Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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Perfect - thank(space)you so much!
Good Christ, this looks archaeological.
Slop incoming! Bacon Black and Cheese from Jack’s blog.
Unlike many of the fascinating fraus I can’t cook. I have no instinct for what might or might not work, whether for flavours or methods. So I was determined to follow the recipe as exactly as possible. I did actually make a “proper” spaghetti carbonara from BBC Good Food last week, which gave me a bit more faith in this strange recipe where the pasta is cooked in the frying pan and the water becomes the sauce.
I chose this because I love black pudding and will use the rest of it, I had a suspicion that this method wouldn’t make the best of it. Read on…
I chose this because I love black pudding and will use the rest of it, I had a suspicion that this method wouldn’t make the best of it. Read on…
When I looked at Jack’s costings they seemed very low so I thought perhaps it was an old recipe. Actually it’s from August 2022. I live out of a Co Op and buy things as I need them, if I buy in bulk stuff gets wasted. So perhaps my individual price items are all expensive. Anyway.
Jack costings
Onion 5p
Pasta 14p
Bacon 15p
Black pudding 55p
Greens 8p
Cheese 53p
Jack’s portion cost is 45p, total cost £1.80
My costings
Onion 3 for £1 = 33p. I must check my onion economy!
Pasta £1.35 for 500g = 27p
Bacon £2.90 for 275g = £1.05. I couldn’t find cooking bacon, used streaky.
Black pudding £1.40 for 220g = 73p
Spinach £1.89 for 200g = 47p mine was fresh not frozen
Cheese £2.55 for 350g = 61p
Total spent £10.42
My total cost £2.42 for 4, portion cost 60p
I didn’t charge for milk, mustard, stock cube. I used fresh milk, not UHT.
Sorry the photos are dark, it was evening and my kitchen isn’t well lit!
Jack costings
Onion 5p
Pasta 14p
Bacon 15p
Black pudding 55p
Greens 8p
Cheese 53p
Jack’s portion cost is 45p, total cost £1.80
My costings
Onion 3 for £1 = 33p. I must check my onion economy!
Pasta £1.35 for 500g = 27p
Bacon £2.90 for 275g = £1.05. I couldn’t find cooking bacon, used streaky.
Black pudding £1.40 for 220g = 73p
Spinach £1.89 for 200g = 47p mine was fresh not frozen
Cheese £2.55 for 350g = 61p
Total spent £10.42
My total cost £2.42 for 4, portion cost 60p
I didn’t charge for milk, mustard, stock cube. I used fresh milk, not UHT.
Sorry the photos are dark, it was evening and my kitchen isn’t well lit!
I started to grate cheese and got worried about how much I would waste, so I only made half the recipe.
As a non cooking Frau, the method was hard to follow and jumped around. It would be so much easier to see “1 onion, finely chopped” in the ingredients instead of getting an onion and then having to page down to see what to do with it. To be fair it’s a blog recipe not a cookbook one.
Jack clearly wanted to save fuel, so you start with onion, oil, bacon and black pudding “tossed” in a cold pan, with plenty of salt and pepper. I never heard of salting and peppering at this stage but what do I know.
I kept strictly to the timings so these ingredients got 4 minutes of heat. It was enough for the bacon and onion but not for the black pudding, which should be crispy.
The next stage is to “swiftly remove the ingredients from the pan with a large spoon or tongs” which indicates they are all in a clump, but they weren’t. I scraped them out and “decanted”. She uses such strange, confusing words.
Then half the water and the pasta go in. Bring to the boil, then add remaining water and stock cube. This is where things got a little strange. I stuck fairly exactly to Jacks timings, with 8 minutes to boil the pasta. The pasta was just under al dente after that time - but I was making half the quantity. So I suspect that with the full quantity the pasta wouldn’t have cooked. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to cook it for longer, but the point of this recipe is how little fuel you need to cook it, and that part doesn’t really hold true.
After the pasta is cooked, the heat goes off and milk and bacon/onion/black pudding go back in to “warm through” in the pan. It did not look enormously appetising at this stage.
As a non cooking Frau, the method was hard to follow and jumped around. It would be so much easier to see “1 onion, finely chopped” in the ingredients instead of getting an onion and then having to page down to see what to do with it. To be fair it’s a blog recipe not a cookbook one.
