The advice thread for random problems #4

[becca7721]

If I were your neighbour I would be taking it up with the Landlord (or if it was rented through an agent, contact them). They should be able to get someone in to look at ways of resolving the damp problem. Bleaching it won't fix it, it will only temporarily get rid of it. Obviously your neighbour needs to ventilate the place but really they should be taking it up with the Landlord.

The landlord (who owns agency) won’t do anything. They didn’t after the last tenant ended up in hospital just said she must have been drying clothes in there and took money from deposit to ‘fix it’

 

[Pinkpenguinx]

Seeking advice from the union is the right thing but what puzzles me is that if it's a government funded apprenticeship what fees is your employer paying that they would want to recover?

In any case according to ACAS, "Employers might be able to deduct money from final pay for training courses. This can only happen if the deduction was agreed in the contract or in writing beforehand".

Deductions for training courses - Final pay when someone leaves a job - Acas

Employers can deduct money from pay for training courses if it was agreed in the contract or in writing beforehand.

www.acas.org.uk

:

Well exactly, the document just states "(£amount)" no actual figure.
Whilst they may have incurred some cost, my course tutor seems to thinks that as a non levy paying employer it is around the £700-900 figure, the government fund the rest, my employer is registered with the government, as am I as the apprentice.

The only costs so to speak they incur is, they pay my wages but I have to attend college day per week, and for 6 weeks twice in the year I have to go on external placement to wherever the college send me ( can be a hospital, community nursing or gp surgery) - I have completed the two placements for year 1, and have 2 remaining for year 2.
So Im not at work the one day I attend college, and im not at work whilst im on external placement but I'm still getting paid - that's how an apprenticeship works though and what they signed and agreed to upon my commencing the course.

My line manager has made an error in not getting me to sign anything prior to my commencing the course, as she is now stepping down as manager I presume tying up lose ends.
I dont feel that it is reasonable for me to now be pressurised into signing a very debatable document almost halfway through the course.

My tutor also told me as it is my apprenticeship I can leave this employer and be employed elsewhere as long as the new employer is willing to take over supporting me on the course, essentially giving me the day to attend college and go on external placement whilst still paying me.

I just feel so worried and stressed out about it as they are just not reasonable, im worried I will go into work Monday and be confronted with a disciplinary meeting or something.

 

[TheGlossy]

Thank you @watermelon sugar @Popcornshovel @stargirl23! It’s clear the second one is the one! I ended up ordering it.

The fact I kept thinking about it was definitely a sign Also, it was out of stock for weeks and one came back in stock earlier today. Fingers crossed it fits!

Agree that the first one looks like it hangs oddly in the middle. I also wasn’t too keen on the back that looked like a sport‘s bra. The color is beautiful but something about it is a bit off.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

At that level it will largely be about personality being a good fit and ensuring someone is worth the investment. You don’t want them leaving after you’ve spent time and money to train them.
There will be plenty of applicants and you can’t pick based on skills, experience or qualifications so it has to come down to the person and that takes time. It seems backwards but it’s easier to recruit at higher levels.
I’d say an asses be expectedsment and 2 interviews is to, anything more would ring alarm bells that they’re looking for more than they’re wanting to pay for, trying to find a unicorn.

At that level it will largely be about personality being a good fit and ensuring someone is worth the investment. You don’t want them leaving after you’ve spent time and money to train them.
There will be plenty of applicants and you can’t pick based on skills, experience or qualifications so it has to come down to the person and that takes time. It seems backwards but it’s easier to recruit at higher levels.
I’d say an assessment and 2 interviews is to be expected, anything more would ring alarm bells that they’re looking for more than they’re wanting to pay for, trying to find a unicorn.

That should not take 2 interviews and an assessment, no way, 1 interview and a test will suffice. I work in HR and there is absolutely no need for more than one interview at entry level.

 

[Midgetgem]

I’ve used a knock off version and it dries your skin out so badly 🥹

I have a lumispa and I go through stages where I remember to use it. I’ve used it for the past two weeks and my face is so, so dry. It’s peeling like I have sunburn. I don’t have bad skin, no spots or problem areas and I’ve now realised after reading above that it’s the lumispa making it dry as it’s happened once before.

