The advice thread for random problems #3

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Maybe small in the grand scheme of things but here's my current woe. The neighbours above me are a couple in their 60s. They are so, so noisy. It isn't TV or music - but they slam cupboards, doors, stomp around, and sometimes it even sounds like they're dropping boulders on the floor. It happens at all times of the day and at least twice a week, I'm woken up by it at 1/2am - real loud slamming/stomping sounds.

I went up to politely ask them to try and keep noise to a minimum late at night but they insist it isn't them - that it is the 'pipes in the building because they're old'. Funnily enough, no pipe problems when they were away for the past two (blissful) weeks. Otherwise they're alright, a bit nosy but I don't really want to damage the relationship. Any solution other than simply move?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I encountered a bit so pleasant situation at work and would need some advice:

I had a panic/anxiety attack out of the blue at my desk (these never happen in public). I was very quiet, so it wasn’t very noticeable unless you were watching. It rarely happens but it did because I was under a heightened level of stress.

A coworker saw me rushing to the bathroom and followed me. I told them it’s just stress related, nothing to be worried about and I would like for this to remain private. Next thing I know, 10 minutes later this coworker went and told the people in my team and my manager about this after I had specifically told this person NOT to mention it to anyone. They blew up the whole thing out of proportions.

My manager rang me and saw I was fine afterwards. I was just having a personal moment which is what I told the manager.

This came right after the announcement that I was put on the track to move up to the next level of seniority.

I’m really frustrated now because I told this coworker not to tell anyone about this because it wasn’t worth escalating or running their mouth over. They did the polar opposite of what I told them thus breaching a boundary of mine.

Now, I’m worried this may affect their decision to put me on the track for the next level because I’m afraid the manager will think I’m not ready.

What should I do?

Tbh there isn't much you can do about the situation. I would just keep my head down and carry on as normal. Probably mention to your manager that this was blown out of proportion.
On a side note keep treating the co-worker as you did pre this episode. I know you are annoyed but if you start acting like that it might count against you

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I don’t like dentists at the bests of times tbh hopefully they give you peace of mind that all is okay

I’ve had so much dental work the secretary jokes she’s inviting me to the Christmas party every year

 

[stargirl23]

7/11 breathing helped me. Also in cbt therapy I learnt the senses technique I still use now. So when you feel panicked in your head list 5 things you can see, hear, smell, feel etc and by the time you’ve gone through them you feel more in the room and grounded than stressed stuck inside your head. Hood luck

 

[stargirl23]

Is she a girly girl? You could do things that are self care for you but with her eg nails, spa day, mummy daughter pamper night do each others face masks and watch a movie together, afternoon tea etc

 

[Jerry Garcia]

Thank you.

I looked into carpenter ants but I don’t think it’s them. The ones in my kitchen are brownish and light like ghost or sugar ants.

I think some parts of the wood in the kitchen are old and in poor condition (since the day I moved in).

Is there a product I can use to keep them at bay?

I'm assuming your landlord isn't steaming in with a brand new kitchen.
Meanwhile, go to your hardware store and buy a small tin of transparent paint. Lash this on to the exposed wood - this will eradicate any insects living within that you may not be able to see - and then if you see any lurkers spray around with some crawling insect killer (available in all pound shops) and job done.

 

[littlepup]

Oh god I’m mortified that your name was autocorrected in my post.

I’m on a waiting list for psych assistance for something not related to hoarding but also life altering. I know it’s not as easy as just telling you to push through the discomfort. And I also know that you need to want to get better. I want to feel better without having to change anything. It’s impossible. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Where I am right now feels hopeless but there’s a comfort in the known, isn’t there. A safety to it. Even if it’s life threatening. I’m sorry you’re struggling so.

I think I remember your Mum being poorly Carapop? I hope you’re doing ok x

 

[petitspois]

My previous manager sent my current manager a small note by email saying how great she thinks I am. I was not in cc’ of this initial email.

My manager responded ‘we were happy to hire her in our team blah blah’. Then she said she ‘encouraged me to reconnect and maintain the relationship‘ with my previous manager.

She cc’ed me. Now, I kinda have to revert to my old manager and say something nice.

