Support for anyone that needs to vent #2

[Allthehashtags]

OH works away from home Mon-Fri, I’m feeling really rubbish as I’ve not heard from him since Tuesday after a disagreement over the phone. I’m positive with covid & also suffering with shingles so feeling unwell. For him not to check to see if I’m okay feels really tit

 

[Monkeymagic85]

OH works away from home Mon-Fri, I’m feeling really rubbish as I’ve not heard from him since Tuesday after a disagreement over the phone. I’m positive with covid & also suffering with shingles so feeling unwell. For him not to check to see if I’m okay feels really tit

That's not cool, even if me and my other half are crappy with each other, we still say good night.

Is it normal for him to not speak to you days on end or to give you the silent treatment after a disagreement? It's very childish in my opinion and you should tell him so, especially when you're not feeling well.

I've just joined the positive covid club and have managed to poke myself in the eye and get conjunctivitis so I feel your pain. Hugs

 

[TheGlossy]

I'm going to lose my mind.

I'm swamped at work and I'm also dealing with tons of paperwork for my late dad's estate and my mom is questioning everything I do in this regard. Unfortunately, she can't read nor write, so she can't handle any of the legal / financial stuff. I'm in charge of this which is a massive added pressure.

I'm currently in the process of getting the mortgage protection sorted to have the insurance pay for my mom's mortgage following my dad's death. I went to the bank about a month ago to initiate the process and told my mom that it would take a couple of weeks before the process is finalized and the insurance starts paying for the house (understandably so, it is a long legal process). The insurance sent her a letter on Tuesday to have filled in by the doctor (to basically confirm none of the exclusion clauses apply to my dad's death) which my sister took care of and today. This confirmation by the doctor is part of the process.

In the meantime, my mom received a letter from a government body asking whether the mortgage will be paid by insurance following my dad's death on the house and we need to return the form. I had told my sister on numerous occasions to leave this letter aside as we're still working on finalizing the mortgage protection process with the insurance.

Today my sister asked again on behalf of my mom: why can't we send the letter to the government body now and why is the bank still debiting the mortgage from my mom's account? Apparently, my mom can't understand why the process hasn't been finalized yet when it's only been 3 weeks since I initiated it and I had to fly overseas with my own money to go to the bank to initiate it!

I already explained in various ways the processes and told my mom it would take a couple of weeks for the process to finalize. I also told them not to send anything to the government agency until we get the final decision from the insurer. I told my mom on numerous occasions that the insurance needs to process the request first. It's driving me insane they keep asking the same questions and doubting what I'm doing. I'm doing all of this remotely now and it's super time-consuming. I have work to do,. I don't have the time to explain the same thing ten times by email. You submit a request, it gets processed, once finalized, you get the result. It's not that complicated. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm losing my mind because instead of doing work this morning, I spent all morning explaining the same thing over and over again. I'm 32, I know what I'm doing.

Why am I doing this for a narcissistic and abusive woman I hadn't spoken to in 6 years before my dad's death is to wonder.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Tell them to leave you too it or take on the process themselves

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I'm going to lose my mind.

I'm swamped at work and I'm also dealing with tons of paperwork for my late dad's estate and my mom is questioning everything I do in this regard. Unfortunately, she can't read nor write, so she can't handle any of the legal / financial stuff. I'm in charge of this which is a massive added pressure.

I'm currently in the process of getting the mortgage protection sorted to have the insurance pay for my mom's mortgage following my dad's death. I went to the bank about a month ago to initiate the process and told my mom that it would take a couple of weeks before the process is finalized and the insurance starts paying for the house (understandably so, it is a long legal process). The insurance sent her a letter on Tuesday to have filled in by the doctor (to basically confirm none of the exclusion clauses apply to my dad's death) which my sister took care of and today. This confirmation by the doctor is part of the process.

In the meantime, my mom received a letter from a government body asking whether the mortgage will be paid by insurance following my dad's death on the house and we need to return the form. I had told my sister on numerous occasions to leave this letter aside as we're still working on finalizing the mortgage protection process with the insurance.

Today my sister asked again on behalf of my mom: why can't we send the letter to the government body now and why is the bank still debiting the mortgage from my mom's account? Apparently, my mom can't understand why the process hasn't been finalized yet when it's only been 3 weeks since I initiated it and I had to fly overseas with my own money to go to the bank to initiate it!

