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Go back to your GP and see if you can be referred to a different counsellor?
You can do a self referral on the nhs website however I did it over 6 weeks ago and never got a phone call so now I’m paying privately!
If you are in England (posters are from all over the world on Tattle, in case that sounds odd) then if you put in your local NHS authority (if you aren't sure, find your largest local hospital and it should tell you which trust it belongs to) and on the main page for that NHS authority, it should have a link for Counselling or Mental Health support
It is really important to feel that you click/gel with your Counsellor. There are many types of counselling and each Counsellor is trained differently, so they will work with you differently. It's really good that you are able to try again to find the right person to work with you. x
Every little awkward moment in a social situation triggers my depression and anxiety. I had a mildly awkward (that's what my friend and sister said after sharing the story with them, I personally think I ruined everything) chat about texting etiquette with someone I am newly dating for about a month now last weekend. And I have been so anxious and depressed since Sunday evening that I have not been able to eat at all. I am too scared to talk to my therapist about this because I have so much going on in my life that once a week 50-minute therapy can't seem to manage it all. I have been talking to my therapist more about the bigger issues like career stress and family dynamics and war, etc. I am just really scared I ducked up a good thing by being so anal about having texting boundaries and that I felt the urge to verbalize them to my new partner.
A little back story - my ex became really controlling and we became codependent, so he would panic when I did not respond to his texts for two or three hours and would show up at my place and that affected my work and friendships heavily. I am starting to enjoy this new guy quite a lot and I wanted to make sure this type of texting dynamics I had with my ex does not repeat. So, my anxious mind had an urge to communicate how often I want to be in contact (no texting during work hours but I still appreciate keeping in touch once a day or every other day). The chat was brief but I feel like my delivery might have been awkward/stern. Now, I have not really heard from him and I feel like I have proper scared him off. I am so angry and disappointed in myself. I really don't want to duck up this new relationship, we have been taking things slow and I am starting to like the guy. I would be super gutted if I did duck things up with my big mouth. I am 26 and I still don't know how to behave like a normal human being and I am starting to hate myself for that. My sister told me that normal people would not even have this type of texting etiquette conversation and it is making me feel like a clown who self-sabotages.
Thank you for listening. I really needed to vent. I have been hiding away from people/isolating socially since Sunday because my depression has kicked in and my anxiety has also flared up.
A little back story - my ex became really controlling and we became codependent, so he would panic when I did not respond to his texts for two or three hours and would show up at my place and that affected my work and friendships heavily. I am starting to enjoy this new guy quite a lot and I wanted to make sure this type of texting dynamics I had with my ex does not repeat. So, my anxious mind had an urge to communicate how often I want to be in contact (no texting during work hours but I still appreciate keeping in touch once a day or every other day). The chat was brief but I feel like my delivery might have been awkward/stern. Now, I have not really heard from him and I feel like I have proper scared him off. I am so angry and disappointed in myself. I really don't want to duck up this new relationship, we have been taking things slow and I am starting to like the guy. I would be super gutted if I did duck things up with my big mouth. I am 26 and I still don't know how to behave like a normal human being and I am starting to hate myself for that. My sister told me that normal people would not even have this type of texting etiquette conversation and it is making me feel like a clown who self-sabotages.
Thank you for listening. I really needed to vent. I have been hiding away from people/isolating socially since Sunday because my depression has kicked in and my anxiety has also flared up.
Are you taking any medication to help with the depression/anxiety?
I think in your therapy sessions, it would be beneficial to focus on the things that really impact you on a day to day basis for now. Yes of course there are wider issues that you may want to work on but these kinds of nitty gritty issues relating to the obsession with texting etiquette/your past relationship trauma etc Is all effecting your day to day life and this needs to be the priority in your sessions.
Hello, thank you so much for responding. Yes, I am on medication for my anxiety. Just had an appointment with my GP last week to revise my dosage. The meds really help me sleep because I am anxious to the point that I can't shut off my thoughts at night.
