The advice thread for random problems #4

[Rodneytrotter]

I would love to - I just live four hours away and I'm working full time myself

Is there anyone else that can go with her? My friend was in a similar position years ago and her dad came with her to hand things back/ collect things. When the same happened to me (same boss) my friend handed my things in for me.

 

[Snippysnips]

Hoping this is an ok place to post a random “problem” I’ve got at the moment as I can’t create a new thread!

My daughter whos 7 is having trouble with a “friend” at school at the moment. My daughter is quite quiet, shy and polite little girl who gets along with most of the children in her class. One of the girls in her class has always been quite possessive of my daughter for the past couple of years and only liked them two being best friends, I think my daughter was too young and naive realise this though until now.. she came home upset today and said she didn’t know what to do at playtime as she wasn’t sure who to play with. I asked her why she couldn’t play with everyone and she answered that her “friend” lets call her ‘Lucy’ tells her she hates her if she doesn’t play with her, she doesn’t want to upset her but then she doesn’t want to upset her other friends by not playing with them either. Her poor little mind must have been confused as to what to do for the best. She said this Lucy also gets upset and angry if she draws pictures of anyone else.
I have mentioned this to the school in the past when I felt little ‘Lucy’ was getting a bit controlling of my daughter, and they separated them in class time but then I was told at playtimes when they weren’t supervised as much they were always back playing together so they’re wasn’t much the school could do if she willingly playing with Lucy.. I have told my daughter to keep her distance from Lucy but she doesn’t want to do this. She wants to be friends with Lucy but also have other friends to play with as well.
So I’ve told my daughter tonight that SHE is in control of who she plays with and she mustn’t let Lucy boss her around, and that she can tell Lucy you don’t need to hate me just because I don’t want to play with you.
Does anyone have any other helpful advice on this situation? I’m a first time mum and only have the one daughter. As I mentioned she’s only 7 and quite shy and timid and I also think she worries she may get told off by a teacher if she doesn’t do as Lucy says.
Thanks

Ahh been there many times with the younger cousins, it's incredibly difficult when they are this young, you find from about age 10 it's a bit easier but under it's so hard, you have done the right thing an tbh there's not much more you can do, explaining to them that they are in control is always the best an you have done that, it's hard when there's a controlling "friend" because you aren't there to stop these "friends" from I guess poisoning their minds, they will tell them mean things that "only they really like them" "no one else will be as good to her as they are" "if they stop playing with them then they will tell others that they are the bad one" "they will tell the teacher they hurt them" I've honestly heard it all an sadly kids like your daughter tend to believe them because the "friend" is so convincing about it

But really you have done all of what you really can do, you have spoken with her an told her the importance of how she is in control, I'd say maybe keep updated with the teacher as the teacher can keep an eye on in class, you could also if it's possible maybe have some playdates so she can have a chance with playing with the other friends without this girl being there, I know it sounds mean to keep her out but it will give your daughter some freedom with others

But honestly it's best nipped in the bud now, I've seen the many paths this all goes down, an it all ends up becoming more toxic as the jealousy of them being with others starts to get worse

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Ordered a jumpsuit from next tried it on and I look fab. Went to show my husband and he said what's that smell? The jumpsuit stinks. Like manure/muck spreading/shit smell.

He then peeled one of their returns barcodes off my back.

The tag is one that loops through the label so easily removed and replaced. So it appears someone has worn it somewhere stinky and returned it.

It is out of stock online and I haven't seen it in store. What would you do? Try washing it and of smell doesn't go/it shrinks add the label back on and return? Ask for a discount? Just return it and cry? I have quite a long body so finding a jumpsuit that fits and looks as good as this did is hard. Any advice woukd be appreciated

Next have really gone down hill with quality checking, I ordered a dress that arrived absolutely stinking of BO there is no way you could have missed it.

I would add it to your basket even if out of stock and then just keep randomly checking. I do this often and most things drop back in to stock (assume it's returns, they seem to log them early morning).

