The advice thread for random problems #5

[conrea37]

I think (& have been debating for a while) that I need to go back on my antidepressants, which is something I really don't want to do. Any advice to stop me feeling like a failure if I do go back on them?

It’s a cliche quote but it’s ok not to be ok
They don’t mean you’re a failure or you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to know you need the help.
As the above poster said, you’d take medication for physical issues, this is no different.

 

[Jas28]

Any tips on ways to not feel so down when totm is near? It’s getting worse as i get older, and i suffer the entire week before, the days of period are not so bad then there’s a few days after to get back to normal again where I don’t feel my best. I know it’s part of life and I’m trying to tell myself it’ll pass

 

[Thank(space)you]

My mum is having major surgery tomorrow (triple bypass & 2 valve replacements) I'm not sure what I'm meant to do? Do I go to the hospital & wait whilst she's having the surgery? Do I wait at home & visit in ICU after? I'm next of kin, probate and all that. My siblings aren't going, but I've taken the day off as I know I won't be able to focus in work. Has anyone else bene in this situation? What's the protocol?

 

[Thank(space)you]

Where I live atm (private rent) is very cheap for the area, and therefore I cannot afford to find somewhere else to private rent.

Does anyone know if I go to the council & explain issues I'm having in my house, if I'd be eligible for homefinder?

I have a young child, single mum working part time.

The issues are: black mould in the kitchen which landlord has said is due to not properly insulating it. Pipe being held together with duct tape. Water leaks through the floor into kitchen (from bathroom floor through to kitchen ceiling and down kitchen walls) damp in the living room (to the point i have flowers growing on the wall inside the house), rotting, broken skirting boards.

Thanks if you got that far!

 

[LaBlonde]

No, I checked - it does not say kerbside.

It just specifies the exact address itself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in Ireland where you get a kerbside delivery.

I think if he’d say it’s not protocol fair enough but him saying he ‘doesn’t have time’ and only does door delivery when HE wants to is what set me off. It’s just rude especially as I’d seen him this past week in the building on more than one occasion. He obviously wanted to finish his Saturday shift early and couldn’t be bothered.

Besides, if they were given the kerbside instruction, then the retailer should have advised the customer of this because who would want kerbside delivery for heavy furniture?

while it sounded like he was curt about it, “doesn’t have time” could be the legitimate answer. a lot of delivery drivers now are given set times for each delivery and are expected to hit a certain amount within a day (basically why amazon throw the parcel at you when you answer the door now ) so i wouldn’t say it’s his choice as such.

the retailer doesn’t really have the responsibility for how the items get into your house tbh (unless it’s something like a sofa or a bed or a new kitchen). i ordered heavy patio furniture last year and the guy delivered them to my driveway and was like well see ya! if they were delivered to you outside your address (and it wasn’t stated otherwise) then i’m not sure how you would justify not accepting the delivery when they try again. what items were they?

 

[Rxt156]

He's my mechanic but he's also very interested in dating me. He says he meant it as a joke but it didn't come across that way to me.

Bad attempt at flirting maybe. Still doesn’t make it ok though.

 

[Snippysnips]

Our house went on the market 2 days ago and today we've received a planning notification from the attached house. Bit annoyed as we know them well and they've never said anything about it.

It's for a massive extention.

But do we object or not? I believe there are material grounds and i wouldnt like to live next to itif we're staying. The estate agent said wait and see what people say but we'd loose the time to object if we're not careful.

What would you do??

Definitely object now, the last thing people will want when looking to buy is a building site next door, our neighbours are having one done across the road from us an so far it's taken 2 months an still looks no where near done, it's also been a pain with the work vans parking all over the place, the noise an the mess, I certainly wouldn't be moving in next door if I knew that was going to happen, an people that are moving usually have a few options so keep objecting till it's sold an let the new buyers fight it out, the neighbors will just keep putting in more permission but hopefully you will be gone before it's accepted

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

hi,

so took my child to the dentist who was angry but caring i guess fella, annoyed that i didn't bring my child to a dentist earlier as he is 12 now. anyway he mentioned my child having a decay tooth and a baby tooth. he said my child will need an extraction, now because he was angry at the start i just wanted to leave as i have social anxiety so didn't ask which tooth he is extracting the decay or baby tooth. now that i'm researching about it it says extracting child tooth should be avoided unless necessary as it can cause speech problems etc. the appointment is on Monday what do i do.

On Monday, ring the dentist and explain that you didn't take it all in at the time and could they explain it again.

They likely wouldn't have suggested it unless necessary but you need to be fully across it to make the decision confidently.

I don't think it will cause your child any speech issues, the new adult tooth will come in soon enough. One of mine knocked his front tooth out at aged 4 so was without one for a couple of years. It hasn't caused a problem as he's got older.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

I’m with @Snippysnips on this. Let them hang themselves. I might just have a word with your other colleagues and say “be careful they gossip a lot” or something in that vain but I wouldn’t say what about. Just infer that they are not to be trusted with sensitive info

In the end I have left it, I suspect it'll work it's way back to the right people any way as they aren't exactly subtle and talk about things in open and public spaces quite a lot anyway.

