The advice thread for random problems #2

[User_name_100]

Hi does anyone have any advice please?

My son is currently about to start his gcse's and has chosen music to do in college after he finishes them, my issue is I feel this is a waste of time as he's not guaranteed a job out of it imo I feel really mean in saying so and don't want to hurt his feelings as this is what he wants, he's also not that into music and I feel he's just chosen it as an easy route

Do I just leave him to it hoping he changes his mind or say something? I thought parenting got easier when they got older but seems this is wayyyy more stressful haha

I think in this time of his life I'd encourage him to do what he enjoys.

It really does depend on what he wants in the future but in my personal experience (and I know it's not in every industry) I've never had to explain my GCSE choices and employers haven't really bothered asking, ever. I see GCSEs as a stepping stone personally.

Are there any other subjects he wants to study or is he certain on music?

 

[Sunflower91]

Hi does anyone have any advice please?

My son is currently about to start his gcse's and has chosen music to do in college after he finishes them, my issue is I feel this is a waste of time as he's not guaranteed a job out of it imo I feel really mean in saying so and don't want to hurt his feelings as this is what he wants, he's also not that into music and I feel he's just chosen it as an easy route

Do I just leave him to it hoping he changes his mind or say something? I thought parenting got easier when they got older but seems this is wayyyy more stressful haha

What you do in college doesn’t necessarily have an impact on what you can go on to do. If he wants to go to university, a lot of courses just accept on points. There’s a lot of expectation and pressure for kids to know what they want to do without experiencing anything with a fear of if they don’t make the right decision they’ve messed up.
In a lot of industries, not even the subject of your degree matters. I work in marketing, doing statistics and don’t have a stats degree. I had a Psychology degree and learnt how to spin the things I did into key skills for jobs. When I hire for my team I very rarely look at qualifications anymore.
Leave him with it - if he doesn’t like it or has doubts he’d be more likely open up to you and talk about it or change direction than if he feels like his choice isn’t supported.

 

[Lonewolf]

I think in this time of his life I'd encourage him to do what he enjoys.

It really does depend on what he wants in the future but in my personal experience (and I know it's not in every industry) I've never had to explain my GCSE choices and employers haven't really bothered asking, ever. I see GCSEs as a stepping stone personally.

Are there any other subjects he wants to study or is he certain on music?

He was interested in doing history but this music course takes up too much time for him to do both,

He doesn't know what he wants to do in the future and tbh I don't blame him as what 16yr olds really do and I know interests can change.

I think your right I should just let him do what he enjoys for now, there's so much pressure on them anyway and I really don't want too add to it at home.

Thanks @User_name_100
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What you do in college doesn’t necessarily have an impact on what you can go on to do. If he wants to go to university, a lot of courses just accept on points. There’s a lot of expectation and pressure for kids to know what they want to do without experiencing anything with a fear of if they don’t make the right decision they’ve messed up.
In a lot of industries, not even the subject of your degree matters. I work in marketing, doing statistics and don’t have a stats degree. I had a Psychology degree and learnt how to spin the things I did into key skills for jobs. When I hire for my team I very rarely look at qualifications anymore.
Leave him with it - if he doesn’t like it or has doubts he’d be more likely open up to you and talk about it or change direction than if he feels like his choice isn’t supported.

Thanks @Sunflower91

This is it really isn't it we are so pressured into this way of thinking by the education system that you have to get certain scores to succeed and do well in life.

I'm stressing for him and he's probably stressing himself.

Thank you both for your kind comments

 

[tomato_paste]

Hi does anyone have any advice please?

My son is currently about to start his gcse's and has chosen music to do in college after he finishes them, my issue is I feel this is a waste of time as he's not guaranteed a job out of it imo I feel really mean in saying so and don't want to hurt his feelings as this is what he wants, he's also not that into music and I feel he's just chosen it as an easy route

Do I just leave him to it hoping he changes his mind or say something? I thought parenting got easier when they got older but seems this is wayyyy more stressful haha

Does it matter for now? I think someone who is super passionate about their work will find a job in any field. And for now, it's "just" college, right? Still loads of time to choose a career?