 

[stargirl23]

Thank you very much, the wait to see how it went is becoming more stressful than the whole thing x

Hardest part but just tell yourself you’ve done all you can now in the meeting and your dads not the one in the wrong xx

 

[Brightstar72]

Agree, get some cheap bleach, no need for expensive products

Bleach didn’t work for me, HG was the only product that did. Agree with it being strong though, wear a mask and ventilate your area well

 

[Snippysnips]

Not really after advice as I'm pretty certain I've made up my mind and I'm not crazy. What I would like is other peoples thoughts as my husband thinks im over reacting and my daughter doesn't think its fair.
My daughter (nearly 8) has made friends with a little girl down the road (also 8) and they play out together and often in and out of each others house. That's absolutely fine. But I've heard the other girl has been talking about sleepovers and her mum has said they can have a sleepover at there's. I do not know her mum, only ever seen her once and that was a quick "morning". I don't think 7/8 year olds need sleepovers. Especially when I don't know the adults. It's her mum and a step dad that stays occasionally. There is way too much in the news and way too often it's the step dad that's dodgy. I just don't think it's worth the risk, they might be perfectly fine but there's always a chance.
I had a friend when I was 12 - 15 that I used to sleepover her house, everything was fine but years later i saw the Step Dad on crime watch wanted for being a paedophile from crimes before he met her mum. They were happily married and he had been in my friends life since she was 2 and had always been fine and never done anything to her or her brother . So it shows you can't trust anyone.
Please tell me you agree I'm right in saying no and I'll just have to be the boring, horrible Mum that says no.

I'd get to know the parents an then when you feel comfortable agree on maybe your house first an then her friends

Me an my brother both had sleepovers from I'd say around age 4/5, it can be good to let your kid have that little bit of time away at a friend's especially when it turns into bday sleepovers an there's a few kids there, I had many friends who had step-parents as well, I know you will be thinking of your kid an you can never be too careful these days but there's still step-parents out there (even the dads) who are amazing parents, but get to know the parents, it's only by knowing them you will find out if your going be comfortable with even letting your kid play with their kid, to me there's not much difference in playing in one another's house than there is sleeping over, if god forbid anything was going to happen (I pray not) it's going happen at any time

 

[HoGi]

How do I stop the scammers and chances from hassling me on Facebook market place. I’ve had about 25 messages in 30 mins since listing various electrical items including iPhones. They all say I will send you money if my uncle can pick it up. NOPE

I have found the only way is to block and delete.

Anything electrical brings out the scammers.

 

[Mamacita]

Would you move to NI to self build if it meant leaving the house and area you love but you would be mortgage and debt free. Live in the countryside with no neighbours. Your husband could work less hours and you'll have a better quality of life?

My husband has decided that's what he wants to do, he just needs to convince me and our kids.

We'd have about 200k in the bank after selling our house.

He's a builder and thinks he could buy land and build a house for 150k

His uncle is selling 3 acres with planning permission within a 12 acre field

To add, I've never been to NI, never shown any interest in visiting. I've been with my husband 18 years and he's only been over a few times in those years for funerals.

Not particularly close to family. Take my mum shopping a couple of times a week. No proper close friends.

Would you?

I wouldn't as living in the countryside is my nightmare so you really need to make that decision based on what you like. The benefits you said it would bring you sound great though so if you can imagine yourself living in the countryside then go for it.

Not sure where you live now so it might be the same but weather in NI can be really miserable.

 

[avabella]

Thank you, that’s so reassuring, she asked me to find photos of heaven and she said that might make her feel better, so when we were looking I said to her, the thing is, no one who has drawn these pictures has actually been to heaven so they’re just guessing really, and she started to talk about what she thought it was like. She was almost an only child, she has a baby sister who is 1 but we sort of brought her up like an only child up til I got pregnant as that’s what she was meant to be

