The advice thread for random problems #3

[tomato_paste]

I could really use some advice about a friendship I'm struggling with. We work together, so it's difficult because it's a mixed context. The situation was that we had a company event where we were talking to one of our partners and she afterwards criticised me quite severly about talking over her the entire time; and also brought up a different incident where I stood up for her when she was bullied by a mutual teammate - claming I percieve her as less than, and incompetent, thus the talking over her, and stepping in when it was neither wanted nor neccessary (according to her) with the bullying.

I'm angry but I don't know how justified it is. I thought the event went well and we had a fun time with the partner, I did not get a bad vibe at all. She claims the partner was impatient with me and unhappy about my behaviour - I can't see that but she might be right.

As for the bullying and perceiving her as "less than" - well... she does have the girly girl "help me you're a strong man" act down to a T, which is part cultural (different country of origin). It's a sensitive topic and I don't want to be cruel and throw that in her face that a lot of the reactions she gets isn't because my coworkers inherently disrespect women; I'm a woman too, and never felt that way with my coworkers. Instead, it's because she unconsciously uses the "helpless doe" act when she needs help, and that creates a certain type of response.

I accept and agree with her that I overstepped a boundary by bringing our friendship into a work context and behaving like I would with a friend, not a coworker; but I strongly resent being the only one with a responsibility here - that her behaviour is fine and dandy and has nothing to do with the reactions she gets - instead everyone else needs to change around her to accomodate her instead.

I want to talk to her about this eventually but I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I won't take any of the blame; and I also want to be cognisant of the cultural differences as not to make her uncomfortable, because that happens a lot when we talk. Whether it being about dating where she doesn't get my perspective at all, or cultural phenomena of our respective countries. It's like we don't really understand what the other is saying.

 

[LaBlonde]

The idiots who lived in my house before me used gorilla adhesive to stick a mirror that isn’t shatter proof. Cue me trying to remove said mirror and ending up covered in tiny shards of glass while the majority of it is still stuck to the tiled wall.
Any thoughts on how to get this off? I’ve covered the back wall in wd40 and white spirit in the hope it dribbles down, but it’s not worked.

nail polish remover worked for me in a similar situation - but a LOT of it (i think i went through two bottles and the whole room stunk for a while but it worked!)

 

[becca7721]

I was being deadly serious, unfortunately. At rock bottom in every area of my life and I can't hate myself more for it. Not having a go just wondered if your referencing me, I'm so paranoid, ignore me

I am too. Sorry I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was making fun, I wasn’t.

 

[becca7721]

Just been out in severely overgrown garden to put out dry waste to be collected and after putting it out and standing to get some cool air a massive rat came out severely overgrown grass to head inside. It was a very big and healthy look rat. I jumped and made a bit of noise and it sauntered off and I mean sauntered off, if could have it would have shrugged at me.

The garden is the landlords responsibility. They won’t sort it. Literally been saying for weeks to be patient.

I’ve a severe hoarding problem, but can access zero support, I’ve been forced to have contact with fire brigade, police, social services, mental health team, hoarding uk - am too ill for any treatment programme. I can only access gp for heart attack, stroke or appendicitis because my conditions aren’t ‘fixable’. I’ve lost my benefits because someone stole my forms, I was refused appeal as no medical access since March 2020 due to ‘covid risk’. I was offered a student for two hours to throw everything (literally) i own which would be dumped in the garden to be collected at some point, last time it pushed me into a breakdown a long hospital stay, as it wasn’t collected for a month and was devastating. I’ve no money to replace anything - my income is currently £60 a week. Covid restrictions proved there’s no one I can rely upon for help at all.

I’m terrified I’m going to be blamed for it. I put my waste out when I can, it’s really hard for me to do and, when I put out the dry recycling today I saw my neighbours have dumped loads in the overgrown garden - food, glass, all sorts, including animal waste as they’ve pets not declared to landlord. Last time I spoke to the landlord they had a go at me for putting everyone’s life at risk for being filthy dirty hoarder. My fire alarms and exit is clear, my neighbours have covered all their alarms with socks because they kept setting it off.

Ok long post. If anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it. I usually lurk on tattle except on the Ingham thread. I will try and read responses, sorry it’s long. My ptsd can mean I tend to over explain and get confused, especially right now.

 

[Meg78]

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/consumer/somethings-gone-wrong-with-a-purchase/dry-cleaner/

It says here they only have to pay the value as it would be now. Can you find any on eBay or Vinted? If it goes missing completely they would still be liable though assuming you have the receipt that you left it there.

They didn’t give me a physical receipt, I asked for one but they said I would receive a code by text for collection instead. With hindsight, I think I’ve been a little silly.

The only coat like it I can find online is terrible quality and badly damaged, selling for just £30, and the coat I took in is in perfect condition and worth far more

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thank you @stardust1 @stargirl23 I’m so annoyed that I’ve done this. It’s a bit of a relief to know that I wouldn’t lose my licence

 

[Tanne1999]

They’ve been sly and changed the website as that defo wasn’t the pic or description when I ordered. Here’s a screenshot of what I was expecting from my order confirmation x

 

[stardust1]

Anyone had tonsillitis? Any tips to get it to stop hurting as painkillers aren't touching it at all and I've had 3 hours sleep the past two nights in broken chunks, I'm literally dying and also crying which only hurts me more haha.

I've been given antibiotics by the doctor hoping they will help but I've only just taken my first dose.

