The advice thread for random problems #2

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Wondering if someone can help me.
Where do I recycle old clothes/textiles that I don't want/can't use? I've got old clothes with stains (like bleach and ink etc) on them and bedding that's a bit worse for wear with stains from tan and nail varnish. They are years old anyway but they are in no state to donate/re-use.
Equally, I don't want to put them in landfill. Anyone know where I can take them?
We can put ours out (bagged) with the kerbside recycling, might be worth a check?
 
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Ok so my Xbox has decided to turn on narrator but only in games, I have no idea how it done it or how to get it off, it's super frustrating especially when in my settings it's still turned off

Has anyone's else's done this, is this some new thing or is mines screwed up, it's so annoying when it's talking over the games story chat
 
hello me again, here with a medical one this time. I don't want to bother 111 with this cause it seems stupid but I have anxiety.

I stabbed myself with a rusty screw driver. Just a scratch but it did break skin and bleed. I washed my hands and put germolean on it straight away. Do I need to worry?
Thank you in advance!
 
hello me again, here with a medical one this time. I don't want to bother 111 with this cause it seems stupid but I have anxiety.

I stabbed myself with a rusty screw driver. Just a scratch but it did break skin and bleed. I washed my hands and put germolean on it straight away. Do I need to worry?
Thank you in advance!
When last did you have a tetanus shot? Most ptobably nothing will happen but for peace of mind I’d go and get a tetanus shot
 
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According to my vaccination form, I had tetanus stage 2 in 2020. The form says I'm not due until 2030
Unless you have a compromised immune system I reckon you'll probably be fine then if your tetanus is up to date.

Just keep an eye on it, and if it shows any sign of infection I would definitely call my GP but otherwise keep it clean and dry.

If you don't want to call 111 you can still go through the online questionnaire on the NHS website and it will give you advice too.
 
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According to my vaccination form, I had tetanus stage 2 in 2020. The form says I'm not due until 2030
Tetanus is covered then, no need to worry since you've had the jab so recent as well. Keep an eye on it for infections but if it is just a scratch you're going to be ok 😊
 
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@shadowcat5 checked with CoffeeGranny (aka retired GP) and she says to keep a close eye on it, and keep it clean but as everyone else has said, tetanus shot is up to date so that’s the main thing. Any doubts pop into a pharmacy, they’ll give better advice apparently!
 
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@shadowcat5 checked with CoffeeGranny (aka retired GP) and she says to keep a close eye on it, and keep it clean but as everyone else has said, tetanus shot is up to date so that’s the main thing. Any doubts pop into a pharmacy, they’ll give better advice apparently!
Oh thank you and thank coffeegranny for me!❤ I’m going to put some more germolean on it before bed just to be safe but it seems to be just a surface scratch. It’s not sore and it didn’t hurt when I washed the dishes so I think I’m safe
 
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Wondering if someone can help me.
Where do I recycle old clothes/textiles that I don't want/can't use? I've got old clothes with stains (like bleach and ink etc) on them and bedding that's a bit worse for wear with stains from tan and nail varnish. They are years old anyway but they are in no state to donate/re-use.
Equally, I don't want to put them in landfill. Anyone know where I can take them?
My local tip has a specific textiles bank. I'd guess most do but not 100% sure.
 
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This is a bit of a long story, I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

I've got a friend I've known a long time. We've been less close in the last few years because I got fed up with her, she has various issues that she won't seek help with which result in people having to run round after her, but you don't even get a thank you. Anyhow, last year she reached out and I took this at face value (but subsequently realised it was because she needed a favour from me! Once I'd done that I barely heard from her). Then I split with my partner, and trying to keep myself busy I offered to visit her (she lives about an hour away but doesn't drive - I said I'd drive down and we could have a day out - she doesn't work). She said I could, but her new bloke (who I'd met once for 10 mins) would have to come too. I didn't reply and not spoken to her since.

I've now heard from a mutual friend who saw her last month and said she had facial injuries (black eyes/ missing teeth). She claimed she'd fallen over, however the mutual friend (who jumps to the worst possible conclusion) didn't think this added up, and was concerned this was evidence of abuse. A different mutual friend who has met the new bloke more than me doesn't think there's anything to worry about as he doesn't seem the type (but then who does?). I initially agreed, also because friend does sometimes have a few too many so a fall when drunk was quite possible. Then I thought about her insisting that the bloke came out for the day with us, and wondered if that could have been controlling behaviour? Then again they don't live together, he also doesn't work so he's not financially supporting her or anything. Just not sure if there's anything to be worried about - or even if we contacted her if she'd tell us if there was.

