The advice thread for random problems #4

[Moth]

Well exactly, the document just states "(£amount)" no actual figure.
Whilst they may have incurred some cost, my course tutor seems to thinks that as a non levy paying employer it is around the £700-900 figure, the government fund the rest, my employer is registered with the government, as am I as the apprentice.

The only costs so to speak they incur is, they pay my wages but I have to attend college day per week, and for 6 weeks twice in the year I have to go on external placement to wherever the college send me ( can be a hospital, community nursing or gp surgery) - I have completed the two placements for year 1, and have 2 remaining for year 2.
So Im not at work the one day I attend college, and im not at work whilst im on external placement but I'm still getting paid - that's how an apprenticeship works though and what they signed and agreed to upon my commencing the course.

My line manager has made an error in not getting me to sign anything prior to my commencing the course, as she is now stepping down as manager I presume tying up lose ends.
I dont feel that it is reasonable for me to now be pressurised into signing a very debatable document almost halfway through the course.

My tutor also told me as it is my apprenticeship I can leave this employer and be employed elsewhere as long as the new employer is willing to take over supporting me on the course, essentially giving me the day to attend college and go on external placement whilst still paying me.

I just feel so worried and stressed out about it as they are just not reasonable, im worried I will go into work Monday and be confronted with a disciplinary meeting or something.

Well first I don't believe there are any grounds for any kind of disciplinary action so I don't think I'd worry about that but in any case you have the union to help you. Your employer is effectively trying to make a change to your contract of employment which they can only do if you agree or there is an existing clause in your contract to say that they can (a variation clause). Even if there is, based on the ACAS advice they wouldn't be able to apply that in arrears so at worst it would only cover future costs (such as they are). See what comes back from your union and if you are still worried contact ACAS (0300 123 1100) or your local Citizens Advice.

 

[stargirl23]

I’ve had government surveys in the post before, they’ve come in official brown envelope with gov.uk printed on it with an official return address. The letter inside also had a phone number on to call to check it was all legit. I rang and they confirmed it was them and it’s random postcode generated who fills it out but I could tell straight away it was legit. Sounds like your one isn’t though as no one should be asking for those kind of questions unless it’s dodgy people trying to scope out your house. If worried report it to the police and they can look into it and confirm if it’s a scam and try trace who sent it and why

 

[Pinkpenguinx]

---

Would you have gravy with a chicken and leek pie?

Absolutely not
Cant stand gravy on anything other than a roast dinner and that's at a push too
With chicken and leek = NO
I am a southerner though don't get all the gravy hype, horrid
Will I be banished for stating I don't much like gravy

 

[littlepup]

Men wearing baby carriers

Wrong thread? Really want to know what this relates to that men carrying a baby gets a puke face

 

[littlepup]

Thank you, he's done now an it seems them being friends with the management has it's benefits, they wouldn't really listen to him an am really angry he didn't have a witness in with him either, it was a them Vs him with no one to defend him, they didn't give him a copy of the meeting either an said they would "type it up an send it" which am also not happy at as they could then change it to suit themselves

Be sure you’re taking notes of times and dates of everything. Sounds as though they’ve already breached standard rules.
Did they explain the disciplinary procedure and give him a copy, explain what’s next?
What did ACAS say?

 

[becca7721]

It’s difficult when a hard worker to set boundaries I had similar issues in the NHS.

I think professional reputation is something that can be a concern. I didn’t really think about it until I was fired from a job I was never employed to do (it being given to someone else as I supposedly couldn’t be trusted and I had theirs which was office work). The job was hell and the people worse. I did a comprehensive study that I was told was put in the bin as so awful which was then edited slightly and published under someone elses name after I left. I applied for work and got nowhere. An ex manager offered me another job, no reference, nothing - it turned out the ex employer was refusing to give me a reference at all (very bad sign). I was lucky I’d worked elsewhere and hard and people knew the place were dreadful, but if they hadn’t I’d have never worked again.

The study enabled the person named as author to open their own award winning business.

 

[cwymmie]

Ordered a jumpsuit from next tried it on and I look fab. Went to show my husband and he said what's that smell? The jumpsuit stinks. Like manure/muck spreading/shit smell.

