The advice thread for random problems #5

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

What's a good excuse not to go to a wedding? I don't want to go as I'm pretty sure I won't know anyone there which makes it worse and even if I do know someone it'll be probably 1 person max 2.
But this persons given me over a years notice (still not a year away yet) so I can't really say sorry 'I couldn't get it off work'.
I went to a wedding recently where I knew no one and I just felt awkward didn't have anything to talk to anyone about and they all knew eachother so were talking about things/people I had no idea about.
Plus I really want to go on holiday at the time of year this wedding is but I won't be able to get enough time off for both

Send them a nice gift and card apologising for not being able to come.
You don’t have to give them a reason just RSVP no
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I nee some advice to get over some fears / mental block pertaining to dental work.

I went to the dentist on Tuesday due to wisdom tooth pain. The dentist advised the tooth is decaying and will need extraction.

He took x-rays and saw two significant abscesses around the root of two molars and advised extraction was needed because the roots are essentially falling apart (not surprised as I was aware of the root issues but postponed the procedures).

I will need to get implants to replace the two molars (which again I was aware of).

Now, I know I need to get all of this work done and it seems urgent as I need to protect the rest of my teeth and I’ve been quite self-conscious about the state of my teeth. The dentist is highly experienced (20+ years) with a solid training (including training in my birth city overseas where I know dentistry training is good), so I trust his expertise.

The issue is that I’m scared. I’ve had negative experiences with dentists growing up (one orthodontist who pretended they were correcting my overbite for 6 years with braces, when the social security stopped covering the treatment, they removed the braces and said they couldn’t do anything for me and dropped me as a client, overbite left remained in corrected. A few years later, went to a dentist for a check up and he started drilling into one of my molars 2 minutes in, without informing me or explaining anything. He didn’t finish the procedure and left me with a huge hole in my tooth which I had to fix elsewhere).

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this? I’m terrified something might go wrong again.

I’m not scared of the dentist but could you take some calming tablets before hand?

 

[cowtastrophe]

It depends what the issues are. We do discuss people taking to many breaks, not clocking in on time etc etc
There is no privacy regarding this. Where you might expect it is when it comes to your actual pay

I think it’s one thing (and normal) for people to discuss it. I think it’s quite another to analyse a colleague’s timesheets then phone them on their day off and accuse them of fraud by falsifying their timesheet. This person is not a manager and has no responsibility for overseeing other staff. It’s not the first time it’s happened and I’ve raised it to management before but they didn’t want to change their process for storing timesheets.

 

[littlepup]

Our house went on the market 2 days ago and today we've received a planning notification from the attached house. Bit annoyed as we know them well and they've never said anything about it.

It's for a massive extention.

But do we object or not? I believe there are material grounds and i wouldnt like to live next to itif we're staying. The estate agent said wait and see what people say but we'd loose the time to object if we're not careful.

What would you do??

What do you want to object to? Unless you’re sure you have relevant grounds, I wouldn’t bother for the sake of your sale, you don’t want neighbour disputes or to have in writing why it would be bad when it comes up on the searches.
Is it architect designed? They’ll have likely sought professional guidance on what’s allowable.
The council themselves should refuse if it’s a loss of amenity or bulking issue so you don’t need to go hard on that. Visuals will depend maybe on precedent and if it’s seen from the road. Loss of privacy will probably mean they’d just stick them with a condition to move/obscure any windows…. Extensions are often hard to find relevant objections to.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Fish oils are thought to help bone density and reduce inflammation. I'd look at the magnesium in your multi-vit too and make sure it's a decent dose.
You could ask to be tested around peri-menopause, check your oestrogen levels (I only say 'peri-menopause' as a buzz word to get them to listen and check hormones).
Are you doing a lot of leg work in the gym? Shin splints can feel like bone pain, is there anything like that it could be?
Something like fibromyalgia can be helped by antidepressants but they can also trigger fatigue and restless legs, it might be worth having a meds review to cover all bases and ensure none of your supplements are clashing.
I'd just lay it on thick. But the absence of any weight loss, fever, brain fog, night sweats etc (assuming you don't have them) is a good sign.
I hope they don't just fob you off and look at all the options.

I did consider peri-menopause and to be honest now you've mentioned it I do have night sweats but put them down to my endometriosis as I get really overheated around my period. I've just had a meds review with the GP and she seemed happy enough but I had to make this additional appointment to discuss whatever else was going on. It's definitely not shin splints as it's not impacted by any work I do in the gym - it's as bad when resting as it is if I've ran, done Pilates, etc. My appointment is in half an hour so I'll come back with an update! As awful as it sounds I would take it being peri-menopause although I can't have any HRT due to family history of breast cancer - I'm on the waiting list for a hysterectomy already so if it's going to start ramping up now then I'm prepared for what comes next...

