Since Stacey’s new show is coming out I thought that I could probably do with a little bit of help so have decided to write to her and hopefully get myself on the next series! Here goes:
Stacey Solomon
Sort Your Life Out
C/O BBC
Dear Stacey,
I understand you have a new TV show being aired and as soon as I heard about it I thought ‘I bet Stacey would be able to help me!’. I was wondering therefore, if I briefly outlined my situation you’d be able to give me your advice and possibly help me ‘sort my life out’.
First, and most importantly I must stress, I need to tell you that my primary role and reason for being on this earth is that I am a mother. I’m actually breastfeeding as I type this as I have a wonderful new daughter who is
a month, four weeks, still a baby and she truly is the centre of my universe! I cannot tell you how fantastic it is to have played a part in the creation of such a wondrous little being and every day I thank my lucky stars and am amazed that I have been so fortunate to have such a beautiful little human in my life. I truly love her to the moon and back and could not imagine my world without her, so perfect she is, but as you can imagine she does take up quite a bit of my time! Oh and I do also have three other boys but pffft, they practically raise themselves now.
Anyway, I suppose what I need help with does go hand in hand with my daughter, sorry family, and I would love your advice on how to move forward in a positive manner. The problem y’see is that even though I bought my dream house with my partner recently, I’ve actually decided I really much would prefer just living in a bedsit, just me and my precious daughter obvs, and so I’ve done my best to turn my bedroom in this new house into a self contained unit. I have to confess, so far it’s come on a treat and is looking lovely so can’t think I need much help there, but if you’d be able to arrange sorting the rest of the house for my partner and the others then you’d be doing me a huge favour and it would mean I wouldn’t have to bother! I really have to stress that whilst I’m spending pretty much 95% of my time with my darling little daughter shut away in the bedsit, this I am perfectly happy with and you can leave well alone! What I would like you to sort is the rest of the stuff that goes on around here and intrudes on my bedsit/baby time as, tbh, that’s the part of my life I could do right without!
Another issue I should probably talk to you about is my partner and the other tenants of the house I own, sorry, I mean my children. Although my partner is nice enough, it’s fair to say he’s not overly bright and I’m left to make most of the important decisions, which, when you are as little bothered about things other than my daughter as I am, is really quite a pain. Another bone of contention besides this lack of assertiveness is my partner’s obsession with both fake tan and hat-wearing; two traits that I found endearing at first I must admit, but now do grate on me a lot and my sheets are ruined, all being streaked with orange or rather, bronzed terracotta! As for the hats, as my days of leaving the bedsit are well and truly over I’m now not so bothered but until that time, trying to get into anywhere decent was a nightmare!
As frustrating as the hat wearing and orangeness is, sadly they’re not the only issues that are attached to my partner. He only had gone and had sex with another woman (admittedly 14 years ago and nothing to do with me) and the upshot of this is that he has a son who does insist on spending time with his father and even trying to join in.
When I first met him my partner didn’t have a lot to do with this other child, which suited me down to the ground, but now my partner wants to spend time with him and include him in our lives which really isn’t on. If you could sort him being I dunno, deported to a distant land or something similar, I really would appreciate it and you’d be doing me a huge favour.
The last thing I need your help with I think won’t be a problem, I mean there are always people around who love children and so I can’t think it would be that hard but it would make such a difference to me and mean I could focus on what truly is important to me, my daughter.
To be honest if you sort this the problems I’ve mentioned to you previously in this letter would probably disappear as well, so really the satisfactory resolution of what I’m about to tell you could be the key to it all and mean I would have a much happier life! And who doesn’t want a happy life eh?!
The situation I speak of is what I’ve alluded to earlier; these other 3 children which insist on hanging around and making the place look untidy. Two of them admittedly I’ve managed to at least move out the house but the small one is always there, getting under my feet and in the way and tbh, it’s getting rather tiresome. So Stacey, with your connections and the vast resources of the BBC maybe you could get them adopted out, or perhaps they could be put into some kind of servitude, I really don’t mind as long as I don’t have to consider them. I know it sounds harsh but I do have a little girl that needs her mother 100% and those others are just a distraction and really, I’m a bit fed up with having them about. It’s costing me a fortune in Pot Noodles and whilst I’m getting clothes for nowt at the moment, (I did a little side job with a bargain chain store so as long as they’re all happy to wear the same twee, matching outfits I’m quids in!) if it’s not one thing it’s another with them, and I really don’t have the time! As I say, just being able to focus on my daughter would be a more positive outcome for all included, so the sooner you can sort that, the better.
I look forward to you helping Stacey and can’t wait to hear back from you, I’m sure you’ll understand what a pickle I’m in!
Many thanks in advance…
So, there we go, I’ll get this sent and then just wait for my life to be sorted! I can’t bloomin’ wait!!