Jack clearly wanted to save fuel, so you start with onion, oil, bacon and black pudding “tossed” in a cold pan, with plenty of salt and pepper. I never heard of salting and peppering at this stage but what do I know.
I kept strictly to the timings so these ingredients got 4 minutes of heat. It was enough for the bacon and onion but not for the black pudding, which should be crispy.
The next stage is to “swiftly remove the ingredients from the pan with a large spoon or tongs” which indicates they are all in a clump, but they weren’t. I scraped them out and “decanted”. She uses such strange, confusing words.
Then half the water and the pasta go in. Bring to the boil, then add remaining water and stock cube. This is where things got a little strange. I stuck fairly exactly to Jacks timings, with 8 minutes to boil the pasta. The pasta was just under al dente after that time - but I was making half the quantity. So I suspect that with the full quantity the pasta wouldn’t have cooked. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to cook it for longer, but the point of this recipe is how little fuel you need to cook it, and that part doesn’t really hold true.
After the pasta is cooked, the heat goes off and milk and bacon/onion/black pudding go back in to “warm through” in the pan. It did not look enormously appetising at this stage.
The cheese is stirred through before serving, here are the real size portions:
Sorry for lack of manky spoons but I was getting bored by this stage. See, can’t cook!
The sauce was beige and runny, not super attractive. Notice the difference to Jack’s version:
You can see she’s heated this under a grill so it has crispy cheese and black pudding. My black pudding was in damp lumps. All very well to give the food a nicer texture and a better appearance, but more fuel used.
I tested it on husband and teen, they thought it was nice. It was very salty though, the stock cube going into the pasta water pumps the salt right up. Perhaps a frau with a palate would have felt choked by chicken stock cube.
Frauen and Herren, I’m afraid I chucked it down my neck like a greedy slopgoblin standing at the cooker! In my defence I‘ve had a day ill in bed without food and was at that “suddenly hungry“ stage. But honestly, this was nice, I cannot lie. However it would have been far better if only the black pudding and bacon had been crispy.
Husband articulated it well - “it brings out the bad side of black pudding”.
Sorry for lack of manky spoons but I was getting bored by this stage. See, can’t cook!
The sauce was beige and runny, not super attractive. Notice the difference to Jack’s version:
You can see she’s heated this under a grill so it has crispy cheese and black pudding. My black pudding was in damp lumps. All very well to give the food a nicer texture and a better appearance, but more fuel used.
I tested it on husband and teen, they thought it was nice. It was very salty though, the stock cube going into the pasta water pumps the salt right up. Perhaps a frau with a palate would have felt choked by chicken stock cube.
Frauen and Herren, I’m afraid I chucked it down my neck like a greedy slopgoblin standing at the cooker! In my defence I‘ve had a day ill in bed without food and was at that “suddenly hungry“ stage. But honestly, this was nice, I cannot lie. However it would have been far better if only the black pudding and bacon had been crispy.
Husband articulated it well - “it brings out the bad side of black pudding”.
Ingredients - 4 - mine cost 133% of Jack’s cost but still seems quite cheap. Although I had to spend £11 to buy the ingredients. It shows how meaningless these tiny costs per portion are.
Recipe - 3 - it’s hard to follow and could be so much clearer. The timings don’t work. It’s worst crime is the veneer of fuel- saving which is fake, I took a mark off for that. But to be fair it did result in edible food.
Visual appeal - 2 - everything I ever make looks like I threw it at the plate and this was no exception. Again, lies about fuel. To make Jack’s attractive version you need to use more fuel.
Texture - 4 - fine for a pasta dish apart from the floppy black pudding. Did I mention the flaccid black pudding?!
Taste - 4 - half off for too salty and half off for the aftertaste that makes you resolve not to google what’s in black pudding.
Overall - 3.4. The fuel-saving fiction is annoying. If you only hold Jack to the standards of an amateur food blogger, it’s fine. But you’d expect better from a 6 cookbook author, which she was when she wrote this.
Recipe - 3 - it’s hard to follow and could be so much clearer. The timings don’t work. It’s worst crime is the veneer of fuel- saving which is fake, I took a mark off for that. But to be fair it did result in edible food.
