The Chateau Diaries #198 The Shytoo is falling down - but Selmar's campervan is available!

[Marquis de Potpourri]

Hey, 15 yentas and 3 trolls!
I'm breaking Shabbat early to share some good news--we are eight weeks preggo!
We got the sonogram on Friday morning (on the same day my wife got her new passport! lol)
As we say in Hebrew, BARUCH HASHEM!

 

[Granola Chic]

Hello lovely ladies...
Coming to you from the hospital on the new tablet.
I'm up after surgery on Friday.

The good news is the mass is benign.
The crazy news it was over ten pounds!!!

I will say it again... Doctors do not listen to women.
I'm feeling grateful it's not cancerous, a little sore where they cut me open, and pissed at how a doctor could be so incompetent.

Now to catch up on pages and pages of tattle!

 

[Clara Burnett]

Honest question for Stephanie Jarvis: if Christmas is your favorite time of the year and your advent offerings are what makes your heart beat faster, as we all witnessed in previous years of extravaganza, sometimes even preprepared in summer and brightened by an intro filmed by your favorite gardener/wingman/dronedude Dan, why is it that this years attempts are so bleak and could it have anything to do with the disastrous state of your cracking cloud castle? Are you pretending once again? So you were in tears just the other day and you now want us to believe that life is just as much filled with love and laughter and everything is under control? You have to evict your derelict mansion because of its dangers, yet you are filling the same hazardous place with lots of family and friends? Once again, I’ll have to pass on the invitation, thank you very much. You know why.
P.S. You don't have to bother giving back to charity anymore: you ARE the charity and 'tis the season to be jolly.

 

[Jeeves]

I think I should offer Fanny some tips on ageing disgracefully!

 

[Clara Burnett]

I decided not to watch last nights attempts for gaiety. For multiple reasons, some of which are personal, I really don’t enjoy seeing Stephanie Jarvis’ break down. As you might expect I’m not very fond of her make belief love and laughter, but her terrible acting when not so happy I find is even more tacky and it just makes my skin crawl all over.
She has had multiple opportunities to steer away from trouble. When she discovered the actual state of her CHMN was even worse than expected, months ago if years, she could have jumped on that narrative: finally there was a very real and urgent need for renovation and restoration! Surely THAT would be flog-gold, wouldn’t it?
But no, the grifter in her took control again and schemed her way towards advent, hoping to repeat all of her dirty tricks once again, smoke and mirrors in overdrive. It’s her terrible ideas of covering up flaws with tasteless decorations that has prevented real, structural work taken place to begin with. It’s her refusal to let the real world in that has brought her to this point. She can fuss all she wants about being saved by her “boyfriend”: we all know the kid is clueless and useless for each and every aspect of real shittoo life, or fake shittoo life for that matter. One look at his own YouTube channel should be enough information to safely conclude there’s zero content there, absolutely revealing and self explanatory. Promises without substance has become the ruling brand label and they have absolutely no intentions to change that, not even now that they are faced with being caught up by reality. I will not be cheering while watching their downfall enfold and that will happen, we all know that. What went up…

 

[Clara Burnett]

Hey Brenda Gibbons,
Like I said, I reported you to YouTube for breaking their rules. By doing so you might jeopardize Stephanie Jarvis’ ability to monetize her channels, which could cause her to drastically loose a big portion of her income. For your information: except for rewarded inventory, publishers may not ask others to click or view their ads or use deceptive implementation methods to obtain clicks or views.
Your ties and relationship to miss Jarvis are clear for all to see, as are your intentions. Telling people they can help Stephanie Jarvis raise more money to deal with her crumbling mansion by watching ads on her Chanel is a direct violation of Google’s rules and regulations and could cause the channel to be banned.

 

[Rory]

Could Brenda’s encouragement to her Facebook group to rewatch old CD vlogs backfire? Surely if watching multiple old episodes would show the financial waste on big ticket items such as:
- the Indian Stonehenge garden monument
- the gold semicircular table bought for grand salon
- furniture for “Natti’s” apartment
- that hideous vase of animals
- the desk previously owned by some designer
- the iron torture garden furniture
- the fountain - still in UK
- the stuff bought at auction still in UK
- Davy’s parents’ junk
- couch and chairs from the other chateau owners
- chandeliers
- painting of a random woman
- billiards table “restoration” - not yet returned
- additional panelling seperate from the blue set for grand salon
- the hexagonal table for the China pantry (from a hotel auction)
- the pews for the chapel (which were too long)
- the electric organ keyboard Cat played in the chapel
- the yellow chairs in winter salon
- the additional dining chairs Philip “bought” to match existing ones
- the bespoke sized mattresses for several BnB rooms
- plates, plates, plates and more plates
- the cost of all the wallpaper incorrectly hung in bathroom, entrance room/new dining room
- Christmas figurine sets x 2
- random sinks, taps, coving, materials for Amaury
- all the framing of Daddy’s art

I’d love to have the patience to work out what has been spent from Tattlers investigations of pricing and SJ’s comments. It must be a small fortune.

