The advice thread for random problems #3

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I don't have any children. And sorry but that's an idea of a forum, surely it'd be boring to be on one if everyone agreed on everything. Maybe that's your experience but I disagree that cats, or most pets really, are low maintenance when they could easily have a health problem which could cost thousands to treat. Seen too many people not take their pets to the vet and the poor pets suffering.
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Exactly. Also a hamster lives a couple years but a cat could be a 10-20 year commitment

No you should totally have an opinion. I just didn’t like my experience being invalidated because your experience was different.

 

[Carapop]

Anyone know what this style of coat is called? I really like it but not the collar, I'd prefer if it was just a normal coat collar, but I don't know the style to do a search

I would call it a ladies frock coat or flared coat. It’s the structure of the coat that makes it flare out so don’t worry re underneath.

 

[littlepup]

What I ordered vs what arrived.

To add insult to injury, these were on print to order, I ordered on Sept 10th, it arrived Oct 11th after being told 10 working days. £55.99 with delivery I paid and it looks nothing like what I ordered!

My friend thinks I’m being dramatic and it’s not that bad, but I’m so upset and it’s been posted about a fair bit within the festival community, so I’m not the only one!

Do I have grounds for a refund/compensation here? I’m not going to be able to get the design shown it seems. I feel massively missold

I’m afraid that it’s tie dye, no two designs will ever be the same, It says on the description as such. To me, you got what you ordered, I don’t think you have any come back in that score.

However, consumer law says you can return it for any reason if you notify them within 14 days of receiving, you have 14 further days to actually return. They should refund delivery cost if you return the whole order.
You are also supposed to receive your goods within 30 days.
You will be responsible for the returns cost though.
There’s a letter template here if you want to use it to email them.

My delivery or online order hasn't arrived, what can I do? - Which?

Your rights if your delivery arrives late or goes missing

www.which.co.uk

 

[littlepup]

Tips for a caravan holiday please. Travelling with the following
18 month old
2 dogs
7 adults

Top of my list: Prosecco

Last time I went away with 2 dogs, in laws and husband it was fairly stressful and not that enjoyable

Lots of toys, own blanket, black out blind or something to cover the window and pegs, even if your child doesn’t meet it really dark as some are just very thin curtains so basically daylight when the sun comes up. Children’s cups and cutlery. More towels than you think you need and a bath mat for the floor.

 

[thaliamay]

I suppose it depends on what you mean by ‘help’. People can only offer advice or direct you to particular body’s or charities in your area, nobody would be able to ‘help’ in real life I don’t think xxx

I of course meant advice and online help, not actual help me lol (though if someone had a magic wand I wouldn't say no at this point in time)
I will try elaborate tomorrow as its been an incredibly overwhelming day which iv spent the majority of sobbing.!!
(I'm 31 and aware I need to get a grip of myself )

Sold my 12 year old car recently, it was still LEZ compliant, had pretty low mileage (67k) and only 2 owners, full service history, new exhaust, lots of repairs and documented. So I would want to know owners, see service history and understand how it had been used if possible... you will get a better deal buying private than a dealership, especially if cash. I traded mine in.



I would contact council , speak to citizens advice. Call up the places you owe money to and see what can be done with your repayments. Speak to agencies about credit checks, get references from your employers and previous landlords to help support an application. Maybe see about private renting via gumtree etc as many landlords rent that way to avoid the agency fee?

As above, and thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

 

[littlepup]

Absolutely demand a refund. Yes, tie-dye are all different. But one is black with red and the one you got is just red with a hint of black.
I would definitwly send it back
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Imo that is significantly not as described

@Tanne1999 do you think there might be two, like red on black and black on red and you’ve got the wrong one? See below. Or have they changed the images? If they have they obviously realise people are unhappy. Either way, you’re entitled to your refund.

 

[Snowjoke]

So confused. Letter says attend jury service tomorrow morning but I called the phone number they gave me for an updated message (was recorded Friday) says wait for a call from them on Monday morning too see if I need to attend Tuesday. Do they always make it this confusing for something so important? Do I stay home or go??

When I done jury service they told us to ring the number for updates as those would be the most recent. Told us to ring every morning aswell before driving to court to make sure was still required

 

[Shimmering]

Could do with a bit of advice:

There's a woman I know as we used to work and socialise together like eleven years ago. This was in another country. Anyway life moved on for both of us but we kept in touch sporadically. We are both back living in the UK / Ireland now.

I'm really terrible at friendships and boundaries and over the years have got myself involved in friendships that I don't enjoy and struggle to get out of. This is one of those now. I had hoped it would fade away as I never initiated contact and reply very briefly to messages however this hasn't worked. She is keen on long long phone catch ups, like hours long, and I have avoided those for about 3 years.

I have nothing against her but it was a friendship that had a purpose at the time and I know this sounds harsh but I don't really get any reward from it, or particularly enjoy our conversations. She is very guarded and doesn't share much and I end up doing most of the talking which is why I tried to fade away. I don't want to hurt her at all as I know she struggles significantly with mental health.

So my issue is that she has recently started back up with the long messages asking for a phone catch up which I am trying to avoid. However I will be visiting her city next weekend.

She would be very happy if I told her this and arranged to meet. But then it's like all my efforts to fade away will be for nothing.

I'm aware I sound like a complete twat. I'm a major people pleaser and in the last couple of years have just had less interest in people pleasing everyone under the sun.

However this still niggles at me. Should I arrange to meet her for a quick coffee or similar? She is a lovely person just don't feel like we've that much in common anymore.

Edit: I should have said I am visiting her city to meet up with relatives so not just a random city break.

 

[stargirl23]

How do I please get black marks (I think it's colours running) out of a fluorescent yellow top?