 

[TheGlossy]

If it is somewhere not obvious if you don't have a tooth, then I would leave well enough alone and not bother getting the implant. Get a second opinion if you'd like but he's probably telling you the truth about your bone structure. And what would happen if some dentist goes "yeah, I can take it out" And then you start having issues with your jaw because the bone has been compromised.

Yeah, you’re right. I think he’s telling the truth. I’ve had braces before and have a slight overbite, so bone structure and strength is always a concern. I’m in two minds because on one hand I appreciate he’s not taking any risks and is being careful / transparent, one the other hand, I’m concerned about what’s going to happen with this fragment. He seems to be very skilled / knowledgeable to be fair. He explained everything in detail.

Maybe if I hadn’t left it years after the tooth fell out, the roots would have been in a better position to be removed.

It’s unfortunately in a visible area (first molar after the canine), so I need to find a solution. I have an appointment with him in the next few weeks, so I will discuss this in more details.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

All of it?

So for a period of my life I suffered really badly with anxiety, might even have had undiagnosed depression at the time, anyway it manifested in not doing anythng with my life outside of work and going home.
I started making small changes to get back on track. For example making sure to go for a walk every day, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and saying yes to things I would normally turn down.

I would just suggest "scheduling" things into your life to kickstart it. Maybe join a weekly writers group or make sure to go out for dinner once a week etc etc

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Google says most councils say 7am-9pm weekdays or 8am-10pm weekends, so I should be fine

Yeah, I don’t understand people who think everyone should be deadly quiet. Honestly unless it’s super load for hours on end people can go stuff themselves

 

[Snippysnips]

Thank you, I went on the off chance and managed to get it thank goodness. Was due something good happening to me!

Am glad you managed to get it

Had anyone done the virtual races on the conqueror challenge website? They have a Harry potter one I was thinking about doing, wondered how easy/hard they are to keep track an complete, it does say it links with Fitbit but does it link easy enough, I assume you also get each medal as you complete them as well, or does it just send all of them out when finished?

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

The best way to lose people like this is to bore them into submission. They want the oxygen of attention, if you ignore them they can go off the deep end. So be perfunctory, answer only what they ask, don’t ask any questions back. When they realise they’re not getting the attention they move onto someone else.

I’d suggest sending a photo of the cat, saying they are fine as are your mum and dog. You hope she’s settled in well to her new home.

If she responds straight away leave it at least 3 days before replying. Again keep it brief, answer her questions, do not ask any of your own, keep the conversation closed down.

I managed to offload someone who turned out to be a total nightmare narcissist using this method. If I’d have tried to block I dread to think what they would have done given some of the stories they shared on enacting revenge on people for very minor things. They completely lost interest in me and blocked me on social media pretending they were taking a break from it!

Thank you. Hearing this really helps - I know that natural I'm a people-pleaser and I'm terrified of any behaviour that might be 'rude' (like not asking questions back). She's taken advantage of that and used me for a long time. I came to realise that she only gave me the cat in order to keep something over me - problem is, now I'm really in love with the little fella and could never, ever give him back (she also didn't take great care of him). Hoping your method works a treat!

 

[becca7721]

I just realised I missed my hair appointment this past weekend and I feel sick with guilt. What would you guys do? I think they have a cancellation policy whereby a charge is issued if you fail to cancel within 24 hours but I have not received this. I realise I had a missed call but hadn’t noticed that either with such a busy week. I feel so bad and embarrassed!
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Just to add I’ve never missed one before and have been going there a while now every 8 weeks or so for services.

If you’ve been going there awhile they probably realised it was a mistake.

I’d pop in and explain and offer to pay as per cancellation policy, they may or may not want you to pay but you offering will I’m sure mean a lot; if that’s not possible then phone them and do it that way. Businesses can be understanding of life happening and forgetting stuff.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

hi,, does anyone know how to treat blisters in corner of mouth, i have had them for 2 weeks now, i wake up with hard yellow blisters, i cant even open my mouth and when im eating it hurts and bleeds. i have been putting lip balm on them but i dont know what to do.

It can be a sign of vitamin B12 deficiency so maybe try a supplement and/or get it checked out.

Kind of related to what I wanted to ask about - apologies if it's in the wrong place but I can't seem to find anywhere more relevant! I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and feel like I'm going to get fobbed off with a blood test which will take ages to come back but I do think there could be something sinister going on. For context, I'm a healthy weight, go to the gym 3-4 times a week, eat well, don't smoke, ok drink too much but am consciously cutting down, take supplements and the medication I'm prescribed (for depression/anxiety and painkillers for endometriosis).