He then peeled one of their returns barcodes off my back.

The tag is one that loops through the label so easily removed and replaced. So it appears someone has worn it somewhere stinky and returned it.

It is out of stock online and I haven't seen it in store. What would you do? Try washing it and of smell doesn't go/it shrinks add the label back on and return? Ask for a discount? Just return it and cry? I have quite a long body so finding a jumpsuit that fits and looks as good as this did is hard. Any advice woukd be appreciated

If it’s just the smell, give it a wash. I have actually found a few clothing stores where the brand new clothes stink of manure. Very strange. But if you really love it I’d just wash it. Next are pretty good with returns and will probably accept it back even after a wash if it’s still stinky

 

[stargirl23]

Maybe more of a question than needing advice, but... Is it a thing that negative people don't want you anymore when you become happier?

I've done a lot of work on myself in the past few years. I was horrendously ill with depression for years, now I'm more or less ok. An old boyfriend has gotten in touch, after we've not spoken for 12 years. He was always perfectly nice to me when we were dating as teenagers, but when he's been messaging me the past week, I've just felt that he was such a downer. Every single message is about how he's getting old (we're 30!) and he doesn't like his career and he wants more money (he has a really impressive career). I'm just not here for it. If he was an old friend I'd been in contact with for years, then I would want to support him, but he's basically an almost-stranger who just turned up in my inbox to tell me how shit everything is.

Yesterday I was getting dental work done. He messaged me asking how I was, "because that doesn't exactly sound like a great day." I felt a bit defensive because I was having a good day and I didn't need someone to come in and enforce their idea that everything is going horribly. I just replied, "Well I feel better for having it done." Now he's not replied since yesterday, even though he's been texting me constantly for a week. I don't want to keep talking to him tbh, so I don't care, it just made me wonder: are there people who want to use you to wallow in misery together and then when they realise you haven't got that mindset, they reject you? I've been noticing in recent years how many people are negative - not necessarily the same as people in bad circumstances or who have mental illnesses, but lots of people just have nothing nice to say about anything.

I had the same with my ex best friend. I suffered with depression badly and she was there for me so I can’t deny that. But then I felt like it turned into a competition with her, and everything shit in my life, hers was worse. I don’t doubt she struggled but half the time I know not all she said was true and it was every single detail of her life was negative. It sucked the life out of me. I went to CBT and the last few years have been the best of my whole life. I don’t take antidepressants or need counselling and I genuinely feel at peace. She used to message me like how do you do it, are there not any bad days, surely not everything’s that good, and pick out the bad points to make me feel shit about them like I used to when my mindset now is just like yeah it’s shit but I’ll get over it. Best thing I did was cut it off. Unfortunately people like that thrive on negativity and it’s like they enjoy the sympathy and deliberately make things bad for attention when really it’s not that bad. Not spoke in nearly 2 years and my god has my life felt better. I’m not saying don’t help people in need as I will happily be there for anyone struggling but people like that are mentally draining and you don’t need them in your life x

 

[MolliMoo]

Thank you all I really appreciate it. I need to look at all my options and decide what to do. My head is a mess x

 

[Rxt156]

Annoying when they offer something casually but don’t discuss cost. My hairdresser does this for deep conditioning treatments etc they just say ‘do you want it?’ Rather than ‘this costs X are you interested’

 

[stargirl23]

I love the astonish mould and mildew spray. Spray it around the windows and doors on a cold morning leave 5 mins then wipe away and never get any mould and it doesn’t rub off or damage any wall paint

 

[conrea37]

Anyone had physical effects from stress? I’ve taken 2 sick days and waiting on the GP phone call. I feel awful.

 

[becca7721]

When my foster mum died I was 5. My parents decided to tell me she went on holiday. A LONG holiday. I was bullied because in those days foster care, even with a relative as mine was, was something to be deeply ashamed of, I was constantly asked why I didn’t love my parents enough. I remember. Vividly asking where she was and my mum bluntly saying she died and I knew that so why didn’t I shut up. Then I was told in order for another baby to be born she had to die.

