Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you all for your opinions. None of my colleagues ever told me to move on and treat him just like any other colleague, even though they were aware of our relationship.
I think you are all right to tell me to move on. @LaBlonde summed it up nicely. It is just work flirting that may continue and happens even if one is already in a relationship/married. I need to accept the fact that although he may continue to flirt with me (and maybe I do flirt back) this relationship will not go anywhere. I just treat him like all the other colleagues and try to remain good friends. @shadowcat5 it is true, I do not deserve someone's crumbs.

I’m so glad you know your worth. Some men just do this to women for unknown reasons. Just to feed their ego probably.
but you will find someone who won’t have you doubting and who will want you for you & make it known they want you
It’s never nice hearing things that some of us have posted but sometimes tough love is needed. We’ve all been in your position at some point. We’ve all thought we could change a player at some point as well. Just keep him at arms length

 

[jojida]

Here I am again! Feeling like this thread is my safe space currently as I absolutely cannot tell anyone in my real life how I'm feeling about this situation!

My sister and I have different dads. Her dad sadly passed away around two years ago and my sister received a lifechanging amount of money as inheritance and (in my opinion) hasn't really been very savvy with this money and wasted quite a lot of it. For example, she did up her rented flat rather than putting a deposit down on somewhere for a mortgage. That kind of thing. My sister has always been this way so I tend to overlook this as just difference of opinion. I work in the financial sector and have always offered my advice but my sister is the sort of person who can't really be advised as she'll always know better.

Recently, I've been looking into new cars and she has been slating me for everything I've chosen. I've bought a little supermini and she drives an SUV which she bought outright and I've had to finance mine as I'm also saving for a mortgage. She has basically called me stupid for getting a PCP loan and has told me that I'm living beyond my means (which I'm not as the car is less than £140 a month and I can comfortably afford it). She's also told me that she hates the choice of car as it's so small, but we have very different needs for cars as mine is just a commuter car to get me to work and back. I know this is awful, but her constant criticism of my choices is driving me wild and I just wish she'd be happy that I'd been able to get a new car instead of spending hundreds on getting my 15 year old car fixed every few months. I have had to bite my tongue recently as I know it would completely ruin our relationship if I were to ever say it, but the amount of times I have sat there and thought 'well, I would be able to afford a £35k car outright if I'd had a huge inheritance too' is making me feel really guilty. I know she'd always pick having her dad over having a new car if she could, but I find it so frustrating when I work my ass off to pay for what I consider nice things and just get berated for my choices by her.

She was acting very similarly when she received an inheritance from her paternal grandfather and again (in my opinion) wasted the money on nights out and takeaways, clothes etc. I can't help but feel really bitter that she's been given two chances now to really have a great start in life that she's not used to their full potential and I know she'll have another one when her paternal grandmother dies, but I feel horrific saying these things when I know she'd give the world to have those people back in her lives over the money. I just can't help but feel like she gloats a lot and acts as though life is really easy, as if she doesn't realise the privilege she has.

 

[tspnwn]

Here I am again! Feeling like this thread is my safe space currently as I absolutely cannot tell anyone in my real life how I'm feeling about this situation!

My sister and I have different dads. Her dad sadly passed away around two years ago and my sister received a lifechanging amount of money as inheritance and (in my opinion) hasn't really been very savvy with this money and wasted quite a lot of it. For example, she did up her rented flat rather than putting a deposit down on somewhere for a mortgage. That kind of thing. My sister has always been this way so I tend to overlook this as just difference of opinion. I work in the financial sector and have always offered my advice but my sister is the sort of person who can't really be advised as she'll always know better.

Recently, I've been looking into new cars and she has been slating me for everything I've chosen. I've bought a little supermini and she drives an SUV which she bought outright and I've had to finance mine as I'm also saving for a mortgage. She has basically called me stupid for getting a PCP loan and has told me that I'm living beyond my means (which I'm not as the car is less than £140 a month and I can comfortably afford it). She's also told me that she hates the choice of car as it's so small, but we have very different needs for cars as mine is just a commuter car to get me to work and back. I know this is awful, but her constant criticism of my choices is driving me wild and I just wish she'd be happy that I'd been able to get a new car instead of spending hundreds on getting my 15 year old car fixed every few months. I have had to bite my tongue recently as I know it would completely ruin our relationship if I were to ever say it, but the amount of times I have sat there and thought 'well, I would be able to afford a £35k car outright if I'd had a huge inheritance too' is making me feel really guilty. I know she'd always pick having her dad over having a new car if she could, but I find it so frustrating when I work my ass off to pay for what I consider nice things and just get berated for my choices by her.