The last part I should mention is that I was in a relationship where I experienced verbal abuse (as well as some violence/ threats though not much thankfully) for years and she and all my friends knew and did nothing about it, and never once tried to help me.

TLDR friend I'm not closely in contact with has injuries which may be DA, might not, what should we do if anything?
 
This is a bit of a long story, I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

I've got a friend I've known a long time. We've been less close in the last few years because I got fed up with her, she has various issues that she won't seek help with which result in people having to run round after her, but you don't even get a thank you. Anyhow, last year she reached out and I took this at face value (but subsequently realised it was because she needed a favour from me! Once I'd done that I barely heard from her). Then I split with my partner, and trying to keep myself busy I offered to visit her (she lives about an hour away but doesn't drive - I said I'd drive down and we could have a day out - she doesn't work). She said I could, but her new bloke (who I'd met once for 10 mins) would have to come too. I didn't reply and not spoken to her since.

I've now heard from a mutual friend who saw her last month and said she had facial injuries (black eyes/ missing teeth). She claimed she'd fallen over, however the mutual friend (who jumps to the worst possible conclusion) didn't think this added up, and was concerned this was evidence of abuse. A different mutual friend who has met the new bloke more than me doesn't think there's anything to worry about as he doesn't seem the type (but then who does?). I initially agreed, also because friend does sometimes have a few too many so a fall when drunk was quite possible. Then I thought about her insisting that the bloke came out for the day with us, and wondered if that could have been controlling behaviour? Then again they don't live together, he also doesn't work so he's not financially supporting her or anything. Just not sure if there's anything to be worried about - or even if we contacted her if she'd tell us if there was.

The last part I should mention is that I was in a relationship where I experienced verbal abuse (as well as some violence/ threats though not much thankfully) for years and she and all my friends knew and did nothing about it, and never once tried to help me.

TLDR friend I'm not closely in contact with has injuries which may be DA, might not, what should we do if anything?
Blunt but I can't see what you can do really. As you live away and aren't close you can only visit now and then. In those visits it's just not going to be possible for you to have a conversation where the scales fall from her eyes. She's not likely to confide in you. I would probably raise the possibility of it being an abusive relationship with the mutual friends and see what they say/suggest.

Other than that, you could possibly write her a letter maybe. Again, she seems like someone who is going to need considerable support to end up being someone in healthy relationships who can hold down a job.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.
 
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Blunt but I can't see what you can do really. As you live away and aren't close you can only visit now and then. In those visits it's just not going to be possible for you to have a conversation where the scales fall from her eyes. She's not likely to confide in you. I would probably raise the possibility of it being an abusive relationship with the mutual friends and see what they say/suggest.

Other than that, you could possibly write her a letter maybe. Again, she seems like someone who is going to need considerable support to end up being someone in healthy relationships who can hold down a job.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.
No it doesn't sound harsh at all. She does need/ expect a lot of support even before this which is kind of why I stepped away, trying to sort someone's life out when they don't help themselves is hard work.

She also doesn't confide in us even when we're face to face, there was a situation a few years back where she was living in really bad conditions (hoarding) she hid it from us until she had to move as LL gave her notice and needed our help, we spent weeks (as she wouldn't pay anyone - although she was working then and could afford to) packing everything as she wouldn't let us throw anything away while she didn't do much. We all urged her to speak to someone about it, but she thinks living like that is fine. She wouldn't even speak to her LL and ended up being there 2 months after the move out date (because she was waiting for someone to move the big stuff for her in a van, and again wouldn't pay anyone). So, long back story....
 
This is a bit of a long story, I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

I've got a friend I've known a long time. We've been less close in the last few years because I got fed up with her, she has various issues that she won't seek help with which result in people having to run round after her, but you don't even get a thank you. Anyhow, last year she reached out and I took this at face value (but subsequently realised it was because she needed a favour from me! Once I'd done that I barely heard from her). Then I split with my partner, and trying to keep myself busy I offered to visit her (she lives about an hour away but doesn't drive - I said I'd drive down and we could have a day out - she doesn't work). She said I could, but her new bloke (who I'd met once for 10 mins) would have to come too. I didn't reply and not spoken to her since.