I had it before when I was about 18 but don't remember it being this bad then...

nothing really tbh just the numbing spray will take the edge off. You should start feeling better soon from the antibiotics. I found the red ibuprofen with the liquid in worked best x

 

[LifeOfMog]

You’re not overreacting but the only power she has is in your own reaction. If you didn’t know/care it’d devalue what she’s doing. I know it’s easier said than done, she’s antagonising, but she clearly has some serious issues. She could keep making infinite fake accounts whereas if you act like you don’t know or care by not reporting or acknowledging them, she doesn’t benefit from it.
Where is she getting her information from? Are all your socials locked down? You can’t do anything about her using your photos if they’re in the public arena, but if she crosses into identity theft or impersonation with intent to defraud it’s a crime. If she is using the cane business page to slander you and your business that too would be a crime.

I've not reacted other than blocking her so she doesnt see anything I do - my personal social media is all locked anyway as I don't like people knowing my private life lol, but my two business pages are obviously open, and I know one of her friends also has an issue with me so can only assume she is in on this too. I try to stay out of drama a fair bit, but I am one of those people that will be quiet until something has seriously pissed me off and the fact that this is now another thing to add to the list I'm seriously getting there
PS shes not blonde

 

[shadowcat5]

Thanks I'll have a look at Tu, we don't have a Sainsbury's but I'll try get out to one, I have enough for maybe a week or two if I rotate things, but eventually I'll need a better wardrobe, it's my own fault really for not having invested in a decent wardrobe an just lived in jeans an t-shirts or I'd probably have had some nice tops an bottoms I could have gotten away with for the first while

have you had a look on everything 5 pound?

 

[Rxt156]

Much nicer than standing under a shower trying not to get hair wet, or full force of water in the face, the bit’s of you that aren’t under the water getting cold and not being able to wash your feet properly. A bath does not have to take long, but a long bath is relaxing and can ease muscle aches.

my last two houses had both, I have never used the shower in either

I never feel clean after a bath coz all that dirt you’ve washed off is just floating around your clean bits. Also it’s a lot of water when you can have a nice quick shower and be done. It is far easier to keep up it hair dry than you’re making out

 

[ElChanguito]

Sorry you're going through this. It's a horrible, horrible disease.
There is help out there for those affected by someone else's alcoholism Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics if you feel it would benefit.

Thank you. That will be a big help to me. I wanted to find a relevant website but didn’t know where to start.

 

[stardust1]

Last seen canvassing any thread available to get someone to side with her

i can’t believe how many threads it was on and how long it was going on

 

[shadowcat5]

Thank you both! I was worried I was basically working a week for free. All good

 

[Laughalong]

How do you start your life over? For some context I’m in a long term relationship, we have bought a house together and have a toddler. I hate the job I have now. I’ve fallen out of love (not sure if I ever truly loved him anyway) with the man I’ve bought a home/had a baby with. I just feel like I’ve made this massive mistake and there’s nothing I can do other than live with the decisions I’ve made. I just don’t fancy him anymore, at all. We argue constantly and I just don’t like him as a person. I’m 30 next year and I really don’t want to get to 39 and realise I’ve done nothing about it. I just want to be happy. I’ve recently overcome the worst of post natal depression. I just want to start over, but I’m so scared of all the stuff I’ll have to think about. Also to add: I don’t regret my baby one bit, he’s the only good thing that’s come of this. I just want a bit of the old me/life back and live happily with my son x

Do you have family/friend support to move out in the interim if you were to end it? Or does he?

 

[stardust1]

Quoting myself here to say that I tried all your suggestions plus others. The only thing that worked was steaming it. It’s left remnants of the gorilla adhesive, but I’m covering it with a proper mirror so it’s not a problem. Thanks for your help!

that sounds like a complete pain in the arseglad you got it sorted x

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Only ever experienced This when I had a fresh tattoo and it’s normal to peel but bepanthen worked wonders for the itching then

Same here, this is bizarre (I have 3 others)! But that’s a good point about the Bepanthen thank you!

 

[Snippysnips]

No. None of us do. My dad was Muslim but I don't think that's the reason. Its difficult because it is bringing him peace and calm but also disrupting being a typical teenager.

I'd honestly just keep an eye out an see if there's other reasons, it's fine to follow religion but if he's doing it only because he's finding peace an calm with it then it might be worth pointing out you can find the same peace an calm other ways, am sure there's other religions that practice but theres also non religious ways to practice it, I don't class myself as anything but doing yoga, tai chi, meditating, etc are all ways to find I'd imagine the same peace an calm

Like others have said, it's worth keeping an eye on social sites, sometimes it's easy to get swayed into things without realising it's what you really want but you can be made to feel like you don't fit unless you go along with it

 

[CallMeHollywood]

I’ve had a tattoo on my ribs for about 7 years, done at a proper shop in the U.K. I’ve had really dry skin over the summer but the last 2-3 weeks this tattoo has been itching like MAD and when I got undressed today it’s peeling?! Has anyone experienced this before and if so what do you do…

As long as the skin isn’t broken, try some body or nail oil on it. Should soak in and help

 

[LaBlonde]

Would you buy a house without a bath?

We have a small bathroom with a shower over the bath. We are a family that 99% of the time shower, my 7 year will occasionally have a big bubble bath, maybe 3 x a year.
We will be redoing it in the next year or so. I'm thinking of getting rid of the bath and making it into a wet room with big walk in shower. We do however have 2 ensuites that are showers. But we want to keep our ensuite kid free and the 2nd ensuite is in our 15 year olds room so he doesn't particularly want younger siblings coming in and out.
We have no plans to sell but would it affect resale value if we got rid of bath completely or should we just do what we want without thinking about possible selling points in the future.

i have no bath! it was leaking when i bought the house so tore it out and have a big walk-in shower now.

i do LIKE a bath, but like in your case i shower 99% of the time and so the lack of a bath definitely wouldn’t put me off buying a house either.

the only time i could see it being an issue is with small children/babies because i imagine a bath is much easier.