Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
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this thread is so infuriating (not the fraus, just seeing so much of the actual nonsense in her recipes all in one place!)
just because you have chillis and herbs growing on your window sill that’s no good for costing a recipe for others.
imagine someone doing a three bird roast or something and saying that the meat was all free as their dad is a butcher or something! (I fully expect a fish recipe to come along in a minute with ‘fish- free, left on my doorstep’). It’s just useless for anyone other than her!
just because you have chillis and herbs growing on your window sill that’s no good for costing a recipe for others.
imagine someone doing a three bird roast or something and saying that the meat was all free as their dad is a butcher or something! (I fully expect a fish recipe to come along in a minute with ‘fish- free, left on my doorstep’). It’s just useless for anyone other than her!
How the hell does she get away with recipes that don't list the ingredients properly and are not proper portions??
This has given me flashbacks to a time I was on a sub-min wage "internship" in that there London, and thought Jack's recipe books would help me. I tried the mandarin pasta/basil/yoghurt excrescence. The dairy curdled. The acidity was strong. It was somehow both very sweet and yet had the taste and texture of 2am post-heavy drinking sesh vom.
Reader, I did not attempt it again. In fact I clearly blocked it from my memory because until recently opening my eyes to the Horrors of Slop, I would flip through that recipe book, see it and think "hey that looks alright. I should give that a go." And yet somehow I never do. Clearly something in me remembers and wants to keep me safe.
So this is really confusing, the recipe 'oh my god dinner' was published on the website in February 2013 and in the book A Girl Called Jack in February 2014.Multiple fistfuls
Go well pal x
ETA wait why are all the ingredients different quantities to the book version? This requires closer examination
Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
Are you going all out and trying the luxury version? Nooo the corned beef version surely? Grated corned beef. @Lucky Escape your user name now doesn't seem so apt? 😂tattle.life
Both say they serve 2 BUT in the book version two of the main ingredients (spaghetti and courgette) have DOUBLED, as well as 40% more bacon and 50% more brie.
See below for website/book amounts listed in order largest to smallest. It's costed on the website at 28p (55p for 2 portions) but Jack says "Makes enough for two but, er, I ate this all myself….", so how does it make enough for two (despite not) and then she's had to double up for the book? Is this how she's been costing things so low beyond miniscule portions? Rigging the ingredients?
half/whole courgette
80/150 g spaghetti
70/100 g bacon
50/50 g green beans
20/30 g Brie
10/17 ml lemon juice
1/1 chilli
1/1 garlic clove
fistful/fistful parsley,
fistful/none mint,
fistful/fistful basil
Massaging the costs for sure
@House of Carbonara that flat bread looks pretty good. Did you manage to find a recipe that works and tastes good?
It it edible tho?
I see now that there is another type of flatbread, so I'll make that too in the interest of research.
Verdict - disappointing.
It's basically a flat undercooked scone, with wrong cooking times (no way that was going to be done in 1 minute and 30 seconds), no instructions as to flour on surface/hands/rolling pin before rolling out, especially since it's a fairly wet dough, and tasting like sadness. The bread in the picture cannot possibly be the same in the recipe, and what is the purpose of the lemon juice??
Score: a solid 2, won't make it again.
Also apologies for pics and text all over the place, seems I can't tech anymore.
Verdict - disappointing.
It's basically a flat undercooked scone, with wrong cooking times (no way that was going to be done in 1 minute and 30 seconds), no instructions as to flour on surface/hands/rolling pin before rolling out, especially since it's a fairly wet dough, and tasting like sadness. The bread in the picture cannot possibly be the same in the recipe, and what is the purpose of the lemon juice??
Score: a solid 2, won't make it again.
Also apologies for pics and text all over the place, seems I can't tech anymore.
Looks better that it tastes, sadly.
In the sense that's it was warm and with a ton of butter, yes.
I might do the vegan pop tarts as I can scale it down to a single tart which is coincidentally my Tinder bio.
Dear heart, cooking bacon comes in a big vacuum sealed bag and consists of the odds and sods that don't qualify as any other pork products. It's a collection of grey and pink blobs. 90% vegan Jack used to go wild for the stuff.“Cooking bacon”
Is there a type of bacon that’s not for cooking?
Oh I’m quite disappointed @House of Carbonara, it definitely looks like it should be good. I‘ve made my own pitta bread before and it was easy and tasted good.
Ooh yes! It looks like it will be much more spenny than the courgette pasta, so should probably stick to that. Cost of living crisis and all that.
@That Forensic Man would you be so kind as to put me down for Car-brie-nara and Roman pasta with mandarins and a creamy basil sauce?
I can't seem to edit the doc on my phone.
I will pencil in next weekend for the... event. When I'm back from holiday and already full of sadness.
In the meantime I shall sit back and enjoy the exploits of you all.
Chapeau canal, chapeau.
I can't seem to edit the doc on my phone.
I will pencil in next weekend for the... event. When I'm back from holiday and already full of sadness.
In the meantime I shall sit back and enjoy the exploits of you all.
Chapeau canal, chapeau.
The lever arch files, I am DECEASED
I hope you cook it more thoroughly than the bread in that photo. The middle is RAW!
That’s Mumsnet-style portion sizes.
She's a charlatan, enabled by incompetents, who don't even read the contents of her book, let alone do any due diligence.
Will anchovy butter pasta make my ovaries groan. If so, please can I have the recipe?
Please can you edit the wiki thing, and add me for the chocolate courgette cakeLink to the wiki, feel free to edit or tag me and I can do the honours
Slopalong Wiki
Surprisingly for nearly three years' of Tattle threads, the canal have not taken a forensic look across the spectrum of all of Jack's recipes / slops. We've had the odd foray into a tasting situation, but nothing consistent across all of her books and website. This is in spite of anecdotal...tattle.life
We need torecipes for:
Vegan crackling
Afterbirth oats
And allocate the following tributes/requests from:
@Whaa? Veg peeling loaf (extra points if the creator tastes it)
@Nottonightbabe Mandarin and yogurt pasta
@Notmycat Eggy cup
Recipe ideas:
I think it will definitely make your bowels groan.
'soft and viscous'
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