The advice thread for random problems #2

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

So both can be valid. I don’t know why everybody is jumping down the OP’s throat.
It would be annoying for anybody living next door to a baby crying at 2am in the morning. I would hate it.
Ofcourse the parents can’t do anything but why should OP have sympathy for somebody who chose to have a child.
Come on now people if you can’t help with a solution don’t be part of the problem

 

[Dogtanian]

I need an outside opinion on a family situation, it's with the in laws. Background information, I'm a stay at home, home educating mum of three little ones, my eldest is school age the other two are toddlers. I have no child care so my children are at home 24/7, I am not complaining about that it's the life I choose and love to have but it does mean that I have no time to do anything outside of looking after them. We are a family of five living in a small two bed house, with three children at home 24/7 it gets messy and cluttered and as fast as I can try to tidy up they make more mess behind me. Again not complaining, we are a happy home.
This is where I need advice because I don't know why this bugs me so much. My in laws are generally wonderful and we have a good relationship but everytime it is anyone birthday in their side of the family they tell us that they are coming to our house when they live in a huge house with plenty of room for entertaining but always want to come to ours. I wouldn't mind if they asked without fully expecting it or if it was just for mother and father in-laws birthdays but its my nephew, my brother in law, my husbands uncle and auntie who he doesnt see apart from on their birthdays. Then my mother in law puts in cake requests, im not a professional baker/cake decorator but on my nephews last birthday she asked me to make a cake and make it look like a scooter because thats what he's into at the moment. Then its the request for decorations to be put up, it's just a lot on top of my full time job of educating my little girl with two little toddlers running around destroying the place. The thing that gets me about the requests for my nephews birthday, his dad (my brother in law) does NOTHING for it he literally just turns up at my house, for his sons birthday not even a thank you no help with anything NOTHING, he could at least host it at his house which is 5 minutes from ours and ask for help with cooking etc, but no its left to me when I have three children of my own.
We have said no before to hosting one of their birthdays at ours because it was not long after I gave birth to my second little one, it was it difficult time becoming a mum of two with my then three year old at home struggling with the change and I had post natal depression so things were getting on top of me, anyway it caused serious tension they were not impressed and they let it be known. I know this isn't a big problem really and it's only a few days out of the year but I think I just don't like the way that its forced. I don't do it for my side of the family, my sister arranges my neices birthday parties, my step dad arranges my mums and we help him with what's needed we usually go to their house, even my children's birthday parties we usually hire a hall but for some reason they need to use our house
Anyway that is my rant over You are welcome to tell me that I'm being unreasonable, I just needed to get it off my chest because we just had a request in for the next party. If you made it to the end thank you, the ramblings of a crazy lady

Not unreasonable at all, I'd be telling them to fuck off. Your house, your rules.

 

[littlepup]

Not really a big dilemma, can talk to family & friends etc however am curious to hear complete outsider advice. Am I being unreasonable for saying my other half’s daughter can’t stay on a school night?Just a bit of background - I’ve just had a baby, he’s 10 weeks old and I have two other children (previous relationship)

Yes I think you’re being unreasonable. Some reasons that spring to mind.
1. He is a parent, that doesn’t mean weekends only. Years down the line if you separated from your partner and he said no to having your child because ‘weeknights are for Mum’s to sort out and the Mrs doesn’t want them here’ would that be ok? would it be ok if your child said ‘daddy doesn’t want me to stay because daddy’s partner said no’?
2. Assuming your other 2 kids live with you she has to see that they get to spend every day with her Daddy as well as the new baby but she’s not allowed. How do you think that makes her feel? And then to be told she’s not welcome some days.
3. You’ve had two children, you know the juggle. If you were a first time mum, trying to figure it out, needing space, I’d understand more.
4. She’s going to be feeling more replaced than ever before. Not only are there two step children but now another of Daddy’s own. She’s going through some serious stuff here and is probably wanting and needs reassurance
5. At 10 is it that much harder to get her ready for school? If your other kids aren’t at school or at a different school and it means having to get up and out then I understand it’s a pain but then your partner should be helping to make it work. Getting ready the night before etc
6. Shouldn’t your partners daughter be welcome in his house any time, day or night?

