Point 1: 40⁰ wil kill the yeast. It's *not* warm water.
Point 2: I would be interested to see how you knead a dough that has 500ml of coconut milk and a blitzed can of pineapple against 750g flour. Just saying, m'lud.
Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
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Point 2: I would be interested to see how you knead a dough that has 500ml of coconut milk and a blitzed can of pineapple against 750g flour. Just saying, m'lud.
I’ll look out a proper soda bread recipe as an NI frau as when made correctly it is a lovely quick bread for a low budget and is great fresh with butter or toasted with jam or cheese or used fried for an Ulster fry. I don’t want anyone thinking soda bread is tit because if done correctly it can be a thing of beauty.Lads, I did it. I made the soda bread.
Soda Bread, 7p [VG/V/DF]
This is an ideal bread recipe for newcomers, no fancy equipment needed and the bare bones of a recipe. I tricked Mrs J into making this last week; she who famously doesn’t cook but hovers hel…cookingonabootstrap.com
I already had the ingredients, apologies for the slightly spenny ‘organic’ flour and milk (organic is a word that is not in Jack’s lexicon, I feel).
View attachment 1706815My only complaints were that she way overestimated the amount of milk/lemon juice mixture by almost a third, which meant I threw some away. Not thrift approved behaviour. Also, I missed the part where it said you could add salt for more flavour because it was buried in the purple prose that preceded the recipe and frankly, when I’m making food it’s because I’m interested in food not your bleeping life story.
Anyway, the dough came together ok. All going surprisingly well so far.
View attachment 1706819
Exactly 40 minutes later, it came out of the oven looking not too bad. I was planning my unbelievably controversial mea culpa, ready to hold my hands up and admit it wasn’t at all bad.
View attachment 1706825
BUT THEN…I caught a whiff of lingering honk! The loaf smelled like fish. I bravely ploughed on and cut into it (not easy, it’s pretty solid) and I tasted it. If it weren’t for the weird fishy taste, it would have had all the taste of thin air on sliced cardboard. Diabolical. Clever Fraus, was the honk the result of too much bicarb, on top of SR flour? Not that it really matters, even if the taste was ok it had the consistency of a brick. Thankfully, I gave some to the various animals I have, so it wasn’t entirely wasted but I would be furious if I had to bin it.
For anyone thinking of trying this, please save your time and money. I’ve taken one for the team so you don’t have to. Go well x
I love a good soda bread!
Microwave mac’n’cheese appealed to me because of its simplicity. There’s even a helpful video on the BBC goodfood website where Jack takes a burning greasy mug out of the microwave and explains to the concerned presenter that she has ‘asbestos fingers’. Then she tries to move the mug using a piece of kitchen towel. Anyway, I digress.
I used penne instead of macaroni (allowed) and an old piece of Comté instead of cheddar (my own substitution). Other than that you need chicken stock, Marmite or spinach, and butter. The recipe says you need a large mug, so there was only one option here; to clean out the Sports Direct mug which normally holds my printer ink cartridges.
A rather complex process follows where you put the pasta and stock in the mug, cover it in cling film with a container or bowl under it, and blast it repeatedly in the microwave for 2 mins each time, until cooked. But here’s the twist: the recipe says that after every burst you need to take off the cling film, and pour the overflowed boiling greasy stock from the container back into the burning mug.
After three bursts of 2 mins, the pasta was still on the hard side of al dente but I’d had enough of the palaver of transferring the hot liquid.
Stirring in the cheese, butter and Marmite turns it into a gloopy mess, but to be fair that’s normal for mac’n’cheese. With the Marmite it was incredibly salty, and I could only eat 3 spoonfuls. It might have been better with spinach. I’ve since drunk two pints of water as I felt I needed to flush out my system.
(There’s also a work slop version, where you pre-soak the pasta in stock and take the cheese, oil instead of butter, and spinach or Marmite in a separate container, to cook in your office microwave. This process wouldn’t have gone down well in my office. But it’s not going to happen).
Verdict: 2 = terrible. It would have been less of a health and safety issue, and much less messy, to cook it in a saucepan. This thread is very entertaining and well organised, and as a tribute I will donate £20 worth of food to my local food bank.
I used penne instead of macaroni (allowed) and an old piece of Comté instead of cheddar (my own substitution). Other than that you need chicken stock, Marmite or spinach, and butter. The recipe says you need a large mug, so there was only one option here; to clean out the Sports Direct mug which normally holds my printer ink cartridges.
A rather complex process follows where you put the pasta and stock in the mug, cover it in cling film with a container or bowl under it, and blast it repeatedly in the microwave for 2 mins each time, until cooked. But here’s the twist: the recipe says that after every burst you need to take off the cling film, and pour the overflowed boiling greasy stock from the container back into the burning mug.
After three bursts of 2 mins, the pasta was still on the hard side of al dente but I’d had enough of the palaver of transferring the hot liquid.
Stirring in the cheese, butter and Marmite turns it into a gloopy mess, but to be fair that’s normal for mac’n’cheese. With the Marmite it was incredibly salty, and I could only eat 3 spoonfuls. It might have been better with spinach. I’ve since drunk two pints of water as I felt I needed to flush out my system.
(There’s also a work slop version, where you pre-soak the pasta in stock and take the cheese, oil instead of butter, and spinach or Marmite in a separate container, to cook in your office microwave. This process wouldn’t have gone down well in my office. But it’s not going to happen).
Verdict: 2 = terrible. It would have been less of a health and safety issue, and much less messy, to cook it in a saucepan. This thread is very entertaining and well organised, and as a tribute I will donate £20 worth of food to my local food bank.
Gonna have a go at the rinsed hoops sometime this week ... results expected disgusting but can Jack prove me wrong?
You deserve an MBE for services to slop. And that drawn on tattoo was bleeping perfection.
Jack's "bravas" may provoke a minor aneurysm here. She hasn't actually made any kind of salsa brava, she's just used...oil. And then she has the audacity to claim that traditional recipes make a special chilli oil weeks in advance? No they don't, traditional recipes make a bleeping salsa brava. It's literally in the name of the dish.
Like, even the shittiest bar in the whole peninsula wouldn't get away with serving you a dish of oily potatoes. duck off Jack.
Loving the sports direct mug above btw
Love love loving the vegetable peelings and macaroni cheese adventures. Well done! That vegetable peelings loaf is going to haunt my nightmares.
That recipe has to be illegal under the Geneva Convention, surely? Thankspaceyou for your service to slop.
Part Spanish Frau here
, and I have spent many years seeking out the perfect patatas bravas. Hers are not worthy of the name.
Definitely a German review. I always look at the German reviews on Amazon. They tell me everything I need to know.
Oh, and I won’t be making arancini with the leftover risotto as it just won’t hold together. I hate wasting food but it’s going in the compost bin.
And my house still smells of rank boiled onions.
And my house still smells of rank boiled onions.
Chapeaus, fraus. Chapeaus. I am
all over the place.Jeez. Is this the abomination she served for vegetarians at Christmas? And everyone clapped?
I cannot wait. Mr Beacon will be cooking while I bark instructions and do commentary. I am so intrigued to see what a half soda bread half yeasted bread comes out like. I suspect disgustingPoint 1: 40⁰ wil kill the yeast. It's *not* warm water.
Point 2: I would be interested to see how you knead a dough that has 500ml of coconut milk and a blitzed can of pineapple against 750g flour. Just saying, m'lud.
Going to need a really detailed description of this one because I just don’t see how it works and I am super intrigued. Show us every step of what surely must be the sloppiest slop.
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