The advice thread for random problems #2

[HotMessCentral]

HELP: Boyfriends surprise 40th party
I’m arranging a surprise party at a local bar in town where we have the upstairs 2nd bar to ourselves and an 3rd floor dance floor. Im inviting mostly friends and a handful of family members but with a view to it being mainly drinking and a night out vibe. My problem is what is the ‘etiquette’…? I’ve got a trip planned for his birthday and 2 weddings and the obvious multiple hen do’s that go with it, all before May so I need to watch my money.
Is it expected of me to buy everyone their first drink, ie. Bottles of beer and a few bottles of fizz? I don’t really want to do food either so planning on messaging to say have your tea before you come Advice please!!!

 

[Snippysnips]

hi hope this is allowed here. basically i live in a 3 story house and currently my bedroom is in the converted loft area but for various reasons i want to moove into a regular smaller room on the 2nd floor, and this would involve alot of moving heavy furniture arround so was wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to hire someone to do the heavy lifting and moving things arround. i know obviously removal companies move furniture but usually from one house to another not just between rooms. a double bed and a king sized bed would both have to be dismantled and moved, pluss a book shelf, draws and other things. so what sort of company would i contact for this sort of thing. i couldn't really find anything online

Have you tried advertising on Facebook or gumtree? You might find a carpenter who's looking for a bit of extra work that might do it for a reasonable price if you don't know anyone personally that can help

 

[TheGlossy]

sorry to hear about your dad. Have you recently changed contraception? When I had the implant I was extremely hungry all the time.

Thank you.

No, I don’t use contraception (not involved with anyone).

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Instead of reaching out and fixing a wrong address they sent a phishing text. Talk about customer service.

Seems about right ordering from there Would still give it a go though

 

[Frenchie]

Sorry this is happening as I see it there are two options:
- Don’t give her any more money. If she picks the man she can deal with the financial side herself

- let them move in (i know you don’t like him but at least you know that she is safe)

I would love nothing more for her to come back but I cannot have him here, he’s never worked, more than likely drugs, liar and just awful, i just can’t
---

If she has her own MH problems then perhaps addressing that as a root cause would be the best bet. She obviously can’t see how destructive his presence is despite the evidence. I think you’d be unlikely to convince her until she can really understand why she’s accepting him and realise for herself she has other choices and more value than allowing someone else to steer her path so badly.
Would she agree to seeing someone if you help with the cost?

She has seen professionals but maybe needs to again, I’d do anything for her , he’s brainwashing her and bringing her down to his level, even his parents disowned him

 

[Lalla]

Blunt but I can't see what you can do really. As you live away and aren't close you can only visit now and then. In those visits it's just not going to be possible for you to have a conversation where the scales fall from her eyes. She's not likely to confide in you. I would probably raise the possibility of it being an abusive relationship with the mutual friends and see what they say/suggest.

Other than that, you could possibly write her a letter maybe. Again, she seems like someone who is going to need considerable support to end up being someone in healthy relationships who can hold down a job.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

No it doesn't sound harsh at all. She does need/ expect a lot of support even before this which is kind of why I stepped away, trying to sort someone's life out when they don't help themselves is hard work.

She also doesn't confide in us even when we're face to face, there was a situation a few years back where she was living in really bad conditions (hoarding) she hid it from us until she had to move as LL gave her notice and needed our help, we spent weeks (as she wouldn't pay anyone - although she was working then and could afford to) packing everything as she wouldn't let us throw anything away while she didn't do much. We all urged her to speak to someone about it, but she thinks living like that is fine. She wouldn't even speak to her LL and ended up being there 2 months after the move out date (because she was waiting for someone to move the big stuff for her in a van, and again wouldn't pay anyone). So, long back story....

 

[Rxt156]

We have this - absolutely caught be by surprise in our new house as didn’t have same problem at our previous property.
We bought a dehumidifer and it’s really brought the humidity in the house down. We got an Avalla from Robert Dyas.

Thank you

This thread is fab lol

 

[Snippysnips]

My husband says his friend basically had to keep going back over and over. We are North east if it makes a difference. Luckily I don’t get any pain just they are a pain in the arse. I don’t think it’s fair when it does actually effect your life. Worse case I’m sure when I looked privately there was clinics who did a payment plan

Thanks, I'll make another appointment an see what can be done, hopefully since mental health is taking more serious now than it used to it might make a difference

 

[shadowcat5]

Oh I hear ya! But I promise this is nothing to worry about. Mine is dayglo the minute I look at vit b! I believe it’s because b vitamins are water soluble so whatever your body doesn’t need it excretes via kidneys.

I am pleased to know that I am at least taking in some the vitamins

 

[stardust1]

Anyone have any comfy shoes that are semi professional (smart casual - they are for office work but we can wear trainers) recommendations, I was thinking of sketchers but never had any so didn’t know

any colour?

 

[ChampagneBox]

If you left a group chat on fb messenger but are on good terms with the participants of that group individually, would you still expect to be invited to do things with them?

