I didn’t even notice! Truth be told, this isn’t my kitchen. So I’m always a bit on the back foot when I cook here. That said, I don’t think a world-class kitchen, or chef, could redeem this…
Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
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Yeah, soda bread wants baking soda OR self-raising flour, but not both. FFS, Jack! This should have been easy to get rightLads, I did it. I made the soda bread.
Soda Bread, 7p [VG/V/DF]
This is an ideal bread recipe for newcomers, no fancy equipment needed and the bare bones of a recipe. I tricked Mrs J into making this last week; she who famously doesn’t cook but hovers hel…cookingonabootstrap.com
I already had the ingredients, apologies for the slightly spenny ‘organic’ flour and milk (organic is a word that is not in Jack’s lexicon, I feel).
View attachment 1706815My only complaints were that she way overestimated the amount of milk/lemon juice mixture by almost a third, which meant I threw some away. Not thrift approved behaviour. Also, I missed the part where it said you could add salt for more flavour because it was buried in the purple prose that preceded the recipe and frankly, when I’m making food it’s because I’m interested in food not your bleeping life story.
Anyway, the dough came together ok. All going surprisingly well so far.
View attachment 1706819
Exactly 40 minutes later, it came out of the oven looking not too bad. I was planning my unbelievably controversial mea culpa, ready to hold my hands up and admit it wasn’t at all bad.
View attachment 1706825
BUT THEN…I caught a whiff of lingering honk! The loaf smelled like fish. I bravely ploughed on and cut into it (not easy, it’s pretty solid) and I tasted it. If it weren’t for the weird fishy taste, it would have had all the taste of thin air on sliced cardboard. Diabolical. Clever Fraus, was the honk the result of too much bicarb, on top of SR flour? Not that it really matters, even if the taste was ok it had the consistency of a brick. Thankfully, I gave some to the various animals I have, so it wasn’t entirely wasted but I would be furious if I had to bin it.
For anyone thinking of trying this, please save your time and money. I’ve taken one for the team so you don’t have to. Go well x
@Day3TShirt I used to make soda bread a lot and I never used self raising, only ever plain. I feel like that’s quite a lot of additional bicarb if you already have SR flour.
I’ve also never made soda bread in a tin. Any recipe I’ve seen it’s a freeformed flattened ball type thing.
I’ve also never made soda bread in a tin. Any recipe I’ve seen it’s a freeformed flattened ball type thing.
That's a thinly veiled oral sex joke. Bit gauche, darling
@Blair-Waldorf I can't get enough of this 5 minute thing
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Well slopped dear heart, what's your final rating?Lads, I did it. I made the soda bread.
Soda Bread, 7p [VG/V/DF]
This is an ideal bread recipe for newcomers, no fancy equipment needed and the bare bones of a recipe. I tricked Mrs J into making this last week; she who famously doesn’t cook but hovers hel…
I already had the ingredients, apologies for the slightly spenny ‘organic’ flour and milk (organic is a word that is not in Jack’s lexicon, I feel).
View attachment 1706815My only complaints were that she way overestimated the amount of milk/lemon juice mixture by almost a third, which meant I threw some away. Not thrift approved behaviour. Also, I missed the part where it said you could add salt for more flavour because it was buried in the purple prose that preceded the recipe and frankly, when I’m making food it’s because I’m interested in food not your bleeping life story.
Anyway, the dough came together ok. All going surprisingly well so far.
View attachment 1706819
Exactly 40 minutes later, it came out of the oven looking not too bad. I was planning my unbelievably controversial mea culpa, ready to hold my hands up and admit it wasn’t at all bad.
View attachment 1706825
BUT THEN…I caught a whiff of lingering honk! The loaf smelled like fish. I bravely ploughed on and cut into it (not easy, it’s pretty solid) and I tasted it. If it weren’t for the weird fishy taste, it would have had all the taste of thin air on sliced cardboard. Diabolical. Clever Fraus, was the honk the result of too much bicarb, on top of SR flour? Not that it really matters, even if the taste was ok it had the consistency of a brick. Thankfully, I gave some to the various animals I have, so it wasn’t entirely wasted but I would be furious if I had to bin it.
For anyone thinking of trying this, please save your time and money. I’ve taken one for the team so you don’t have to. Go well x
1- Dire
2 - Terrible
3 - Middle class
4 - Inhale greedily
5 - Ovary groaner
Definitely a 1 - Dire.
@MavisBeacon pina colada bread
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Delurking to say that I could not love this thread more! It’s got it all - drama, humour, humanity, unspeakable slop mysteries…I’ve read through the recipes with my jaw on the floor, wondering why this woman hates food so much she’s able to do such awful things to it. Thyme pesto?? THYME PESTO?? Are you fkn kidding me? Anyway, you are all very brave and I’m genuinely LOLing here- thank(space)you from a very grateful New Frau 
So the complete absence of plastic tat tells us is there's definitely not a small child around
@LadyGarden creamy crabby pasta
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And it could so easily have been a 4 if she'd got the ingredients right!
Doesn't she claim to get people other than herself to test them out before the books get published? I realise that that's probably much more difficult than it seems - but it seems strange that this could have been missed.
'Restaurant quality dish'. Chinny reckon.
I feel like with Jack's food hoard she'd be using out of date bicarb too so it's actually a more authentic recreation for that very reason!
We've been spoiled by these Slop Games so far.
All either terrible or dire. Who'd have thought it?
We've been spoiled by these Slop Games so far.
All either terrible or dire. Who'd have thought it?
@NellieBoo Worts
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aneurysm incoming. is the garlic and bacon basically poached in white wine and butter
If I've missed an anyone, please tag me again.
I think I'm up to date on all recipes but just in case.
I think I'm up to date on all recipes but just in case.
Thanks! It looks the same as the website one but I shall FORENSICALLY compare. I’m not vegan but kind of relieved that this is, so i don’t have to ingest such delights as fish paste, grated spam or blended livers.
And yes, her food writing is totally disgusting. No one who praises her can actually have read her books, right?
I did make the headrush spaghetti but it really should be experienced by everyone, for science
Also looking at the slops slung section didn't an intrepid frau make the black and cheese? Reveal yourself. It's ok, the onion police know it wasn't your idea, they'll only give you an onion caution.
Also looking at the slops slung section didn't an intrepid frau make the black and cheese? Reveal yourself. It's ok, the onion police know it wasn't your idea, they'll only give you an onion caution.
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