 

[Slaybutter]

@Lonewolf There’s a government website in my country that aggregates useful information such as salary, education, and outlook in a multitude of fields. It could serve as inspiration for him to learn which jobs are out there in the world and direct his studies.

This is the directory: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/

This is the page on musicians: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/entertainment-and-sports/musicians-and-singers.htm


ETA: I agree with the posters about being supportive. I think that’s the best route instead of filling him with doubt. He might be passionate about music internally.

 

[Lonewolf]

@Lonewolf There’s a government website in my country that aggregates useful information such as salary, education, and outlook in a multitude of fields. It could serve as inspiration for him to learn which jobs are out there in the world and direct his studies.

This is the directory: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/

This is the page on musicians: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/entertainment-and-sports/musicians-and-singers.htm

ETA: I agree with the posters about being supportive. I think that’s the best route instead of filling him with doubt. He might be passionate about music internally.

Ahh thank you @Slaybutter I'll bookmark this and have him take a look

Exactly I don't want to squash his dreams whatever they may be for now, we have a good relationship and he's a really good intelligent kid im quite lucky with him tbh haha

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Hi does anyone have any advice please?

My son is currently about to start his gcse's and has chosen music to do in college after he finishes them, my issue is I feel this is a waste of time as he's not guaranteed a job out of it imo I feel really mean in saying so and don't want to hurt his feelings as this is what he wants, he's also not that into music and I feel he's just chosen it as an easy route

Do I just leave him to it hoping he changes his mind or say something? I thought parenting got easier when they got older but seems this is wayyyy more stressful haha

Hello! Advice from a teacher who also married someone who did music at college, he doesn’t do anything musical related now but he did enjoy his time at college and got 3 distinctions (which obviously looks good on a CV). At this point if your son isn’t set on a particular career, it’s more important that he enjoys what he’s doing so he stays in education until he’s 18. If he’s encouraged to do a subject he doesn’t want to do he won’t have the motivation to stay, and bad attendance always has a negative impact in achievement.

 

[Lonewolf]

Hello! Advice from a teacher who also married someone who did music at college, he doesn’t do anything musical related now but he did enjoy his time at college and got 3 distinctions (which obviously looks good on a CV). At this point if your son isn’t set on a particular career, it’s more important that he enjoys what he’s doing so he stays in education until he’s 18. If he’s encouraged to do a subject he doesn’t want to do he won’t have the motivation to stay, and bad attendance always has a negative impact in achievement.

Thank you @disillusionedbythegram that's reassuring,

I think its me stressing the most tbh as I said this is all new territory to me and as his mother I want him to know I'm supportive of whatever he chooses but yet I'm still worried and want the best for him in the future I think I need to just step back and let him do him as you all have very kindly stated.

I feel a lot more less stressed now after reading all your comments

Much appreciated & many thanks

 

[Shimmering]

Thank you @disillusionedbythegram that's reassuring,

I think its me stressing the most tbh as I said this is all new territory to me and as his mother I want him to know I'm supportive of whatever he chooses but yet I'm still worried and want the best for him in the future I think I need to just step back and let him do him as you all have very kindly stated.

I feel a lot more less stressed now after reading all your comments

Much appreciated & many thanks

You've had great advice. I know a few people working in the creative industries. There are a huge range of jobs available. For example, a friend of mine studied music until degree level and now works in arts marketing.

 

[Grizzlybear]

Thank you @disillusionedbythegram that's reassuring,

I think its me stressing the most tbh as I said this is all new territory to me and as his mother I want him to know I'm supportive of whatever he chooses but yet I'm still worried and want the best for him in the future I think I need to just step back and let him do him as you all have very kindly stated.