 

[Snippysnips]

My go too with unexpected visitors is quickly muting the TV an putting my jacket on, if it's someone I don't want I apologise an say am heading out (usually I'll quickly go to a shop) an if it's someone am fine with I say I've just gotten back home, gives me the choice an they are none the wiser I was sitting in the house

 

[chickhicks86]

I did it this afternoon in the end as I want to watch the Olympics later. I don't really think mowing the lawn is that loud anyways working nights its never something that would wake me up or keep me awake

I did mine 8.30am the other day as I wanted to take the cuttings to the tip before it got too busy, and I was second guessing myself the whole time! I wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone doing at it 7pm. Maybe if you didn't even start until after 8pm, but that's just me personally - I don't think it's unreasonable unless you know an immediate neighbour has small children.

 

[Thank(space)you]

He's my mechanic but he's also very interested in dating me. He says he meant it as a joke but it didn't come across that way to me.

 

[houdini]

My parents split when I was 13 and it was horrendous - at pre school age, I would imagine she'll cope with the changes an awful lot better. And if you're happier, then she's going to be too. I'd have a look and see if there are any books out there that explain things really simply? And lots of reassurance that just because you don't love her other parent anymore doesn't mean that you don't love her.

This was my exact thought pattern today. I thought how much longer can I do this because I don’t want to wait 5 more years and have it be worse. She just seems so aware and it’s also a bit more complicated than I want to share on here but it’s truly going to be an enormous change for her. She’s going to lose a lot of things that she’s had in her life since she was born and these things form our whole family life
---

You could look into mental health therapy, they cover a ton including things like parents breaking up, grief, emotions etc, I think some schools now have a councillor there but I don't know about preschool, some of our preschool/nurseries are connected to the primary school but if yours isn't or they aren't at preschool/nursery then you could maybe look online at what is offered in your community an see if there's anywhere that could help especially because they are so young, I know at my business it's from age 7 up we will only see

But advice wise, things I've picked up from working in this type of environment is make sure she knows this isn't because of her, talk her through it, allow her to voice everything, an when the time comes that your partner moves out, completely redo her room, allow her to pick what she wants an go for different colours, bedding, curtains etc, memories are also connected to smells so completely change her bath stuff, shampoo, make it a fresh start for her, it might help, I know it sounds weird the whole bath thing but if your partner has been doing bath time an they are no longer there the stuff they used can subconscious bring back memories through smell so she might get upset but won't understand why she's upset

Thank you so much. This is so helpful. I think it will be her and I moving which I’m worried will be even harder as she’s only ever lived here and she says all the time that she wants to live here forever. We are very luckily to live in a beautiful house with a lot of land and animals and we’ll be moving to a suburb which is nothing she’s ever known

 

[becca7721]

On Sunday the person who committed crime informed me (bearing in mind no police officer has formally told me it’s been dropped - just the survey people) they’re suing the police for their unjust treatment and determined to get justice because of the “disgusting way they were treated” and going to paper.

I’m devastated.

Today police put up a “zero tolerance” poster for the crimes on their social media, along with another copy of the “victims code” it’s taken everything to post here instead of there, am very upset.

I’ve tried to write a complaint but have no idea how to word it because my mental health is spiralling, I tried doing a simple request to police email but the response was “this account is to report crime only”. Their website no longer works on my device. I can’t access any support because they’re an army veteran and priority for support from mental health, advocacy services, gp and social services.

 

[Spam5496]

I'm getting married next year to my partner of 10 years, things are abit rough between us lately, fighting arguing over everything, I've caught him 4 times looking up other women and on pornhub in the last 2 months ,even though he said he'd stop ,it's like it's in one ear and out the other. We had a big argument last night and I was ready to end things with him, but I just felt pressure because we have the wedding date picked- save the dates out and I don't want to let anyone down and be an embarrassment,but I also don't want to be stuck in this relationship because he has no love towards me ,we have talked and discussed things and he always said he'd change and work is stressful, but nothing ever changes , I love him to bits but I don't know what I'm holding on to

 

[Clickbait]

I find a glass scraper works really well to get rid of build up when it’s still in place:

 

[Doodlebug005]

He's my mechanic but he's also very interested in dating me. He says he meant it as a joke but it didn't come across that way to me.

Correct he came across as a f*cking knobhead- and if you dated him would that insult reappear during a row- No @Thank(space)you you are out of his league- anyone who hurts / insults you doesn’t deserve your time

Keep communication on topic and distance yourself - or get a new mechanic and block his number

 

[Snippysnips]

I really wouldn't bother tbh, we put a lot of effort in to getting our car ready for trade in and they couldn't have cared less, he actually said 'you should see what our valet guys do, they work wonders', as long as the car is in generally good repair I think you'll be good. Enjoy your new car !.

Can agree with this, we tried to get ours cleaned up as best we could an tried everything on the alloys an they literally could not have cared less, they didn't even bother going fully round it, just asked if it was working fine, had all its keys an they were working an took it

 

[boomska]

I’m thinking about buying a walking pad. I JUST get 5K steps in a day due to driving to work, having an office job & by the time I get home, cook dinner ( I live alone), meal prep for the next day, do my skin care etc, getting out & doing an hours walk in the cold (live in the UK) is the last thing I want to do.

I’ve seen one on Amazon for £140. I have a £50 vouchers I’ve got from work I can use.

Sooo should I get one?

 

[yogiessexdubs]

Get your mechanical discount & don't take it any further than business.