What should I say?

Nothing. Just ignore it. They can't make you. If your current Manager mentions it just say something like 'gosh, yes, I keep meaning to say Hi' and change the subject. Given the shenanigans at your workplace I'd suspect an ulterior motive anyway.

If you see your old Manager just smile widely and keep walking.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

I know it's a long shot but does anyone frequently holiday in Japan? Or have been a few times? Am looking to go next year but not sure what the best time would be for me, ideally I'd like it to be when it's more quiet, I know a place like Japan is never going be quiet but surely there must be a point where it's not as hectic as it can get with say the cherry blossom season, I also can't handle heat, warm is fine an I'll even take cool or cold but I can't go when it's going be blazing sun

My daughter has been a few times and enjoyed October very much. Less rain, mid-twenties or so for the weather, lovely.

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Hi Everyone
I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this but was just wondering if anyone has a little bit of general advice on handling a child's coat going missing/presumed stolen by the end of the school day.
I've woken up still feeling a bit churned over it (I'm now over thinking) is this something I say no more about it and chalk it down to experience as his teacher is obviously aware so am I now best to just kinda be fine about it say no more or will it come off a certain way if ask for more to maybe be done to track it down.

Does your school have an app they send messages out on? Possibly call the office and ask them to put out a message something like 'has anyone accidently picked up a blue coat with the name XXXX inside'. Hopefully people will check or you'll guilt someone in to bringing it back!. You should absolutely not be out of pocket or feel bad about enquiring.

 

[cowtastrophe]

This is annoying and stupid but does anyone know of a way to block someone on Facebook from seeing your posts but without unfriending them? I have one of MiL’s friends on my Facebook and I very rarely post but whenever I do, she immediately calls Mil and tells her what I’ve posted. Mil then calls my husband and wants to know why we didn’t tell her we did xyz. It’s really fucking annoying. If I unfriend the wretched woman, all hell will break loose so I just want her to stop seeing my posts. I’ve tried searching but can’t find any useful answer.

 

[littlepup]

What do you do when there's nothing actually wrong in your life, but you just feel miserable and stale all the time? I'm a single mum so not like I can do things outside the home much when I've got her (obviously we do child focused activities and days out) all the things I see on insta are like "go for a walk, see friends, go to the pub" etc but I can't all my friends are too busy with their partners and I can't leave my child at home on their own

There's the peanut app where you can meet other mums.
I take our toddler to pubs with beer gardens and play areas, there's a few cafes with soft play attached too which get me out of the house but aren't too boring for LO and not stuffy like regular soft play.
It really depends on budget and child's age I know but we sometimes go for dinner at places like hungry horse that don't give a crap about kids, there are a lot of kids eat free deals around too. National trust type places usually have nice cafes and big places to run around and are different to the normal mind numbing, over stimulating kids places. I've also seen some Mummy and me exercise classes advertised, you could see if there's any of those.
How old is your LO?

 

[Ingognito.Queen]

A bit over the top maybe but, to be honest, I would move. He sounds like someone who has already developed an inappropriate interest in you. That could escalate.

But why should she have to move? He is the problem, not her.

 

[clueless]

ey

couod the machine have swallowed his card and not given the cash because he actually put a different, wrong card in? I don’t know if it works like that but it would explain it. Did he have any other cards on him that he could have used by mistake?

I often blame my mum, who’s memory isn’t the best, for things only to later realise it was actually my mistake or she was correct and I just assumed.

I truly wouldn't worry overly at the moment It's such an autopilot type of thing that I doubt it's indicative of anything. Is he worried about anything at the moment, enough that it could be distracting his thoughts?

Thank you both! He was talking more about it this evening and feels very silly. He realises he took the card. He was waiting for the drawer bit to open with the money and it didn’t but kept making strange noises, so it seems he took the card automatically while not looking.

Thanks for chatting this through with me everyone - I’m just such a worrier about my parents. Dad’s sister has dementia and the thought of the same thing happening terrifies me. I don’t even like to say that or think it.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Yes! I never thought I’d miss carpet but I suppose carpet probably attracts the dust as much, you just can’t see it

Effectively if you have carpet the dust is in it, where on wooden floors it can only sit on it so while it appears to be more dusty is it probably not but you can just see move of it. I am not sure if that makes it better!