Since Christmas Eve I've had bouts of extreme tiredness/fatigue that last for a few weeks at a time - I literally can do nothing but sleep and I'm constantly exhausted no matter how much sleep I get. However for the past month or so I've also been getting pains in my legs - it's like a crushing but shooting pain up my shins and my thigh bones. It's definitely not muscular and doesn't get any better or worse with rest or exercise. No mobility issues either but it's genuinely so painful it has me in tears (and I have a high pain threshold). I also ache all over and am stiff first thing on a morning. No idea what could be causing it and Google is only throwing up the usual scaremongering!

 

[becca7721]

I did. It’s sorted. They said that if early payment is made, the direct debit doesn’t come out.
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On another note - does anyone have chronic issues with UPS claiming they attempted to deliver a package when they never did? I was at home today and can 100% attest no one ever came to the door at the time they claim they did. Every delivery with them is an absolute nightmare and calls to customer service does nothing.

UPS where I am only turn up if they have a lot of deliveries as the depot is so far away. Often they scan items through the day claiming to have tried to make a delivery but haven’t to take to depot. They’re so awful if someone says they use them for delivery unless it’s literally the only option and emergency I won’t use them same goes for parcelforce.

 

[Snippysnips]

Not a problem as such, but how do you go about finding out when a court trial is? I’m interested in seeing the outcome of a particular trial but it’s not something that’s been reported in the media and I have no idea when it might be held.

I know that ours has them on the towns court website, our council website has a link to it, you could try your own however you'd need to be certain it was going to be held at the court that the council owns an it's also a nightmare to hunt through every single one that's happening

Am not sure if asking the court where it's happening would allow you to know the outcome if you knew names an such, worth a try or they could hopefully give some information as to how you can find it out

 

[Snippysnips]

If you knew something that [to you] is minor but you know the other person would be pissed off about. Would you tell them now or when they're back off holiday?
Not telling them isn't an option because if they found out they'd treat it as you breaching their trust.

Me personally, I'd prefer to be told when am back from holidays, I'd be even more pissed having been told then going on holiday with it playing on my mind, but that's dependent on what it is I guess

Can you just connect your phone to a laptop and copy the photos? I managed with sidesync and a cable connection. I hadn't installed on the phone as the screen was so badly damaged.

Depends on the phone, I broke my Google pixel screen an can't transfer photos because it needs me to click on stuff on the phones screen to allow it, but other phones I've been able to transfer just by putting the phone into the laptop an accessing it through the laptop

 

[Tommyb]

I feel really upset about this. Been happily married for 15 years and everything fine. But for the past two weeks I've been feeling really off with my husband. It's like someone has flicked a switch off and I don't feel anything for him anymore. What's going on

I would assume hormones? Any birth control, menopause etc?. New baby?

 

[Snippysnips]

I’m not that familiar with teams but I can’t see why it would disappear just because you have connection issues it gets set up almost as a calendar item so that would have no effect if you had connection issues with your Internet. You never got the invite. I would suspect they never set it up or you weren’t included in the invite list.

Thanks I was also thinking she hadn't bothered to set it up

My end was fine, no problems, it was her end, she said that because she had connection issues then the link to the meeting disappeared, but yet I got the email on the 8th with the time an date an no invitation sent, so I doubt the invite had it been sent would have disappeared in a old email because she was the one having connection problems, surely I'd still have had the invite but just not been able to join the meeting if that was the case

It's the 3rd week in a row she's messed with me but because am not familiar with teams I wasn't sure if she was giving a bs excuse because she forgot or if she was being honest an a invite link can disappear if there's connection problems

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

If it’s by text, say who is this?? Pretend you got a new number. Or if it’s by email just make up a load of coding stuff at the top, and reply that the email has been bounced back for security issues. If she’s old she won’t realise

My worry would be her turning up at my house again, if she didn't get a response. I've even considered selling up and moving because of it.

 

[avabella]

Thanks, is there a reason they won't do it? Or it's a risk? Just out of curiosity, obvs this will be my first so I have no idea when it comes to tattoos an hoping the place is going be able to talk me through aftercare as well

I was just in a tattoo place the other day and the reasons they listed were things like, can affect ink and line quality, infection risk, can maybe cause involuntary movements etc. I've had wrist tattoos (and latterly wrist removals!!) with no numbing cream and been fine. I've also got a massive rib piece with no numbing cream. Honestly you'll be totally fine.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Could you order from a restaurant you like the look of maybe? Sometimes when I don't feel like leaving the room I'll order deliveroo to the hotel and have a cosy night in

That's a really good idea, I hadn't thought of that.

I don't know why I'm so anxious about it but I do think as a previous poster mentioned the safety issue is part of what's bothering me. I definitely feel a vulnerability being a lone female.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

Our pharmacy won’t sell it except for travel as they're no longer licensed except for that.

How on earth do they police that? Surely someone can say they are going to be travelling and lie to get the tablets?