The advice thread for random problems #2

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Has anyone ever experienced the below:

- Sudden pressure in left side lower back as if someone is sitting on it
- Extreme pain in that same area to the touch (without pressing on it it anything)

It came out of nowhere was I was out shopping.

?!
 
Has anyone ever experienced the below:

- Sudden pressure in left side lower back as if someone is sitting on it
- Extreme pain in that same area to the touch (without pressing on it it anything)

It came out of nowhere was I was out shopping.

?!
You should really see a doctor as soon as possible. Extreme pain is not normal.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4
Wear a mask on the train and in public places like shops etc until you know you are negative. If you can’t get hold of HR then go to work but wear a mask. Tell them once you arrive.
We don’t send peoole home with covid anymore but have them wear a mask and just keep a distance from them where possible.
In fairness though at our job it’s easy to keep a bit if distance.
I've talked to HR. They want me to test every morning but I'm ok to be there and no mention of masks. We have so many people ill at the moment it's crazy 🫨 not just Covid but other stuff as well.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
A while ago on one of this threads I was asking for advice how to waterproof a coat. I ended up using Nikwax down waterproofer and today was the first time I'd worm that coat and been caught in a downpour. I am pleased with the results- it was well worth doing .
 
  • Like
Reactions: 6
This might not actually come to anything but it’s what I’m currently stressed about so I’m going to get it off my chest.
I’m training to be a teacher and am half way through my placement so have review meeting with my tutor and class teacher today. Everything has been fine except there is an assessment tracker that my class teacher is supposed to track the targets I have achieved and I need to have it 75% completed for my meeting otherwise my tutor can’t say I’m track. I have tried to remind my teacher to keep highlighting it but it’s not up to date and now I’m stressed about whether I might fail the placement because my paper works not been updated.
My tutor is lovely and as the teacher will be on the call too I’m hoping she can vouch for me and my tutor will let me off but she could just say I’m on track to fail so I have to resist the placement later on in the year. I am annoyed at myself because I should’ve tried to keep on top it, but I also feel bad for constantly asking my teacher to do things for me as she does have a whole class to teach. It was a lot easier last year when I had a mentor who wasn’t a working teacher so had time to complete these things for me.
I work as a tutor for a teaching apprenticeship, and from my perspective I regularly get trainees asking me to ‘be the bad guy’ and speak to the classroom teacher or mentor on the trainees behalf. You’re not alone, and your classroom teacher is likely busy but at the same time I assume they’ve agreed to be your mentor and should be getting some time to complete their duties, so should be doing what you need. If you have actually met the targets I cannot see your having to redo a placement because of effectively an admin error. I would ask to speak to your tutor privately first and air your concerns, and ask if they can speak to the teacher for you and stress the importance of this task being done.
 
What's the best freebie music site to use, I used to get apple music through my phone contract but since am not paying a tenner a month to occasional listen to music for a hour or two then I need to find another one

Out Deezer, Spotify an YT (it's the only ones I know) which one is the better with limited ads, I know I'll get ads if it's free but prefer to listen to at least a few songs before being hit with one an not have them after every single song

I also can't be bothered to download from YT onto my phone lol
 
What's the best freebie music site to use, I used to get apple music through my phone contract but since am not paying a tenner a month to occasional listen to music for a hour or two then I need to find another one

Out Deezer, Spotify an YT (it's the only ones I know) which one is the better with limited ads, I know I'll get ads if it's free but prefer to listen to at least a few songs before being hit with one an not have them after every single song

I also can't be bothered to download from YT onto my phone lol
I know it's old school but radio! There's millions of stations out there and some of them rarely if ever have ads. There's apps on the app stores to listen to them

Drwaback is you can’t really choose the songs.

Oh and soundcloud, there's a lot of dj sets on there, I like nora enpure, she does techno sets which are awesome. But I'm sure you can find stuff that is to your taste!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I know it's old school but radio! There's millions of stations out there and some of them rarely if ever have ads. There's apps on the app stores to listen to them

Drwaback is you can’t really choose the songs.