I feel a lot more less stressed now after reading all your comments

Much appreciated & many thanks

My parents were like you but forced me into stuff I didn’t enjoy because jobs - twenty years later I’m up to my knees in debt (paid lots of it off) for school I don’t use, but finally thriving in a field I originally wanted to go into but was told was stupid. If he’s happy that’s the main thing!

 

[Lonewolf]

You've had great advice. I know a few people working in the creative industries. There are a huge range of jobs available. For example, a friend of mine studied music until degree level and now works in arts marketing.

You've got to love tattle I've had better advice on here than from family & friends haha

Yeah I've been reading up all about the various jobs available today & was quite surprised tbh didn't realise how many options available.

My parents were like you but forced me into stuff I didn’t enjoy because jobs - twenty years later I’m up to my knees in debt (paid lots of it off) for school I don’t use, but finally thriving in a field I originally wanted to go into but was told was stupid. If he’s happy that’s the main thing!

That's the thing I've had family & friends saying tell him he has to do this or that as he's still not an adult but I don't parent that way I never have.

He has his own mind at the end of the day and if forcing him to do something is going to affect him then I'm not going down that road, but your absolutely right as long as he's happy that's the main thing isn't it

 

[Grizzlybear]

You've got to love tattle I've had better advice on here than from family & friends haha

Yeah I've been reading up all about the various jobs available today & was quite surprised tbh didn't realise how many options available.

That's the thing I've had family & friends saying tell him he has to do this or that as he's still not an adult but I don't parent that way I never have.

He has his own mind at the end of the day and if forcing him to do something is going to affect him then I'm not going down that road, but your absolutely right as long as he's happy that's the main thing isn't it

I think definitely listen to yourself, he sounds a good lad so far and that’s down to you! They say if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life and it’s so true. If he does something he’s not into, not only might he not be as successful as he may be with endless passion for something, he may end up miserable!

 

[Lonewolf]

I think definitely listen to yourself, he sounds a good lad so far and that’s down to you! They say if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life and it’s so true. If he does something he’s not into, not only might he not be as successful as he may be with endless passion for something, he may end up miserable!

Thank you that's very kind

Ahh I adore that saying its so true you definitely need something to get you out of bed in the morning that's for sure and if for him that's music college then so be it haha!

 

[TheGlossy]

Spoiler: Weight

I have recently gained a bit of weight. For about 2.5 years, I worked for a team that worked me to the bone. Long hours and stress led to me barely eating. It took a turn for the worse when my dad died a year ago. I’m 5’1 and went from weighing about 43kg to under 40kg. I wasn’t starving myself intentionally but I was so stressed, I couldn’t eat. I was very thin and I was floating in my clothing.

Fast forward, I left my previous team and tried to stabilize my work/life balance which has led to me eating my three meals properly etc. The issue is now I’m constantly hungry and it seems my body is not satisfied with the food it gets.

This therefore has led to a bit of weight gain which I’m not too fond of. I preferred my body at my lowest weight which I know was not healthy.

I’m not sure how to stop being hungry all the time.

Has anyone experienced this?

 

[stardust1]

Spoiler: Weight

I have recently gained a bit of weight. For about 2.5 years, I worked for a team that worked me to the bone. Long hours and stress led to me barely eating. It took a turn for the worse when my dad died a year ago. I’m 5’1 and went from weighing about 43kg to under 40kg. I wasn’t starving myself intentionally but I was so stressed, I couldn’t eat. I was very thin and I was floating in my clothing.

Fast forward, I left my previous team and tried to stabilize my work/life balance which has led to me eating my three meals properly etc. The issue is now I’m constantly hungry and it seems my body is not satisfied with the food it gets.

This therefore has led to a bit of weight gain which I’m not too fond of. I preferred my body at my lowest weight which I know was not healthy.

I’m not sure how to stop being hungry all the time.

Has anyone experienced this?

sorry to hear about your dad. Have you recently changed contraception? When I had the implant I was extremely hungry all the time.

 

[TheGlossy]

sorry to hear about your dad. Have you recently changed contraception? When I had the implant I was extremely hungry all the time.