She was acting very similarly when she received an inheritance from her paternal grandfather and again (in my opinion) wasted the money on nights out and takeaways, clothes etc. I can't help but feel really bitter that she's been given two chances now to really have a great start in life that she's not used to their full potential and I know she'll have another one when her paternal grandmother dies, but I feel horrific saying these things when I know she'd give the world to have those people back in her lives over the money. I just can't help but feel like she gloats a lot and acts as though life is really easy, as if she doesn't realise the privilege she has.

That sounds so frustrating to deal with, especially coming from a sister. I don't have siblings so I wouldn't understand, but I had a friend who something similar happened to (inheritance). He displayed some similar behaviours, being a bit condescending and acting like he knew it all. She shouldn't be commenting on your choice of car, she's not the one driving it is she? I wonder if, somewhere deep down she knows she isn't being as savvy as she could be but is too proud to ask for/take advice and is then in a way jealous of how responsible you are, but won't want to admit it so it's coming out in this way? Even if not, IME with my friend, he blew through his pretty quickly and after a few months being on the bones of his arse again after a series of stupid decisions it hit him like a ton of bricks and he was horrified by what he'd done and gutted that he blew it. If she continues down that road, the realization will hit her too one day and she'll be left feeling pretty regretful. Biting your tongue must be so hard

 

[Tove_drew]

Here I am again! Feeling like this thread is my safe space currently as I absolutely cannot tell anyone in my real life how I'm feeling about this situation!

My sister and I have different dads. Her dad sadly passed away around two years ago and my sister received a lifechanging amount of money as inheritance and (in my opinion) hasn't really been very savvy with this money and wasted quite a lot of it. For example, she did up her rented flat rather than putting a deposit down on somewhere for a mortgage. That kind of thing. My sister has always been this way so I tend to overlook this as just difference of opinion. I work in the financial sector and have always offered my advice but my sister is the sort of person who can't really be advised as she'll always know better.

Recently, I've been looking into new cars and she has been slating me for everything I've chosen. I've bought a little supermini and she drives an SUV which she bought outright and I've had to finance mine as I'm also saving for a mortgage. She has basically called me stupid for getting a PCP loan and has told me that I'm living beyond my means (which I'm not as the car is less than £140 a month and I can comfortably afford it). She's also told me that she hates the choice of car as it's so small, but we have very different needs for cars as mine is just a commuter car to get me to work and back. I know this is awful, but her constant criticism of my choices is driving me wild and I just wish she'd be happy that I'd been able to get a new car instead of spending hundreds on getting my 15 year old car fixed every few months. I have had to bite my tongue recently as I know it would completely ruin our relationship if I were to ever say it, but the amount of times I have sat there and thought 'well, I would be able to afford a £35k car outright if I'd had a huge inheritance too' is making me feel really guilty. I know she'd always pick having her dad over having a new car if she could, but I find it so frustrating when I work my ass off to pay for what I consider nice things and just get berated for my choices by her.

She was acting very similarly when she received an inheritance from her paternal grandfather and again (in my opinion) wasted the money on nights out and takeaways, clothes etc. I can't help but feel really bitter that she's been given two chances now to really have a great start in life that she's not used to their full potential and I know she'll have another one when her paternal grandmother dies, but I feel horrific saying these things when I know she'd give the world to have those people back in her lives over the money. I just can't help but feel like she gloats a lot and acts as though life is really easy, as if she doesn't realise the privilege she has.

That’s horrifying that she poured money into a rental flat, I mean maybe splash some cash on some nice furniture you could take with you but on upgrading the flat itself?! Madness... and then lecture you on your financial decisions... WOW. Is she much younger than you?