My oldest boy can also be very much like your girl. Just this morning he was asking me why Jesus had nails put through his hands and feet and how is it possible that he could rise up when he was dead - I mean, 8am on a Sunday morning son!! But this is just what their wee minds do, question everything and when wee links get made it can throw up a whole lot of other questions, so this likely isn't the last you'll hear of it, even if the conversation seems to fade off. Not to get too airy fairy but I did think to myself, what do I want my child to believe when talking about things like this? I'm mostly atheist so I explain that when you're dead, you're dead, but your memories and soul lives on in the people you leave behind, but that some people believe in a heaven etc. I'm not a fan of the whole 'look up to the stars to see your granny' type idea but each to their own

 

[stargirl23]

He’s had a bad cough for around a week and a snotty nose. We are just getting over my youngest having tonsillitis too…bloody kids! 🫠

Sounds like it could be then. My little one had a cold for 4 days then came out in spots on his back and knees. Then went to his tummy and chest and by morning he was absolutely covered poor thing. Hope they’re all okay and get better soon x

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hang on with me here…. But my Mum died when I was pregnant with my first and I’ve always just said she was poorly. Then we’ve had a few distant family relationships where we sort of said oh they were poorly and then last weekend my FIL died and I said to my husband we cannot say he was just ‘poorly’ because they’re going to have a real issue. Unfortunately meant we had to talk a bit more about why he died.
Which has brought all sort of things up. I think it’s the age where they’re not little anymore and you just sort of have to find a way of age appropriately explaining what they think their issues are. OR, introducing a teddy that they can tell their fears too. (A friend of mine did this when her Dad died suddenly, as they would spend every Friday night there). If she’s confident to write, you can find a zippy mouth one, then can sneakily read what she writes x

Thank you, yes she knows they’ve died, I’m so sorry about you FIL x

she has a worry monster, but she’s a bit flash in the pan with these things. It’s more I think she’s a very sensitive and self reflective little thing because this started in nursery when they read a book about pets dying and all the other children shrugged and went off to play and she was left hyperventilating with the nursery worker like WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DIED - WILL I DIE?!

I actually told her my old dog ran away as I couldn’t face telling her that it had died. I think I need to look at some resilience stuff for kids xx

 

[Elle Woods]

I was always told never to use bleach on mould as it can contribute to further mould growth.

I use the HG spray and it's brilliant, the Astonish one is good too but HG is the best.

 

[Lollylaylow]

I have to ask....... Would you put it on the bin for the dustmen once it was smashed up?

I soak it in bleach and water for a few days and then bin it

 

[Squittel]

One of those awkward moments just came up.

I was picking my daughter (5) up from school and she came running to me with her friend in tow and said “Mummy Mummy can Toby come for a sleepover at the weekend?” The kids mum overheard and this mum adores palming her kids off and declared it was a great idea. I just said “Maybe, we might have plans.”

Problem is, I don’t like this kid. Whenever we have him over he’s rude to me, he laughs when I ask him not to do something, he doesn’t listen, he’s hit my daughter before, then if you have to actually tell him off he screams and cries and stamps his feet. In his parents eyes he can do no wrong.

I’ve tried to distance myself from his parents a bit but my daughter and him are still best friends. The mum is already texting me about this potential sleepover that I’m apparently hosting and I just… don’t want to. I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to start a rift but I don’t want this kid in my house. I can put it off this weekend but I can’t put it off forever. How do I get out of this? The people pleaser in me is struggling.

 

[becca7721]

Meeting was rather odd. They kept telling me to be more positive, everything’s going to be fine, and as much as I tried to be realistic they kept telling me to get positive. So in the end I just let my voices take over, literally. I was told I do not need to pay anything for eviction, they can get me full long term benefits, get me medical help and support and try can definitely find me somewhere and I’ve nothing to worry about with landlord. Adaptions, care and, support will all be funded and free. But they did confirm no suitable temporary accommodation for someone with my needs.

BUT

Benefits take time. Medical help and hoarding support never mind sorting takes time. Finding me somewhere without a needs assessment impossible and takes months. The landlord had at that point said nothing about not evicting me (see below). Adaptions have already been done for free where I am they won’t be done again - I need to pay, care is not free; nor is support as physically disabled.