Perhaps I’m missing the problem her saying causes. I do think she needs to understand she has to be really organised of a morning and your partner should be helping by taking care of the older kids while you tend to the baby but not in a way that it’s his responsibility to take care of her specifically. Rather than ‘Daddy is devoting time to me’ it can come off as ‘step mum isn’t interested, only daddy’ and make her feel different from the other kids.
This is a massive thing for her, potentially really emotionally damaging. She needs to know she’s just as important and welcome than any of the other kids.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I think the comment was a bit of a mood killer. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were in her shoes and someone came by and commented the same things. It puts a big damper on the date.

Don’t have a date at home then! Frankly banishing her mum upstairs in the own house is rude, she should be grateful the was aloud the privacy. She could have got off her arse to talk to her mum instead of text.

OP I think you need to set some rules. Being treated that way in your own home is not ok. Why are walking on egg shell when she’s in a mood, she is 23 not 13!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I mean I get where you’re coming from but I assume she’s living at home to save money? Most young people have to these days. She probably wants to make a good impression on her boyfriend & ideally move in with him / out of her mother’s home at some point. If he’s the right guy he will focus on just his girlfriend and not circumstantial people. I definitely think if I went over to a guy’s house though and his mother did exactly the same things described, I wouldn’t be rushing to spend more time there. I also think it’s almost more okay for parents to behave that way when you’re a teenager but as you grow older you want to feel like your parents are as invested in making a good impression on a potential life partner as you are. The poster could have just as easily not said anything or waited to ask her daughter what they had to eat whenever it was that the guy left.

Even more reason to be respectful, she asked about the smell of garlic not the his favourite sex position. The daughter over reacted.

 

[Mamacita]

I mean I get where you’re coming from but I assume she’s living at home to save money? Most young people have to these days. She probably wants to make a good impression on her boyfriend & ideally move in with him / out of her mother’s home at some point. If he’s the right guy he will focus on just his girlfriend and not circumstantial people. I definitely think if I went over to a guy’s house though and his mother did exactly the same things described, I wouldn’t be rushing to spend more time there. I also think it’s almost more okay for parents to behave that way when you’re a teenager but as you grow older you want to feel like your parents are as invested in making a good impression on a potential life partner as you are. The poster could have just as easily not said anything or waited to ask her daughter what they had to eat whenever it was that the guy left.

"Did exactly the same things described" what things though, asking what smells of garlic? Is that really something to get annoyed over?

And what does it matter to the situation she's living at home to save money ? That's exactly it, she not only has that privilege but her mum also sits upstairs to give her privacy with her boyfriend. Then the daughter has the cheek to get annoyed and go off at her mum for a minor comment.

 

[Snippysnips]

I mean I get where you’re coming from but I assume she’s living at home to save money? Most young people have to these days. She probably wants to make a good impression on her boyfriend & ideally move in with him / out of her mother’s home at some point. If he’s the right guy he will focus on just his girlfriend and not circumstantial people. I definitely think if I went over to a guy’s house though and his mother did exactly the same things described, I wouldn’t be rushing to spend more time there. I also think it’s almost more okay for parents to behave that way when you’re a teenager but as you grow older you want to feel like your parents are as invested in making a good impression on a potential life partner as you are. The poster could have just as easily not said anything or waited to ask her daughter what they had to eat whenever it was that the guy left.