 

[jojida]

That’s horrifying that she poured money into a rental flat, I mean maybe splash some cash on some nice furniture you could take with you but on upgrading the flat itself?! Madness... and then lecture you on your financial decisions... WOW. Is she much younger than you?

Annoyingly, she's 7 years older!

She's also always been the type to 'mother' me which doesn't help as I've always been very independent and not in need of handholding, which I think is why I get so frustrated.

 

[Snowjoke]

Here I am again! Feeling like this thread is my safe space currently as I absolutely cannot tell anyone in my real life how I'm feeling about this situation!

My sister and I have different dads. Her dad sadly passed away around two years ago and my sister received a lifechanging amount of money as inheritance and (in my opinion) hasn't really been very savvy with this money and wasted quite a lot of it. For example, she did up her rented flat rather than putting a deposit down on somewhere for a mortgage. That kind of thing. My sister has always been this way so I tend to overlook this as just difference of opinion. I work in the financial sector and have always offered my advice but my sister is the sort of person who can't really be advised as she'll always know better.

Recently, I've been looking into new cars and she has been slating me for everything I've chosen. I've bought a little supermini and she drives an SUV which she bought outright and I've had to finance mine as I'm also saving for a mortgage. She has basically called me stupid for getting a PCP loan and has told me that I'm living beyond my means (which I'm not as the car is less than £140 a month and I can comfortably afford it). She's also told me that she hates the choice of car as it's so small, but we have very different needs for cars as mine is just a commuter car to get me to work and back. I know this is awful, but her constant criticism of my choices is driving me wild and I just wish she'd be happy that I'd been able to get a new car instead of spending hundreds on getting my 15 year old car fixed every few months. I have had to bite my tongue recently as I know it would completely ruin our relationship if I were to ever say it, but the amount of times I have sat there and thought 'well, I would be able to afford a £35k car outright if I'd had a huge inheritance too' is making me feel really guilty. I know she'd always pick having her dad over having a new car if she could, but I find it so frustrating when I work my ass off to pay for what I consider nice things and just get berated for my choices by her.

She was acting very similarly when she received an inheritance from her paternal grandfather and again (in my opinion) wasted the money on nights out and takeaways, clothes etc. I can't help but feel really bitter that she's been given two chances now to really have a great start in life that she's not used to their full potential and I know she'll have another one when her paternal grandmother dies, but I feel horrific saying these things when I know she'd give the world to have those people back in her lives over the money. I just can't help but feel like she gloats a lot and acts as though life is really easy, as if she doesn't realise the privilege she has.

I would just remind yourself that she’s making poor financial decisions left right and centre and try not to take it personally when she says to you about your own decisions. I’m Gona guess she’s not someone that you would look to for financial advice, so I’d just put it down to that and try not to annoy yourself about it. Easier said than done at times I know.

 

[Ticketyboots]

Here I am again! Feeling like this thread is my safe space currently as I absolutely cannot tell anyone in my real life how I'm feeling about this situation!

My sister and I have different dads. Her dad sadly passed away around two years ago and my sister received a lifechanging amount of money as inheritance and (in my opinion) hasn't really been very savvy with this money and wasted quite a lot of it. For example, she did up her rented flat rather than putting a deposit down on somewhere for a mortgage. That kind of thing. My sister has always been this way so I tend to overlook this as just difference of opinion. I work in the financial sector and have always offered my advice but my sister is the sort of person who can't really be advised as she'll always know better.

Recently, I've been looking into new cars and she has been slating me for everything I've chosen. I've bought a little supermini and she drives an SUV which she bought outright and I've had to finance mine as I'm also saving for a mortgage. She has basically called me stupid for getting a PCP loan and has told me that I'm living beyond my means (which I'm not as the car is less than £140 a month and I can comfortably afford it). She's also told me that she hates the choice of car as it's so small, but we have very different needs for cars as mine is just a commuter car to get me to work and back. I know this is awful, but her constant criticism of my choices is driving me wild and I just wish she'd be happy that I'd been able to get a new car instead of spending hundreds on getting my 15 year old car fixed every few months. I have had to bite my tongue recently as I know it would completely ruin our relationship if I were to ever say it, but the amount of times I have sat there and thought 'well, I would be able to afford a £35k car outright if I'd had a huge inheritance too' is making me feel really guilty. I know she'd always pick having her dad over having a new car if she could, but I find it so frustrating when I work my ass off to pay for what I consider nice things and just get berated for my choices by her.