This evening I got the following (I’ve removed parts about neighbour and police issue) from landlord.


“Hiya mate, just to confirm your time at x is at an end. It’s good you're finally engaging with people but you must leave. We won’t enforce on x but you must leave. We never wanted you to be homeless but you must leave. Housing confirmed you’ve plenty of help and support now and are finally engaging with people which is good but your time there is over. Cheers ‘landlord’”.

This doesn’t sound like I can stay until somewhere is found for me and I’m terrified.

To me this appears that they think I’m gong into be housed immediately and that’s not realistic at all.

I’m being messed around by so many people and in such a state today’s not helped at all.

 

[yogiessexdubs]

Relationship Question: Please be kind (I’m a bit sensitive at the mo

).
I’ve worked with a woman for almost a year - let's call her T. We’ve become good friends & I do believe that she's been a good friend to me.

T tried to set me up with someone at work. This guy & I developed genuine feelings for one another albeit he was a little odd - had never been on a date, has lived with his mum for a long time etc etc. but I tried to look past that. There was chemistry which is why I think I persevered.
In the end he wasn’t very nice to me but showed amazing qualities in a friend to T & everyone else.

I called it off with him as his behaviour was quite toxic. There was a bit of drama back & forth all the time T was still getting involved. He seems to be pretty manipulative & likes to plays the ‘victim', T was well aware that he had lied as things transpired.

Sometimes T would let things I’d asked her to keep to herself (about me to him) 'slip' but I genuinely believed that she had good intentions, however I did start to suspect that she quite enjoyed being the middle man (I would not go running to T but he would as he’d ask for her advice).

I moved house (alone) & because he seemingly doesn't to know how to handle relationships he’d asked T if he should ask me if I needed help. T said not to - I do think she had our best interests at heart but I can’t for the life of me work out why she had said not to contact me.

I have had other interest since but I told T around Xmas time that I’d had trouble getting over this odd ball because of the feelings/chemistry etc.
I know he does little things to help T out like offers her a lift, feeds her pets etc. & I don't think there's anything in it (T is slightly older) ..

A few weeks ago I saw T & he'd obviously told her the latest (he & I had stopped talking) because he can't seem to keep it things to himself. I have always waited for T to bring the subject up to me. T never asked my side of things and continued to go on about me moving on with someone new whilst being really gushy about him (he'd brought her flowers because she was sick etc.).
T's son had also innocently mentioned that she sits in his car for a bit when he drops her home.
I don't believe he has any feelings towards her but I have started to wonder if she has developed a crush on him.
She'd also shown a bit of jealousy about a work scenario.

Rightly or wrongly following my meet-up with T I have iced her out (as well as him). I left the whole meet-up feeling like something was 'off' & I'm not sure I can trust that she didn't mention these other men that had shown interest to him etc. I found her gushing of him & the fact she hadn't asked for my side of things a little hurtful.

Am I being a cow?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Do you have a watch with a heart monitor on it? I find having mine helps calm me back down, whenever I feel like mines is going crazy I look an it's not actually going as fast as I feel like it is, when am anxious it only gets up to around 120bpm which is quite normal when the anxieties kick in

Thank you, I’ll try this

 

[bozlem3080]

I’d phone and request. Its too easy to slip through the net with email.
As you’ve already emailed give them until Wednesday then chase.

I’ve got the NHS login app, it has my results on there, they’ve only just been added sometime this morning, I can make out some of it, but hopefully my GP will make things clearer, my gallbladder is enlarged, I have 2 biggish stones 20mm & 24mm one is floating another one is stuck in the entrance to just gallbladder, I have ‘sludge’ as well that’s what I can understand anyway.

 

[JadeyJ]

Is anybody having issues with Facebook? Ive been logged out and it’s rejecting my password I’ve requested a WhatsApp & text but had nothing yet.

 

[chickhicks86]

Can someone recommend a kids tablet for a 2year old please I want to be able to download disney +
Thank you

The Amazon ones are on offer at the moment. They have a 2 year guarantee too on the kids ones - if it gets broken they will replace!