Me an my brother both lived at home when we had (new) partners over, if we had ordered food the very first thing my folks would have done is come down an ask what the smell was cause they would have been wondering what we ordered, not once would I have viewed that as being a negative thing an if either of our partners had viewed it as being a negative/embarrassing thing then personally I'd have thought they were arseholes, parents are entitled to act however they want in their own home, an end of the day why the hell would I want my parents acting non existent (forcing them in their own room) or like some posh mute snobs when my partner should be seeing my parents act how they normally act, if he doesn't like them how they are in the first place then he can fk off

She sounds like a very spoilt adult that maybe should stick to dates outside the home is she's that unhappy with a simple question

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Nah, I’d ask the bf to take her with him when he leaves.

She can go be embarrassed at his place

 

[Carapop]

Thinking of you @Carapop, and your Mum x

Ah you sweetheart thank you. This is such a gorgeous gesture. I’m absolutely fine until met with any kindness and then bam, devastation hits. I can’t cope with how lovely people are.

mum has been on life support in intensive care for the last ten days. Fully sedated, multi organ failure. We are being prepared for the worst but how can you really prepare?!

she was 70 this year, drove herself to doctor two weeks ago, packed her hospital bag with lipstick, iPad and her fav little chocolate bars. I cannot stress how unexpected this is. But the one comfort is she’s spared all of this. She’s dreaming while we are going insane

 

[Dogtanian]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

As one of the few (?) males on here. W T actual F?

 

[LaBlonde]

Lol thanks! It was definitely the food not him ha ha.. I can't believe such a strong smell was from chicken strips! I honestly thought it must be kebabs ha ha.
I didn't greet him when he arrived.. Because daughter wants me upstairs out the way.. I did say hello to him earlier though then we were both in the kitchen.
Iam feeling a bit shit tbh.. Wondering if iam going to face her wrath tomorrow when he leaves.

Yes she said it was me asking what they had ordered and saying it smelt bad. She says this was rude and embarrassing and I should be ashamed of myself.

i’m sorry, this girl is TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD?!

she had no right to treat you like that in your own house over absolutely nothing. you smelt a strong smell of garlic, you asked who’d had garlic. end of. when i read your post without checking the age i assumed she was a moody teen but a 20+ year old has a nerve acting like this tbh. you’re not in the wrong in any way.

 

[And_that's_okay!]

I’d just like to give a different perspective.
I’m similar to your brother tbh. And that doesn’t mean our issues should be your issues or that it is right.
But the last time I saw my whole family, all together, probably 2012-ish. I asked my parents not to invite my brothers partner who he has been with for years.
I on the other hand barely knew her as my whole family live in Africa. Anyway it wasn’t because I disliked her, I barely see my family and just wanted to spend time with them and not somebody that is a stranger to me.
This was also only for a week we all went away together and after that she was included in everything
Could you possibly have a few socials with your brother and her included? So that he doesn’t feel a stranger is intruding on his holiday

I believe in your example, you were unfortunately putting your needs before others. What for you was so bad about there being a "stranger" come along? Your brother's partner of six years is not a stranger. How do you expect to get to know a person if you don't mix with them? How does a stranger no longer become a "stranger". How do you think this made your brother feel? How do you think it made his partner feel? How would you feel?

I get the sense you don't include this person as part of your "family". What a shame. I hope this individual didn't/doesn't feel ousted. Heck, what if they don't have a family or have never been on a family holiday?

There's something quite juvenile and spitting ones dummy out about your words.

As for the original poster (Centreparks) your brother is being a sulky arsehole.

 

[Hastaggifted]

I'm waiting for a smear test and I feel sick with nerves. I know they do them every day and don't give a shit but the thought of me laying there
I've put it off since 2016 so I know I need it done but I'm a wreck
I need to woman up. I'm 32 fgs

ETA it was just as bad as i thought it was going to be. She had to readjust the bed twice with me laid there legs akimbo , she had to readjust the speculum 3 times then use a longer one, she said I was too tall . BUT it's done, hopefully for another 3 years. Being a woman is so glamorous

 

[petitspois]

Soz, I thought this was the rant about thread

Haha. I used to post on the chit chat thread and posted an update on what I'd done that day, Turned out I'd posted it on the Secret Celeb gossip thread. Imagine everyone reading about my trip to B&M and walking the dog, thinking wtf?

