The advice thread for random problems #4

[stargirl23]

Yeah unfortunately don’t think you can stop it. I tried to sell my sons old tablet and the constant spam was driving me insane I had to put my phone on do not disturb

 

[avabella]

Sorry but I’m really not sure where to put this, so hope someone can offer some wisdom.
My daughter is 5 (nearly 6). She’s a very sensitive, sometimes anxious, little girl. My husband’s parents both passed away before she remembers them, my FIL passed away when my husband was about 12 and his mum left us in 2020. For some reason them dying has created some worry in her and now she is very scared of dying, even way into the future and leaving her children. And she’s worried her best friend might die and she won’t get to see her anymore. I was just doing bedtime where she said “mummy I’m so excited for Easter!” And then about a minute later she said “mummy, I’m so scared of dying, I’m not really excited about Easter at all, all I can think about is going to heaven” we did her hand breathing to calm her down and I talked to her about thoughts about things we can’t control and thoughts about things we can control, and I said well keep telling her brain that it doesn’t have any control over it and it’s not going to happen for a long time anyway so let’s not worry about it now - and I said well say the same thing to your brain tomorrow too, and that seemed to help but she seems so much more sensitive and thoughtful than I ever was when I was little I don’t know how to help her really.

Oh bless her and bless you for worrying so much. I know it's really scary to hear little ones talking like this but rest assured it's a perfectly normal part of development and it's little kiddies realising that they are not immortal and that people do leave this earth. It's all part of the processing of where do we go, how do we die, and also not having a great understanding of the passage of time (i.e unit you're an older person most 'likely' to die). Just out of interest, is she an only child? She sounds very much like me when I was younger, coming to the realisation that I might die one day, or my parents might, and then catastrophically thinking of all the scenarios. She sounds like a very clever little thing so I'd always make sure you are honest with her and answer any questions calmly and truthfully which it sounds like you are doing

 

[littlepup]

Does anyone own a Lumi spa, that isn't affliated with them, or is a salesperson selling them? Looking for genuine recommendations

My personal opinion is that it over exfoliates.
No doubt good in some senses but the marketing is awful and lies. Claims like 100% increased brightness and bounce - they’d not quantifiable!
If you wash your face for two full minutes with any product you will see better results than a quick wipe over so when peope go from little effort to full routine twice a day, they will see results.
In the same way that electric toothbrushes are better but a lot of it comes from the fact they have timers and guides on so invariably you’ll brush far longer and hit more areas.
I know people who’ve had good results but never miraculous, one girl it caused massive irritation. The people I know with acne and pigmentation have not had life changing results at all, no miracle cure. No one still uses it religiously. The one girl who sold it (hence I know so many people with it) had changed so many other factors like her make-up and lack of routine previously did see results but they can’t be attributed to the device only. Also IRL the results were not what she showed online.
Plus one min it’d be the lumi, next the AHA pads, next the collagen, next the new improved lumi all allegedly responsible.
They also sell you cleansers with it so the cleanser’s active ingredients could be as responsible for the results as the device.

The die hard girl who sold it has now left and is shilling another ‘life changing’ MLM.

TLDR - if you go from a simple face wash to cleansing with it for 2 mins twice a day with a targeted cleanser you will see results. But you could get similar for wayyyyyy less with a knock off or other foreo type knock off device with the right cleanser for your concerns.
Try a £12 foreo knock off from Amazon and see how long you keep up using it first. If you do get it, 2x a day is too much imo. Look at over exfoliation and the stratum layer.

(I used the original a few times and a knock of many times, the latter over exfoliated and possibly triggered dermatitis)

 

[Grizzlybear]

Thanks I'll check that out

Udemy and datacamp have some great entry level coding resources as well

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Sounds kind youre doing the right thing. Your child will continue to make their own decision about their dad. Possibly will end up seeing that he’s treating you badly and will make further decisions based on that

Thank you, it's reassuring to hear that what I'm doing is ok. It's a really hard situation to navigate, particularly this latest incident because my son's really confused and upset by it.

 

[Moth]

You could use the 'CourtNav' system which is a digital service provided by Royal Courts of Justice and Citizens Advice. You fill in some details that are used to prepare an application for a Non-Molestation Order. If you can't get Legal Aid and can't pay privately, the form will be checked for free by a legal adviser at RCJ Citizens Advice. You'll need to register with CourtNav to use the service.