She was acting very similarly when she received an inheritance from her paternal grandfather and again (in my opinion) wasted the money on nights out and takeaways, clothes etc. I can't help but feel really bitter that she's been given two chances now to really have a great start in life that she's not used to their full potential and I know she'll have another one when her paternal grandmother dies, but I feel horrific saying these things when I know she'd give the world to have those people back in her lives over the money. I just can't help but feel like she gloats a lot and acts as though life is really easy, as if she doesn't realise the privilege she has.

Arghhh I bet you feel better for putting this down in writing.
Is your mum still around?

 

[Codiaeum]

I'm gonna rant about myself, I need to get it off my chest and I can't put this anywhere. Please bare with me, it might get long and I don't actually know what I'm asking for, other than that I need to get it out to sort my brain.

I'm (I'm turning 33 next month) in a very longterm relationship with my partner (16 years, living together since 8), we aren't married. I love him, he is the person I want to talk to first thing about everything and anything and all that, we can be completely silent for hours or completely stupid together and still have a great time. Even after all that time together, we still have great and lengthy conversations about the most random things, which I really enjoy.

However:
I started a new job last month and there's a guy on my team I instantly really liked, even just from online meetings. We were on business trips twice now and meeting in person only brought it on stronger, seeking out each others company, having discussions on a level I would never have had with a "regular" colleague, as we went into personal stuff quite quickly. He told me he has a girlfriend, but when we took a walk he also revealed that he thought they were on the verges of breaking up. Cue my effing brain going into a bit of overdrive that there could be more than a bit of a spark between us. I probably shouldn't flatter myself that whatever spark I may have felt could be a contributing reason here.

I'm alone now in my hotel, guy has gone to his hometown, which makes me both very relieved as I won't need to see him until we have our next business trip together, but also a bit sad, as I don't know when that will be. I actually offered that he could talk to me about personal stuff if he felt like it after he told me about the potential breakup. I like having friends at work, it was something I really missed at my last place, as I'm quite introverted and need someone to get me out of my shell. I like to work in a place where it's normal to open up about personal things, but I wonder whether I haven't opened a terrible can of worms here.
I really don't know why my bleeping brain is going into this direction, my relationship is stable and really good, my boyfriend is a great guy. But at the same time I'm really bleeping scared that something could happen at a business trip. We live in different countries, so no unplanned meetings, thankfully. I'm not a big drinker of alcohol in general, but I was extremely careful to not drink on this trip to avoid my brain making very wrong judgements.
I'm aware that some people have a "work husband" or "work wife" and while I never used that term, there was a guy in my previous job with whom I also simply got along really well and all that, but it never went into quite personal issues, so this thing here feels a bit threatening. And I don't want to ruin my relationship.

 

[Tove_drew]

I'm gonna rant about myself, I need to get it off my chest and I can't put this anywhere. Please bare with me, it might get long and I don't actually know what I'm asking for, other than that I need to get it out to sort my brain.

I'm (I'm turning 33 next month) in a very longterm relationship with my partner (16 years, living together since 8), we aren't married. I love him, he is the person I want to talk to first thing about everything and anything and all that, we can be completely silent for hours or completely stupid together and still have a great time. Even after all that time together, we still have great and lengthy conversations about the most random things, which I really enjoy.

However:
I started a new job last month and there's a guy on my team I instantly really liked, even just from online meetings. We were on business trips twice now and meeting in person only brought it on stronger, seeking out each others company, having discussions on a level I would never have had with a "regular" colleague, as we went into personal stuff quite quickly. He told me he has a girlfriend, but when we took a walk he also revealed that he thought they were on the verges of breaking up. Cue my effing brain going into a bit of overdrive that there could be more than a bit of a spark between us. I probably shouldn't flatter myself that whatever spark I may have felt could be a contributing reason here.

