The advice thread for random problems #2

[Milktray]

I’m really sorry to hear you were made to feel that way and I can understand why, just my personal reaction would have been anger.
I’d be like, “honestly what do you want me to do, because you’re not sleeping I’ll try smothering them? Not as though the baby’s distress is my absolute priority not to mention my own and partner’s lack of sleep. Now I’ve got to think of the neighbours”

Even if the family are trying to let the baby cry it out it’s their prerogative within their own home.
OP needs to get some ear plugs and maybe think about checking on the neighbours who could be really struggling. Perhaps reassure them that they are understanding. Unless the neighbours are awful, neglectful parents who aren’t attending to their baby I can guarantee there’s nothing they’d love more than the baby not to cry, especially at night.

Indeed...I agree with you 100%. Its normal noise and I would much rather live with a crying baby than some of the noise I've had to put up with!

In fact, my problem is neighbour related because I found out my neighbour is a spy ...well I'm over exaggerating but is a digital forensic (and I only found out because I was snooping!) so my paranoia and anxiety is now all over the place. Even writing this, makes me feel like I've got Big Brother watching. What if the neighbours know I've been snooping?! I'm a Tattler, so it wasnt just a quick nose on Facebook. I'm literally making myself ill over it.

I'll swap for the screaming baby!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

So both can be valid. I don’t know why everybody is jumping down the OP’s throat.
It would be annoying for anybody living next door to a baby crying at 2am in the morning. I would hate it.
Ofcourse the parents can’t do anything but why should OP have sympathy for somebody who chose to have a child.
Come on now people if you can’t help with a solution don’t be part of the problem

 

[Snippysnips]

Hi all, I couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread so thought it best to post in here!

A bit of a tricky one but my other half and I live in a flat which is quite old and has terrible sound proofing. Our neighbours seem like nice people who keep themselves to themselves. We just have one awkward issue. They have a baby, who based on when I first saw the baby as a newborn must now be about 18 months old. Our bedroom is on the other side of their bedroom. We’d rarely hear the baby crying through the walls even as a newborn but for the past 3 months or so, we’ve been woken up on a regular basis around 2 or 3AM by the baby squealing and crying. It’s so loud that we feel like the baby is in the same room as us. Even with earplugs in we sometimes wake up. We can hear the parents talking quite loudly too. We live in 2 bedroom flats so I am not sure if the baby sleeps in their other room and then when she wakes, they bring her into their bedroom. We don’t have children ourselves but I do sympathise if they are suffering with broken sleep. Is it awkward if I raise the issue with the neighbours however? I’m not sure if they realise how loud their baby is - it doesn’t even sound like crying, more squealing. I just don’t want to come across as unsympathetic and cause them stress but it’s really really annoying me now!

Unfortunately there's not much you can do if it's a baby, since parents can't exactly tell them to stop, my neice was the same at that age an my brother would be out driving her about an when she stayed with me then we would do the same thing, just because at the end of the day it wasn't the neighbours that decided he should have a kid, it was him an these things happen, so he did try an make sure he wasn't letting her disturb the neighbours at night, but I do get where you are coming from, I'd imagine it would make it awkward if the issue was raised

If the kid was older then I'd definitely be taking with them, but at this age it's hard, I guess if you did see them then you could maybe sort of raise the issue of is the baby teething, maybe try an start a conversation about how big they have gotten an they must be getting teeth in or something (am not great at typing what I mean lol) maybe that might be the reason why they are crying at night, but am only guessing as this was the reason my neice done it, it wasn't till I asked for advice on what to use that someone told me a brand to get an omg the difference it made was amazing, she slept right through the night, we had been using other things that clearly weren't working till I got told about this other brand I had never heard of an it made such a difference, but obviously that's only if this is the reason the baby's crying, it could just be a kid that wants to wail

 

[littlepup]

Indeed...I agree with you 100%. Its normal noise and I would much rather live with a crying baby than some of the noise I've had to put up with!

In fact, my problem is neighbour related because I found out my neighbour is a spy ...well I'm over exaggerating but is a digital forensic (and I only found out because I was snooping!) so my paranoia and anxiety is now all over the place. Even writing this, makes me feel like I've got Big Brother watching. What if the neighbours know I've been snooping?! I'm a Tattler, so it wasnt just a quick nose on Facebook. I'm literally making myself ill over it.

I'll swap for the screaming baby!

Do they definitely work in crime? I know some who does digital forensics and their job is basically making sure employees are slagging off the bosses, comparing salaries or stealing from the company.