Dr Beckmann stain remover on a cold wash then a normal wash. Leave in sunlight that also helps stains

 

[clueless]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I spoke to mum and found out more detail and he was saying the machine was making a weird noise (you know when it is counting out the cash, but it sounded like something was wrong) - he would tend to get flustered by things, so it was probably to do with that. He will definitely be more careful in future.

We all have moments like these I bet you can think of times you did something without thinking or knowing how something happened. It's more likely to happen with things we do on autopilot. I once walked away after taking my card and forgot to take the money. I was in my 30s I've never done it again.

Thank you for this - and oh definitely - me, mum and my other half have all done that same thing as you said too and there's been many other things I'm sure. A few weeks ago I totally forgot about an appointment I had made, just a complete lapse in memory.

 

[stargirl23]

I used to live on flats. The landlady had them all with laminate flooring as it’s cheaper than carpet. Unfortunately not much can be done about noise, living in flats noise is just to be expected being worse. It may sound like they’re bashing around but the sound just sounds so much worse. I went up one day and the lady said this is all I do then went down to mine and did it and she was mortified how much louder it sounds when they’re really trying to be quiet. Legally, unless they’re being completely out of order/nuisance noises Eg playing loud music after 11pm then unfortunately not much will/can be done

 

[Slaybutter]

I’m not. I can’t actually pay without entering a vehicle registration and I don’t have a vehicle.

Okay good I had a bad experience this year and fell for a phishing scam. I got a replacement credit card immediately but months later I saw someone successfully used it anyway!

 

[petitspois]

How do you go about reporting a nursary?

So the nursary my neice goes too have been told repeatedly not to allow her to sleep past 3pm my brother has been up countless times telling them this an the health care visitor that sees her also works with this nursary an has told them not to allow it, yesterday they allowed her to sleep for almost 3 hours at 1pm, an now we have found out they are managing these long sleeps (she only sleeps for about a hour with us an at home) because they are giving her a dummy, we took her off her dummy in January an apart from two night meltdowns she come off quite easily an has never asked for it, all of a sudden at the weekend she was back to asking for one an getting upset an we now found out yesterday the nursery is letting her get one

Personally am tired of us telling them not to allow things an them not listening, none of us want her going back on a dummy after we managed to get her off an she's an absolute nightmare to get to bed if she's slept past 3pm

There must be a way to official put in a complaint that they are going to listen too because clearly talking with them isn't working

Do you mean a private creche where you pay per day? if that's the case then I'd put a complaint in writing to the owner but, if nothing is done, then all you can do is take your business elsewhere. I can't see how the council or a regulator would get involved in a communication issue.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks, apparently skater coat works too, I love the style but have never had one, am just worried it will sit flat, the flare with give it the illusion it's a bit shorter than it is which is what I need for my height since they are all probably a bit long for my preference

 

[Carapop]

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m not sure why I remembered. I think sometimes having lost a parent yourself makes you worried for a person when their turn is coming knowing how painful it is. It’s a horrible club to be part of.

It’s absolutely true that grief isn’t linear. I still have waves some time on but I find it easier to cope with.
This old Reddit post puts it perfectly for me.

Spoiler: Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance...end_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/

Ah it’s so true that it is such a horrible club, but it’s also very supportive I have found. And comforting. There’s a lot of compassion and shared understanding. For a long while after, I struggled to talk to anyone who hadn’t been through it. I read lots of memoirs of grief. And listened to the griefcast podcast incessantly.

Until it happened to me, I had basically forgotten that our loved ones can just die. death and loss are such human experiences but we are so frightened of them it makes it near impossible to deal with it when it happens.

That Reddit post is gorgeous.Thank you so much for sharing.

 

[stargirl23]

Hi all,

Has anyone here experience of long hospital stays? It’s looking like I will soon be admitted for an estimated two month stay and want to be as prepared as possible going in. I’ll have a private room but shared toilet/ shower facilities.

I’ll have no control over food/diet so that’s at least one less consideration

any hints/tips/advice as to what might make the stay as comfortable as possible?

I’ve only been in a few days myself but what helped me was taking my own blanket and pillow from home so I had that comfort. hope you’re okay and your stay is as comfortable as possible for you cx

 

[Rxt156]

Also May is 31 days. June is 31 days. It just depends on when you get paid.

I get paid the last Friday of the month.
In May this was 26th
In June this will be 30th

It’s 5 weeks between pay days just because of when the days fall


In July my pay day will be 28th which is 4 weeks after the June one


Hope that makes sense
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@shadowcat5

 

[MissTeddy]

Has anyone over here dealt with PALS to get a second opinion via the NHS? If so how did it go?

I never heard back from them … so not great. I found the only thing that made any difference was writing a very detailed and formal complaint against a specific consultant … things moved fast after that.

 

[Merrybiscuit]

Nah she just really really hates children. Like I say I think that reaction was to do with the MIL obsessing about my little one, and if she was there it would have 100% resulted in comments like “don’t you want one” etc etc, which I completely appreciate is annoying but she didn’t tell me that. Also that’s just me interpreting the situation, I went for the ceremony and her MIL pounced on me and offered to babysit, which is massively weird. Or maybe she just despises my daughter, which was the impression I got from what she said

I'd be tempted to do what we always do (it saves many arguments) and tell everyone you are having Christmas at yours as it's your first Christmas. Tell them they can come to you for presents etc... It saves them being their too long etc... I think it depends on the family dynamic though. My family is not very close so no one ever offered to come to us and it meant we could have a stressless Christmas day. We always do boxing day with family.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I was in a car accident today, my child wasn’t in the car and it was at less than 30mph, does anyone know if I should replace the car seat? Google seems to think not but my gut says I should, am I just being paranoid…

That is residual anxiety from the accident. That car seat will be absolutely fine. BUT if it will help you feel better then replace it if you can afford to