I'm alone now in my hotel, guy has gone to his hometown, which makes me both very relieved as I won't need to see him until we have our next business trip together, but also a bit sad, as I don't know when that will be. I actually offered that he could talk to me about personal stuff if he felt like it after he told me about the potential breakup. I like having friends at work, it was something I really missed at my last place, as I'm quite introverted and need someone to get me out of my shell. I like to work in a place where it's normal to open up about personal things, but I wonder whether I haven't opened a terrible can of worms here.
I really don't know why my bleeping brain is going into this direction, my relationship is stable and really good, my boyfriend is a great guy. But at the same time I'm really bleeping scared that something could happen at a business trip. We live in different countries, so no unplanned meetings, thankfully. I'm not a big drinker of alcohol in general, but I was extremely careful to not drink on this trip to avoid my brain making very wrong judgements.
I'm aware that some people have a "work husband" or "work wife" and while I never used that term, there was a guy in my previous job with whom I also simply got along really well and all that, but it never went into quite personal issues, so this thing here feels a bit threatening. And I don't want to ruin my relationship.

Definitely a dangerous situation. Can I be frank?

He shouldn’t be telling you about his relationship troubles. It’s the start of emotional cheating and pretty manipulative. I get it, maybe he’s all pent up but if there’s a vibe between you (and it sounds like there is), all it does is allow for the groundwork to emotionally cheating. You offering to be his shoulder to cry on or sounding board is dangerous. It would be maybe fine if you guys were seriously just platonic and friends (zero vibes) but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. To me it sounds like he’s testing the waters, trying to get closer to you. Maybe all he wants is for the messaging to increase, for some that’s enough. But is that fair to either of your partners?

In my experience, crushes inside relationships happen because some aspect of your current relationship isn’t ticking the boxes. It would be worth being honest with yourself about what’s different about this guy that your BF doesn’t possess or you’ve forgotten about. If you want to stay in the relationship I would put your energy into your BF and being more guarded with your work colleague. I hope you figure out what you want x

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I'm gonna rant about myself, I need to get it off my chest and I can't put this anywhere. Please bare with me, it might get long and I don't actually know what I'm asking for, other than that I need to get it out to sort my brain.

I'm (I'm turning 33 next month) in a very longterm relationship with my partner (16 years, living together since 8), we aren't married. I love him, he is the person I want to talk to first thing about everything and anything and all that, we can be completely silent for hours or completely stupid together and still have a great time. Even after all that time together, we still have great and lengthy conversations about the most random things, which I really enjoy.

However:
I started a new job last month and there's a guy on my team I instantly really liked, even just from online meetings. We were on business trips twice now and meeting in person only brought it on stronger, seeking out each others company, having discussions on a level I would never have had with a "regular" colleague, as we went into personal stuff quite quickly. He told me he has a girlfriend, but when we took a walk he also revealed that he thought they were on the verges of breaking up. Cue my effing brain going into a bit of overdrive that there could be more than a bit of a spark between us. I probably shouldn't flatter myself that whatever spark I may have felt could be a contributing reason here.

I'm alone now in my hotel, guy has gone to his hometown, which makes me both very relieved as I won't need to see him until we have our next business trip together, but also a bit sad, as I don't know when that will be. I actually offered that he could talk to me about personal stuff if he felt like it after he told me about the potential breakup. I like having friends at work, it was something I really missed at my last place, as I'm quite introverted and need someone to get me out of my shell. I like to work in a place where it's normal to open up about personal things, but I wonder whether I haven't opened a terrible can of worms here.
I really don't know why my bleeping brain is going into this direction, my relationship is stable and really good, my boyfriend is a great guy. But at the same time I'm really bleeping scared that something could happen at a business trip. We live in different countries, so no unplanned meetings, thankfully. I'm not a big drinker of alcohol in general, but I was extremely careful to not drink on this trip to avoid my brain making very wrong judgements.
I'm aware that some people have a "work husband" or "work wife" and while I never used that term, there was a guy in my previous job with whom I also simply got along really well and all that, but it never went into quite personal issues, so this thing here feels a bit threatening. And I don't want to ruin my relationship.

Hello, don't panic!