I already explained in various ways the processes and told my mom it would take a couple of weeks for the process to finalize. I also told them not to send anything to the government agency until we get the final decision from the insurer. I told my mom on numerous occasions that the insurance needs to process the request first. It's driving me insane they keep asking the same questions and doubting what I'm doing. I'm doing all of this remotely now and it's super time-consuming. I have work to do,. I don't have the time to explain the same thing ten times by email. You submit a request, it gets processed, once finalized, you get the result. It's not that complicated. I'm trying to be patient, but I'm losing my mind because instead of doing work this morning, I spent all morning explaining the same thing over and over again. I'm 32, I know what I'm doing.

Why am I doing this for a narcissistic and abusive woman I hadn't spoken to in 6 years before my dad's death is to wonder.

Stop engaging in the back & forth stuff with your mother. You’ve told her what you are doing, you don’t need to keep responding to her. Just stop. If she boots off again about it simply tell her that if she wants to, she can sort it all out herself.

 

[TheGlossy]

Stop engaging in the back & forth stuff with your mother. You’ve told her what you are doing, you don’t need to keep responding to her. Just stop. If she boots off again about it simply tell her that if she wants to, she can sort it all out herself.

Yeah, I agree. I've had it with her.

I told my sister how I felt about this (i.e. that I'm trying to do my best remotely on top of work / responsibilities and that our mom questioning me is adding more stress on me). My sister told me this is exactly what she's been trying to tell my mom, but my mom "won't listen". I believe my sister because I know my mom. I could tell her 15 times the same thing over and over again and show her proofs of what I've been doing to sort these things out and she won't acknowledge any of it. She needs to stop or I'm done and she can look for someone else to do all of this. I'm getting zero for this estate anyways because my dad left it all to her.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Yeah, I agree. I've had it with her.

I told my sister how I felt about this (i.e. that I'm trying to do my best remotely on top of work / responsibilities and that our mom questioning me is adding more stress on me). My sister told me this is exactly what she's been trying to tell my mom, but my mom "won't listen". I believe my sister because I know my mom. I could tell her 15 times the same thing over and over again and show her proofs of what I've been doing to sort these things out and she won't acknowledge any of it. She needs to stop or I'm done and she can look for someone else to do all of this. I'm getting zero for this estate anyways because my dad left it all to her.

So why are you even helping her? Seriously? What’s the point?

 

[LaBlonde]

She needs to stop or I'm done and she can look for someone else to do all of this. I'm getting zero for this estate anyways because my dad left it all to her.

then, honestly, stop helping her and let her look for someone else. you’re gaining nothing from this (financially or otherwise).

 

[BettyCrockerr]

then, honestly, stop helping her and let her look for someone else. you’re gaining nothing from this (financially or otherwise).

Completely agree.
@TheGlossy

you are estranged from this woman. You have no relationship with her. The interactions you do have with her sound nothing but toxic. She has nothing but a negative influence over you. Yet you are bending over backwards, stressing yourself out to help her? Why???????? Why are bothering?Why can’t your brother or your sister help her? Why is it being left to you to do? I genuinely can’t fathom the set up within your family.

 

[Games345]

Tonight my husband and I argued over who was taking our daughter swimming in the morning. It ended with him grabbing my plate of dinner I was dishing up and throwing my food onto the floor and storming out. When I tried to stand by the front door to stop him storming out he threw me out the way so hard I nearly fell to the floor.

I feel like this isn't healthy behaviour. Any thoughts?

 

[TheGlossy]

Completely agree.
@TheGlossy

you are estranged from this woman. You have no relationship with her. The interactions you do have with her sound nothing but toxic. She has nothing but a negative influence over you. Yet you are bending over backwards, stressing yourself out to help her? Why???????? Why are bothering?Why can’t your brother or your sister help her? Why is it being left to you to do? I genuinely can’t fathom the set up within your family.

My sister has been helping me out a little bit (sending me supporting documents I need via email etc). I don't know what my brother is doing. I don't hear from him. He's 25 and supposedly doesn't know how to handle any of my dad's paperwork. Right. That's an outright lie. He just doesn't want to and when I expressed to my mom how he needs to get involved, she ratted me out to him and almost triggered a fight between us (I overheard them speaking in the kitchen during my first visit in 6 years and I left right away when I realized what she was doing).

Trust me, the set-up in my family is more than just dysfunctional (because of her). She has no power over my brother at all and says amen to everything he says because he is "the man of the house".

 

[watermelon sugar]

Tonight my husband and I argued over who was taking our daughter swimming in the morning. It ended with him grabbing my plate of dinner I was dishing up and throwing my food onto the floor and storming out. When I tried to stand by the front door to stop him storming out he threw me out the way so hard I nearly fell to the floor.

I feel like this isn't healthy behaviour. Any thoughts?

It isn’t healthy at all, that’s violent behaviour, he shouldn’t put a finger on you at all no matter how stressed/angry he was due to a silly argument. Does he usually get so angry? Has he touched you like that before? Are you ok?