 

[Clara Burnett]

F4F has been given more money thru YouTube and Patreon than Daddy Derek originally paid to buy the Dump and start renovations.

And yet, because of Stephanie Jarvis’ reckless and stupid behavior her CHMN is in a worse state structurally than when her beloved Daddy Derek bought it. There’s no-one left to blame but herself. Even her mother Isabelle Jarvis knows this and she gets frustrated by the endlessness of her daughters excuses and laziness, so much so that her frail husband had to take her away from the place to settle down a bit. That’s the thing with the charlataine: nobody stays to correct her and guide her towards responsibility. Everybody has given up on her. They might come back for some fancy festivity, but they are just as happy (or more) to leave her and her nonsense behind. I’m convinced that even her boyfriend would go if she stopped paying him.

 

[T Rex]

Today's Advent Vlog: The T Rex Take- watching it so you don't have to! Fanny is overwhelmed with "adulting"- blaming the news about the true state of her Shitoo and still crying poor, so Snorts, Alexander and Jared stay up until the wee hours to put up the Peacocktail Corner tree to cheer her up. Snorts enters Fanny's bed chamber with a cuppa, where she is sitting in her pyjamas reading Tattle- "Who the F*CK is Clara?!?" - Snorts' side of the bed is undisturbed, and tells her the jolly gay trio have a surprise for her. Fanny rushes downstairs, overjoyed, and shows she has additional ornaments to add- miniature bottles of spirits to place upon the tree- apparently, much alcohol is needed by everyone to survive a Very Fanny Christmas. I suspect last year's liquer chocolates and the mice were a disaster. (Sidebar- WHAT?!? They make miniatures of Chartreuse?!? I did not know, and NEED those in my life!) Alexander enters in sunglasses- he did not go to bed until 6AM (Jared had stated they finished at 3:30AM... Hmmm...), and looks guilty. (Where did Snorts sleep last night?...) Fanny tells the viewers they can make Advent Calendars for loved ones with miniature bottles of spirits so they'll love you more. (She makes Mummy's with full-sized bottles.) The tiny bottles of hooch were hung with care. Potts immediately attempted to grab one for brekkie, but was thwarted by an ornament that just looked like a miniature. The "tree" has inspired Fanny to have a cocktail party tonight- who is she kidding- seeing a butterfly inspires her to have a cocktail party. Since no one is actually cooking dinner tonight, Fanny decides she'll make Scotch Eggs, because she's probably half crocked (there is no Door Dash or Postmates to deliver Macca's in rural France), and goes out into the dark with drunk Potts to gather herbs by the light of a pink iPhone. I will give her props- she did actually make them, and somehow managed to used a fryer (with the supervision of Potts) but that is ALL she made for dinner- she cut them in half, too... More footage of closeups of the tree and ornaments- I thought the vlog was done, and BOOM! Amy and Mr. Bean have arrived with the children- which is really awkward as Fanny & Friends are soused, and each are given 1/2 of a Scotch Egg, which they have to share with each child as Mr. Bean remarks to his son, "Save some for me!" Tonight's vlog was brought to you by- "Alcohol- it's what's for dinner!"

 

[KiKiGee]

I have decided to use @Reader's digest's summer tattvent day 4.


Day 4 of summer tattvent Calendar of unfinished projects

 

[Jules100]

Not the moth dress with the patches!

@skybluepink098, Stephanie is just a poor girl alone in a French castle, scrubbing floors, patching holes in old cashmere & trying to figure out how to finagle strangers into giving her even more money because she’s wasted what they already gave her.

 

[Just Grift Wood]

Fanny has money and I don't believe she has spent all her YouTube or patron money yet. Fanny is saving it for the future when this grift dries up, she is not a fool- she just plays it. Fanny is also actually really tight arsed and mean, yes she splashes the cash on extravagances for her and her paid companion, but she hasn't got through a million quid or anywhere near. She actually hates spending her own money- you only need to see how she entertains, with a mean and frugal heart. Look how much booze Billy and MP brought with them they know she is as tight as a gnat's chuff.