What you feel is really normal. You're happy but you've met someone you vibe with. That's ok.
It's perfectly normal to hope someone finds you attractive and totally normal to find work friends attractive. Don't over think it. You're happy. They are probably happy. You're just friends and that's cool. It's nice to meet people you get on with.

I say this as someone who has experienced this.

 

[Ticketyboots]

I'm gonna rant about myself, I need to get it off my chest and I can't put this anywhere. Please bare with me, it might get long and I don't actually know what I'm asking for, other than that I need to get it out to sort my brain.

I'm (I'm turning 33 next month) in a very longterm relationship with my partner (16 years, living together since 8), we aren't married. I love him, he is the person I want to talk to first thing about everything and anything and all that, we can be completely silent for hours or completely stupid together and still have a great time. Even after all that time together, we still have great and lengthy conversations about the most random things, which I really enjoy.

However:
I started a new job last month and there's a guy on my team I instantly really liked, even just from online meetings. We were on business trips twice now and meeting in person only brought it on stronger, seeking out each others company, having discussions on a level I would never have had with a "regular" colleague, as we went into personal stuff quite quickly. He told me he has a girlfriend, but when we took a walk he also revealed that he thought they were on the verges of breaking up. Cue my effing brain going into a bit of overdrive that there could be more than a bit of a spark between us. I probably shouldn't flatter myself that whatever spark I may have felt could be a contributing reason here.

I'm alone now in my hotel, guy has gone to his hometown, which makes me both very relieved as I won't need to see him until we have our next business trip together, but also a bit sad, as I don't know when that will be. I actually offered that he could talk to me about personal stuff if he felt like it after he told me about the potential breakup. I like having friends at work, it was something I really missed at my last place, as I'm quite introverted and need someone to get me out of my shell. I like to work in a place where it's normal to open up about personal things, but I wonder whether I haven't opened a terrible can of worms here.
I really don't know why my bleeping brain is going into this direction, my relationship is stable and really good, my boyfriend is a great guy. But at the same time I'm really bleeping scared that something could happen at a business trip. We live in different countries, so no unplanned meetings, thankfully. I'm not a big drinker of alcohol in general, but I was extremely careful to not drink on this trip to avoid my brain making very wrong judgements.
I'm aware that some people have a "work husband" or "work wife" and while I never used that term, there was a guy in my previous job with whom I also simply got along really well and all that, but it never went into quite personal issues, so this thing here feels a bit threatening. And I don't want to ruin my relationship.

Ouch. Sounds like you have impressive self awareness, which helps your self control.
What's your end game? The end plan? One moment of YOLO thinking could have far reaching consequences. But you know this

It's great to vibe with people. It is also extremely rare to still enjoy the company of your partner after 16 years together. That is mega impressive.

As long as you're not hiding messages contact or calls from your partner because that's when it gets slightly on the wrong side of vibing friendships.

Book a cheap air bnb with your partner and rekindle some spontaneity that may need rebooting?

Glad you decided to type out your dilemma. Wish I had had a place like this when I was in your situation.

 

[Kim Mild]

@Codiaeum it might be that you are genuinely attracted to this man for who he is. It sounds as he he may feel the same. Occasionally people do come across others they are attracted to when already in a relationship.

Also , I think sometimes we can offer a friendship role to people we are attracted to for various reasons, the main one being because we want to keep in touch.

I would be cautious of anything further happening, as in my experience 'dating' someone with that kind of spark ( in cases where we have both been single) has fizzled out quickly.

 

[Codiaeum]

A heartfelt thanks from me to you all who took the time to read my blurb and responded It feels good to read your different perspectives on this and be able to come here and simply get it out. I don't really have real-life friends and for obvious reasons that piece of info should rather stay out of it anyway. I tried to sleep on it, so that definitely helped sorting through some things.

