Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

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Helena Handbasket

Helena Handbasket

Pumble said:
It would seem fitting that I attempt the Pumble. But I think it’s been done before from memory? This thread is like sunshine for the soul. Thanks to all the brave fraus already on their slop mission 🥰
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Please make sure you’ve read up on Pumble care for after you’ve made it. A Pumble is for life and not just for slop-along. If you post a pic of it we’ll want to know you are grooming it.
I love Pumble so much it has become a verb, an object and an animal. To pumble, answers on a pumble, don’t feed the Pumble. 😂
 
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HaveTinCanRattle

HaveTinCanRattle

I'm sorry not to have been able to engage more fully as I endured my slopalong challenge. It may feel counter-intuitive to have to stir something in a slow cooker every few minutes for an hour, but we are where we are.

Ingredients:
Full marks for me here. I already had milk, sugar, peanut butter and long grain rice. Fortunately, I'd procured tap water yesterday, so we were all set.
10/10

Recipe:
Fairly clear, albeit I worried initially that the milk I had painstakingly measured would idle next the slow cooker. The method only called for the occasional splash if the "rice pudding" appeared to be sticking. Fortunately, I'd have ample opportunity for the milk. None remains.

8/10

Process:
Very hard to catch up on admin when having to stir constantly.

1/10

Texture:

Well, there's definitely a texture. Imagine eating most of a lasagne, waiting half an hour, going back for seconds and then the very next mouthful has a pube in it which curls around your epiglottis and makes you regurgitate earlier stuff. Just like that.

1/10

Taste:

Would have been almost edible without the peanut butter. However, peanut butter is the mainstay of the taste profile. So, with regret: 1/10.

Visual appeal:

Have you seen the photos? 10/10

(thanks for the broccoli love. You can substitute dandelions in a pinch)

All in all.....

2 = Terrible @That Forensic Man

God speed you, Frauen.
 
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colouredlines

colouredlines

Pumble said:
It would seem fitting that I attempt the Pumble. But I think it’s been done before from memory? This thread is like sunshine for the soul. Thanks to all the brave fraus already on their slop mission 🥰
Click to expand...
I made the pumble and tbh it's not worth it. It's not in the so bad it's funny camp, it's just:

* bland as duck
* clearly untested (recipe tells you to slice the pears which is stupid, they should be diced. It's very hard to eat)
* nothing to do with the pumble photo. The pumble photo clearly shows pastry that has been moulded onto the pie tin and baked. The recipe does not do this.

Make it if you're tempted, but it's a real damp squib of a Jack recipe. No one ever put their marriage at risk by making a pumble, which is really what we want from Jack's food.
 
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Anyfulekno

Anyfulekno

In reviews can they also say how many actual non-pixie human size portions you end up with please brave sloppers
 
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HaveTinCanRattle

HaveTinCanRattle

Anyfulekno said:
In reviews can they also say how many actual non-pixie human size portions you end up with please brave sloppers
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Consider me chastised.
The peanut butter milk rice pudding would, in my pumble opinion, serve one particularly desperate human. Or, in the alternative, an infinite number of palate-retaining people.
 
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Helena Handbasket

Helena Handbasket

colouredlines said:
I made the pumble and tbh it's not worth it. It's not in the so bad it's funny camp, it's just:

* bland as duck
* clearly untested (recipe tells you to slice the pears which is stupid, they should be diced. It's very hard to eat)
* nothing to do with the pumble photo. The pumble photo clearly shows pastry that has been moulded onto the pie tin and baked. The recipe does not do this.

Make it if you're tempted, but it's a real damp squib of a Jack recipe. No one ever put their marriage at risk by making a pumble, which is really what we want from Jack's food.
Click to expand...
Yeah you’ve got to ride the wave. Harold may actually LEAVE once I’ve ruined both chicken soup AND chicken dinner for him for no reason and tried to pass a stuffing ball off as a dumpling. I’m gonna sit there going ‘it’s a bleeping DUMPLING HAROLD! Do you want me to stop BREATHING?’ Sip of wine. 😏
 
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OwlChampagne

OwlChampagne

@HaveTinCanRattle I made the mistake of reading your texture thoughts while eating my concoction 🤢🤮
Thank you for the great write-up format!

I'll try and post mine later today

IMG_20221103_125826.jpg
 
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Valiofthedolls

Valiofthedolls

Ok, I’m going to join you dirty slop recreating deviants. I’ll do the oily bowl of bile- oops, sorry, the broccoli stalk and barley soup.
B6EC9515-EB23-4A02-A8BC-6D0BF7856100.jpeg

Put me down for the Fisting Come to Bed Carbonara too. If all goes well with that one, Mr Vali’s in for a treat that night… 👊
 
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Cheekymonk3y

Cheekymonk3y

That Forensic Man said:
Link to the wiki, feel free to edit or tag me and I can do the honours ✍

Slopalong Wiki

Surprisingly for nearly three years' of Tattle threads, the canal have not taken a forensic look across the spectrum of all of Jack's recipes / slops. We've had the odd foray into a tasting situation, but nothing consistent across all of her books and website. This is in spite of anecdotal...
tattle.life

We need to 🔺 recipes for:
Vegan crackling
Afterbirth oats

And allocate the following tributes/requests from:
@Whaa? Veg peeling loaf (extra points if the creator tastes it)
@Nottonightbabe Mandarin and yogurt pasta
@Notmycat Eggy cup

Recipe ideas:
cookingonabootstrap.com

COOKING ON A BOOTSTRAP

by Jack Monroe, bestselling author of 'A Girl Called Jack'
cookingonabootstrap.com cookingonabootstrap.com
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Please can you add upside down fish pie for me please tender one? x
 
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Helena Handbasket

Helena Handbasket

HaveTinCanRattle said:
I'm sorry not to have been able to engage more fully as I endured my slopalong challenge. It may feel counter-intuitive to have to stir something in a slow cooker every few minutes for an hour, but we are where we are.

Ingredients:
Full marks for me here. I already had milk, sugar, peanut butter and long grain rice. Fortunately, I'd procured tap water yesterday, so we were all set.
10/10

Recipe:
Fairly clear, albeit I worried initially that the milk I had painstakingly measured would idle next the slow cooker. The method only called for the occasional splash if the "rice pudding" appeared to be sticking. Fortunately, I'd have ample opportunity for the milk. None remains.

8/10

Process:
Very hard to catch up on admin when having to stir constantly.

1/10

Texture:

Well, there's definitely a texture. Imagine eating most of a lasagne, waiting half an hour, going back for seconds and then the very next mouthful has a pube in it which curls around your epiglottis and makes you regurgitate earlier stuff. Just like that.

1/10

Taste:

Would have been almost edible without the peanut butter. However, peanut butter is the mainstay of the taste profile. So, with regret: 1/10.

Visual appeal:

Have you seen the photos? 10/10

(thanks for the broccoli love. You can substitute dandelions in a pinch)

All in all.....

2 = Terrible @That Forensic Man

God speed you, Frauen.
Click to expand...
Incredible work and props to your props! 🤣 I feel a fool now for bunging a rice pud in the oven and ignoring it. I forgot how much I love constant stirring-especially when using a gadget made to stop that process being necessary.
She’s such a fraud.
 
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OwlChampagne

OwlChampagne

MancBee said:
There's a problem with your spoons dear heart. There's no rust or verdigris and they have evidently been washed.

ETA they don't have weird handles that would be horrible to hold either.
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Ah, evidently this is why I don't make the big bucks with my cooking. I shall bury them in the garden for a while and try again 😔
 
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