Apply for an injunction

Use our online tool to fill in an FL401 court form. This is an application for a non-molestation and/or occupation order. You can also file for a divorce.

www.courtnav.org.uk

You can also get help and advice from FLOWS (Finding Legal Options for Women): https://www.flows.org.uk/support-for-women and Rights of Women: https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

Hope this was useful. It was bit rushed because ironically, I was just about to start my Citizens Advice work. Also not disputing what the domestic abuse helpline said but you can check your entitlement to Legal Aid yourself on the government website: https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

This is the Citizens Advice website information on domestic abuse which includes action against harassment and stalking: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/f...c-violence-and-abuse/#h-starting-legal-action

 

[littlepup]

How much would you be looking to pay to get a fridge an freezer fixed? I don't know if the springs are away on the doors or if it's the seal around it, I can close it over but it's not staying tightly shut an can easily be pulled open again with barely any effort

The fridge an freezer are both built into the kitchen units as well so not something I can outright replace like a standalone am there's 0 room for a standalone

Can it be a joiner or does it need to be someone more specialised since it's a fridge an freezer

Sounds like the seal as it should create enough of a seal when closed that to springs being dodgy wouldn’t allow it to be opened. How old are they?
Not to patronise but have you checked all around the seal so see if it’s perished anywhere?
It’ll be a job for an appliance specialist I’d have thought. Something around £50 for a call out then price dependant on the issue if it’s out of warranty. But there’s standard warranty then a standard life expectancy on an appliance so if it’s not too old you can still appeal to the manufacturer to help under goodwill.

 

[avabella]

Is anybody having issues with Facebook? Ive been logged out and it’s rejecting my password I’ve requested a WhatsApp & text but had nothing yet.

Apparently it's a global outage - weirdly enough I've just asked on the Palestinian thread as some of my menus were in Hebrew and it absolutely freaked me out!

 

[littlepup]

Advice for getting 2 year old used to nursery?

We tried and tried with one nursery at 1 and a bit years, I had to drop at the door, couldn’t come in and settle or anything. They didn’t suggest anything to settle. We had to give up, after about 3 months, kiddo was absolutely traumatised. (I realise how fortunate I was to be able to do that.)
When we tried again at 2 years at a different setting and the nursery's approach was so different. They asked us all about LOs interests and favourites, got stickers with their fave character and a soft toy to greet them at the door. Set up activities suited to their interests, completely hand held them through it all. We still had false starts, pick ups after an hour, tears on almost every drop off and so on but we're finally there.
I always went and collected when they thought enough was enough even if it was half an hour before usual pick up, in fact, just telling LO I was coming was often enough to calm them so I went back and sat outside only to leave again once or twice.
I get that not everyone’s in the situation that they can go back or take it slowly but having the nursery take a targeted, personalised approach should be an option, if you can provide them the toy and stickers or an activity you know your LO will love. (Our 2nd nursery wasn’t any ‘better’ or more expensive btw)
I also tried the thing of drawing a Mummy love button on my hand and theirs, if they press the ‘button’ they know i'm thinking of them and sending them love and I know they’re thinking of me and I’ll be there soon - sort of helped, wasn’t miraculous.
It could have been their age, but I really think it was the nursery being so much more accommodating and personalised.

 

[stargirl23]

The second one is gorgeous!

 

[Snippysnips]

Hardest part but just tell yourself you’ve done all you can now in the meeting and your dads not the one in the wrong xx

Thank you, he's done now an it seems them being friends with the management has it's benefits, they wouldn't really listen to him an am really angry he didn't have a witness in with him either, it was a them Vs him with no one to defend him, they didn't give him a copy of the meeting either an said they would "type it up an send it" which am also not happy at as they could then change it to suit themselves

 

[Lizziebox]

Had loaaaads of baby's in the family so I used to do home made hampers as lot of people tend to go straight for baby clothes so I done a little basket of nappies, wipes, cotten buds, muslin clothes, talc powder, little shampoo and bath wash, little soft sponge, a little comfort thing usually a little bunny holding a little blanket thing, little pair of socks, little pair of mittens, an a little hat, it was just stuff that would come in handy that maybe they didn't have a lot of, I went to Asda an Tesco for most as they would do little sets so it saved on costs

I agree with this. I had so much toiletries for baby and sudocream etc which was the most useful.

Also think about season, if baby due in winter they will need lots and lots of vests.

my friend bought me a UV large muslin which was amazing as I could cover my baby but he wouldn’t overheat. I think she bought from Amazon.

Outfits I wouldn’t recommend, we had so many he hardly used and I could never remember who bought what.

 

[Rxt156]

I would love to - I just live four hours away and I'm working full time myself

ahhh sorry, that sucks. anyone else that can go with her? It literally doesn’t matter who, she could just do with someone for support as I imagine the boss would be less of a twat when she’s got a witness.

 

[LaBlonde]

I love the astonish mould and mildew spray. Spray it around the windows and doors on a cold morning leave 5 mins then wipe away and never get any mould and it doesn’t rub off or damage any wall paint

seconding and thirding this - it’s amazing. i use it with a soft toothbrush for more stubborn ones, or soak tissue paper and pack it in and it works every time. great considering how cheap it is!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Hey wonderful Tattlers! Hoping this is the best thread for this!

I’m sure amongst you wonderful lot there are some UK HR bods! I’m wondering whether I can get any advice on a friends predicament! (genuinely a friend not a friend )


They’ve been approached by their manager to fill a role which has opened due to the person currently doing that role getting a new job with the company.