Thank you.

No, I don’t use contraception (not involved with anyone).

 

[stardust1]

Thank you.

No, I don’t use contraception (not involved with anyone).

are your meals relatively balanced? I’d get a blood test at docs and make sure you’re not deficient in anything

 

[Mamacita]

Spoiler: Weight

I have recently gained a bit of weight. For about 2.5 years, I worked for a team that worked me to the bone. Long hours and stress led to me barely eating. It took a turn for the worse when my dad died a year ago. I’m 5’1 and went from weighing about 43kg to under 40kg. I wasn’t starving myself intentionally but I was so stressed, I couldn’t eat. I was very thin and I was floating in my clothing.

Fast forward, I left my previous team and tried to stabilize my work/life balance which has led to me eating my three meals properly etc. The issue is now I’m constantly hungry and it seems my body is not satisfied with the food it gets.

This therefore has led to a bit of weight gain which I’m not too fond of. I preferred my body at my lowest weight which I know was not healthy.

I’m not sure how to stop being hungry all the time.

Has anyone experienced this?

Spoiler: Spoiler

Yes, it is normal for you to be hungry after a period of restricting food (I know it wasn't on purpose for you). Your metabolism is ramping up. Our bodies evolved to want to put on weight. So after a period of less food your body is primed to put on weight which is why you've put some on (think bodybuilders after a show where they get extremely lean. After the show when they reverse diet, they put some large back on). When you eat around your maintenance calories for a while your hunger should reduce but it might take time. Just try to be mindful and not overeat massively but don't try to restrict and lose weight until your hunger goes away. Your weight should stabilise and you'll be your normal weight/even lose a little bit

 

[shadowcat5]

Spoiler: Weight

I have recently gained a bit of weight. For about 2.5 years, I worked for a team that worked me to the bone. Long hours and stress led to me barely eating. It took a turn for the worse when my dad died a year ago. I’m 5’1 and went from weighing about 43kg to under 40kg. I wasn’t starving myself intentionally but I was so stressed, I couldn’t eat. I was very thin and I was floating in my clothing.

Fast forward, I left my previous team and tried to stabilize my work/life balance which has led to me eating my three meals properly etc. The issue is now I’m constantly hungry and it seems my body is not satisfied with the food it gets.

This therefore has led to a bit of weight gain which I’m not too fond of. I preferred my body at my lowest weight which I know was not healthy.

I’m not sure how to stop being hungry all the time.

Has anyone experienced this?

Spoiler: TW: Eating disorder talk

I had this when I was in anorexia recovery. It's like I'd restricted for so long my body was absolutely ravenous. I suppose in caveman days (a very specific measurement of time there lol), we'd go ages without food and then probably come into it in reasonable abundance so our bodies adapt quickly maybe? What is it usually that makes you feel full? E.g. for me it's large, I find that the most satiating. I could eat all the protein and carbs but no fats I'll be hungry a lot faster.

 

[TheGlossy]

are your meals relatively balanced? I’d get a blood test at docs and make sure you’re not deficient in anything

Thanks. Yeah I think they are. Or at least, Im not eating any differently than I did before these past two and something years.

I did blood tests last month and all that came up is high cholesterol. I thought about anemia but it seems not the case.
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Spoiler: TW: Eating disorder talk

I had this when I was in anorexia recovery. It's like I'd restricted for so long my body was absolutely ravenous. I suppose in caveman days (a very specific measurement of time there lol), we'd go ages without food and then probably come into it in reasonable abundance so our bodies adapt quickly maybe? What is it usually that makes you feel full? E.g. for me it's large, I find that the most satiating. I could eat all the protein and carbs but no fats I'll be hungry a lot faster.

Spoiler: Weight

I’m sorry you had to go through this. Hope you’re doing better now. Thank you for your advice and insight. I actually feel full when I eat pasta, bread or fish. I don’t eat any kind of dairy or meat, so I’m working around that. I’m hoping it will stabilize soon enough.