The Chateau Diaries #157 You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, caution is advised!

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Clara Burnett

I am not Tina and I am not Ian. No matter who Stephanie Jarvis seems to believe I am, her blaming innocent people for my wet work as you call it, is a less fun part of it. I am well aware it disrupts peoples lives and apparently even peoples work and I do understand people hating me for not revealing my identity and get them off the hook. I honestly feel though that that's her responsibility (for putting them on public display) as it is their own for allowing to be associated with her schemes and profiting from it.
 
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Patriciarella

E-mail #4444: To whom it may concern, My father suffers from dementia and accidentally sent you my great-grandmother’s collection of hand crafted, rare cameos. I was made aware when watching channel 4 that you have glued these to your wall. Are you nuts? I must ask that you remove them and return these one of a kind items back to me. Kat was an innocent volunteer but I saw kaboom boyfriend assist with hanging the stolen property, so swift legal action will be brought on him and not the three owners. Mainly because he gets on my nerves and yuk he is yuk. P.S. just write on the return package “gift” even though it is my inheritance, thank you.
 
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john eccles

Completely spot on Ky Bourbon, it reminds me of the once proud, beautiful residences that you see in docus after they have been turned into drug dens. Shameful.
 
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graciemckitten

And where is the written quote? Probably all inflated figures. À grifter’s got to grift. Must be a genetic trait in that family.
 
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JackSpratt

As I said. I rest my case, that easily available I'd question why. UK and France plumbers/heating engineers are in high demand. Company's only registered in Dec 2021, to take on a task of that size mmmm. I still feel there's no intention (certainly on her part and the other two co owners don't seem bothered) to go ahead with it. However, is she going to be overruled by family.
 
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Just Grift Wood

I bet the guy came over on a jaunt to see his mate and they just made it up-how appalling
 
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graciemckitten

It seems like Amaury is becoming more and more complicit in the Shittoo grifting extravaganza with every hour he spends at the Shittoo. He may regret the day he set foot on the grounds of the decaying farmhouse.
 
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Just Grift Wood

graciemckitten said:
It seems like Amaury is becoming more and more complicit in the Shittoo grifting extravaganza with every hour he spends at the Shittoo. He may regret the day he set foot on the grounds of the decaying farmhouse.
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Nah he won't it is a very niche audience no one really knows who they are despite Fanny acting like she is a mega star he will just slip back into his old life
 
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graciemckitten

Email no. 609. Urgent! The mold test from your bedroom has been completed. The mold behind the headboard of your bed is toxic and contains airborne spores that can cause significant premature hair loss, especially if the spores come into contact with red fabric dye in any form, which increases the toxicity. The loss is irreversible unless the mold is promptly eradicated within the next 30 days.
 
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Tea with lemon

E-mail #6754
Dear Stephanie,

I am a big fan and Patron. I booked three days in La Lande at the end of September a long time ago and I can't wait to come.
I'm a little worried about the latest posts on social networks, which show moisture and mold on the walls. I was particularly worried about the part of the kitchen under the sink. You know, I'm very allergic to mold and I get an asthma attack in such places.
I'm interested in how it is in other parts of the chateau. I wouldn't want emergency vehicles circling La Land because of me and disturbing you. Such a situation would not be convenient at all. Or maybe it would be. You could film it all, and I'd be the star of the show. (How exciting)
Kidding aside.
I know that you look forward to every guest and that our well-being is very important to you.
Please, please, please, tell me that it's not true with the dampness and mold and that my arrival is safe.
I'm so excited! I love you Stephanie!

(For the next year, we can have fun with "mail to Stephanie" and not run out of inspiration. I love this site.)
@Patriciarella You made my morning.
 
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graciemckitten

Email #8991. Dear Stephanie, while staying at the farmhouse last weekend, my husband accidentally broke a piece off your new Ardmore vase. He was too embarrassed to tell you and simply turned the broken part of the vase to face the wall and put the broken piece into his pocket. Sadly, the piece fell out of his pocket in the garden and was promptly crushed under the wheels of the digger driven by yourself as you were filming your daily video. So sorry for the unfortunate incident. You can barely notice that half of the elephant’s trunk is missing.

