The advice thread for random problems #5

[LaBlonde]

I got a speeding ticket (I know, I know) and it said send back within 28 days or £1000 fine and other stuff. Filled it out, my husband said he'd post it. Fine.
Ive just found it in the car. 28 days is tomorrow. I've shoved it in the post box with a first class stamp on. Am I going to get a £1000 fine?! Can / should i call them?!
I've been driving 15 years and never had a speeding ticket.
I haven't got £1000

call them asap! it avoids a higher fine but also avoids them potentially changing the offence to a failure to give driver’s identity (happened to a friend of mine when she forgot to return the slip). they should be pretty understanding if you explain it’s on the way back.

 

[NoHintOfDrama]

Report it to environmental health, they will issue an enforcement notice to your landlord.

My husband did this many years ago before we got married and he rented. Council sent the enforcement notice and then the landlord served him with a notice to quit so he could ‘do the works’, just something to bear in mind.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Can anyone give me some advice please, my ex boyfriend has bail conditions not to contact me, he still does….through email, some are quite nasty, I’ve been to the police station today to report more of them, he even has family members trying to follow me on social media, his bail is up late this month & I’m scared he will come to my place of work or my home (these are also his bail conditions not to come near me) he has attacked me in public previously so isn’t scared really of anything, I’ve just received another email saying he has seen me in town today & was going to approach me but weirdly these emails are addressed to someone else let’s say ‘Peter’ so the email will start off ‘hi Peter’ then carry on, but the emails are sent to both my email addresses so it’s not an accident!

I‘m sorry this is happening to you, it must be incredibly stressful. I would keep reporting to the police, every time something happens. It’s harassment and he’s breaking his bail conditions. Redirect his emails into a folder so you don’t have to read them but still have a record.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

I mean, yes you've technically cheated. However, it is up to you how much information you feel comfortable giving someone.

In terms of dating, there's a fab dating thread on here if you wanna take a look

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

There's nothing to love about a man who is always looking over your shoulder just in case he's missing out. It's such a basic lack of respect for you. I've always joked with my husband that I don't care who he looks at, but the day he starts doing in front of me, we're done.

 

[Good Egg]

It sounds like you're a wonderful person with a very fulfilled life and lots to offer. I know nothing can replace the connection of another person to share it with right now but you are so well placed if you do meet someone it's because you want to, not need to given your ability to thrive as a single person, the foundations are there for it too be really healthy.
Sometimes being so capable on your own means people think you're not looking, have you actively been looking? I think you have to really make it known rather than just being in the right place and available. Have you joined any dating apps or told friends?

Thank you for your lovely words. I have spoken with others about how I am feeling but they have all found their SO so I don’t think they really ‘get it’ and they don’t want to go out because they live their own lives. It’s so hard to explain what I’m feeling. It’s pure emptiness and loneliness. Sometimes I think what’s the point in being here, nobody would care or even notice. I’ve pondered that thought a lot over the last few months.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Ugh my entire fb is just random posts with "follow" suggestion next to them. I don't see ANY posts from my friends

 

[havee]

so found out this acquaintance achieved a life milestone that i am nowhere near achieving and it does not look possible for me and the news has made me feel crap. maybe jealous which i dont want to feel but i cannot shake the feeling off

 

[JoeBloggs]

More of a random question this

If you set up a teams meeting an send someone else the invite to it and then you yourself have connection problems, does the meeting disappear on your end? Or would it still all be there but you just wouldn't be able to connect to it?

I was supposed to be in a teams meeting yesterday, there was no invitation sent to me like there usually is, sent the person emails telling them there was no invite only to be told this morning that they were having connection problems yesterday an they also had no invite to the meeting despite it being them that supposedly set it all up, so now am wondering if they even did set it up in the first place or forgot about it an are using the connection problems as a excuse

I set up zoom at work and the zoom meeting shows for me regardless of there's connection problems or not but am not familiar with teams

I’m not that familiar with teams but I can’t see why it would disappear just because you have connection issues it gets set up almost as a calendar item so that would have no effect if you had connection issues with your Internet. You never got the invite. I would suspect they never set it up or you weren’t included in the invite list.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Thanks guys! A christening.

In that case, I would definitely take a top layer. Churches can be quite cold.

 

[Grizzlybear]

One jacket that's warm, even in May it can get cold at night, especially if you're by the sea. Obviously bathing stuff, a cardigan, then a dress if you wear those, leggins for under the dress (you can pack them in a bag if you go out for food in the evening and put them on later if it's cold if you're gonna take a walk around), a couple shirts, one pair of shorts, one pair of trousers and you'll be set methinks.

I’m not OP but this is such a good packing list i have saved it

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Thank you. Hearing this really helps - I know that natural I'm a people-pleaser and I'm terrified of any behaviour that might be 'rude' (like not asking questions back). She's taken advantage of that and used me for a long time. I came to realise that she only gave me the cat in order to keep something over me - problem is, now I'm really in love with the little fella and could never, ever give him back (she also didn't take great care of him). Hoping your method works a treat!

So I sent a cat picture to the crazy stalking ex-neighbour with some generic message of everyone is doing well, enjoying the last of the summer. She responded normally - said she's glad he's happy and wishes me all the best. All good and peaceful.

Today I see she's tagged me in a comment on Facebook. She had found me on Facebook when she lived nearby and I had, stupidly, accepted the request (back when she seemed relatively normal). She began to tag and send me 6, 7 memes a day - to the point where I had to tell her several times I just don't use Facebook, I don't check my messages, I'm not on often. I set my account so she wouldn't see when I was online (I call/message my daughter using it so I am on a lot).

