questions than answers :

1. Since when did Davy become an IKEA kitchen planner??
2. Why would you buy IKEA cabinets (nothing wrong with them btw, I know plenty of people that have on a budget), when you have a HUGE influx of dosh a month and then.......
3. buy seperate worksurfaces and doors (did I hear that right????), from an upmarket supplier because she has to have 'amazing worktops and gorgeous doors'
4. Why listen to Davy, who in all probability, has never ran, installed, cooked in a kitchen for more than 1 person, let onlone designone. I've been through a few kitchen refits, a nightmare and you need to plan carefully.
5. Why do interiors of freezers and fridges have to be 'pretty'. I googled it. There are no pretty interiors to be bought, whatever they maybe, only SJ has the answer in her delusional head.
6. Why would you want anything but a super efficient, high quality freezer? Look at Bosch, Meile. It;s not rocket science. You need one as you are running a B&B
7. Who is Snorts to even talk about the kitchen refit? That made me really laugh
8. At last, the downstairs loo is being sorted out by Ann Marie, and to save face, SJ reckons she'll let Selmar do the 'grand opening'. They are embarrassing to proper trades people.
9. Have they even tought about a couple of dishwashers? Did they even mention them??? They really should.
10. Plannig this before that, then that then this. She definately reads here. She is back peddling as fast as she can go
11. Apparently they are all used to the cold, 'so dont worry about us'. Well actually we dont. We're just gobsmacked anyone survives a winter in the Shitoo. Heating getting sorted next year - we'll see. I thnk she's addicted to the electric wrap around blanket and ear muffs.

Now onto the vlog tonight :

1. Those wardrobes. I have no words. But I bet it's warmer in one of them than the bedrooms.
2. The bathroom. That pink, it kept reminding me of something . The I realised. It's now called 'Germaline Pink'. Perfect match. Look up Germaline. I'm right arn't I
3. Curtis & Philipo arrived with so many goodies and pressies bless 'em. Philipo is going to make a Ragu. Snorts can eat that, he was practically salivating as they unpacked it.
4. SJ quickly exclaimed she did actually have a 'little' present for Curtis. Well we know that's possibly going to be a jar of honey, SJ's pressie of choice in return for uber expense being spent on her.
4. Curtis & Philipo never took their coats off initially. Big, wintery, fur lined coats. Good Luck with that bedroom, though Curtis' shawl and Philipo's cardi later on looked nice and cosy. I think they'll need them. Continuously.
5. We never got to see the the 'wrap night' but to be fair, that was probably a blessing.

My conclusion tonight is simply this : She is like a swan gliding along a river looking regal, beautiful and graceful, but underneath, peddling like f++k

Night all

 

[Clara Burnett]

Wow. Well clearly the SA spin on the Omicron variant is the only news Percy chooses to listen to!

When I first said something about Percy being a racist, I got my head bitten off by many, even here, because he seems to be such a nice, elderly guy. Except he really is not. I find no joy in telling the truth about this wicked couple, but the harm they are doing with their lies and devious behavior is really not okay.

 

[JackSpratt]

WELL. I thought I would be making a post about disappearing over the holidays, but this is a very different post indeed.

Today my parents cancelled coming to our home for Christmas. Thanks, Omicron! I am sad, but can't really be upset because it is the responsible, correct thing to do with the vertical spike in cases in our area. Even though we are all fully vaxxed and boosted, we aren't willing to take the risk. I will still be making Christmas dinner, as my husband loves turkey, and I have offered to take plates over to a neighbor who had a second child three weeks ago with an almost three year old at home.

Sooooo......if Fatty Two Shoes (IJ's words, not mine, I have no idea what Chantal looks like) and her husband end up making it, I am disgusted that they are trying to circumvent rules put in place to attempt to mitigate the most contagious version of Covid yet. Disgusted that mini-apron feels spying on Sir Snorts, Emotional Support Squirrel, Esq. and his Chatelaine is more important than their safety. And while I am not surprised, I am DISGUSTED there has been Covid at LaLaLand and it wasn't disclosed. They get it wrong at every turn! Contracting Covid and being HONEST about it would have had the Gangster Grannies throwing more money at them out of sympathy!

It is ludicrous that they seemed to have tossed out almost all of the pre-filmed things. Could they not have been re-edited? This slap dash seat of their pants version of Advent is sorely lacking.

@Jeeves Thanks for all of your hard work. I noticed an asterisk next to my name, do you need anything more from me?

And thank you to all of you, I look forward to you helping to keep my spirits bright over the next week.

Feel for you and so many others this has affected. We are/were supposed to be going back to the UK to visit my Mum the end of January but I've told her if it's still like this, plus France are anticipating the Omicron to surge here in January we will not be going. She's terminally ill so I just hope I get to see her again before it's too late, at this time she's doing ok but who knows. ALL of them at La Lande should be ashamed of themselves for the sheer flippancy of their comments and as for the South African branch of the family, lock them up and throw away the key, frigging witch.

 

[Lady Avonlea]

An 'Adults Only' road trip to the Cheese Bar Gas Station. They could have put Squirrelboy in the carseat, but so pleased they left him back at the shitoo for his naptime.

Dan and Maria's 'Soft, Smelly and Snotty' chat - I thought they were describing Squirrelboy and not cheese.

Kudo's to Kirsty for the gorgeous wreath.

The cheese lady had a dead-pan expression and looked so unimpressed with SJ. I can imagine her sitting at the bar tonight and saying to her friends: 'Cette folle anglaise, du château de la Lande, habillée en petit chaperon rouge et portant des cache-oreilles d'animaux idiots, est entrée dans la boutique aujourd'hui et a acheté tout mon fromage. Elle est plus folle que nous le pensions.'