 

[LaBlonde]

Tonight my husband and I argued over who was taking our daughter swimming in the morning. It ended with him grabbing my plate of dinner I was dishing up and throwing my food onto the floor and storming out. When I tried to stand by the front door to stop him storming out he threw me out the way so hard I nearly fell to the floor.

I feel like this isn't healthy behaviour. Any thoughts?

i’m not sure what thoughts i can add - he was physically violent with you in your own home. it absolutely isn’t healthy behaviour, it’s aggressive and dangerous. are you okay? has he ever behaved like this before? does he have anger issues? where did he storm out to, and has he spoken to you since?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

My sister has been helping me out a little bit (sending me supporting documents I need via email etc). I don't know what my brother is doing. I don't hear from him. He's 25 and supposedly doesn't know how to handle any of my dad's paperwork. Right. That's an outright lie. He just doesn't want to and when I expressed to my mom how he needs to get involved, she ratted me out to him and almost triggered a fight between us (I overheard them speaking in the kitchen during my first visit in 6 years and I left right away when I realized what she was doing).

Trust me, the set-up in my family is more than just dysfunctional (because of her). She has no power over my brother at all and says amen to everything he says because he is "the man of the house".

But WHY are you bothering with this? Why? It’s not your problem to sort out.

Tonight my husband and I argued over who was taking our daughter swimming in the morning. It ended with him grabbing my plate of dinner I was dishing up and throwing my food onto the floor and storming out. When I tried to stand by the front door to stop him storming out he threw me out the way so hard I nearly fell to the floor.

I feel like this isn't healthy behaviour. Any thoughts?

He’s a violent b and this is domestic abuse.
Are you ok? Is he like this normally??

 

[Games345]

Not been like this before no. Came home and is now saying he is suicidal. He does have a lot of stress from work. But I don't deserve to be treated the way I was tonight. I feel sad

 

[noseybirdxo]

Tonight my husband and I argued over who was taking our daughter swimming in the morning. It ended with him grabbing my plate of dinner I was dishing up and throwing my food onto the floor and storming out. When I tried to stand by the front door to stop him storming out he threw me out the way so hard I nearly fell to the floor.

I feel like this isn't healthy behaviour. Any thoughts?

First of all, are you okay? I hope that you are. Is this a regular thing for him? There is no excuse for him to behave like that, ever. If you feel unsafe and have somewhere you can go then please do. And just to confirm, no that is most definitely not healthy behaviour.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Not been like this before no. Came home and is now saying he is suicidal. He does have a lot of stress from work. But I don't deserve to be treated the way I was tonight. I feel sad

I can't imagine how you feel right now. I would say if he is actually feeling suicidal, might be worth getting him some help, 111 might be able to assist

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Not been like this before no. Came home and is now saying he is suicidal. He does have a lot of stress from work. But I don't deserve to be treated the way I was tonight. I feel sad

Stress from work is not an excuse for what he’s done to you tonight. Do not allow him to use feeling “suicidal” as his get out of jail free card on this.

 

[LaBlonde]

Not been like this before no. Came home and is now saying he is suicidal. He does have a lot of stress from work. But I don't deserve to be treated the way I was tonight. I feel sad

stress or no stress, he threw your dinner onto the floor and then pushed you so hard that you nearly fell to the ground. is there somewhere you and your daughter can go tonight? did he tell you where he went when he stormed out? he has absolutely no right to treat you like that.

keep yourself safe. he has no right to assault you, storm out of your house and then apparently come home and tell you he’s suicidal.

if he’s telling you he’s suicidal then, as monkey says, call 111.

 

[Kim Mild]

Tonight my husband and I argued over who was taking our daughter swimming in the morning. It ended with him grabbing my plate of dinner I was dishing up and throwing my food onto the floor and storming out. When I tried to stand by the front door to stop him storming out he threw me out the way so hard I nearly fell to the floor.

I feel like this isn't healthy behaviour. Any thoughts?

It's not healthy behavior at all . It is intimidation and abusive .

What advice would you give to someone else in the same situation?

Nobody should have to live in a home where their partner is going to lose their temper and cause damage to things .

Often when we hear of similar scenarios, we encourage them to end the relationship and leave. I don't think it is that simple. I think your husband has done damage to your marriage will never be the same again

Not been like this before no. Came home and is now saying he is suicidal. He does have a lot of stress from work. But I don't deserve to be treated the way I was tonight. I feel sad

If his stress has caused his mental health to decline so much that he has become a danger to himself or others ( ie you earlier this evening) you can see help on his behalf.

None of this excuses his behaviour, it still has consequences.