He just found out that I’ve self harmed and was extremely angry with me. It was on my 17th birthday which is a few days before Christmas so initially it was kept quite as we had family round but once they left he got very angry and acted the same as he did with my sister, but stayed angry for months after. I’d never wanted to end my life more than in those months.
I’m completely in control of my loans it’s just that I don’t want to make this decision without my parents knowing and just move out in September. I’d rather them be involved so I don’t end up burning the bridges that took so long to build.
Remember yesterday, I mentioned the "breaking the chain" ? One part of this is to understand some of the reason the chain is there and how it's operating.
We've chatted about how our parents (both yours and mine) had a different childhood, where things were tolerated, permitted, but not actually ok.
Your Dad has followed this and it's caused you pain, in feeling that pain, you've SH. That is a perfectly understandable reaction. Many people do this as a way of regaining some control of their own lives, or to lesson the pain that's eating them up. When you are a child, you have limited ways to rebuke or cease this kind of pain from happening, SH is a private way to try and deal with it.
With Counselling (and again, I will say, it really needs the right counsellor method and person, always change till you find that and you'll know straight away that you have the right person for you) it's there to assist you in clearing out the rubbish bags of pain, hurt, sadness, distress and low self-esteem that situations like you've had bring.
It will leave your mind, heart and soul feeling clearer, fresher and lifted so that you can put yourself back to where you should be, functioning on a far better basis and moving forwards with your life.
When you have the "guilt factor" and this was my reason for mentioning that having a different religion, culture, etc., can mean that your parents raise you differently than others do, the guilt factor can attempt (note that word) to keep you hostage where you are.
It doesn't allow for anyone to break any chains, because it requires you to remain in something that's happened for hundreds or thousands of years. For me, I ceased attending church weekly. I declined to stand alongside people who prayed to be nice, but actually weren't. Who asked for forgiveness each week, but continued to act badly mon-fri. It didn't mean I left behind religion or indeed all the wonderful lessons and ideas (being kind, generous, supportive etc) that I had learned. It just meant I brought that forward into my generation and life and it felt so much more natural and better for me.
You don't have to cut off your family and I can see you are concerned in making any changes, it could rock the boat. Should they take a step or two back, once they realise you are successful, happy and doing really well (and you will) they will come back again. Just keep it always polite and respectful on your part. You cannot control what they do or say.
I will say on behalf of your Mum (and I hope I am not offending you, that's not my intention at all) she is also from a different time, which may mean she is unable (note, not unwilling) to speak up on your behalf. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to, just that for her it's not an appropriate thing to do, because of her era and her own personal situation.
Today I’ve put an offer in for a house with my partner(!!!) My parents just do not understand the current state of the market and the level of competition. They don’t seem happy or excited for me which I’m finding really difficult… I’m an adult with a child so I’m frustrated at myself for feeling anxious about their potential disapproval (mainly my mother’s). Why oh why do I constantly feel the need to get their approval?!?
If this tags on to the end of my previous post apologies.
Firstly, wow big moment finding what could potentially be your first house that will become your new home
I still have the estate agents flyer for my house, with my little comments on the corner (and that one was 1993
It's very stressful, stomach full of butterflies, hoping your offer is accepted, then stomach full of butterflies as you realise it has been, it's also exciting, fun and just the best moment, the day you get your keys and put them into your own lock (whether that's renting or buying).
You have all the fun of decorating and making it into your own peaceful haven of happiness.
When you mention your parents and I saw you mention you have a child too, they are maybe a little anxious for you, wondering how you will cope and how things will go. Maybe they are a little excited for you, but having a hard time showing it right now.
Once you are in and settled, you can invite them round for your first dinner party, be that a nice sunday dinner, a takeaway on a weekday evening, a picnic/bar b q in your new garden/balcony terrace - that's when your folks will probably realise "you've got this"
Wishing you so much luck with your offer x
as a maniacal cackle? Because if that’s how you’re comfortable responding, I’m gonna go ahead and slot you right under the “crazy & ignore” banner.