I think I will tell my therapist about the social struggles I have in the next session. I am worried that my therapist would judge me for trying to socialize when I obviously have social anxiety. She helped me a lot when I was going through a bad breakup with my ex last year. It has been months since then but I feel guilty telling her I am dating again, because what if she thinks I am being stupid for wanting a partner when I have social anxiety. I don't know how to introduce her to this topic.
You don’t know what the quality of other peoples relationships are so don’t feel the need to compare. It’s perfectly fine for you to set boundaries. He might be feeling a little put out - text him casually as you normally would after work one day. You sound like you’re really suffering. If you can see your therapist twice a week maybe start doing that. If not you could always do independent reading on social anxiety and get tips on coping mechanisms + etiquette. I am not implying that you have bad etiquette but that you can learn behaviors that will help you go through the world and meet new experiences without life feeling like a series of pop quizzes. Take a deep breath, you’re going to be fine
I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope your Mum is as comfortable as she can be. Sometimes we can have one thing after another, which just feels like pain and stress is endless.
At this time, it's hard to focus on things and to know that while this is an intense time, there are also calmer and quieter times, which take turns (albeit, some have big gaps between the better ones and the difficult ones).
Do you have any friends or other family members who can support you at this time? x
I've got an update! My GP has referred me over and has also informed my soon to be new GP of the situation. A strongly worded letter has been sent too alongside highlighting previous failures of services in discharging me.
Thank you so much for sharing your news, hoping it won't be too long now for your appointment to arrive and very happy that things are moving along for you
Sending you best wishes x
fully taking advantage of this thread as being a place to 'vent' with no real advice seeking, just feel like people i've surrounded myself with don't appreciate me or put effort into checking in on me. i am honestly a really caring and loyal friend and i've been taken aback by other people's behaviour many times when i realize they don't care as much as i do. stupidly, i always think about how my words and actions will affect others, rather than just putting myself first, and i'm surprised over and over again when they don't do the same. it's just silly really but it makes me feel stupid for putting any effort in, and then when i really need someone to just check in no me, literally just ask if i'm ok, i'm completely let down again.
i know none of this makes sense. but i just wanted to get it out!
i know none of this makes sense. but i just wanted to get it out!
i don’t have “advice” as such, but just wanted to comment and say i feel where you’re coming from. i had a wake-up call on this front with a very close friend of mine last year - she’s always been self-involved and i suppose i just sort of accepted it as part of who she was, but i lost my two remaining grandparents in early 2021 and she straight up forgot my grandmother had died. we were talking on the phone the day before the funeral and i said i was feeling a bit shaky about it and she said “whose funeral is it?” i was shocked, considering most of our friendship has been me as her unpaid therapist.
it’s hard, especially if you’re naturally something of a people pleaser and want the people around you to be happy, but then you’re getting nothing back. if you feel that they’re going to listen, then i would call them out on it and see if they take it on board
thank you for taking the time to respond, reallyi don’t have “advice” as such, but just wanted to comment and say i feel where you’re coming from. i had a wake-up call on this front with a very close friend of mine last year - she’s always been self-involved and i suppose i just sort of accepted it as part of who she was, but i lost my two remaining grandparents in early 2021 and she straight up forgot my grandmother had died. we were talking on the phone the day before the funeral and i said i was feeling a bit shaky about it and she said “whose funeral is it?” i was shocked, considering most of our friendship has been me as her unpaid therapist.
it’s hard, especially if you’re naturally something of a people pleaser and want the people around you to be happy, but then you’re getting nothing back. if you feel that they’re going to listen, then i would call them out on it and see if they take it on board
@strawb
I found myself in similar situation (both at work and home). I went through some therapy and on one occasion, I mentioned to my therapist that I always fetched everyone drinks in my house, but when I was ill, nobody thought to get me any.
