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So. I hope this is a good place to put it.
I’m currently in therapy and I’ve spoken about my feelings through and through. And aware of my triggers and issues.
I met a lad through tinder and asked we can be friends because we got on so well, and our long term goals didn’t matcb
He’s got a girlfriend now, told me today and has said he’ll be moving in with half of the week in the future. and I KNOW I asked to be friends but can’t help but be gutted cause I did fancy him and had thoughts about kissing him.
And one of my issues is abandonment issues. And j was a bit short with him (it’s been an emotional week- met up with my dad who I haven’t been in contact with for 18 years!) so now I’m thinking I should tel him I want it? But I thinks is the case of want what i can’t have and it’s jealously too.
I’m currently in therapy and I’ve spoken about my feelings through and through. And aware of my triggers and issues.
I met a lad through tinder and asked we can be friends because we got on so well, and our long term goals didn’t matcb
He’s got a girlfriend now, told me today and has said he’ll be moving in with half of the week in the future. and I KNOW I asked to be friends but can’t help but be gutted cause I did fancy him and had thoughts about kissing him.
And one of my issues is abandonment issues. And j was a bit short with him (it’s been an emotional week- met up with my dad who I haven’t been in contact with for 18 years!) so now I’m thinking I should tel him I want it? But I thinks is the case of want what i can’t have and it’s jealously too.
As you said your long term goals don't align so what's the point? You made your choice and he moved on, let it be.
Bless you, it always hurts when things like this happen.
I personally wouldn't tell him. Mainly because (and I'm sorry if this is mean) you were the one that said you wanted to be friends and that your goals didn't align. Nothing wrong with that but I don't think it's fair now to change your mind on a dime, tell him and potentially mess up whatever it is he's got going on with his girlfriend.
Maybe you want what you can't have, maybe you want it cause it's a safe option cause you know deep down you can't have it. You said it's been an emotional week an meeting up with you estranged dad, maybe that's triggered some of the issues of abandonment and rejection.
My suggestion would be continue with the therapy and focus on yourself and dealing with your issues. Never know, maybe when you're feeling in a better place he might be single
you will gain nothing from telling him beyond causing hurt to yourself. you know he has a girlfriend who he is serious about, you know your long term goals don’t match up - you would only be making him feel awkward and making yourself feel bad.
beyond that, shadowcat has given wonderful advice above.
Yeah this is very good points and advice. I think I’m feeling sensitive this week with everything.
My dating life goal is marriage and potentially kids as he’s already been married twice and got three kids (by three different women!) and I’m so used to not saying what I want, I don’t want to budge on this.
I would not if I were you. You told him you wanted to be friends and he respected that. If your long term goals didn’t align, you should have cut him off period since you fancied him to an extent. A halfway platonic friendship is never a good idea.
He’s already very much involved with his current partner and it wouldn’t be fair to drop this bomb in the middle of this. Let him live his life. It seems you have the “want what you can’t have” syndrome.
I think you should get some distance and reassess how you will deal with such scenario moving forward.
my dude, he has a girlfriend. a girlfriend who is serious enough that he’s planning to live with her. do not do this. it’s completely natural to feel sad that you’ve maybe missed an opportunity but he’s moved on. it isn’t fair to him to now do a complete 180 and tell him you actually want to be together when you previously said you wanted to be friends and he has moved on.
what are you hoping will happen here? because if you think he might reciprocate then i feel you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. i get your feelings and they’re valid but consider him too.
it sounds to me honestly like you maybe had him on tyne back burner as you knew there was a degree of interest as it’s telling that these thoughts have cropped up now he’s told you he has a girlfriend and so is unavailable. i get the disappointment of them. it sucks. but pondering it only hurts you.
I feel like, reading between the lines, you’re thinking maybe he might get her pregnant with his fourth, perhaps a third marriage in the cards, and that you wish it’s you in this situation and quite possibly would be you had you played things closer to the chest. Just remember he already has three children to think about and that you and any child you have with him would be getting a quarter of his to share, in the best case scenario where he is a good dad.
Please forget about him and throw your line back out again
Yeah basically!! One of my other issues that I always feel like I’m never good enough for relationships/kids etc. always the one who is good for sex or string along until they decide they want a girlfriend.I feel like, reading between the lines, you’re thinking maybe he might get her pregnant with his fourth, perhaps a third marriage in the cards, and that you wish it’s you in this situation and quite possibly would be you had you played things closer to the chest. Just remember he already has three children to think about and that you and any child you have with him would be getting a quarter of his to share, in the best case scenario where he is a good dad.
Please forget about him and throw your line back out again
And I’ve only known this friend since October too. So it was hard navigating a friendship and now this.