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Hello everyone!

I wanted to make a thread about home security but I think I'm too new a member to do that so I've found this thread, I hope you all don't mind!

I'm a single mum, live with my three little ones in a nice area with lovely neighbours. However, this week a couple of nasty break ins have happened in the local area (one included them bringing a knife!) and it's really got me thinking about how safe I am.

My windows are composite triple glazed, my front door is composite, non snap locks & no glazing with a ring door bell and I'm fully insured.

However the problem is my back door is a very old wooden frame (that's falling to bits), wooden door, old mortice lock, with a large single glazed window and it's giving me the heebies.

Between that door and upstairs there are two more downstairs internal doors.

I'm just starting to worry all the time about what could happen..especially coming up to Xmas and darker nights. Has anyone got any ideas on how I can make myself feel a bit safer (on a budget!), I can't change the door (cost).

Welcome any ideas x x

A couple of things.
Get a beware of the dog sign (s) and put it somewhere visible

Get a simple motion detector that lights up when you walk past. not one that is too sensitive and is set off by everything

these things do work

Also, join your local selling and reuse groups and sites because people give away or sell really cheap doors they are having replaced and there is nothing wrong with them other than the owners wanted a change.

 

[Rxt156]

it’s all very odd.I can’t get my head around it but I did make an official complaint against the investigating officer this morning

There’s something fishy going on I think. You need to find out who gave them your number (highly unlikely it was police) I think someone’s having you on here! Don’t pay anything

 

[shadowcat5]

Very first world problem but I’m starting a new job in a few days and wonder if I should place an order for new work clothes because I don’t want to wear the clothes I used to wear in my horrendous soon to be old job. I don’t want to carry that energy with me into the new role.

Do it. This going to sound fucking ridiculous but when i moved house I took everything with me to save money. About a month in I was feeling shitty still and thought well yeah, cause im in a nice new place but wrapping myself in the last places’ shit. So I bought all new bedding and duvet. Felt miles better and I haven’t had that bad energy ever since.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I need an outside opinion on a family situation, it's with the in laws. Background information, I'm a stay at home, home educating mum of three little ones, my eldest is school age the other two are toddlers. I have no child care so my children are at home 24/7, I am not complaining about that it's the life I choose and love to have but it does mean that I have no time to do anything outside of looking after them. We are a family of five living in a small two bed house, with three children at home 24/7 it gets messy and cluttered and as fast as I can try to tidy up they make more mess behind me. Again not complaining, we are a happy home.
This is where I need advice because I don't know why this bugs me so much. My in laws are generally wonderful and we have a good relationship but everytime it is anyone birthday in their side of the family they tell us that they are coming to our house when they live in a huge house with plenty of room for entertaining but always want to come to ours. I wouldn't mind if they asked without fully expecting it or if it was just for mother and father in-laws birthdays but its my nephew, my brother in law, my husbands uncle and auntie who he doesnt see apart from on their birthdays. Then my mother in law puts in cake requests, im not a professional baker/cake decorator but on my nephews last birthday she asked me to make a cake and make it look like a scooter because thats what he's into at the moment. Then its the request for decorations to be put up, it's just a lot on top of my full time job of educating my little girl with two little toddlers running around destroying the place. The thing that gets me about the requests for my nephews birthday, his dad (my brother in law) does NOTHING for it he literally just turns up at my house, for his sons birthday not even a thank you no help with anything NOTHING, he could at least host it at his house which is 5 minutes from ours and ask for help with cooking etc, but no its left to me when I have three children of my own.
We have said no before to hosting one of their birthdays at ours because it was not long after I gave birth to my second little one, it was it difficult time becoming a mum of two with my then three year old at home struggling with the change and I had post natal depression so things were getting on top of me, anyway it caused serious tension they were not impressed and they let it be known. I know this isn't a big problem really and it's only a few days out of the year but I think I just don't like the way that its forced. I don't do it for my side of the family, my sister arranges my neices birthday parties, my step dad arranges my mums and we help him with what's needed we usually go to their house, even my children's birthday parties we usually hire a hall but for some reason they need to use our house
Anyway that is my rant over You are welcome to tell me that I'm being unreasonable, I just needed to get it off my chest because we just had a request in for the next party. If you made it to the end thank you, the ramblings of a crazy lady

