The advice thread for random problems #5

[littlepup]

Thank you for your response. She tells me it's very easy, she shows me what she does. I have also had her tested and she is considered gifted. She was bullied but that was kind of dealt with but now is kind of left out of things.
. Which she doesn't mind too much... it's just said to witness.
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She would know 2 people at the new school
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She makes friends fine. She also wants to stay because she doesn't have to try very hard... her words. She wants to stay because she loves this particular teacher who is there two days a week.

Keep the school, get a tutor or resources at home to encourage her if she’s socially happy there.
Gifited status can be a curse. Have a look up online. The weight of expectation, the feeling ahead to they stop listening then get overtaken, being told how clever they are so again the above happens. The school should support every child but if she’s really advanced compared to her peers can they really cater for her individually in the way you’d want, it is plausible at any school?

 

[chickhicks86]

Advice please . I've given antihistamine and covered in savlon. I'm a good level headed mother until things like this that I can't control. Is there a better cream I should be using?View attachment 2943866

I think maybe a pharmacist visit is in order, especially if the red ring around it continues to grow.

 

[Snippysnips]

I’m thinking about buying a walking pad. I JUST get 5K steps in a day due to driving to work, having an office job & by the time I get home, cook dinner ( I live alone), meal prep for the next day, do my skin care etc, getting out & doing an hours walk in the cold (live in the UK) is the last thing I want to do.

I’ve seen one on Amazon for £140. I have a £50 vouchers I’ve got from work I can use.

Sooo should I get one?

We have one, my mum wanted it, used it maybe twice then got fed up however I use it daily, they can be quite heavy so best to find a place for it that you will be happy with, we have ours in the spare room with the small TV, there's so many walking vlogs on yt that I love to put on an walk with, the only downside is sometimes I like to do a light jog but they don't go fast enough for it

 

[Snippysnips]

My strategy now is to just let her do what she wants. Sometimes she just doesn’t let things go and I can’t be bothered to push back on it. It’s not important at the end of the day. The project ends very soon and after that I’m not going to take on any more with her so I think it’s fine. It’s just this final push at the end. This time last year I became very anxious partly cos if the project. I did tell my manager that and I’ve let go of some work now. I think I’m worrying about that happening again so am trying to think of ways to avoid it. Hence wanting to just not go to that particular meeting cos I know she’ll be stressy and I’ll be exhausted.

If it's almost at the end I'd try to just power though it but definitely make it clear you are not working with her again, let someone else take her, I could not be bothered with someone like that an would end up snapping at them, but if you do take on another project an end up with someone like her then I'd recommend you speak up about it, some people just think they can get away with walking all over the top of others or constantly putting them down an no work is worth working with these people

 

[shadawayo]

I need some help.. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, we have a mortgage and are expecting our first child..
‘well, in January I got a credit card and spent 2k to take us on a dream holiday.. I told him I’d saved the money, but now he’s been made redundant I can’t keep the monthly payments up… I’ve really badly messed up but not sure what to do.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Helped a close friend find a new job - one they found and wanted. Helped them with their CV, cover letter, prepping for the interview. They were offered the job and from the minute they got the offer, it's been non-stop moan - moaning the salary is £150 less a month than their previous job (it was a fixed-term contract), moaning it's not the kind of job they wanted, moaning about the sector, etc. They've been in the job two days and you'd swear they're being forced to sweep chimneys from dawn to dusk with how negative their attitude is.

I'm trying my best to support them but it feels like a kick in the teeth after all the help I put in. I get starting a new job is hard (I started a new one six months ago). I get it sucks when the pay is less considering the cost of living. I get new IT stuff is difficult but they're also making little effort to actually proactively fixing it (such as contacting their new IT contact for help).

I'm getting so frustrated over their negativity - they have not one nice thing to say - and how they just want to constantly vent to me. But they can be very touchy and sensitive to being confronted and I don't want to lose the friendship for a number of reasons. Any advice on how to cheer up a negative Nelly in this situation?