 

[KyBourbon]

I found the perfect toile pattern for Fanny…”Alien Abduction!”

 

[Jules100]

I have to confess, I have one. I went to Paris with a friend and as a Christmas present she bought me a robe with a Paris map on. I’ve never really worn it but feel guilty parting with it because it wasn’t cheap. It makes me sweat, it feels like it’ll tear easily, sticks to me when I get out if the bath and is more something to wear for effect and is not useful or practical. They are mostly reduced and half price here now, I think their popularity has dropped off hence giving them away free to The heap.

I have a 100 stars robe too. The pink & green giant willow pattern, Stephanie has the same one in blue & white. It is light weight and says hand wash only, but I throw it in the washer on delicate and air dry it, so far so good. My mil said she loved it when I caught her sneaking around in my closet, so I bought her one for Mother’s Day. I don’t think it is worth the price. I’ve hardly worn it over the last couple years, but I do look cute when I wear it.

*edit: I don’t wear it in the front yard with little underneath to discuss things with the workmen renovating my house.

 

[KiKiGee]

we getting closer and closer every day to the prophecy of SJ becoming Cornella indeed.
View attachment 1778798

 

[HalcyonOrganic]

I really hope I’ll never buy a chateau.

All those things and secrets you all would find out about me, with your endless researches.

 

[Tea with lemon]

That was 11 months ago.
And SJ wants to say that the architect did not see structural problems all around the chateau.
So what a lie!

 

[Clara Burnett]

I wondered how long it would be before the kids would be used as bait...I think Mancubs childhood memories may have fallen short when trying the whole Sinta Klaus reenactment. Possibly confused them with the thought of 2 Santas. I think the story was lost on them but they received loads of sweets so they didn't care. Think mancub had the most fun

On Stephanie Jarvis’ strategy-list of things to do when the going gets tough: bring out the kids and use previous shot and edited footage of “unrelated” activities. From the fact that she used both these helplines on the same day we can easily read the height to which the stress levels have risen for the charlataine, who no doubt tonight will be returning to the kitchen for some Dana-mimicking cookery nonsense.
As for the candy 'his mother had sent, bless her heart': she never did. Snorts ordered all this online and had it delivered, just to be able to inject his family in the narrative again.

 

[C'est moi]

As I predicted, at midnight last night, I have woken up to a new thread. I've caught up and am back up to speed. I had a bit of a gras matinée, but nothing compared to fou-fou new flues fanny!

Thanks as always to @ComtesseRose for setting up. Congratulations to @Lochness Monster and @T Rex for the title.

Congratulations to all the new nana's, mamie's, grandma's, nounou's for the recent additions to your families.

Wishing good health to all tattlers who have been struck by lurgies, bad backs and surprise necessary operations - speedy recoveries.

So glad that you feel you can pop in here from time to time @JackSpratt take your time and go with the flow.

I'm not keen on tablecloths and like to see the natural wood with good sized placemats to catch the food debris!

My darling little cat with the prettiest feet has just been put onto Hills prescription kibble for chronic kidney condition. She hates it and goes on "hunger strike" every few days, so I mix in a little of the non prescription that she had before. She's not happy but she grudgingly eats. We've always known about the kidney problem. Her kidneys never fully developed as she grew. She was the offspring of a feral street tom and a duchess (Aristochats)! She's 10 and the vet informs me she's got years left in her yet.

New flues fanny has given us lots to talk about and dissect in the last few days. I still feel there are more fireworks and explosions to come.

- Will the farmhouse remain standing throughout the festive season?
- Will snorty squirrel make it to the new year party?
- Will Alexander have a breakdown?
- Will Michael Petherdick return?
- Does snorty squirrel realise he is no longer the only gay in the village?

Questions, questions, so many questions. Let's go!

 

[Clara Burnett]

So Pavlina is back at the HMN. SJ made a huge point of saying how much she had missed her - not entirely convinced from what @Clara Burnett has said about SJ's feeling with regard to Pavlina in the past.
What exactly will she be doing?
No real gardening required, apart from maybe helping Davy/Kirsty with the shrubs next week. No B&B guests either.
And, I would imagine, that any guests staying over Christmas at the HMN will be fending for themselves and not expecting a chambermaid to make their beds and clean their bathrooms.
How do you think that the financials are actually worked out for these huge gatherings? I somehow feel that SJ doesn't foot all the bills even though she is a millionairess by grifting. We all know that millionaires don't become so by splashing their money around!

Stephanie Jarvis usually only provides food for the actual Christmas meal. All the other day she feeds herself on what her "guests" bring in and prepare.