The advice thread for random problems #5

[Tommyb]

My birthday is coming up, am meeting some friends in London during the day, they have suggested going to a wine event but I really am not keen (I'm not really a wine drinker although they are) - should I go along even though it's not really my thing? Or if not what else can we do as they seem to want to 'do' something more than just meeting for lunch.
This is me all over btw, complain I never get invited to anything then when I do I don't want to go

If you are meeting up for your birthday then no. Don't go. Do something you will all enjoy. I did go to a boozy afternoon mad hatter themed afternoon tea once. Sounds bizarre but had a great time! I don't drink at all but there was an option to have it boozy or tea

 

[JoeBloggs]

That's so interesting about BC and our hormones really do control a lot. How would you feel if he broke up with you? Relieved? Definitely don't stay with someone out of guilt, although you probably already know that.

I'm gonna speak to my husband today, in fact he's just putting the bin out so I might do it when he gets back in.

I also truly to believe in the 7 year itch (give or take a year). I got it with my husband around year 7 and again recently at just over 14 years. I'm over it now and things are good but I think things get stale, there are the general in a rut frustrations and if you throw hormones or mental health into the mix its a messy concoction. I was genuinely thinking of divorce earlier this year.

 

[tomato_paste]

Depends on the job. I got asked at interview why I chose the subjects I did and got the grades I did.

I had the required professional degree to do the job but got turned down because I had no idea; in feedback I asked why and I was told because GCSEs were essential part of the criteria.

So yes it might matter.

Sorry if that doesn’t help.

That's just dumb. "Lets use something you chose at an age where hormones are high and you aren't even fully formed as a person to determine your suitability for a job years later"
Smh

 

[chickhicks86]

so I bough samsung tab from johnlewis last October, it is still in good condition as i have barley used it as i am unhappy with with the size as its too small. any advice what i can do

Sell it or trade it in You don't have any consumer rights just because you don't like it. Samsung often have generous trade in offers on their website.

 

[bozlem3080]

I’ve had an appointment today I’ve waited 5mths for to be asked why I was even there (gallstone attack in March, hospital admission, put on waiting list in April to see a specialist after an ultrasound scan for an urgent appointment!) so apparently it’s my decision whether I need my gallbladder removing, the specialist didn’t even look at my scan, told me I need an MRI & sent me on my way literally could of had the conversion over the phone instead of me booking time off work & travelling to the hospital, the stones are quite big according to my scan & google & one is in the opening to my gallbladder, I really don’t know what the timescale is for an MRI, I’m at a loss on what to do?! I just feel so angry that he didn’t ask if had family history for instance & the fact I waited so long to be seen to basically not be told anything really & to make the decision myself without telling me if I would be better off without my gallbladder, how it will affect my health etc….

 

[Good Egg]

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. As you have a son who would miss his mother I’m concerned if you’re not recognising if you’re having a bit of a MH misfire rather than it being simple loneliness.
I’m not saying it’s the case here but sometimes we tell ourselves “if only xyz, then I’d feel better, it’s just that” instead of looking at the big picture and accepting we’re not coping so well in general.
When we’re feeling empty we can clutch at things that we think would give a big hit of emotion but if we don’t address the underlying issue, it mightn’t work.
Is there a professional you can speak to, to help you arrange your thoughts? Or perhaps speak to the GP about feeling numb (I think you’re saying that’s how you feel).
If it’s loneliness and purpose, hell, you could get a dog! But if it’s a feeling of being alone in a room full of people, that’s a different story imo.
I’m no MH professional so I apologise if im missing or overstepping the mark. I’ve had some therapy for my own thoughts though and it’s helped me to recognise normal levels of self doubt, detachment etc and when it’s informed by previous experiences and more serious. I’d recommend it if you can.

I’m going to see the GP tomorrow I think you are right. Everything feels too much.

 

[TheGlossy]

Update:

I spoke to the dentist and we did some more x-rays today. It appears the root fragment was no longer there (he showed me his screen and I was able to see this too).

He explained everything in detail and was very thorough. He seems very meticulous and detail oriented with a cautious approach which is a good thing.

So, I’m taking it day by day down to deal with my anxiety.

One thing I didn’t like though was I rang the clinic today before my appointment to ask the fee for today’s appointment and was told there was no fee to be paid today. Next thing I know, 5 minutes after I exit the clinic, I receive a link to pay the full fee for something they haven’t done yet and put my account with them in DR. Not great at all.

Not the first time their assistants or receptionist gives me the wrong info. I was told by one of them I’d get a follow up call after the extraction and when I informed them no one called, the Dr told me they don’t do this for extractions.

 

[Snippysnips]

What’s an easy way to dress up a bit for the evening but could probably double for day time dressed down?