Oh and soundcloud, there's a lot of dj sets on there, I like nora enpure, she does techno sets which are awesome. But I'm sure you can find stuff that is to your taste!
Thanks, I might check out SoundCloud, am honestly not interested in radios, I want to pick what I listen too an I like getting a world mix of music which radios won't offer
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
What's the best freebie music site to use, I used to get apple music through my phone contract but since am not paying a tenner a month to occasional listen to music for a hour or two then I need to find another one

Out Deezer, Spotify an YT (it's the only ones I know) which one is the better with limited ads, I know I'll get ads if it's free but prefer to listen to at least a few songs before being hit with one an not have them after every single song

I also can't be bothered to download from YT onto my phone lol
This is a US company (where I live) but it is free and can’t hurt to see if it will work for you — https://www.bestbuy.com/site/apple-...ning-subscribers-only/6515312.p?skuId=6515312

I’m currently using their free subs for Apple TV+, music, and news before purchasing a discounted subscription through US Costco.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
I have a friend who I’ve known since school. A few years ago she seemed happily in a relationship and was engaged to be married to a guy. Next thing you know it’s over - she ended it because she had feelings for a colleague. It’s since come out that the guy she was engaged to was controlling and abusive. In contrast this other guy seemed kinder, supportive and not controlling. But he also has a wife and children. From day 1 he’s insisted to my friend that there’s nothing between him and his wife, that they don’t love each other and they’re only staying together because financially it’s easier. When the workplace found out about this affair, my friend was punished and nothing happened to the guy. He insists his wife knows he’s seeing my friend.

This “relationship” has gone on for years now. None of the friendship group condone it or think this dude is a good guy. I think at first he probably seemed nice and supportive but I’ve seen him be really awful and negative to her. We also don’t believe things are over between him and his wife or that she knows this is going on. I try to not be judgy with my friend or say things they would push her away, because my gut feel is that this guy is worse than her ex and controlling in more of a subtle/ subversive way. I think he’d love nothing more for her to have no one but him.

It’s getting really hard to keep being there for support though, they have argued regularly for the last 2 years. My friend wants to settle down with him, have kids etc. And he keeps skirting around it and saying he can’t leave his wife due to money. Questioning why his kids aren’t good enough. My friend knows none of us like him, we think he’s a liar and his wife doesn’t know. It’s hard watching him chip away at her and keep reeling her back in and having his cake and eating it while me and another friend pick up the pieces every other week and try all sorts to convince her to leave him. I found his wife’s socials and it’s getting really hard to not message and say “hey, this is going on- do you actually know about it?” But I don’t want the drama or backlash from it. I just want my friend back, far away from him and to find someone who isn’t a total piece of tit.
 
  • Sad
Reactions: 2
I have a friend who I’ve known since school. A few years ago she seemed happily in a relationship and was engaged to be married to a guy. Next thing you know it’s over - she ended it because she had feelings for a colleague. It’s since come out that the guy she was engaged to was controlling and abusive. In contrast this other guy seemed kinder, supportive and not controlling. But he also has a wife and children. From day 1 he’s insisted to my friend that there’s nothing between him and his wife, that they don’t love each other and they’re only staying together because financially it’s easier. When the workplace found out about this affair, my friend was punished and nothing happened to the guy. He insists his wife knows he’s seeing my friend.

This “relationship” has gone on for years now. None of the friendship group condone it or think this dude is a good guy. I think at first he probably seemed nice and supportive but I’ve seen him be really awful and negative to her. We also don’t believe things are over between him and his wife or that she knows this is going on. I try to not be judgy with my friend or say things they would push her away, because my gut feel is that this guy is worse than her ex and controlling in more of a subtle/ subversive way. I think he’d love nothing more for her to have no one but him.