Thank you both for your replies, oh no! Hope your skin is better soon
---

My personal opinion is that it over exfoliates.
No doubt good in some senses but the marketing is awful and lies. Claims like 100% increased brightness and bounce - they’d not quantifiable!
If you wash your face for two full minutes with any product you will see better results than a quick wipe over so when peope go from little effort to full routine twice a day, they will see results.
In the same way that electric toothbrushes are better but a lot of it comes from the fact they have timers and guides on so invariably you’ll brush far longer and hit more areas.
I know people who’ve had good results but never miraculous, one girl it caused massive irritation. The people I know with acne and pigmentation have not had life changing results at all, no miracle cure. No one still uses it religiously. The one girl who sold it (hence I know so many people with it) had changed so many other factors like her make-up and lack of routine previously did see results but they can’t be attributed to the device only. Also IRL the results were not what she showed online.
Plus one min it’d be the lumi, next the AHA pads, next the collagen, next the new improved lumi all allegedly responsible.
They also sell you cleansers with it so the cleanser’s active ingredients could be as responsible for the results as the device.

The die hard girl who sold it has now left and is shilling another ‘life changing’ MLM.

TLDR - if you go from a simple face wash to cleansing with it for 2 mins twice a day with a targeted cleanser you will see results. But you could get similar for wayyyyyy less with a knock off or other foreo type knock off device with the right cleanser for your concerns.
Try a £12 foreo knock off from Amazon and see how long you keep up using it first. If you do get it, 2x a day is too much imo. Look at over exfoliation and the stratum layer.

(I used the original a few times and a knock of many times, the latter over exfoliated and possibly triggered dermatitis)

I really appreciate the time you have taken and the detail you have given in your reply to me. Thank you! It's made me think twice about rushing into one as they're not cheap and it sounds an alternative is the better way to go. Your comment is really helpful xx

 

[Snippysnips]

And if the government needs to know where you work and what you earn, they’d ask for national insurance number. They have land registry for how much your house cost and if there’s a mortgage too. With a name and DOB they pretty much have all this info without you providing it.

This is what made me think it's maybe not a government thing, no one else in town has gotten it, it's specifically only our estate which is no where near the biggest in town plus the other side of the park to us which I'd say was more a risk of flooding hasn't had anything either, there's nothing on it asking for a national insurance, am just going leave it an assume this is some sort of data scam an they are trying to fish for details

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I’m hoping I can just get out of this one indefinitely honestly if it was any other kid I’d be up for it but my daughter and him are just bad for each other and he’s unfortunately (probably through no fault of his own) a badly behaved child.

I wouldn’t have him over for a play date let alone sleep over - 5 is so young too. When my daughter asks for sleepovers I say maybe when you’re a bit bigger.

A friend’s son is similar in being badly behaved - he is SO rude to her and naughty - she is very very gentle and I feel embarrassed for her to be honest. I am dreading having him at my daughter’s birthday party. We all laughed at first but now I just think he’s very disrespectful and he’s like that because she lets him do it and doesn’t try and address his behaviour - just repeats his name again and again and has a shy smile on her face. I would flip if my child did half yuck he does.

Weird the mum is so keen, just keep putting her off with polite excuses until she gets bored!

 

[Mamacita]

I’ve posted this in the share your cat thread but it’s not very frequented so thought perhaps I’d try here too…

We're getting a kitten. We thought we wanted a girl but lots of people who have both are saying they can also spray even after being done and boys can be more affectionate, calmer and less aloof. I remember our old boy being a real cuddle monster. We'll have a nearly 3 year old and a baby on the way when kitten arrives.

There's a fluffy, very pale ginger, almost grey ginger boy, a darker fluffy but smoother ginger boy with markings and a similar coat tortoise shell/ginger & black girl to choose from. Have to admit I've always wanted a ginger cat but I also love diddy girls. Just to narrow it down, I’m thinking the fluffier, paler one will be more hard to deal with hair wise?

Any thoughts please?

Re hair it's hard to tell without actually seeing them and also knowing what your home is like, I guess if one requires more grooming then yeah, that will be more work but tbh, if you're getting a cat, it's always a never ending battle with hair around the house

On personality, I don't think it can be prejudged based on gender. It just varies cat to cat, depending on the breed, how they're socialised when they're growing up. So just go with whichever one you want. Or just get both

 

[TheGlossy]

I’m about to lose my marbles!

Late fall, I woke up one morning to a pile of ants in front of my toilets. I got rid of them and didn’t see any for two weeks. Exactly two weeks later, they were all over the kitchen & bathroom. One night, hundreds of them came out in line in the bathroom.