She asked me did I ever just say I'd like a drink to be honest, no I didn't think I needed to 
So she said, next time, try it, just ask. I spent a couple of days, thinking it can't be that simple and why should I? Why can't they just think of me?
Eventually I gave in, when I spotted one of my lot going to the kitchen, to grab themself a sandwich for lunch, I asked oh could I have one too please?
I admit, I held my breath
and then found myself eating a sandwich
Have you ever said to anyone how you feel? Or asked for something to see what they do?
I found myself in similar situation (both at work and home). I went through some therapy and on one occasion, I mentioned to my therapist that I always fetched everyone drinks in my house, but when I was ill, nobody thought to get me any.
She asked me did I ever just say I'd like a drink
to be honest, no I didn't think I needed to So she said, next time, try it, just ask. I spent a couple of days, thinking it can't be that simple and why should I? Why can't they just think of me?
Eventually I gave in, when I spotted one of my lot going to the kitchen, to grab themself a sandwich for lunch, I asked oh could I have one too please?
I admit, I held my breath
and then found myself eating a sandwichHave you ever said to anyone how you feel? Or asked for something to see what they do?
you're right i should do that, but i'm also stubborn and feel like if i tell them to ''care about me'' it doesn't count because they should think of it themselves@strawb
I found myself in similar situation (both at work and home). I went through some therapy and on one occasion, I mentioned to my therapist that I always fetched everyone drinks in my house, but when I was ill, nobody thought to get me any.
She asked me did I ever just say I'd like a drink
So she said, next time, try it, just ask. I spent a couple of days, thinking it can't be that simple and why should I? Why can't they just think of me?
Eventually I gave in, when I spotted one of my lot going to the kitchen, to grab themself a sandwich for lunch, I asked oh could I have one too please?
I admit, I held my breath
Have you ever said to anyone how you feel? Or asked for something to see what they do?
on a more serious note, i do have a hard time saying things like that because i want to avoid conflict. i should do it though!you're right i should do that, but i'm also stubborn and feel like if i tell them to ''care about me'' it doesn't count because they should think of it themselves
I mentioned something to another poster on this thread, "it's like using a muscle we've never used before" and it does take practice
So start off with something small, like a cup of tea/coffee, next time you see one of them heading off, just simply say "oh I'd love a cup" (don't add anything like "if you don't mind" or "if it's ok with you") just go for it. x
Thank you very much for your kind response. I’ve talked with my therapist today. Unfortunately, I can’t do more than one session a week but I have let her know my concerns around communicating “boundaries” (air quotes because I’m not even sure if they are my actual boundaries or ones I put up for self defense unnecessarily) and she said if the other person seems fine with me, then I should not ruminate or address it over and over again. So, with my therapist’s recommendation, I am working on not staying stuck on a blip in an otherwise great relationship and not talking about it over and over again because then it might become a strain. Right now, I am trying to tell myself I am going to be fine. Thank you for your kind words. I took Monday off to tend to myself and then yesterday, I texted him casually after work hours. I did slip in a small apology saying hey, if I was standoffish or awkward, I apologize because I am not used to having people over but I had a great weekend. He said no need to apologize at all as he didn’t find me awkward or anything. And then asked me if I’d like to meet up again this week for a hike. So, I am trying to think that things are all good. I am also trying to not obsess over the texting chat anymore (or at least not bring it up again or apologize again and again).You don’t know what the quality of other peoples relationships are so don’t feel the need to compare. It’s perfectly fine for you to set boundaries. He might be feeling a little put out - text him casually as you normally would after work one day. You sound like you’re really suffering. If you can see your therapist twice a week maybe start doing that. If not you could always do independent reading on social anxiety and get tips on coping mechanisms + etiquette. I am not implying that you have bad etiquette but that you can learn behaviors that will help you go through the world and meet new experiences without life feeling like a series of pop quizzes. Take a deep breath, you’re going to be fine
@strawb I hope you’re okay x
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