The advice thread for random problems #5

[it’s not been changed?!]

God, I struggle to get up at 6.20am. Go to bed at 10pm ish. I miss my old job where I didn’t have to get up until 7.30 body clock now wakes me up at 6/6.30 but at least I can lay in bed and rot on a weekend instead of dashing about getting ready for work.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I feel really upset about this. Been happily married for 15 years and everything fine. But for the past two weeks I've been feeling really off with my husband. It's like someone has flicked a switch off and I don't feel anything for him anymore. What's going on

 

[Snippysnips]

Thank you both. I thought it would probably be restricting calories combined with more exercise. I'm just so bad at counting calories, I always get it wrong

Calories are a difficult thing because you can't really get an exact an everyone burns them differently, but being aware of calories even if it's a rough guess can definitely help give some sort of control an make you very aware of what you are eating, it's why I do it, I used to have soup an bread for lunch till I realised I was basically eating 600 cals an then I'd be wanting a biscuit a bit later after it at like 100cals each, I had no idea just how much I was consuming at once because some food feels like nothing at the time

 

[conrea37]

My birthday is coming up, am meeting some friends in London during the day, they have suggested going to a wine event but I really am not keen (I'm not really a wine drinker although they are) - should I go along even though it's not really my thing? Or if not what else can we do as they seem to want to 'do' something more than just meeting for lunch.
This is me all over btw, complain I never get invited to anything then when I do I don't want to go

If this is for your birthday, suggest something else as you won't enjoy it by sounds of it!

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I went on holiday with my Mum and extended family for a week and realised very sadly that I could never live with her again. But I adored my Dad and would have been able to live with him very easily. If you and your Mum get on, what's to stress about.

 

[griftalo]

I really need to know what bra size I am, where is the best place to get fitted and has anyone done an online fitting before? Were you happy with the result?

Bravissimo are alright or measure yourself using the actual ribcage measurement as the band size, don’t add 4, then calculate the number of inches between that and around your boobs. M&S are notoriously bad for fitting you into what size they sell. Tried telling me I was a really large band with small cup, miles away from my actual size . Useless!

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

@becca7721 you're stuck in flight or fight mode - no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Don't underestimate the physical effect that stress has on your body. I ended up in hospital when I was so stressed after what happened to me - they thought I was having a heart attack but it turned out to be inflammation of the soft tissue around my ribs (costochondritis). Now every time I get run down or stressed, I get a flare up. It's my warning sign to listen to my body, I guess.

You're human and you've got a lot going on. Be a bit easier on yourself.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I would just… let people know? Like I think normal people would? People are so weird, are you psychic?!

I know! I've broken stuff accidentally and either reported it or left it on the side, with a note of apology, when we checked out so it's obvious. What's wrong with people?! Surely it's just manners!

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

Thank you - that's very kind. She may be 25 but she's my baby bird and always will be

 

[becca7721]

That’s as bad a parcelforce. I was given wrong information by post office and forced to use parcelforce24. It was for a Christmas box, so presents, some nice food for a terminal relative. I’m not totally stupid and posted it start of December. They sent it to Bristol via Glasgow for a start. Then it went down (and back up) the EAST coast. Eventually it got to a ‘local’ depot but they wouldn’t deliver it as I hadn’t paid for Saturday delivery. That I had posted it on a Saturday weeks before wasn’t the point fortunately someone was able to collect and delivery it on my behalf (and it wasn’t in the depot they said it was either).

I complained and was promptly told to allow extra time due to Christmas as it’s a busy time.
Then they blamed the post office as they don’t do the area of wales I live in so never had it.
Did I know Christmas is a busy time?
Then they blamed road works....

Six months later (more comments about Christmas being busy) they agreed compensation would be paid (included in price not because I was being a pain)..

Money off my next delivery with parcelforce and, four second class stamps.

I wasn’t allowed the actual compensation because it was partly my fault for not paying extra for Saturday delivery.

I was so upset. Luckily she got it and loved it but as she was in a hospice at the time that was pure luck. Did they care? Nope.

Now I’ll pay anything to avoid dealing with them.

 

[TheGlossy]

I am about to burst into flames today.

I have two large furniture consignments which were due for delivery today. The driver rang me to ask me to meet him at the gate at the opposite end of the building.

I politely asked him if he could help me carry the packages to my building door (not inside) as they are too heavy to carry alone and I am on my own. The driver said he doesn’t want to because he ‘doesn’t have time’ and told me to 'wait until Monday then'. I’d highlighted to him the fact that I’d seen him multiple times inside the complex bringing much smaller packages the size of a book to other recipients. I’d seen him this week three times in the building. He said he only does that ‘when he wants to’.

This is completely unprofessional of an attitude and response. I specify that I did not ask him to get them inside the building, but just as close as possible to the building

Now, instead of getting my packages today within due time, I am now compelled to wait until next week because the driver 'doesn’t have time' and is therefore dictating when I can or can’t get my packages based on his own personal terms.

I’ve decided I won’t accept the delivery when it comes back again and have already escalated to both the retailer & shipping company. If I accept this delivery after this incident, he’ll do it with everyone. Disgusting. He ruined my moment anyways because I was so excited to revamp my bedroom.

 

[HoGi]

Looking for advice on any good websites to look at to get an idea on general outfits, I typically shop at places like new look, Matalan, river island, Primark etc but whenever I look I feel lost on what to go for to make a nice outfit, I know sometimes sites pair stuff on the models but a lot of the time the new stuff is on its own

Really am just wanting to browse on sites that have the latest trends so I can see to get ideas if that makes sense

Instagram is probably your best best. I love galslovehighstreet but there are loads more similar.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

How does one usually go about getting out of something they don’t want to do?