Visual appeal - 2 - everything I ever make looks like I threw it at the plate and this was no exception. Again, lies about fuel. To make Jack’s attractive version you need to use more fuel.
Texture - 4 - fine for a pasta dish apart from the floppy black pudding. Did I mention the flaccid black pudding?!
Taste - 4 - half off for too salty and half off for the aftertaste that makes you resolve not to google what’s in black pudding.
Overall - 3.4. The fuel-saving fiction is annoying. If you only hold Jack to the standards of an amateur food blogger, it’s fine. But you’d expect better from a 6 cookbook author, which she was when she wrote this.
I thought it was the sound of it all being flushed down the lav.Me too. Wasn't sure if it's you on the loo @binkbonk?
@Observ@h Well done on eating that - I'm glad it tasted nice at least - it does not look appetising at all!
I don't understand how that was supposed to thicken with just milk and cheese? I've never looked at that recipe before but I assumed it would use a cheese sauce - but then why am I surprised - she seems to have no idea how to make a roux
I don't understand how that was supposed to thicken with just milk and cheese? I've never looked at that recipe before but I assumed it would use a cheese sauce - but then why am I surprised - she seems to have no idea how to make a roux
Forget the eye roll reaction, mods we need to be able to use pictures as thread titles asap! WARNED!
Well there wasn’t much water to cook the pasta, so the sauce is basically starchy water and cheese. And what my husband described as “bloody meat water” from the black pudding.
She can’t make a tin of baked beans properly, so no
@Observ@h I can't lie that looks awful to me, but I don't do milk or black pudding! You've done a bloody good job in the circumstances. I know too well the kitchen confusion of a Monroe recipe!
Why does she always recommend tinned potatoes? I must admit I didn't even know there was such a thing until the slopalong began. I can see that they would be good for quick prep or for those who don't have the physical skills to peel a fresh one. They'd also be easier to store than fresh ones, although fresh ones will keep for some time in a cool dark place.
Are tinned potatoes that much more grifty thrifty than fresh ones?
Are tinned potatoes that much more
they're convenient in that they keep longer and they are already cooked, all you need to do is warm them up
totally defeats the point if you have to boil them for 10 minutes anyway - it would barely take any longer to do with (cheaper) raw potatoes
they are lower in calories, higher in salt and worse nutritionally: "It is common for canned vegetables to be lower in most vitamins and minerals because of the process they go through so they can be stored for a long period of time." (https://weighschool.com/canned-potatoes-vs-fresh/)
She reckons they come in food bank boxes, and they are lighter to carry home from the one Asda she shops at. She also claims to like them better than fresh. It all sounds like the rumours about Tom Hardy‘s site of curious olfactory emission aka bollocks
I wonder if once we exhaust all Jacks terrible recipes we ought to try some decent budget ones? Just to show that you can make good food on a budget.
Slop fans, I’m going to do another one. I feel a strange determination to find a Jack recipe, and make it work. I have found the below. I have everything but just need to purchase some lard.
What do we think? I’m not sure if this is in any of her books, if someone has the original?
amp.theguardian.com
Friday is the day I don’t work and usually when I bake, while my wee girl naps. I therefore volunteer as tribute for Friday afternoon again. 🫡
What do we think? I’m not sure if this is in any of her books, if someone has the original?
Jack Monroe’s lardy cake recipe | Food | The Guardian
<strong>Jack Monroe:</strong> This sweet, fatty, carb-laden treat is a satisying, occasional comfort on a winter’s day. Just don’t eat it every day!
Friday is the day I don’t work and usually when I bake, while my wee girl naps. I therefore volunteer as tribute for Friday afternoon again. 🫡
Chapeau to everyone who has slopped so far and the money raised is brilliant 
I haven’t had a chance to make mine yet but should be able to fit it in tomorrow or Tuesday
I haven’t had a chance to make mine yet but should be able to fit it in tomorrow or Tuesday
I nominate MOB, Miguel Barclay and THAT MAN’s £1 Wonders
that's a brilliant idea
I'm tempted to do a comparison of jack's slop 'tattie scones' versus some good old fashioned basic ones - taste, nutrition and cost
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