I've now heard from a mutual friend who saw her last month and said she had facial injuries (black eyes/ missing teeth). She claimed she'd fallen over, however the mutual friend (who jumps to the worst possible conclusion) didn't think this added up, and was concerned this was evidence of abuse. A different mutual friend who has met the new bloke more than me doesn't think there's anything to worry about as he doesn't seem the type (but then who does?). I initially agreed, also because friend does sometimes have a few too many so a fall when drunk was quite possible. Then I thought about her insisting that the bloke came out for the day with us, and wondered if that could have been controlling behaviour? Then again they don't live together, he also doesn't work so he's not financially supporting her or anything. Just not sure if there's anything to be worried about - or even if we contacted her if she'd tell us if there was.

The last part I should mention is that I was in a relationship where I experienced verbal abuse (as well as some violence/ threats though not much thankfully) for years and she and all my friends knew and did nothing about it, and never once tried to help me.

TLDR friend I'm not closely in contact with has injuries which may be DA, might not, what should we do if anything?

I think the best you personally can do in this situation is encourage your friends who live near her to keep a close eye on her. Mind that she doesn’t have to be dependent on him for anything for the relationship to become controlling. A friend had a bf who would come to her house and smash up her room - she had a good job and a lovely circle of friends but was smitten with this utter hole.

when it happened to you what would you have done if someone did reach out and ask if you were okay? Would you have appreciated it or do you think you would have denied it? There’s so much weird shame mixed up in being a victim of DA.

I think as friends a lot of us want to tell ourselves our friends are happy and are living good lives, but when you get certain signs it’s worth just keeping an eye on things. I’m sorry you went through your own DA nightmare.
 
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when it happened to you what would you have done if someone did reach out and ask if you were okay? Would you have appreciated it or do you think you would have denied it? There’s so much weird shame mixed up in being a victim of DA.
I wouldn't have denied it, quite the opposite. The whole time it went on I felt I was in a weird parallel universe where everyone seemed to think how he treated me was acceptable. I reported him multiple times to the police and they wouldn't even make him leave the house for a night. He used to laugh in my face and say I've done nothing wrong, all your friends/ the police think you're a drama queen. In the end after 8 years a work colleague I didn't know that well (who heard him screaming on the phone to me) said that his behaviour was disgusting, and that made such a difference. Apologies for the me-rail, I don't think about it much anymore (it was 15 years ago now) but when I do, I realise how much resentment I still have about it all.

For my friend, I agree, I'll ask our mutuals to keep an eye on her if they can (they only see her sporadically as it is, but maybe they can invite her to more things and see if she turns up), I guess for now we have to play it by ear - it may have been something sinister, it might well not be. She has still got parents/ family around but tbh they're not much use and she's probably even less likely to discuss it with them than with us.
 
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I wouldn't have denied it, quite the opposite. The whole time it went on I felt I was in a weird parallel universe where everyone seemed to think how he treated me was acceptable. I reported him multiple times to the police and they wouldn't even make him leave the house for a night. He used to laugh in my face and say I've done nothing wrong, all your friends/ the police think you're a drama queen. In the end after 8 years a work colleague I didn't know that well (who heard him screaming on the phone to me) said that his behaviour was disgusting, and that made such a difference. Apologies for the me-rail, I don't think about it much anymore (it was 15 years ago now) but when I do, I realise how much resentment I still have about it all.

For my friend, I agree, I'll ask our mutuals to keep an eye on her if they can (they only see her sporadically as it is, but maybe they can invite her to more things and see if she turns up), I guess for now we have to play it by ear - it may have been something sinister, it might well not be. She has still got parents/ family around but tbh they're not much use and she's probably even less likely to discuss it with them than with us.
I’m so sorry - it’s utterly vile what you went through - and the way it was handled by police sounds completely unacceptable- I hope they rot.
 
Does anyone have experience with One4Alls?

I had two of them which I used partially during the first year. Then, they started charging me card management fees on the remaining balance on a monthly basis even though the cards were not inactive and had just been used.

The expiry date on the cards read 2024, but to my surprise the remaining balances were all absorbed by these ridiculous fees. I don’t understand why have an expiry date 5 years away if the remaining balance is subjected to monthly fees after a year even if the card has just been used.
 
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I didn’t realise they charged card management fees, that’s shocking! My aunty buys them for me and my brother every Christmas and it’s a nightmare to spend 🥲
 
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Looks like they charge fees from 18 months of purchase date: https://faqs.one4all.com/article/298-fees

I find that ridiculous but I guess thats how they make money off ya in addition to what they charge retailers. Whatever happened to just giving people some cash in an envelope with a nice card? 😅
 
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