I know we are all adults and theoretically it should just be a case of “I can’t make it anymore” and that be that, but I know it’s never as simple.

A work colleague is terminally ill and they have arranged a night out. They’ve only told one person the details of this night and said it’s a surprise, but of course we have all been told and all now know. The “surprise” also involves full payment from everyone going - so basically it’s just an event she wants to go to, nobody else, and we all have to pay our way etc. I said yes initially when asked if I was free but I really don’t want to go. It’s on a weekend and that’s the only time I get to see my family, working all week and other than bath and bedtime, I don’t see my kids much during the week.

I just feel mean as she’s poorly and I know people will talk and say how they can’t believe I’m not going etc. Any tips on situations like this?

You could say you have a large unexpected bill to pay, leaky roof repair, broken appliance etc. "I would have liked to have gone but suddenly have a lot to pay out for this month". You could still meet them for a pre drink before the event to show willing?.

 

[emmer_moans]

Thank you. Hearing this really helps - I know that natural I'm a people-pleaser and I'm terrified of any behaviour that might be 'rude' (like not asking questions back). She's taken advantage of that and used me for a long time. I came to realise that she only gave me the cat in order to keep something over me - problem is, now I'm really in love with the little fella and could never, ever give him back (she also didn't take great care of him). Hoping your method works a treat!

If she does come round, just pretend to be in the shower and not hearing the door, etc. You're not obliged to interact with her. I appreciate it's anxiety inducing though, I can't stand unexpected visitors. I always pretend I'm out or 'in the bathroom' as I look through a tiny gap in the curtain lol. I just hate being put on the spot!

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hi all after some advice my next door neighbours mum keeps parking right outside my house as in if I open my door there is her car (which is on my land) if there are no spaces opposite (plenty round the other side which are still very close) I get on well with my neighbours and I really don’t want it to be awkward, but this has happened twice this week so is becoming a lot more frequent, her mum is round a lot (neighbour has just had a baby) which is understandable, her mum did ask me once not so long ago if she could park outside my house so I said yes but I now feel like she’s taking the piss and has assumed she can now park there whenever unsure how to approach this I did consider either leaving my car parked where she does (even though I have a driveway) maybe she will take the hint or leave a rubbish bin there?! has anyone been through this before and how did you deal with it?

I think the only thing you can do if you don’t want to say stop parking there to her is put your car where she parks and ensure she can’t park anywhere else on your land. And remain consistent. Sounds like you’ve said yes and meant the once and she’s heard yes and decided it meant for now and ever more so annoying!

 

[houdini]

Has anyone got any advice for me regarding how to support a child through a relationship break up? I think I’m going to be leaving my partner soon and we have a preschool age child. She’s a very sensitive child and I’m so worried of the repercussions this is going to have on her. I feel riddled with guilt but I’ve tried to make it work for so long and it’s gone too far now. What can I do to make it less traumatic for her?

 

[Snippysnips]

I want to get into a morning & evening routine at 33! My job I can turn up between 8-10am but everyone else starts at 8am while I start at 9.30. I don’t do my skincare and I’m always rushing etc.

So if I want to start work at 8am, be at work for 7:50 so enough time to log on, get a coffee etc and travel time is 15 mins max.

I prefer having breakfast when I’ve been awake for about 2hrs so happy to have that at work etc.

What time should I wake up and go to bed if I need about 8hrs sleep? And do my skincare etc.

Maybe 6:30 wake up? Would give around a hour before leaving for work an would let you have 30mins to get there, an for a 6:30 wake up I'd say maybe 10pm bed?

Personally if it was me I'd be 7am wake up an out by 7:30 but I don't really take a lot of time in the morning to get ready so if you're wanting coffee then I'd give it that little bit more time, also I wouldn't stress about 8h sleep, I find the more you stress about having to be in bed by a certain time so you can have so much sleep the more you are likely to be up at night worrying about it an watching the clock, for me I go to bed whenever I just feel tired an have my curtains open just a little so the morning light comes through (my room is pitch black) an I'll get up naturally that way, sometimes it's 6 sometimes it's 7 especially in summer, during winter ill set a alarm for 8 so i dont go past that if am not up before, but allowing myself to go to bed at whatever time I feel tired an getting up naturally works the best an I get a better nights sleep then

 

[Mamacita]

I guess sometimes the best thing for the animal is rehoming it so isn't that showing love for the animal finding it a better more suitable home than keeping it just because you love it?

For sure but why then get a second pet without thinking it through again

 

[Rxt156]

Is 7:30/8pm too late to cut grass? I could do it now but I know I'll need to shower afterwards and I want to wait until tomorrow to shower as I'm going out Wednesday. I have dog training until 7pm tomorrow so was hoping I can do it after that

Yes I think it is too late. I’d be peed off if my neighbours were doing it at that time. Soz

 

[JoeBloggs]

Where I live atm (private rent) is very cheap for the area, and therefore I cannot afford to find somewhere else to private rent.

Does anyone know if I go to the council & explain issues I'm having in my house, if I'd be eligible for homefinder?

I have a young child, single mum working part time.

The issues are: black mould in the kitchen which landlord has said is due to not properly insulating it. Pipe being held together with duct tape. Water leaks through the floor into kitchen (from bathroom floor through to kitchen ceiling and down kitchen walls) damp in the living room (to the point i have flowers growing on the wall inside the house), rotting, broken skirting boards.

Thanks if you got that far!

Report it to environmental health, they will issue an enforcement notice to your landlord.