If you want to keep the friendship then I wouldn't mention any feelings, the last thing you want is to lose the friend over this, unfortunately you made it clear in the beginning that it was only friendship you wanted, so it's either let him go fully an put it behind you in order not to hurt more or drop the feelings an keep him as a friend, because personally if I was dating a guy an seen another girl had developed feelings for him an was messaging him with that intention I'd have him block her
The last thing you want is to put the girlfriend in that position where she will have him block you if they are happy together, an then you lose him an the friendship
The last thing you want is to put the girlfriend in that position where she will have him block you if they are happy together, an then you lose him an the friendship
Are you guys friends with benefits? I mean, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but I can see more now why you’re tempted to tell him. That has to hurt
I would focus on you, your future, and doing tons of short term things that make you happy.Nope. We’ve not even kissed!! The very first time I met him, it was to go round and have sex but I got there and we stayed up all night talking. No kissing, nothing. We then spent time again in the pub with my friends. Still nothing. Then I went round to his and we had the chat and I asked why we didn’t have sex. And he said it’s cause he was enjoying my company too much and didn’t want to treat me like a hookup. And I responded and I basically said can we be friends as I’m in the market for friends and I’m terrible after I’ve had sex with someone and I don’t want to lose what we had. And that’s it really. So I shouldn’t be sad but I am. Cause I’m worried this is the beginning of the end our friendship.Are you guys friends with benefits? I mean, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but I can see more now why you’re tempted to tell him. That has to hurt
@boomska Aww 
I’m sorry. Hugs. I would be heartbroken in this situation too.
I’m sorry. Hugs. I would be heartbroken in this situation too.
I don't think he's for you. Be kind to yourself for a while and think of it more as a lucky escape.
My advice on this is based on you not having children yet and you think you'd like them but within a committed relationship. This man isn't offering you these things. Don't compromise when there's nothing to compromise for. Also, you have no real emotional bond with him. It's just a projection of what you'd like him to be at this point (I hope that doesn't sound horrible).
There's someone you're more suited to out there.
Men in Relationships don't usually make good , reliable friends for women . I think you are just going to have to end up disappointed and have him as an acquaintance.
I kind of understand this disappointed feeling, as I was meeting new people, and even though sometimes male / female people get on it seems friendship doesn't form if someone isn't single.
I’ve checked in for a flight and my 3 year old has been allocated a different seat to me (not next to me!). Anybody else ever had this and were moved together? Did an online chat but they simply said speak to staff at the airport. 
I am really freaked out right now.
I have a little safe next to my apartment door. It was originally meant for a spare key I case I get locked out since I live on my own. I have decided to leave it empty, so there’s no key in it. The safe has a tiny black window (like a blind) hides the digits to enter the code. You have to pull it down to enter your code.
I always have this blind set up to hide the digits behind it. I never leave the digits visible. I can see the safe every time I walk in or out the apartment.
I returned from work today and the blind was down as if someone had tried to enter the code and couldn’t get it right, so just up and left without pulling up the blind to hide the digits.
The code left on it seems to be a variation of my birthday (it could have very well been me toying with it a few weeks ago but I always pull the little blind to hide the digits). The thing is I always have the blind up to hide to digits, so if I’d left them visible, I would have noticed.
I’m now really worried. I’m trying to recall if I may have left the digits visible at some point but I would have noticed if I did.
I have a little safe next to my apartment door. It was originally meant for a spare key I case I get locked out since I live on my own. I have decided to leave it empty, so there’s no key in it. The safe has a tiny black window (like a blind) hides the digits to enter the code. You have to pull it down to enter your code.
I always have this blind set up to hide the digits behind it. I never leave the digits visible. I can see the safe every time I walk in or out the apartment.
I returned from work today and the blind was down as if someone had tried to enter the code and couldn’t get it right, so just up and left without pulling up the blind to hide the digits.
The code left on it seems to be a variation of my birthday (it could have very well been me toying with it a few weeks ago but I always pull the little blind to hide the digits). The thing is I always have the blind up to hide to digits, so if I’d left them visible, I would have noticed.
I’m now really worried. I’m trying to recall if I may have left the digits visible at some point but I would have noticed if I did.
It could just be somebody messing about or it could be a chancer. But seeing as you don't keep a key in it I wouldn't worry. I've always thought those things are a terrible idea as they are so easy to break into
This happened when me an my brother were young, me an him were in one part of the plane, my dad way at the back an my mum way in front, staff were quite good an managed to sit us all together as obviously being young kids we couldn't be alone, I'd just say when you get there as obviously your 3yo can't be alone an usually they will either fix it at the desk or they will have the airline staff move you on the flight itselfI’ve checked in for a flight and my 3 year old has been allocated a different seat to me (not next to me!). Anybody else ever had this and were moved together? Did an online chat but they simply said speak to staff at the airport.
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