I typically wear a nice dress, flat shoes an a casual jacket for day an heels at night with maybe a sparkly belt if the design will go with it

 

[littlepup]

I've lived with my Dad or Mum most of my adult life. I've lived with partners then moved 'home' and lived alone for 4 years but sold to pool resources with Mum. We have an incredible home with our own spaces and now it's her, me, OH, LO and another baby any day. OH amd I are building a house so will eventually move but she'll probably come with us.
As she's getting older it becomes harder, she does my head in on a daily basis just with her quirks, but it also means I'm here for her. And she's here for me and more importantly my child, they're besties.
If it works for you, there's nothing wrong with it at all, I see the benefits far outweighing the negatives as long as your not treated like a child nor behave like one.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Soooo I brought it up this evening.... he has now packed his bags and left. I truly believe right now it was more of a case of gut instinct being right and him no longer being invested 🥲 I just can't see how me approaching my feelings has ended it all. Happy saturdayyyyyy

I know - very much from experience - how it feels right now. But believe me, you will look back at this moment and thank him for hauling his useless, wet towel arse out of your life. Bigger and better things coming.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thankyou yes your right some people feel the need to take advantage, there are flats opposite and if there isn’t a vacant visitors space free then she parks right outside my front door where my window is its unbelievable! I don’t get why she needs to park right outside her daughter’s house it’s completely lazy and entitled behaviour, especially when there’s plenty of space round the corner! The irony is she’s a real fitness fanatic too

Half the issue is that you gave her permission so how should she know it’s annoying you?
You’ll have to bite the bullet and knock on your neighbours door when she’s next round. Jus politely tell her that in the future can she please par somehwere else as you thought it was a one time thing

 

[tomato_paste]

the microchip has my details on (not hers)

That is definitely good to prove ownership, but I assume you've paid for everything as well? Food, vet, playthings, etc and can prove that? If so, nobody will put your legal ownership in doubt. I would ignore her comments, but do prepare a folder with copies of receipts and a print out of the microchip data in case she ever calls the coppers.

See also here where someone had the same question:

https://www.justanswer.co.uk/law/o3gba-i-ve-question-ownership-cat-given.html

 

[loozyfloozy]

Not advice per se but has anyone tried that whole waking up at 5am thing?

did it for about a month instead of getting up at 8am and found myself going to bed three hours earlier each night. so i didnt actually gain any more time awake, i just spent the day grumpy lol

 

[becca7721]

I’ve been there with my sister. She’s now happily married, has a child, mortgage, degree, travels and I’m always compared. I’ve qualifications but can no longer work - I’m seen as “dosser” even when I did work and could travel and do things I loved I was still a dosser. Got my degree, dosser wasting time and money. I’ll never get married, achieve anything I wanted to because of my illness.

One thing that really helped me I got from a self help book, decades ago, and that was purchasing a notebook and writing every single thing I had achieved, and, it was every single thing. So for example I learnt to talk, walk and other things. Judging yourself by others, which is very very easy NEVER helps. There’s a poem called The (spelling isn’t right something like that) which explains it perfectly. Go google and read it.

It’s an exceptionally hard thing to do. But do, do try the notebook, and, some colouring pencils and really celebrate what YOU have achieved. What it took for you to meet those achievements. Start with being born.

Yes I know it sounds silly. A friend actually bought me the book and first lot of colouring pencils because I thought it silly but it really did help. Other things help me too but as they’re connected to my faith I won’t be putting them here as I don’t want to cause any offence.

 

[TheGlossy]

Look at it this way. Something WILL go wrong of you don’t go again.
Dental decay and infection is linked to a great deal of health issues not just pertaining to the mouth. It’s even been linked to cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s. For the sake of your overall health, you need to get it sorted.
Speak to your dentist and explain your fears, they are well versed in it and can take special measures. You can also talk to your doctor about a calming med/mild sedative or even explore hypnotherapy or general therapy for the fear.
Do what you need to do to get it done, you’ll feel so much better once you have.

Thank you. You’re right - Failing to fix this will certainly lead to bigger health issues in the future. Bacteria will eventually travel to other parts of the body. I need to focus on the end result.
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Send them a nice gift and card apologising for not being able to come.
You don’t have to give them a reason just RSVP no
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I’m not scared of the dentist but could you take some calming tablets before hand?

Thank you. The thing is it’s not the procedure itself I’m afraid of. Pain etc doesn’t really scare me. The fear is related to the fact I’m engaging in another dental treatment after multiple failed ones with incompetent / shady dentists. It’s more of a trust related fear rather than a procedure related one. I just need to focus on the fact it will help me get better.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Thank you everyone I really appreciate all the support and help.

I was supposed to get a call from the practice today check on how I’m doing - no call. This is supposedly one of the top practices in the city.

I had a huge panic attack this morning wondering what I have done and whether I would have been better off leaving those roots in. I have no idea where all of this is going now.

I more than likely will need to take next week off from work because I’m not doing good mentally at all right now.

Take the time off. Your mental health is important. It'll also be harder to make decisions if you're stressed out. Wishing you the best. Look after yourself this week.

 

[HoGi]

I know someone who is up at 4:30 to be in the gym for 5. She goes to bed at 8. I just don't see the point??

I would rather go to bed at 10 and wake at 6 30

 

[griftalo]

My youngest daughter came home last night, her boyfriend made her come to see me as she's been very low recently and tearful. She's on the mini pill (progestogen) and I'm wondering if that's not helping as it's unusual for her to be so teary and anxious. She said she feels like she's on the verge of a panic attack all the time.... just wondering how to help her

The mini pill made me feel suicidal. So it’s worth discussing it with a doctor. I had a three month long period too, and went back to normal as soon as I stopped it.

 

[Merpedy]

I'm not in a union, in fact I don't think anyone in our company is, certainly I've never heard it mentioned.

We've not recruited anyone external into a role at Xs level for at least 5 years (there's been some internal promotions in that time), but even when we did the salary was never advertised. I think I'm going to have to somehow do some digging though.

I really hate this culture around not discussing salaries at all between colleagues

 

[Kim Mild]

Re the possibly off oat milk - I was fine