I spend the day exploring the city alone, new experience for me. Work-guy kept popping into my thoughts, but it wasn't as bad as the days before now that he's safely in his hometown, good riddance. I'm a habitual overthinker, likely it's the reason I am rather aware of the whole mess, but it is also the reason that makes me go back to it over and over again. I stupidly also kept checking my work messenger for him (we only talk over the work-messenger), of course there was nothing, but I also couldn't stop myself from checking it
I kept mulling over the point what work-guy has that my boyfriend hasn't and came to the conclusion that in a way they are very similar, same job, same field of study, even some similar hobbies and all that, but in other ways, work-guy is rather different personality-wise. BF and I are both quite introverted and I sometimes wonder how we even managed to stay in a relationship, given that both of us rarely seek social contact (apart from each other), even though we admittedly need it. Work-guy is way more outgoing and I kind of liked that. I know I'd probably find it exhausting all the time.

I will admit to some rather YOLO thoughts. It would be bad to go through with it, destroying relationships and also creating a weird work situation. But since my brain is into bleeping overthinking, it keeps going back to that point. I'm also worried that my work team notices something. There's only one other female team member and work-guy certainly and obviously treats her differently (not mean or anything like that) than me and I'm rather aware that I treat him differently than all the other male team members. I made a point to talk to my other colleagues, but we still ended up sitting together for dinner every night. I don't want weird rumours at work, although company policy doesn't say anything against couples in teams.

@TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo I really hope everything is just what you explained - liking someone, hoping they like you back, happy that a new work situations pans out in a good way. I'll be off work two weeks from now, I hope that that will further calm things down and I can do some nice stuff with my boyfriend.


Fineprint, which will explain better why I'm so freaked out about it: I know that I am capable of cheating. I have done it, all in, with my current on boyfriend on my then-boyfriend. I was quite young then and didn't think that I would ever be in a similar situation again, even though nothing really has happened now. Back then, that vibe was extremely sexually charged, but it isn't now, which makes me worry even more that it's not just a physical thing.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

A heartfelt thanks from me to you all who took the time to read my blurb and responded It feels good to read your different perspectives on this and be able to come here and simply get it out. I don't really have real-life friends and for obvious reasons that piece of info should rather stay out of it anyway. I tried to sleep on it, so that definitely helped sorting through some things.

I spend the day exploring the city alone, new experience for me. Work-guy kept popping into my thoughts, but it wasn't as bad as the days before now that he's safely in his hometown, good riddance. I'm a habitual overthinker, likely it's the reason I am rather aware of the whole mess, but it is also the reason that makes me go back to it over and over again. I stupidly also kept checking my work messenger for him (we only talk over the work-messenger), of course there was nothing, but I also couldn't stop myself from checking it
I kept mulling over the point what work-guy has that my boyfriend hasn't and came to the conclusion that in a way they are very similar, same job, same field of study, even some similar hobbies and all that, but in other ways, work-guy is rather different personality-wise. BF and I are both quite introverted and I sometimes wonder how we even managed to stay in a relationship, given that both of us rarely seek social contact (apart from each other), even though we admittedly need it. Work-guy is way more outgoing and I kind of liked that. I know I'd probably find it exhausting all the time.

I will admit to some rather YOLO thoughts. It would be bad to go through with it, destroying relationships and also creating a weird work situation. But since my brain is into bleeping overthinking, it keeps going back to that point. I'm also worried that my work team notices something. There's only one other female team member and work-guy certainly and obviously treats her differently (not mean or anything like that) than me and I'm rather aware that I treat him differently than all the other male team members. I made a point to talk to my other colleagues, but we still ended up sitting together for dinner every night. I don't want weird rumours at work, although company policy doesn't say anything against couples in teams.

@TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo I really hope everything is just what you explained - liking someone, hoping they like you back, happy that a new work situations pans out in a good way. I'll be off work two weeks from now, I hope that that will further calm things down and I can do some nice stuff with my boyfriend.


Fineprint, which will explain better why I'm so freaked out about it: I know that I am capable of cheating. I have done it, all in, with my current on boyfriend on my then-boyfriend. I was quite young then and didn't think that I would ever be in a similar situation again, even though nothing really has happened now. Back then, that vibe was extremely sexually charged, but it isn't now, which makes me worry even more that it's not just a physical thing.

I’ve read both your points and I’m not really sure what I’m gonna write here . Is it definitely a spark between you or is it just friendship? You’re allowed to think about him & want to know if he’s messaged you if he’s your friend. M/F friendships do get complicated sometimes. I think it’s a good thing you distanced yourself the other night.