 

[Snippysnips]

So both can be valid. I don’t know why everybody is jumping down the OP’s throat.
It would be annoying for anybody living next door to a baby crying at 2am in the morning. I would hate it.
Ofcourse the parents can’t do anything but why should OP have sympathy for somebody who chose to have a child.
Come on now people if you can’t help with a solution don’t be part of the problem

I was honest scared to type something like this because I'd probably get hate for it but I agree, wasn't OP that decided they should have a kid, personally my neighbours two kids who are older screech morning to night an it really pisses me off as the parents do absolutely nothing, they don't cry or anything just that high pitched screaming, I don't have kids just my neice but I also don't want other people's kids to be my problem

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I was honest scared to type something like this because I'd probably get hate for it but I agree, wasn't OP that decided they should have a kid, personally my neighbours two kids who are older screech morning to night an it really pisses me off as the parents do absolutely nothing, they don't cry or anything just that high pitched screaming, I don't have kids just my neice but I also don't want other people's kids to be my problem

That high pitched screech goes right through me. I tell my friends with children as they can see me flinch
We’be been very lucky in that the neighbours children are very quiet and well behaved All the other people are middle aged and well behaved

 

[Milktray]

So both can be valid. I don’t know why everybody is jumping down the OP’s throat.
It would be annoying for anybody living next door to a baby crying at 2am in the morning. I would hate it.
Ofcourse the parents can’t do anything but why should OP have sympathy for somebody who chose to have a child.
Come on now people if you can’t help with a solution don’t be part of the problem

I didn't jump down posters throat, in fact, I did say that 'I felt for them' as broken sleep is hell.

The poster can't eradicate, they can only muffle. So white noise, soft music and headphones would be better than ear plugs. Keeping a window on the latch would provide outdoor noise and potentially make the crying feel further away.
Exposure therapy...try to relax when the baby is crying, will make it easier to fall back asleep. Being tense and annoyed will heighten anxiety and will make it harder to nod off.

But as I said, generally, with a baby, the crying is a short lived thing...so there will be an end point.
I know it's tough but as the neighbours are not creating noise deliberately, then the poster should take comfort in that.
---

Do they definitely work in crime? I know some who does digital forensics and their job is basically making sure employees are slagging off the bosses, comparing salaries or stealing from the company.

Oh yes, definitely. Police force and an investigator. Pictures and everything
Digging my hole everytime I write! Could've just left it to snooping but now my search history contains 'can a forensic see what you've been up to online?'

 

[littlepup]

I was honest scared to type something like this because I'd probably get hate for it but I agree, wasn't OP that decided they should have a kid,

No but they did decide to move into a flat. It’s part of the territory. They also asked if it was awkward if they raised it because maybe they didn’t realise how loud their kid was like they would be able to turn it down! Of course they’re aware how loud their kid is, they’re in the same house! I don’t know what they can gain from saying something.
If they’d asked for advice on coping with broken sleep, sound proofing, moving the bed from the wall, good earplugs etc I’d have been sympathetic but they didn’t ask what they could do to mitigate it, just to get the neighbour to stop something they obviously can’t.

Anyway, headphones, white noise etc all good suggestions. Speaking to them, I’d strongly advise against until the child is older and something can actually be done.

 

[Snippysnips]

That high pitched screech goes right through me. I tell my friends with children as they can see me flinch
We’be been very lucky in that the neighbours children are very quiet and well behaved All the other people are middle aged and well behaved

I honestly wish I could go next door an tell them but the mother is more obsessed with the gym an her wine at night than bothering with the kids an the dad is always working, the summers are the worst because they are out all day, but I feel it would cause a battle if I spoke an am sure now that if you sell then you have to make it known if there's issues with neighbours, but she recorded the younger one for social sites once where she was actually causing the kid to screech by winding him up cause she kept asking him if he was bad which just made it worse, an am not sure if there's laws where you can report if your causing a kid distress for the whole purpose of being able to record them having a "meltdown" am not even a joined house an I can hear them with all the doors an windows shut

I get kids will have meltdowns but it's not even one of those, it's literally screeching for the sake of making noise

 

[HotMessCentral]

HELP: Boyfriends surprise 40th party
I’m arranging a surprise party at a local bar in town where we have the upstairs 2nd bar to ourselves and an 3rd floor dance floor. Im inviting mostly friends and a handful of family members but with a view to it being mainly drinking and a night out vibe. My problem is what is the ‘etiquette’…? I’ve got a trip planned for his birthday and 2 weddings and the obvious multiple hen do’s that go with it, all before May so I need to watch my money.
Is it expected of me to buy everyone their first drink, ie. Bottles of beer and a few bottles of fizz? I don’t really want to do food either so planning on messaging to say have your tea before you come Advice please!!!

 

[petitspois]

HELP: Boyfriends surprise 40th party
I’m arranging a surprise party at a local bar in town where we have the upstairs 2nd bar to ourselves and an 3rd floor dance floor. Im inviting mostly friends and a handful of family members but with a view to it being mainly drinking and a night out vibe. My problem is what is the ‘etiquette’…? I’ve got a trip planned for his birthday and 2 weddings and the obvious multiple hen do’s that go with it, all before May so I need to watch my money.
Is it expected of me to buy everyone their first drink, ie. Bottles of beer and a few bottles of fizz? I don’t really want to do food either so planning on messaging to say have your tea before you come Advice please!!!

I think people would expect food but be happy to pay for their drinks. Could the venue lay on a buffet? May cost the same as buying everyone a drink tbh.

 

[HotMessCentral]

I think people would expect food but be happy to pay for their drinks. Could the venue lay on a buffet? May cost the same as buying everyone a drink tbh.