And my husband also apologizes for spilling his red wine on the new Ardmore tablecloth and hopes the stain will not be permanent. He also hopes that you have been able to locate the missing Ardmore napkin that he may have thrown away in the trash dumpster. He feels badly that PhiPhi had to climb into the dumpster and empty all its contents at 2 a.m, in the morning. My husband has never seen a person climb into a dumpster while holding a full flute of champagne. Its always entertaining at LaLande, no matter the hour!

Can‘t wait to see you again at the Patron’s Day extravaganza!
 
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Jeeves


It was clear from earlier posts that Fanny believed that Ian (or perhaps Tina) were writing as Clara. The speculation was who Fanny thought Ian was masquerading as and not as some seem to think, who the enigmatic Clara is.
I think Ian is better off out of the Lelande cesspit - it was only a matter of time before he outlived his usefulness to her.

As @JackSpratt says, there is something fishy about a company set up very recently, conveniently in time to collaborate to address the heating issue that does not go away. They put in a large quote for the work, Patreons up their contributions to help their beloved Princess to get the work completed - and that the actual invoice is lower so that the heating company (Amaury's friend) takes their cut.
 
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Patriciarella

E-mail #3684: Bubblefriend. Stephanie I hope you are happy! You have ruined my life! I already picked out the wedding dress and my mother has been sewing it for years. You have rich castle buying men, international Potty men, educated artistic draw you in a painting men. Why must you take the only boy that didn’t tease me for being in a bubble? I love him! My therapy dog loves him. Some guy in a bathtub loves him, please, please I can’t harmonize with other boys.
 
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JackSpratt

Photos on their website show the fitting of industrial size bioilers, in lovely perfectly clean settings. The Chateau is a completely different thing altogether. They may well have been going for a while as an independant and only recently registered as a LTD company. Who knows
 
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Luna20

Just Grift Wood said:
She hasn't really restored anything I think she has kept all the old wallpaper basically because she is tight and can try and convince people it is charming what happened to the Bird wallpaper still not done either it is just laughable now.
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I think she wants panneling in there too, plus she needs another project for ch4!
 
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Trengilly

Clara Burnett said:
Stephanie Jarvis accused Ian of writing here, that's the fallout.
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I have a feeling this kind of retribution keeps her awake at night. Remember when we had Jamie, Stephanie's Knight in shining armour, jump in to defend her. He'd been briefed beforehand.




Where are the association accounts Stephanie?
What did you do with my money?
 
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pasta_aldente

SJ and the Shitoo are the Big Top of this crazy circus and Jason Dubey has joined as a sideshow act, like the bearded lady.
 
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Lady Avonlea

Email #6969

To: mademoiselle stéphanie jarvis
From: Centre Hospitaier de La Chatre

Further to your recent visits to our Emergency Department we are writing to confirm your laboratory results for sexually transmitted infections (STI's). Your test results confirm the presence of:
  • Bacteria - Chlamydia
  • Parasites. - Trichomoniasis
  • Viruses - Genital herpes
There are number of risk factors associated with exposure to STI's so please avoid:
  • Unprotected sex
  • Sexual contact with multiple partners
  • Misuse of alcohol or use of recreational drugs
Being young is also a risk factor, but this does not apply in your situation.

Therefore, it is vital that you:
  • Abstain from sex
  • Stay with one uninfected partner
  • Avoid vaginal and anal intercourse with new partners
  • Get vaccinated
  • Use condoms and dental dams consistently and correctly
  • Don't drink alcohol excessively or use drugs

If an STI progresses to an STD, watch carefully for the following symptoms, which can vary, but can include:
  • Recurring pain (causing you to do NOo physical labour, but travel is allowed)
  • Fever (causing you to wear flimsy outfits in order to stay cool)
  • Fatique (causing you to rest in bed all day)
  • Memory loss (causing you to forget about emails, paying bills & wearing underwear)
  • Changes to vision (causing you to believe Snorty is handsome)
  • Changes to hearing (causing you not to listen to your Mother or any common sense)
 
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Imperious Me

I watched the Potts interview yesterday... apart from Fanny answering all the questions, he's such a likeable guy and they get on so well. Snorts makes no sense after watching that.
 
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