 

[square_spoon]

I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or if I’m overreacting and seeing this the wrong way.
I’ve been in my job for 5 and a half years, working 9-5 in the office, my colleague could work from home 2/3 days a week had a laptop, mobile phone and printer. Covid hit and I was given the opportunity to work from home with a laptop but I used my own printer, my own phone bought my own stamps etc for postage.
Since then I work in the office 9-3 before I pick my son up from school (lunch break) and then work from home until 5pm or later. I often take post outs home as there is just no time to do them in the office.
I will be leaving in October and going on maternity leave and they have employed my maternity cover, they have ordered her a mobile phone a laptop and a printer and allowed her to order any stationary she needs and she can also work from home 2 days a week.
I queried why she gets given a mobile phone and was told if you come back you can have hers.
Am I just being silly I just don’t think it’s fair!?

Did you ever ask before or ask how to expense your phone calls/toner/postage seeing as they made other arrangements for your old colleague and now your temp replacement? I’m not saying what’s happening isn’t unfair to a degree but sometimes managers aren’t the brightest folks!

 

[TheSlayer]

I want to print a number of the same images on the same sheet of paper ( for keyrings). mine only has a few settings 9 are too big and 35 are too small. How can I print say 20 of the same images on the same A4 paper?

Personally I would put a table in for the number you want on the sheet then just paste the image into the square

You can turn off the boarders if you don’t want the line around the image when printing

 

[tomato_paste]

So we have just discovered there is a leak in our bathroom. Looks like it’s been there for some time. Pretty sure it’s one of the connections to the taps or shower supply which backs on to the wall shared with the boiler cupboard. The wall is black (we never go in the cupboard), the floor is showing signs of warping (our hall way flooring), the bathroom door has started to be tricky to close - it’s warped, we put it down to change in temp or something.
Anyway, I have a few questions…
A) what’s the process? We phone a plumber to come and investigate tomorrow? What kind of reparatory work can they do? It’s so annoying because we were planning to do a big overhaul of the house but not for a few years…. Bathroom very likely to move from where it is…
B) is it likely we will need a new wall?
C) I don’t know what else I was going to say, is there anything else that should be on my mind?

Ususally they will replace the broken parts of piping / connectors, which might include opening up the wall. Hopefully they can get to it without taking down tiles in the bathroom. Expect dust.

You can then get an industrial grade dehydration device for the cupboard to take out the moisture from the wall and floors if they haven't damaged the tile mortar - that is gonna be tricky but hopefully you will be able to dry out the wall from the cupboard. If not, you might have to take the tile down, as it will eat at the plaster and everything and cause mold and other damage long term.

As long as there is no obvious damage to the joists such as weakening of them, you should be ok to leave the warped floors if you don't mind having them.

Edit: and yes, phone a plumber first thing yo assess damage. Contact your household insurance too to see if they offer financial help. Sometimes they have specialists to recommend too.

If you can, turn off the water to the bathroom too at least overnight.

 

[CallMeHollywood]

I’m back for a random one
A week ago I had a tooth filled. They had to remove half the tooth as it was cracked and it was a really unpleasant experience. The dentist even said afterwards- “that must have been rough, sorry!”
I still have major sensitivity on that side and can’t chew anything hard. My face is still puffy and swollen. The dentist said I should be fine in 48 hours but it’s been a week- should I call them? Google holds zero answers

100% call them and get an emergency appointment.

 

[MeghanSnarkle]

If you have a class WhatsApp I would send a note out on that just to say has anyone picked it up by accident? If you have a photo of it that’s useful.

can I ask why you say it’s presumed stolen?

Thank you for the advice

I honestly don't think any of his class mates appeared to have the wrong coat on when they came out and most of us mum's have known each other since pre school days we would just sort out a mix up on the spot kinda thing .

My son said this morning that the big boys steal coats on the way back from the toilets and hide or kick them around the hall so that's why Im leaning towards it being 'stolen' kinda thing.