I'd just ignore all the negative comments about it and try and change the convo tbh or just give a one off statement written in different ways if she keeps bringing it up like 'hopefully you'll feel better about it once you have been there a while' 'you'll get used to it and it'll get better' 'give it some time if you don't like it after there's always other jobs you can apply for'.
My friends always negative and I just CBA to be supportive that often as it's just constant so now I just give basic statements a lot of the time. Tbh a lot of the time I just ignore her messages asking for help because I'm busy and I can't do anything about what she wants help with anyway then by the time I reply she's sorted. She annoys me as I'll ask her questions or start a convo about something and she'll completely ignore what I said for days and then ask for help so I CBA to help if your not going to even answer me/have a normal convo . Sorry this kinda derailed my answer and turned into my own rant

 

[TheGlossy]

Another day, another delivery drama.

I was expecting a package today. At 6am, I received an email stating the package will be delivered today.

I checked the tracking at 8am and it said they attempted delivery at 6.10am this morning but it failed, so I have to go pick up the item myself at their delivery unit.

What? What kind of service delivers at 6am? What kind of nonsense is this? Surely this is a fake update because they can’t be bothered to deliver to this area.

I’ve never heard of any national post service delivering packages to private persons at 6am!

 

[littlepup]

I’ve realised that my driving licence has expired and as I forgot to change the address I haven’t had any reminders. Does anyone know exactly how much trouble I’m going to be in for this? Is it a renew and update my address now or a pay £1k and resit test situation? It’s been 6 months

If you get caught with the wrong address or expired it’s trouble, but since you’ve realised yourself I’d just put in for a renewal.
You could call the DVLA though and check it all out without providing your name.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Thanks for the replies, good to know I’m not being daft here! All guests get an email prior to their stay with key safe codes, directions etc and a contact number for any issues so it’s a bit odd they didn’t just call or email, especially as their review suggested they were inconvenienced by having to use the grill to make toast.

It’s not like we charge people for breakages so I don’t know why they’re so secretive about it.

@Snippysnips If you read any Mumsnet thread on self-catering places it does very much seem like they expect 5* service like they’d get in a hotel.

 

[yogiessexdubs]

I just realised I missed my hair appointment this past weekend and I feel sick with guilt. What would you guys do? I think they have a cancellation policy whereby a charge is issued if you fail to cancel within 24 hours but I have not received this. I realise I had a missed call but hadn’t noticed that either with such a busy week. I feel so bad and embarrassed!
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Just to add I’ve never missed one before and have been going there a while now every 8 weeks or so for services.

I’d just be honest & say you’ve not really been ‘with it’ this week & apologise. If you want to go back that’s all you can do really ..

 

[griftalo]

Thank you. Hearing this really helps - I know that natural I'm a people-pleaser and I'm terrified of any behaviour that might be 'rude' (like not asking questions back). She's taken advantage of that and used me for a long time. I came to realise that she only gave me the cat in order to keep something over me - problem is, now I'm really in love with the little fella and could never, ever give him back (she also didn't take great care of him). Hoping your method works a treat!

I guess you could lie and say you rehomed him. If she does come round, don’t open the door! You don’t owe her your time or attention. You don’t owe her anything.

 

[becca7721]

that poem was beautiful. Thank you for taking time to comfort me, i really appreciate it and i would love to hear the other things that helped you even if they are connected to a faith
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yh that is true, thank you as well for your kind words and for comforting this heart of mine

I read the bible as much as I can and pray. I took up bible journaling/colouring. There are some excellent Christian based resources around, one I found helpful was a pocket book of prayers which was collated by people doing AA, I’ll see if I can find a title for you, mines, literally, in bits now. Not all of it is relevant but the poem was in there, you can also get that on cards. When I can I pray the rosary and do novenas. Compline is a lovely service before bed, YouTube have some excellent ones, if you can find it then the ones by stanbrook abbey and prinknash are worth a listen (ones in Latin other English). I listen to scripture on YouTube as well.

During hard times it’s difficult to do this so I try as a minimum to watch/say compline and pray (as in talk, give thanks when things go right mostly because that’s what I need to remember the things that are going well even if it’s small stuff like someone helped me today when shopping. The bible journaling/colouring is really calming I find too.

I can’t manage services anymore, but when I could and found services that really led me to God I found them really helpful, particularly given my family situation.

 

[tomato_paste]

I read somewhere that it takes at least 66 days for something to become a habit, so I focused on one thing at a time when I needed to sort my weight/fitness out. First thing was my sleep; then steps per day; then my diet. Now 12 months on, I don't even have to think about it, it's instinctive.