Next time one of your birthdays comes up let your MIL know it will be round theirs and you’d like a unicorn cake.

Fking unbelievable how entitled some people are.

Tbh you’re going to have to make your feelings known and fuck the “consequences” or else you will have to make peace with this for the rest of your life!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Apparently the police gave them my number? The police rang me afterwards to tell me that there was a witness on the scene and claimed it was a hit and run which wasn’t the case. I told them that I went into the bollard and the man that had rang me previously had told me there was cctv footage of me going into their car and if that was the case they’d see me getting out and checking the car beside the bollard to make sure I didn’t hit it as well and didnt see any damage so I did drive off, but they’re now claiming that the back bumper and paintwork has been taken off. I also asked the policewoman what damage had been done and she wasn’t able to tell me which I found strange and asked about the cctv footage and she said she’d have to get back to me on it. I did ask the man on the phone too to send over photos. He told me he didn’t have a smart phone but his wife did and she would send them over but haven’t received anything at all



I’m gonna get onto my insurance in the morningand leave it in their hands. They’ll obviously have to provide evidence that it was me!

FYI I would put in a complaint with the police for giving out your telephone number.
They are absolutely not allowed to do that. That is a breach of GDPR and they should know better. What if this person was a stalker?!?!

 

[Snippysnips]

I need to break up with my PT and I do not know how to do it.

I signed up 4 months before my wedding last year, I bought 40 sessions with her in the idea I would do 2 a week. She is also the gym manager and ended up cancelling so many of them due to having to cover, being ill ect. So I ended up having over 20 sessions left after my wedding. I managed to get some in before Christmas but to be honest she has been pretty useless again. There is little effort, it's just made up on the spot. No progression in weights as she can't remember what we did last session. I have 10 sessions left, pre paid and I just want to call it a day. She hasn't seen me since Christmas as she couldn't fit me in as I need afternoons due to my hours changing at work and then she was ill.

I tried before Christmas and asked if her other clients wanted to buy them, as she has done to me when people have been ill etc. but she never did it. I have paid her directly instead of through the club, which she shouldn't do but she did me a deal and seems to do it with most of her clients.

It's awkward as it's likely I will still see her in the gym and she is really lovely but I think she's got a bit complacent, most of her clients see her for the social side of it. She is always willing to try and make the sessions work and even offered me her guest membership when I mentioned I might need to leave but when it comes to it she cancels more often than not and to be honest I have just lost the want for it.

Honestly if it was me I'd be wanting my money back from whats left, I assume you told her what times were going to work for you at the beginning? If she wasn't going to be able to fully commit to that then really she shouldn't have done it, she sounds like because she's the manager then she can take the piss a bit, I would think if anyone else done that then she would fire them for not taking the job seriously enough

It also sounds like she's talked you into a direct pay by offering a deal so you would take it, if she said you shouldn't do that then it kind of sounds like she's trying to get some extra cash an rather than you paying the club an she's just getting wages then she's also getting your money plus her wages which sounds a bit dodgy

She might seem lovely but tbh she's kind of conned you out of your money, she's not taking the job seriously, shes messing around with not having workouts sorted an updated as you go, she's never there (any other workplace would be given warnings or firing staff if they took a ton of time off) an she's talked you into paying her directly than through a club

Sometimes you have to think how would you tell someone else what to do if they told you they had this problem, look at it from a outsiders view