Ever since, I’ve been spotting them around the kitchen & bathroom (sinks, fan, oven, kitchen counters). I spotted a few coming out of the the hot press.

A contractor came over and blocked the problematic areas in the bathroom. He checked the kitchen and noted everything was clean (I’m a clean freak). He said he’s never heard of this and it’s really unusual.

After he worked on the bathroom, it seems the ants decided to just migrate to my wardrobe. I’d never seen one in the bedroom before!! I saw red!

He asked if I had neighbors on the same floor. I do have a plant obsessed neighbor on one side & an unclean group of people on the other. One side apparently had an untreated leak with a flooded floor for a while and my ant problem got far worse after they started refurbishing that apartment.

I’m a very clean person and don’t live at ground floor level. I told the contractor these must be coming from somewhere in the building because they can’t just have randomly popped up on my floor. He said that’s for sure.

I’ve been at my current place for four years and I’m honestly contemplating leaving. I’ve been advised to use an ant bait, but I’m afraid the issue might get worse.

Any advice?

I’m not in the UK.

 

[littlepup]

Can’t make this up today.

I was approached for an external role which I know is a dead end, but I wanted to use this interview as training for future interviews given I’m aiming for a more senior role.

Fast forward, I received the invite today and the person interviewing me used to work in the same department in my current company (literally used to sit across from me), probably knows my current manager and from past experience of overhearing them on calls, they can be pretty abrasive.

The interview is Monday but with all this in mind, I’d rather not even bother. I need yo find something ti cancel.

TBF An interview with someone you know to be abrasive so likely 'tough' interview would be better for experience than an easy one. Unless you think it could jeopardise your current role, which it's not allowed to do it might be worth going through with it?

 

[stargirl23]

Personally wouldn’t use the Amazon ones. We had 3 that broke and eventually after complaining we found out the ones they send you as a replacement are actually refurbished and they also all broke within a few months too. We got an iPad mini instead and had no issues and apple customer service was much better than Amazon

 

[bozlem3080]

I had cholecystitis and honestly thought I was dying. Needed 6 days on IV antibiotics and have never had a repeat of it - didn't even have gallstones so was incredibly random. Buscopan really helps with the pain - and co-codamol on top.

Been given co-codamol I take them at night because they just knock me out, I’ve been prescribed naproxen & omoprazole (sp?) so hopefully they might work for me. It’s just the constant stitch pain that’s getting me down & the back ache. I’ve been to work today, come home & feel completely drained.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m invited to a winter wedding and I’ve been looking at dresses. I can’t seem to find one that is 100% what I’m looking for (navy). IVs come across the following two dresses but I’m not sold on them. Ideally, I’d like something a bit more versatile I can recycle regardless of event/season. I would appreciate some opinions.
View attachment 2621911
1st: The color seems a bit too summery for my taste and I’m not sure about the semi-open back. I like the material and the cut though.
View attachment 2621912
2nd: Love the color but not a fan of the pattern. Length is great but the dress doesn’t seem to be ‘wedding guest’ vibes enough.

Definitely the first one for a wedding.

 

[Piff paff puff]

By chance today I met a Chinese lady. She was looking for help with something and as English wasn't her first language she was having trouble. Within our conversation related to what she was saying were some concerning revelations and she confirmed she had sought relevant help. She showed me some evidence when I asked more questions.
I'm so sad about this ladies situation. It doesn't seem like she has an advocate and seems alone left to suffer. She lives about 15-20 miles away from me and I have her phone number. I've contacted citizens advice, she says she has been in touch with them although I don't know the outcome.
Police have also been involved the Chinese lady said but again I don't know the outcome.
I have my own domestic responsibilities so they must take priority but I just want to know, what would you do to help if you were me?

 

[avabella]

Ordered a jumpsuit from next tried it on and I look fab. Went to show my husband and he said what's that smell? The jumpsuit stinks. Like manure/muck spreading/shit smell.

He then peeled one of their returns barcodes off my back.

The tag is one that loops through the label so easily removed and replaced. So it appears someone has worn it somewhere stinky and returned it.

It is out of stock online and I haven't seen it in store. What would you do? Try washing it and of smell doesn't go/it shrinks add the label back on and return? Ask for a discount? Just return it and cry? I have quite a long body so finding a jumpsuit that fits and looks as good as this did is hard. Any advice woukd be appreciated

What kind of bag was it in? I've found sometimes the plastic bags can create that kind of smell.