However my friend is currently working as a Project Executive and the Role they’re being asked to fill was a Project Manager. But they’re being told their title would not change, which is a bit of a stumbling block for them as they’re keen to progress in career and be recognised for the job.

To be clear the role and responsibilities remain the same as when they were fulfilled by someone with the ‘manager’ title.

Is this legal? I feel like something sneaky is definitely happening here, it’s hard because my friend is so fed up with working with their current client and this move would alleviate a lot of the frustrations they have.

They have approached their manager to explain why the title is important (Getting respect from the new client, being able to sway stakeholders, and having recognition on the CV of what they’re actually doing), the main reason they are being given for not getting this is that there is another member of the team, also an exec level who joined at a similar time and has been acting up to cover long term sickness leave recently, and has been wanting a title change to reflect that, the manager has directly said giving my friend a manager role would make things difficult with the other team member.

I’m obviously my friends biggest hype girl, so I’m fighting the corner that this all sounds dodgy as heck! But I’m a collector of shetlands, not a HR prof! Anyone able to offer any advice

They don’t have to give your friend a management title.

However if it’s important for your friend I would push for it. I don’t see why they would worry anout causing upset to somebody else in the business.

To me it seems more like they are worried your friend want a promotion WITH a payrise and they don’t want to give a payrise

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Yeah they tend to start in small clusters then spread. If it’s chicken pox by morning he’ll have them all over. Has he had a cold/temp the last week? Usually kids get feverish a few days before spots show

He’s had a bad cough for around a week and a snotty nose. We are just getting over my youngest having tonsillitis too…bloody kids! 🫠

 

[conrea37]

Not really a problem but just after some advice from people who’s had a flu vaccine.
I’m not entitled to one but have paid to get one from Boots. I was supposed to have it today but my anxiet got the better of me and I postponed it.

I’m concerned about having a bad reaction. I had the first Covid vaccine in the morning and that evening I had a fever, which was fine but then I started having a really bad racing heart. Like it wouldn’t stop for a couple of hours. This concerned me because there is heart problems in the family.

So my question is really what is the likely hood of having this reaction with a flu vaccine? I couldn’t really find any info online. And is it a symptom to worry about?

I had an unpleasant reaction to mine but my heart was fine

 

[KirstyC]

Hoping this is an ok place to post a random “problem” I’ve got at the moment as I can’t create a new thread!

My daughter whos 7 is having trouble with a “friend” at school at the moment. My daughter is quite quiet, shy and polite little girl who gets along with most of the children in her class. One of the girls in her class has always been quite possessive of my daughter for the past couple of years and only liked them two being best friends, I think my daughter was too young and naive realise this though until now.. she came home upset today and said she didn’t know what to do at playtime as she wasn’t sure who to play with. I asked her why she couldn’t play with everyone and she answered that her “friend” lets call her ‘Lucy’ tells her she hates her if she doesn’t play with her, she doesn’t want to upset her but then she doesn’t want to upset her other friends by not playing with them either. Her poor little mind must have been confused as to what to do for the best. She said this Lucy also gets upset and angry if she draws pictures of anyone else.
I have mentioned this to the school in the past when I felt little ‘Lucy’ was getting a bit controlling of my daughter, and they separated them in class time but then I was told at playtimes when they weren’t supervised as much they were always back playing together so they’re wasn’t much the school could do if she willingly playing with Lucy.. I have told my daughter to keep her distance from Lucy but she doesn’t want to do this. She wants to be friends with Lucy but also have other friends to play with as well.
So I’ve told my daughter tonight that SHE is in control of who she plays with and she mustn’t let Lucy boss her around, and that she can tell Lucy you don’t need to hate me just because I don’t want to play with you.
Does anyone have any other helpful advice on this situation? I’m a first time mum and only have the one daughter. As I mentioned she’s only 7 and quite shy and timid and I also think she worries she may get told off by a teacher if she doesn’t do as Lucy says.
Thanks

 

[Thank(space)you]

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/rsa/rape-and-sexual-assault/what-happens-after-you-report-rape-or-sexual-assault/

Has anything come of the more recent allegations with the school?

Things are happening, albeit slowly. But shit has definitely hit the fan

 

[Snippysnips]

If you take a parcel in for a neighbour whilst they are out who should the onus be on to get the parcel to the owner?
I think the recipient should come to my house to retrieve. Is this wrong?
They are never in to receive their parcels and feel they know that I WFH so will be here to take them in.
They never come to retrieve them though so then I’m continually having to knock their door when I think they might be in.
Am I being unreasonable to think this should be a them problem?

Should be them that come, there has been times I've seen my neighbours coming in an went over if they haven't come to me after 20 mins just to be told thanks they didn't know as there's been no note but it's rare as 99% of the time they know since most are good at leave notes

If I had neighbours who took advantage of me being home an was constantly getting stuff delivered then I would just say no to it, can you see who's at your door? Or see the delivery van coming? I'd just not answer the door to it, there's more than enough drop off places now you can choose to leave parcels at like Amazon an most shops will also have a delivery to store option