 

[chickhicks86]

Good to know they are so good, am waiting on it coming down in price anyway, it annoys me Walmart has it almost half the price than what Amazon is taken but they don't ship to the UK, so hopefully it comes down in price over Xmas on Amazon an if they are broken then they can go back

Would you still save money if you used a parcel forwarding service from the US?

 

[Laughingforlife]

Hostels are your best bet unfortunately if you want to guarantee anything. Or possibly some glamping sites?

I don't think their parents would approve of hostels, although I've heard of them having individual rooms now.

 

[Snippysnips]

Bless him, some just are more destructive than others no matter what you do to distract them! Just a warning with the sand, don't put any food in it as you don't want him to ingest any and make sure you brush off any excess and check his eyes nose and genital area each time so there's no irritation.
Hope he enjoys it and stops destroying everything!
Just had another thought, try some of the toys designed for babies, wilko used to sell a ring with big chunky keys on it which they love to fling and are more robust than the ones actually sold for rabbits, also stacking cups to hide treats in

Thanks, never thought of those toys, we still have those kinds of toys from my neice that she's too old for now so I'll give it ago, it's really mostly in his pen he's doing it, when he's out free roaming hes a bit more better behaved

 

[shadowcat5]

What’s on the other side of the wall, is it external? If so, is it wet?

It's external and it's brick straight under a roof. It's one of those loft rooms where it's like a slanted ceiling from the roof (does that make sense?) There is plenty of air flow getting to it because my bed doesn't reach the wall due to the roof

 

[TheGlossy]

Does anyone know how to shrink pants one size too large in the wash?

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Anyone had a default removed?

I have a credit card with not very much on it. Been paying £300 a month to clear it, minimum payment is only £10 a month. I did have a direct debit set up but make manual payments instead which overwrite the direct debit. Didn’t overpay this month so waited for the direct debit. Today I received a notice of default sums letter and I’ve been charged for a late payment and the direct debit isn’t showing in my direct debits no more but I’ve not cancelled it. I’m really fretting and spent over 2 hours on the phone on hold but they cut me off at closing time.

ETA : I have confirmation of direct debit set up on my paperless statements section online.

 

[Lalla]

This is a bit of a long story, I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

I've got a friend I've known a long time. We've been less close in the last few years because I got fed up with her, she has various issues that she won't seek help with which result in people having to run round after her, but you don't even get a thank you. Anyhow, last year she reached out and I took this at face value (but subsequently realised it was because she needed a favour from me! Once I'd done that I barely heard from her). Then I split with my partner, and trying to keep myself busy I offered to visit her (she lives about an hour away but doesn't drive - I said I'd drive down and we could have a day out - she doesn't work). She said I could, but her new bloke (who I'd met once for 10 mins) would have to come too. I didn't reply and not spoken to her since.

I've now heard from a mutual friend who saw her last month and said she had facial injuries (black eyes/ missing teeth). She claimed she'd fallen over, however the mutual friend (who jumps to the worst possible conclusion) didn't think this added up, and was concerned this was evidence of abuse. A different mutual friend who has met the new bloke more than me doesn't think there's anything to worry about as he doesn't seem the type (but then who does?). I initially agreed, also because friend does sometimes have a few too many so a fall when drunk was quite possible. Then I thought about her insisting that the bloke came out for the day with us, and wondered if that could have been controlling behaviour? Then again they don't live together, he also doesn't work so he's not financially supporting her or anything. Just not sure if there's anything to be worried about - or even if we contacted her if she'd tell us if there was.

The last part I should mention is that I was in a relationship where I experienced verbal abuse (as well as some violence/ threats though not much thankfully) for years and she and all my friends knew and did nothing about it, and never once tried to help me.

TLDR friend I'm not closely in contact with has injuries which may be DA, might not, what should we do if anything?

 

[littlepup]

Has anyone been in a housing estate that's come with a garden maintenance thing? When we moved into our house almost 13 years ago we knew it was something we had to pay yearly for which at the time was fine because the gardens around the area were being done as was the park, however as the years went on work slowed, company's changed an now work is not being done

We have a community page an the vast majority don't want to pay anymore, they built new house an put everyone's bills up plus included billing the new houses, they said it was because there was more land to cover, but the new land they need to cover is tiny since the new house company didn't put in any gardens, now we have a bill for plant replacement at £200 but none of us know where these plants are, no one's been seen since last spring working, they also take 3k a month (split between all houses) for inspecting the playparks that again no one has ever seen them at, an it's not a quiet area, there's always people going about an more than enough houses looking onto all these areas

Is there a way to get out of this? I had thought this was only a 10 year contract

Do you have access to your deeds and the housing company contract?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Still getting crap service from them, raging! Been on hold for hours this morning (when I’m not being cut off) and they want me to pay £300 to leave despite having had no WiFi for months and shocking customer service. They say I signed up for broadband and they don’t have to guarantee WiFi whatsoever but the Ethernet connection doesn’t work, either. They are a law unto themselves and it’s time blanket exit fees were banned.

Have you opened a complaint with them? If so, get to the Communications Ombudsman. It’s not acceptable- most companies have policies to protect you if you’re disconnected and the fact they don’t tells you everything you need to know!