Then my school decided to show a lovely film about bunnies - watership down weeks after all of this and I was devastated ..

Basically it’s decades later and I still remember that. I still have issues with saying goodbye to people incase that’s the last time I see them. Yes I’ve had therapy, but it’s too deep, and cost a fortune to boot.

So don’t

Say people are on a long holiday/moved away because inevitably children find out what’s happened.
Loved ones don’t die so babies can be born - I was a little shit to babies for years and years after
Watership down has bunnies in it and is devastating watch for kids, especially bereaved ones (frankly anyone of any age, I’ve no idea how it is still a U!)

Discussing death is hard, I do get that, but sometimes I think people forget what a hard concept it is even for adults!

 

[Lollylaylow]

Every year my housing sends around a contracted company to service the boiler as it's a legal requirement.

These contractors always contact me via email and snail mail, Anyway someone was supposed to come last Monday and didn't turn up and no one told me.
I emailed and they said sorry the man was off sick. I said why didn't you contact me to save me sitting waiting. She said she looked for my number but didn't see one. I replied but you have my email. She just said he will come on Tuesday afternoon. No apologies nothing. I also got a letter via post with the new appointment no mention or apologise for the missed appointment

So yesterday I sat waiting once again and again no one turned up and no one informed me they were not coming.

in the meantime, the contents of my airing cupboard are all over the place and have been since last Monday as I'm disabled and cannot keep putting things away and getting them out again.

Ive emailed this morning and copied in my housing officer and asked them to please come today to do it. but where do I stand? I need to put this stuff away as tripping up it, but they will expect me to take it all out again when they do come out.

I don't know if I need advice or to rant about the awful CS and the lady who didn't feel I deserved an apology. but meanwhile, I'm sat here surrounded by the contents of a huge cupboard and have been for over a week

update I received a reply to my email


Good Morning
Our engineer attended yesterday @ 14.30 but there was no answer from the door. He tried calling your landline and mobile but neither number was working.



Strange how last time they did not have a phone number for me and now they have two!


My reply

I was sat here all the time, I don't watch TV or listen to the radio so no way would I not have heard anyone knocking I do not use a phone as I have already informed you last time.

Will anyone be coming today, please?
Thank you



Her reply

An engineer will attend again this morning and I have asked him to knock loud.

Kind regards,


my reply

Thank you name
No need to knock loud I'm not deaf, nor daft.
But I thank you for getting someone to come today, it's very much appreciated

name




I believe if I had not copied in my housing officer the outcome would have been very different! that's if they actually come, The lady must WFH as she sent the email just after 7am.

 

[KirstyC]

It's so hard having been there with my eldest who was quite reserved/shy, because you don't want to upset the other child (who perhsps struggles socially) but then you don't want to limit your own child.

Do you feel like the school could have done more?, in my case despite advising my child to play in a group and join the other child in etc. I did have to involve the school when when the possessiveness got too much and they spoke to the child and his mother about the importance of having a large friendship group.

It sounds like you've given your daughter some great advice and support. What I will say and what I learnt over time, is that for all the worrying (and I had many sleepless nights over friendship circles) is that these things do have a way of sorting themselves out naturally .

Thanks that really means a lot, and reassures me! The next step if things don’t change is to speak to the girls parents. School have spoken to my daughters class as a whole so I’m hoping there is some improvement. I’ve also arranged a play date with another friend as someone else suggested!

 

[chickhicks86]

Nah, just don’t go. I personally would’ve pulled the pregnant card once I heard the journey is a 5hour round trip.
Don’t let them make you feel bad instead tell them that you wish they/your partner had given you the correct info about the day. But seeing as your having a difficult pregnancy and have the dog you can’t go.

Exactly this! It's a long journey without the complication of leaving your dog for so long (I too would have agreed on the basis of 5 hours but not 9). If you were stuck in traffic for any reason it could even be longer. You've said you will cover the cost of the ticket for whatever it is, so I would just send your partner on his way and enjoy the day at home snuggling with your pooch instead.