But I can’t help but think how would you feel if it was your boyfriend doing this with a work mate?? you’re not cheating but you do have thoughts and think there could be something ? Don’t let him saying he’s on the rocks with his mrs think that’s anything to do with you. Men like to say these things for attention. Just don’t want you to get hurt. Also I would like to add I think it’s normal to have wandering thoughts about someone else when you’ve been with your partner for so long!! The grass is never greener!!
but like you say if this work mate is the opposite of you it wouldn’t last. An introvert and extrovert never work imo

Hope you’re ok x

 

[Codiaeum]

I’ve read both your points and I’m not really sure what I’m gonna write here . Is it definitely a spark between you or is it just friendship? You’re allowed to think about him & want to know if he’s messaged you if he’s your friend. M/F friendships do get complicated sometimes. I think it’s a good thing you distanced yourself the other night.

But I can’t help but think how would you feel if it was your boyfriend doing this with a work mate?? you’re not cheating but you do have thoughts and think there could be something ? Don’t let him saying he’s on the rocks with his mrs think that’s anything to do with you. Men like to say these things for attention. Just don’t want you to get hurt. Also I would like to add I think it’s normal to have wandering thoughts about someone else when you’ve been with your partner for so long!! The grass is never greener!!
but like you say if this work mate is the opposite of you it wouldn’t last. An introvert and extrovert never work imo

Hope you’re ok x

I'd say yes to a spark being there and him being my friend, despite us only knowing each other for a short time. So in a sense, yes, I'd like to know that at his end, things are alright and he's not sad because of the situation with his girlfriend. I did tell him that I was sorry it looked like it wouldn't work for them. I noticed he seemed pretty sad for a few weeks before he told me, so I guess it is eating on him in some manner.

I wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend would have similar thoughts about a colleague, totally owning up to that.

 

[KitcRed]

Perhaps a rather ironic rant here, but I feel like l am constantly ranting about things to my parents and my partner, and as a result I end up feeling super guilty that the majority of our calls are me complaining about stuff I don't have any close friends, and my family live 2 hours away so I don't see them often. I feel like I'm straining my relationships by doing this but find that if I hold it all in, I get really stressed and just cry about it all on my own! Proper saddo vibes! Anyone else do the same?

 

[Tove_drew]

Perhaps a rather ironic rant here, but I feel like l am constantly ranting about things to my parents and my partner, and as a result I end up feeling super guilty that the majority of our calls are me complaining about stuff I don't have any close friends, and my family live 2 hours away so I don't see them often. I feel like I'm straining my relationships by doing this but find that if I hold it all in, I get really stressed and just cry about it all on my own! Proper saddo vibes! Anyone else do the same?

If it’s something you’re worried about can I suggest using a service like better help? You can get a therapist for cheap who you can vent to via phone or video at times that suit you. I also felt the same awhile ago and was worried it was straining my relationships. I just needed a way to channel my frustration and the therapist has helped me focus on things I can change. Definitely feeling more at peace now

 

[noseybirdxo]

If it’s something you’re worried about can I suggest using a service like better help? You can get a therapist for cheap who you can vent to via phone or video at times that suit you. I also felt the same awhile ago and was worried it was straining my relationships. I just needed a way to channel my frustration and the therapist has helped me focus on things I can change. Definitely feeling more at peace now

I would also say that writing things down has really helped me too. Just getting it off my chest that way! @KitcRed

 

[OmgObsessed]

Not so much venting moreso complaining.

When you have a headache from hell and you're heading to teach a LOUD class... Wish me luck.

 

[LittleMy]

Not a vent really, just feeling really sad and angry. A close family member of mine found out they had cancer around the height of the pandemic. Because of the lockdowns and delays in treatment, it had then spread to other parts of their body. After waiting this past week to hear what happens next and them being hospitalised for being very poorly, we’ve just found out they’ve now been given weeks, maybe days, to live. I’ve cried so much the last couple of days that I don’t have anything left in me. My whole family are devastated by this. It’s just so cruel

I just needed somewhere to put this.