English translation 'That crazy English lady, from the Chateau de la Lande, dressed up like Little Red Riding Hood and wearing silly animal ear muffs, came in the shop today and bought all my cheese. She's crazier then we thought.'

 

[LaFrancaise123]

Curtis and his husband are like fresh air arriving in this kitchen.

Have anyone else noticed how Curtis refused to drink a glass of wine in the middle of the afternoon ? And felt obliged to say OK for some gin with the dinner ?

What does this tell us about Lalanders, I wonder... ?



I can't resist to put this here :


drett26
3 hours ago (edited)
Please don’t do the wallpaper in the new guest bathroom., let Ain do it. You botched the downstairs bathroom. Hate to say it but all that pink tile and commentary floor tile. It just looks very 80’s dated, it’s like a grandmothers old bathroom.

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

@Marquis de Potpourri
@gibson2021
@sandro37

I know it’s the holidays - shortly

Just a shout out … to say .. yo !


There is a list of agents MIA
You have not permissions to be MIA
View attachment 927880

Waddup, Yentas!
Thanks for the shout-out @MojoDublin !
My fiancee and I took a little trip to the West Coast for a movie premiere I was invited to and then off to her hometown of Dallas so she can have early Christmas dinner with family this weekend. Crazy busy, but still unrattled. Tattlers don’t rattle.

Meanwhile, which of you Yentas is the brave and blatant Nicola Crewe?!?

 

[pasta_aldente]

Chateau de La Ruche
"Our spirits have dwindled with the light as yet again the borders to the U.K. are closed and we face a Christmas without family. The château’s rooms empty, the four of us rattling around by ourselves. We are searching for the silver linings, soothing the disappointed children, seeking solace in the quiet time.

And quiet it will be. No family, no gîte guests, no New Year party guests in the chambres d’hôtes. Hours that were to be packed with preparation now loom ahead, empty and purposeless. “Now you can truly rest, take a break” people say. But we want to work. We want to get on with our business. We want our rooms to be full. We want to create everything we have spent months planning.

We, like so many other little hospitality businesses put in so much work behind the scenes. So much of the magic happens before our guests even arrive. Special stays are carefully considered, every detail thought out, each moment carefully curated.

I have spent months dreaming up festive tables, I have decorated the Christmas trees in my mind over and over again. I have handmade decorations, searched the shops and scoured the internet for beautiful baubles and the perfect pink candles.

Menus and cocktails have been planned and tested, planned again. The cellar restocked. Flowers and foliage have been ordered for wreaths I was just about to make. We’ve tested the heating, bought in extra fuel, made curtains, bought more cosy blankets for our winter guests. We’ve cleaned windows, made chandeliers sparkle, tidied the garden, raked up leaves.

We have put aside everything else to be ready. We’ve invested huge amounts of time and money to create Christmas for our guests, to make sure that their stay with us is perfect. We do it willingly, but it’s hard not to be heartbroken when it all, again, goes to waste. When the Christmas trees will have no one to look at them, when the flowers will fade without having their moment centre stage. When all that work and energy comes to nothing.

And it isn’t just us. Small businesses everywhere are feeling the same. Every cancelled meal, every abandoned stay, every stolen moment represents so much time, so much financial risk. And we’re tired. We’re all so tired of this rollercoaster ride. We just want it to stop, just as you all do.

It seems though it’s not time for it to stop yet. So I will decorate the trees and arrange the flowers, we will mix the cocktails and cook the party food. We will share it with you all instead. You can be our guests from afar while we wait for everyone to come back. Hanging on as best we can through the lean winter months.

And then we’ll put on our pjs and try and make the most of the festive season again as just us four. Feeling a long way from family - separated again by a small stretch of sea and a virus that won’t go away."

 

[Clara Burnett]

Another fun fact (personally checked by little old me) to underline her level of fakeness: the walk to the aqueduct SJ called "The reluctant Christmas hike" is literally 50 steps. In real life that is, obviously not in her make belief universe.

 

[Allergic to clouds]

Long time lurker here. Hello all. Have finally decided to join you lovely lot as I have to share my growing revulsion, wide eyed horror and anticipation of the fall of the house of cards. I loved CD initially. As others have said, it got me through lockdowns and cheered me up. Now it is tainted, murky and ruined.

 

[Clara Burnett]

I'd bet that at least one of them has had Covid and they've kept it quiet. We know that quite a few of them have been unwell with "colds" and Amaury seems to have had some kind of chest infection.

Word on the street is that when SJ came back from London with "a cold" she actually had Covid. The story she tells is that she got tested in England as well as in France and both turned out negative, but full disclosure (something SJ does not seem to understand anything about) those test were self-tests and hardly accurate. Nobody knows for sure what she brought "home" from her London trip, nor what she will be spreading this Christmas, but it will not be only love and laughter, I'm quite sure.

 

[sues900]

I found the Patreon vlog a bit sad really, she doesn’t actually have anyone in her life to share and collaborate with, Nic and Potty seem absolutely useless and do not seem to contribute anything towards the business and Snorty doesn’t have any life experience and has ever been a home owner so she’s turned to Davy the landscaper to talk about how to improve the catering facilities, she’s just overwhelmed. I think the running around screeching and manic laughter is a coping mechanism. I do think Isabelle was the worker in the family and I’m sure she said that Derek would have preferred not to work and just be an artist. Stephanie just needs to put her hand into her YouTube pocket and pay a French speaking Project Manager because she clearly is rubbish at it. Hey is Christmas I’m feeling charitable