 

[littlepup]

Not really after advice as I'm pretty certain I've made up my mind and I'm not crazy. What I would like is other peoples thoughts as my husband thinks im over reacting and my daughter doesn't think its fair.
My daughter (nearly 8) has made friends with a little girl down the road (also 8) and they play out together and often in and out of each others house. That's absolutely fine. But I've heard the other girl has been talking about sleepovers and her mum has said they can have a sleepover at there's. I do not know her mum, only ever seen her once and that was a quick "morning". I don't think 7/8 year olds need sleepovers. Especially when I don't know the adults. It's her mum and a step dad that stays occasionally. There is way too much in the news and way too often it's the step dad that's dodgy. I just don't think it's worth the risk, they might be perfectly fine but there's always a chance.
I had a friend when I was 12 - 15 that I used to sleepover her house, everything was fine but years later i saw the Step Dad on crime watch wanted for being a paedophile from crimes before he met her mum. They were happily married and he had been in my friends life since she was 2 and had always been fine and never done anything to her or her brother . So it shows you can't trust anyone.
Please tell me you agree I'm right in saying no and I'll just have to be the boring, horrible Mum that says no.

Have them sleep over at yours or get to know the parents better. They live so close there’s no need to sleep over. However a predator can be anywhere, any time of day, so you eventually have to place trust somewhere. I’d be as concerned for them playing out in the street tbf.
If you look at high profile cases, they usually occur in broad daylight. But, these are few and far between, we can’t wrap them up in cotton wool. It’s really hard.

 

[stargirl23]

Not really a problem but just after some advice from people who’s had a flu vaccine.
I’m not entitled to one but have paid to get one from Boots. I was supposed to have it today but my anxiet got the better of me and I postponed it.

I’m concerned about having a bad reaction. I had the first Covid vaccine in the morning and that evening I had a fever, which was fine but then I started having a really bad racing heart. Like it wouldn’t stop for a couple of hours. This concerned me because there is heart problems in the family.

So my question is really what is the likely hood of having this reaction with a flu vaccine? I couldn’t really find any info online. And is it a symptom to worry about?

Very very very slim chance of having that reaction. I have 2 different heart problems and I get the flu Jab on the nhs every year due to health issues and ive never had any reaction. I had my jab early October and been fine since, arm felt a bit achey for a few hours which is normal but other than that I felt completely normal. The covid jab is different and a lot stronger than the flu one and loads of people reacted to it including myself but from personal experience the flu is fine. I’ve not known anyone react to it. Hope your anxiety gets better for you x

 

[Moth]

I’ve recently plucked up the courage to leave a violent ex, blocked him on all social media platforms but he emails me with nasty messages, last week in one day I had over 50 emails, I did respond by asking him to leave me alone & saved them, I rang 101 to report him they said it’s harassment, the police have been to see me & recommended a non molestation order, but in order to get one I as the victim have got to pay for it as I don’t qualify for legal aid even though I only work part time, the domestic abuse helpline did ask me very strange questions like do I have anything worth over £500 & only asked how much rent I paid, said no other bills/food are taken into consideration, I told her I would think about it as it’s a few hundred pounds which I just can’t afford at the moment, has anyone else taken one of these orders out?

You could use the 'CourtNav' system which is a digital service provided by Royal Courts of Justice and Citizens Advice. You fill in some details that are used to prepare an application for a Non-Molestation Order. If you can't get Legal Aid and can't pay privately, the form will be checked for free by a legal adviser at RCJ Citizens Advice. You'll need to register with CourtNav to use the service.

Apply for an injunction

Use our online tool to fill in an FL401 court form. This is an application for a non-molestation and/or occupation order. You can also file for a divorce.

www.courtnav.org.uk

You can also get help and advice from FLOWS (Finding Legal Options for Women): https://www.flows.org.uk/support-for-women and Rights of Women: https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

 

[Snippysnips]

Massively freaking out as the guy from the HR situ is apparently telling people that he's got my address saved in Google maps & he has pics of me in my lingerie!

I know I've never given him either but I'm Massively freaking out if he has got them how he has?

I'm hoping he's bullshitting because if he had that info why wouldn't he have given it to HR sooner?

I'm genuinely getting so scared

Honestly, time to call the cops