The comment was on a post of a complete stranger to me, she'd shared a 'happy ginger cat day' post. The crazy neighbour commented saying she's so very very sad that I don't realise she needs me to reach out proactively rather than her asking for updates and it breaks her heart after she 'entrusted' the cat to me. She tagged me in the comment.

I'm honestly speechless - I answer every message she sends, but I don't reach out spontaneously because quite frankly she's easily encouraged and her behaviour is quite scary (she's previously turned up at my door uninvited). She reads into everything and wants us to be best friends. I'm scared of proactively messaging because I don't want her to think I want more of a relationship.

I've explained why I'm scared to go no-contact before considering she knows my address and legally I'm not quite sure where I stand with the cat (and there's no way I'm giving him back). But Jesus, what would you do???

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Do you think by the time you're 30+ and have more industry experience you can just put under 'education' on a CV something like "Spring field high school, 2005 - 2010 - GCSEs - All grades A-D" or does it need to be more specific? Then the name of the college, course and grade without any explanation of the content. It's not really relevant to the role, is anyone going to care if you got a B for history and a D for Art?

Yes, the more your work experience goes on the less they give a flying fuck you got an A* for media studies x

 

[becca7721]

Unfortunately a lot of GP surgeries have closed locally in recent years. There’s no other I can get to.

Silvercloud rejected me as I’ve severe depression, which yes means I should have access to other help but it didn’t help, there’s a huge push to get people to rely upon third sector like mind, who here do a cafe day a week and a pub day, neither of which are appropriate, or affordable, for me.

Thankyou!

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Helped a close friend find a new job - one they found and wanted. Helped them with their CV, cover letter, prepping for the interview. They were offered the job and from the minute they got the offer, it's been non-stop moan - moaning the salary is £150 less a month than their previous job (it was a fixed-term contract), moaning it's not the kind of job they wanted, moaning about the sector, etc. They've been in the job two days and you'd swear they're being forced to sweep chimneys from dawn to dusk with how negative their attitude is.

I'm trying my best to support them but it feels like a kick in the teeth after all the help I put in. I get starting a new job is hard (I started a new one six months ago). I get it sucks when the pay is less considering the cost of living. I get new IT stuff is difficult but they're also making little effort to actually proactively fixing it (such as contacting their new IT contact for help).

I'm getting so frustrated over their negativity - they have not one nice thing to say - and how they just want to constantly vent to me. But they can be very touchy and sensitive to being confronted and I don't want to lose the friendship for a number of reasons. Any advice on how to cheer up a negative Nelly in this situation?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Have you spoken to him about it?

If you’re compulsively obsessing about something the best is to catch yourself and tell yourself to stop thinking about it, the more you do, the bigger it becomes. You’re overestimating the risk. What is him checking someone out actually doing or mean? Probably nothing realistically.
However, it might be helpful to understand what about is bothers you? Has it always bothered you, has he always done it? Could you be scared he’s looking for someone else, doesn’t pay you enough attention, comparing…? Can you break it down to get to the heart of the problem and address how you can overcome that.
It may be that unless you can address how it’s making you feel, he could stop looking and you’d find or suspect another behaviour in him that would make you feel the same.

Incidently I think most everyone does it, not just men. We all look at others, check out someone attractive, male or female. Not because we want to sleep with them, it just draws the eye.

I agree. I definitely look at goodlooking people, men and women. Mr Lolz and I would even point them out to each other.

 

[BearOnChair]

I did similar in my teens and used to see OAP's/obviously retired people on my early bus and think 'why the heck are they on here and not having a lie in'. After years of early starts with work/kids I get it, you just end up programmed to wake (and it sucks ).

Yeah same
I'll probably do things like so to the supermarket on a Saturday morning when I'm retired too

 

[Clickbait]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask but I need to remortgage my house as I'm coming to the end of the term. I'm unsure whether to pick a 2, 3 or 5 year deal. The rates aren't too different on the products ive looked at so far. Does anyone know which way the markets are likely to go. Basically am I better off fixing for longer?

There is a thread about house prices, buying and selling that may have people who have recently sorted or are sorting mortgages:

House Prices #5 Property market, buying and selling

As you were....

tattle.life

I think it’s probably difficult to tell so soon into a new government what will happen to house prices in line with changes to the economic policy. We know there will be tax changes although targeted initially on capital gains, inheritance tax etc. If VAT is added to private school fees then if you’re in a catchment area for a good/outstanding state school your price may go up.

I think you need to understand what is most important for you - if you want the security of knowing what you’re paying for a longer period with no surprises then the 5 year is the best option, you may get a slightly worse rate but you can plan finances better. 2/3 year will be a better rate but you need to factor in the costs associated with organising the mortgage - this will double if you go for 2 years over 5.

If you think your personal finances will be in a better place after 2-3 years that may also be a factor.

 

[Captainmouse]

My husband became disabled 3 years ago and I bought him the best things I could to make his life easier but he took to his bed after I bought these things, I am wanting to sell them but have not idea what to ask - _I am really struggling to now what to asK HELP
A Wheel Chair which cost £300 with everything on it, cushion, blankets and a shopping bag. --- used for one week
An Ableworld Reclinging chair used for about 20 times which cost £1300 and goodness is know how much to ask for this

are there any specialist companies which sell ex display or returns? If so see what they charge

 

[cowtastrophe]

Does anyone have any knowledge about confidentiality of completed timesheets in the workplace at all? I realise this may be down to an individual organisation’s HR policy but I’m trying to get an understanding of good practice.

The reason I’m asking is because currently, our signed and completed timesheets are left in a box for office staff to process for payroll and another member of staff is going through them and then sharing numbers of hours worked, breaks etc with other people as well as using the information to bully and harass staff members. It has been raised to management but as I said, I just wanted to see what people’s thoughts were.