It’s getting really hard to keep being there for support though, they have argued regularly for the last 2 years. My friend wants to settle down with him, have kids etc. And he keeps skirting around it and saying he can’t leave his wife due to money. Questioning why his kids aren’t good enough. My friend knows none of us like him, we think he’s a liar and his wife doesn’t know. It’s hard watching him chip away at her and keep reeling her back in and having his cake and eating it while me and another friend pick up the pieces every other week and try all sorts to convince her to leave him. I found his wife’s socials and it’s getting really hard to not message and say “hey, this is going on- do you actually know about it?” But I don’t want the drama or backlash from it. I just want my friend back, far away from him and to find someone who isn’t a total piece of tit.
I personally wouldn’t message the wife tbh, because at that point it’s guaranteed to blow up in your face and tbh this guy sounds like a master manipulator so I have no doubt that he will probably be able to convince both his wife and your mate that you are just some lying jealous hater who is trying to ruin things.
I had a similar situation with a good friend a few years ago (it wasn’t as bad as your situation, the guy she was seeing didn’t have a wife but he was a bleeping bellend who had zero respect for her) and I agree, it does get so jarring hearing your friend constantly making excuses for him and convincing herself of tit like ‘oh he just has commitment issues’, ‘he just needs to get himself into the right head space and then he’ll finally commit to me’ - rather than just accepting the truth of the matter, which is that the guy is bleeping trash.
If I were you I would get your other friends and try to just hold an intervention with this girl, it may be uncomfortable but sometimes people need to have people who genuinely care about them sit down and just give them a bit of a reality check.
If at that point she doesn’t want to listen, I would honestly take a step back from it all until she comes to her senses. It sounds really harsh but I found that with my friend, I was sort of inadvertantly enabling her crappy relationship because every time I picked up the pieces, once I’d comforted her and she felt better, she’d just go straight back to him.
Once I stopped engaging with her and listening to complaints about his behaviour and immediately comforting her when she was angry or upset with him, she sort of came to her senses and realized that the relationship was not normal at all and finally broke it off altogether.
It’s a frustrating situation to have to go through with a friend tho, hope you’re doing ok!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4
I personally wouldn’t message the wife tbh, because at that point it’s guaranteed to blow up in your face and tbh this guy sounds like a master manipulator so I have no doubt that he will probably be able to convince both his wife and your mate that you are just some lying jealous hater who is trying to ruin things.
I had a similar situation with a good friend a few years ago (it wasn’t as bad as your situation, the guy she was seeing didn’t have a wife but he was a bleeping bellend who had zero respect for her) and I agree, it does get so jarring hearing your friend constantly making excuses for him and convincing herself of tit like ‘oh he just has commitment issues’, ‘he just needs to get himself into the right head space and then he’ll finally commit to me’ - rather than just accepting the truth of the matter, which is that the guy is bleeping trash.
If I were you I would get your other friends and try to just hold an intervention with this girl, it may be uncomfortable but sometimes people need to have people who genuinely care about them sit down and just give them a bit of a reality check.
If at that point she doesn’t want to listen, I would honestly take a step back from it all until she comes to her senses. It sounds really harsh but I found that with my friend, I was sort of inadvertantly enabling her crappy relationship because every time I picked up the pieces, once I’d comforted her and she felt better, she’d just go straight back to him.
Once I stopped engaging with her and listening to complaints about his behaviour and immediately comforting her when she was angry or upset with him, she sort of came to her senses and realized that the relationship was not normal at all and finally broke it off altogether.
It’s a frustrating situation to have to go through with a friend tho, hope you’re doing ok!
Thank you.
Yeah, you’re right. I think for me it’s a knee jerk reaction to just try and put a stop to it all. It’s difficult finding that balance of being there and supportive as well as not encouraging or enabling her. Every so often I see a glimmer of her realising that it’s going nowhere and he’s terrible but then a week later she goes back. It’s quite triggering for me because I was in an abusive relationship with someone that went on to cheat on me - lots of people told me my ex was no good and I really wish I’d listened. So now I’m on the other side of the fence watching someone do what I did. And at the moment I have a lot going on everywhere else and I know I need to spend some time and energy on myself before I get totally burned out. I feel harsh but I just can’t deal with her stuff right now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?. 🤣

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?. 🤣

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!
what style? Pricey but I love my doc martin ones, comfy and worth the money.

i also had some from boohoo but they weren’t the best quality but so comfy . Lasted over the summer but then needed thrown out.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
what style? Pricey but I love my doc martin ones, comfy and worth the money.

i also had some from boohoo but they weren’t the best quality but so comfy . Lasted over the summer but then needed thrown out.
Oh thanks! Il take a look. Nothing flip flop style.. I want a strap around the ankle.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?. 🤣

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!
I bought some from Next last year in the sale that are really comfortable. They are leather and with a solid strap but they don't look old persony if that makes sense? I'll try and find a photo of them. They might have something similar this year.
---
Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?. 🤣

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!
These are them. I've got them in a goldish and tan colour too. Very comfy! There's a next sale coming up but it might not be the right season for sandal bargains.
 

Attachments

Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?. 🤣

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!
Saltwater sandals are really comfy, although they are very flat but they don't rub.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?. 🤣

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!
Whatever you chose, break them in.
John Lewis had loads of Birkenstock in small sizes at 70% off at Xmas, worth an eye.
Last year trekking sandals were in fashion so teva were everywhere too, there’s still sales here and there depending on the style. I got some NEXT copies which were eventually comfy but the non elasticed strap really rubbed to start.
Havianas are terrible for your feet but super comfy past the first week, I wore them exclusively for 6 weeks and 3 months respectively while travelling and had no issues.
Definitely just try to wear in whatever you get with socks for a few days. Leather, rubber or synthetic, it always takes me a week or two come the spring to wear in even old strappy shoes, and I’ll wear them through to October, just get past the first wears.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.