Cost-wise that’s true. I just wanted it to be more like a night out and steer it away from formal feeling like some parties tend to do, I always think food creates a bit of a lull when people are drinking and getting into the swing of things

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Cost-wise that’s true. I just wanted it to be more like a night out and steer it away from formal feeling like some parties tend to do, I always think food creates a bit of a lull when people are drinking and getting into the swing of things

In that case I would make it a bit later and be clear it’s a dancing and drinking event.
I went to a wedding at a club and what they did was every guest got a token/voucher for one free drink and then you had like three choices. Maybe you could arrange something like that with the venue. Tell them your budget and the amount of people and it might be something like a vodka with soft drink/pint/beer

 

[HotMessCentral]

In that case I would make it a bit later and be clear it’s a dancing and drinking event.
I went to a wedding at a club and what they did was every guest got a token/voucher for one free drink and then you had like three choices. Maybe you could arrange something like that with the venue. Tell them your budget and the amount of people and it might be something like a vodka with soft drink/pint/beer

Yes that’s a really good idea!! Thank you!

 

[littlepup]

HELP: Boyfriends surprise 40th party
I’m arranging a surprise party at a local bar in town where we have the upstairs 2nd bar to ourselves and an 3rd floor dance floor. Im inviting mostly friends and a handful of family members but with a view to it being mainly drinking and a night out vibe. My problem is what is the ‘etiquette’…? I’ve got a trip planned for his birthday and 2 weddings and the obvious multiple hen do’s that go with it, all before May so I need to watch my money.
Is it expected of me to buy everyone their first drink, ie. Bottles of beer and a few bottles of fizz? I don’t really want to do food either so planning on messaging to say have your tea before you come Advice please!!!

So long as it started gone 7.30 and the bar wasn’t also a restaurant, I wouldn’t expect food (could you even provide your own, who’s going to clean it up, standing and eating is awkward if no tables etc).
If there’s no hire fee, paid dj, cake or decorations etc I’d probably expect a welcome drink but wouldn’t worry if there wasn’t one.
But then my friends are drinkers & would be prepared to pay bar prices, probably be out elsewhere if not there. If your crowd aren’t regular drinkers/usually drink at home, have to travel then a Prosecco or beer to toast the bday boy as he walks in would be a nice touch.
I think people just need to see that some effort has been made somewhere be it decorations or a drink so it feels like a private party.

 

[Milktray]

HELP: Boyfriends surprise 40th party
I’m arranging a surprise party at a local bar in town where we have the upstairs 2nd bar to ourselves and an 3rd floor dance floor. Im inviting mostly friends and a handful of family members but with a view to it being mainly drinking and a night out vibe. My problem is what is the ‘etiquette’…? I’ve got a trip planned for his birthday and 2 weddings and the obvious multiple hen do’s that go with it, all before May so I need to watch my money.
Is it expected of me to buy everyone their first drink, ie. Bottles of beer and a few bottles of fizz? I don’t really want to do food either so planning on messaging to say have your tea before you come Advice please!!!

Yeah, you're going to have to do something to making it feel like a party.
I've been to a night club reception...drinks only. I really enjoyed it but it was easy to forget that it was a private function, some of the other guests were treating it like a normal night on the town.

By 11pm and after a few drinks, some guests had left to go to other bars nearby, had ventured into other areas of the club or had 'gatecrashers' (which were 'friends' of other guests').

So I do think you need to 'remind' people that it's a private party. Whether it's decorations, welcome drinks or a buffet.

A tray of welcome drinks and a few crispy snacks, might keep costs to a minimum...but I'd concentrate on decorations for the 'VIP feeling'.

Maybe you could ask if you can provide your own welcome drink for a corkage fee? (On the basis guests will be buying bar drinks from premises for the remainder of the evening).

 

[shadowcat5]

Wondering if someone can help me.
Where do I recycle old clothes/textiles that I don't want/can't use? I've got old clothes with stains (like bleach and ink etc) on them and bedding that's a bit worse for wear with stains from tan and nail varnish. They are years old anyway but they are in no state to donate/re-use.
Equally, I don't want to put them in landfill. Anyone know where I can take them?

 

[Mamacita]

Wondering if someone can help me.
Where do I recycle old clothes/textiles that I don't want/can't use? I've got old clothes with stains (like bleach and ink etc) on them and bedding that's a bit worse for wear with stains from tan and nail varnish. They are years old anyway but they are in no state to donate/re-use.
Equally, I don't want to put them in landfill. Anyone know where I can take them?

Usually some big supermarkets/retail centres have textiles recycling points, at least around me. Also bedding could potentially be donated to animal shelters

 

[shadowcat5]

Usually some big supermarkets/retail centres have textiles recycling points, at least around me. Also bedding could potentially be donated to animal shelters

Fab thank you. I will have a look into it!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Wondering if someone can help me.
Where do I recycle old clothes/textiles that I don't want/can't use? I've got old clothes with stains (like bleach and ink etc) on them and bedding that's a bit worse for wear with stains from tan and nail varnish. They are years old anyway but they are in no state to donate/re-use.
Equally, I don't want to put them in landfill. Anyone know where I can take them?

There must be places to take it because we buy rags for work and it comes in big bundles all cut up