Yeah I find that this energy of "today I'm gonna change everything about my life" feels amazing but is never sustainable (unless you really give up all your ingrained habit triggers and move to a completely new environment). One thing at a time is where it's at.

 

[havee]

Tooth decay can cause other health issues. I would imagine any potential affect on speech (which I thought was for younger kids but may be wrong) could be overcome whereas the decay could be dangerous in future.

thank you everyone for the advice. it went well they took out the baby tooth and filled in the decay tooth. was worried all weekend for nothing

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Well done! I know we shouldn’t always applaud weight loss and all that but well done for having a goal and sticking to what you need to do to get it done! And if it kickstarts more healthy habits all the better

We should definitely applaud healthy weightloss! Honestly I’m the biggest I’ve ever been, which is probably why the weight is coming off easy.
I don’t mind being slightly overweight as that is where my body feels the most comfortable.
But I’ve been saying to Mr Lolz I feel so uncomfortable in my body because I’m a good 15kg over where I should be. I just didn’t feel good. I didn’t know how to dress myself and my energy levels have been shite.
But after this week I saw how bad the snacking was, not healthy all crisps and chocolate etc Nippin this in the bud as I never used to do it
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Thanks, I'd like to imagine modern cars these days can handle them, I just always think back to my parents car they had that used to roll back down the hill going to Scarborough because it couldn't handle it 🫣

I had a 1.4l ford years ago that struggled with a hill coming back from work. If I didn’t get a good run up to it I would be doing like 5mph once I reached the top It was so embarrassing when you had traffic building up behind you. I used to rock back and forth like that would make it go faster

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

No, I checked - it does not say kerbside.

It just specifies the exact address itself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in Ireland where you get a kerbside delivery.

I think if he’d say it’s not protocol fair enough but him saying he ‘doesn’t have time’ and only does door delivery when HE wants to is what set me off. It’s just rude especially as I’d seen him this past week in the building on more than one occasion. He obviously wanted to finish his Saturday shift early and couldn’t be bothered.

Besides, if they were given the kerbside instruction, then the retailer should have advised the customer of this because who would want kerbside delivery for heavy furniture?

Tbf I know a lot of places in the UK will only drop off and not actually move the furniture. I guess it's at his discretion whether he wants to help or not. You need to check with the retailer who sold you the items. This is about the only time I'm glad to have Mr Lolz when heavy stuff needs moving

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

I've got hyper sensitive teeth due to diabetes and my dentist is lovely - always numbs my gums completely before doing anything and then makes sure that I'm really well injected with anaesthetic. She's incredibly kind and patient, and even though it's a complete pain being over 20 miles away I wouldn't consider changing. She always makes a point of telling the assistant too that I've got hyper sensitivity so they even warm the rinsing water up!

 

[qqwertyy]

Need some ideas for hobbies...
I like reading and gardening. I’m early forties. I just need some distraction and distance at the moment and on working on me I’ve realised I don’t have any hobbies? Don’t know what to do? I’m quite creative. Hobby ideas please?

not sure if it counts as a hobby but my best distraction technique when I’m in my head a bit is jigsaws!

 

[becca7721]

I’m against pulling sickies. I got bullied my entire working life because my disability meant being away for appointments and hospital treatment, most I was forced to use annual leave (nhs) but my colleagues didn’t know that. Obviously thats just my opinion.

 

[tomato_paste]

Thank you. The thing is it’s not the procedure itself I’m afraid of. Pain etc doesn’t really scare me. The fear is related to the fact I’m engaging in another dental treatment after multiple failed ones with incompetent / shady dentists. It’s more of a trust related fear rather than a procedure related one. I just need to focus on the fact it will help me get better.

I'm you - had failed treatment(s) that even resulted in a payout from my old dentist's insurance because they fucked up so bad; additionally, they didn't believe me when I said I was in pain during a root canal, going so far as to scold me about being overly sensitive and causing drama.

First thing that helped was to find a dentist who took me seriously, and the second one was allowing my body the trauma responses during treatment without judging myself (and telling my dentist beforehand). Last time I had to have that tooth extracted (the one the first dentist fucked up), and I was stiff as a board, shaking like a leaf, disassociating, etc. My dentist understood and his assistant held my hand, calmed me, and let me come back to myself for a while before sending me home. He offers laughing gas or even complete anaesthesia if I want it which also helps - to have that choice, to be taken seriously by him.