 

[Snippysnips]

Would you have gravy with a chicken and leek pie?

Usually I'd make it with a white sauce, an then my dad drowns it in salad cream

 

[Snippysnips]

I’ve found anything that gets a lot of views will get reposted by people trying to cash and lots of fan accounts but Roma & Diana also have their own different accounts. Their main one ‘kids Diana show’ then he’s got one the same then there’s ‘Roma Diana EN’ the English account and so on. There’s tons of them!
View attachment 2738018

Thanks, I didn't know there was so many of them, I'll search them all then block them

 

[NomDeGuerre]

Posting here so I have to follow through with it...

I have been provisionally discussing a holiday with a friend in the new year. The trouble is, where they want to go and where I can afford to go right now are very different and I feel like I'm pressuring myself into booking something I can't really afford (they've suggested I just stick it on my credit card which I really don't want to do).

I've been dragging my feet a little and I think I need to just bite the bullet and say it was working out a lot more expensive than I initially thought and that I don't want to limit them. I have suggested a city break to somewhere in Europe but they only want hot sun somewhere far flung and I just can't afford that at such short notice, particularly with Christmas so close.

I've been in knots about it all week and was awake in the night thinking about it. It sounds silly, but I hate having to prick the balloon of someone else's enthusiasm.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Sorry but I’m really not sure where to put this, so hope someone can offer some wisdom.
My daughter is 5 (nearly 6). She’s a very sensitive, sometimes anxious, little girl. My husband’s parents both passed away before she remembers them, my FIL passed away when my husband was about 12 and his mum left us in 2020. For some reason them dying has created some worry in her and now she is very scared of dying, even way into the future and leaving her children. And she’s worried her best friend might die and she won’t get to see her anymore. I was just doing bedtime where she said “mummy I’m so excited for Easter!” And then about a minute later she said “mummy, I’m so scared of dying, I’m not really excited about Easter at all, all I can think about is going to heaven” we did her hand breathing to calm her down and I talked to her about thoughts about things we can’t control and thoughts about things we can control, and I said well keep telling her brain that it doesn’t have any control over it and it’s not going to happen for a long time anyway so let’s not worry about it now - and I said well say the same thing to your brain tomorrow too, and that seemed to help but she seems so much more sensitive and thoughtful than I ever was when I was little I don’t know how to help her really.

Is she at school? If so ask them to enrol her on the ELSA programme, was very beneficial for my daughter when she had bad separation anxiety (I know not the same, but they deal with lots of child MH issues)

 

[Snippysnips]

Is it privately owned? He should ask for a written copy of their staff disciplinary procedure, dispute resolution procedure and his contract or statement of employment (Scroll here to “written statement of employment”, this is required by law https://www.charliehr.com/blog/do-all-employees-need-a-contract-of-employment/amp/)
They mightn't have these, it seems like they’ve broken GDPR rules by turning up to his private residence so not clued up on HR, but it’ll be a good indication of what you can do from your side, how sewn up they have things.
They can’t discriminate against him for anything dementia/age related, that’s against the law so if he needs someone to attend the meeting because his memory may be flawed, they have to allow it or you can be straight on them for discrimination.

If he’s genuinely done nothing wrong, the law is absolutely on his side, you have to advocate for him and make them realise he’s not going to be a push over. However, If you get the impression they really want rid of him and he’s not prepared to fight or purse a legal claim, he can ask for a payout with the agreement to leave and take it no further. They might find that preferable than the threat of legal action resulting in costs plus a payout. I believe somewhere between what he’d get as redundancy pay and 6 months wages plus unused annual leave pay is what you’d aim for.
It might not be what he wants but it’s better than being forced out by malicious claims that he can’t prove wrong and having nothing.

Call the ACAS helpline first thing if you haven’t already. They’ll give you everything you need.

Thanks, we are giving acas a call the now, as far as am aware it's privately owned but I don't know if they are in a type of partnership with someplace, it's not a Bupa or NHS I know that, I did contact the quality care commission about breach of privacy when they showed up to our door but haven't heard a thing

I'll get him to ask for copy's of the disciplinary as well, so far they didn't give the 48h warning to get prepared to bring a proper rep so all ready this is going wrong, it wasn't even 24h notice, meeting is today at 11am an he got the letter yesterday afternoon